


Lizbob Supernatural Watching Notes (season 8)

by lizbobjones



Series: Lizbob Supernatural Watching Notes [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Archived From Tumblr, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Fanwork Research & Reference Guides, Meta, Meta Essay, Non Fiction, archived from elizabethrobertajones blog, watching notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 00:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 147,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16862920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizbobjones/pseuds/lizbobjones
Summary: Or: I’m curiously going back through and looking at what I said now we have full hindsight on Carver era/the end of season 11, before I carry on going and use that hindsight on all the episodes to follow… Maybe this is what I would have said if I watched these episodes this week not a month ago





	1. 8x01

**Author's Note:**

> Or: I’m curiously going back through and looking at what I said now we have full hindsight on Carver era/the end of season 11, before I carry on going and use that hindsight on all the episodes to follow… Maybe this is what I would have said if I watched these episodes this week not a month ago

Or: I can’t believe I’m still at this. I’ve been doing these rewatches for nearly a year. 

I know how Dean feels in Purgatory

(It becomes blatantly obvious as I do this particular episode rewatch that I may have “watched” season 8 at least 4-5 times already, but I have clearly never  _watched_  season 8. Woah tangents and obvious realisations everywhere warning :P)

* * *

Soft reboot of the show time! “Dad wants us to pick up where he left off: saving people, hunting things. The family business!” 

The opening lines are used for a strong callback to simpler times, a reminder of what they used to do… 

…I think part of the whole deal with season 8 for good or bad is that it’s an extremely emotive season. It’s filled with interpersonal conflict and a grand love story and family drama some of which that won’t get resolved for three and a half seasons after Dean gets back… :P Everyone has such an emotional response to it and the episode starts off with a season 1 nostalgia sucker punch of how things used to be, and how it used to feel starting to watch the season 1 and 2 episodes which used that as the recap because that was all they needed to tell you about the show. 

Especially as Carver comes back after he had nothing to do with the show for 2 years he’s in a position to look at the show with nostalgia and a sense of rediscovery, and all things considered about the last cliffhanger, Gamble handed him a relatively blank slate especially when it comes to conflict and personal drama: Sam has no mytharc, which has always affected his emotional arc completely to the point where until 7x17 we’ve never had a truly “normal” default Sam on screen. Dean’s emotional issues were tidied up - he fixed things with Cas as far as that was possible, had no pending arguments with Sam, let Bobby move on and with that even semi-literally gave up the ghost of his metaphorical alcoholism while doing so (and this season is pretty light on Dean drinking in response to that)… He’s going to show up with PTSD from Purgatory, but all his suffering from here on out is a construct of Carver era drama or deep-rooted stuff… The drama that appears is all emotional responses to current events from him and Sam and Cas, and a good deal of soap opera stuff until a mytharc asserts itself. 

* * *

The recap quickly gets to business showing us basically the same recap as from last episode’s Wayward Son montage, but picks very specific dialogue to catch us up with the other stuff aside from telling us who the Leviathan are: telling us who Kevin is and what Prophets are… What Purgatory is (with 100 points for the recap editor for putting the rainbow unicorn butt with the line “backside of your worst nightmare” especially since Purgatory turned out unexpectedly gay :P)… 

The only line that is in there without immediate obvious plot utility is Bobby from 7x23: “When it’s your time, go.” This might help give us some insight on Sam’s decision not to desperately try and get Dean and Cas back if he thought they were dead, but ultimately is a theme Carver era as a whole has been circulating round and round getting closer and closer to it when Billie’s threats about making sure the Winchesters go to the Empty and never come back are a current serious point of tension. Who knows where it goes from here (typing at ~11x18 time in canon) but this specific line is basically the point of tension behind most of the bro drama in one shade or another for every season hereafter

* * *

Can’t believe the first thing that happens in season 8 is cute campers in the woods snuggling and one of them wears plaid and the other wears a white v-neck t-shirt like Cas has been wearing since 7x17

like

we all know the sleeping arrangements in Purgatory now I guess

* * *

Dean shows up jumpy and bloody and being the monster in the cold open… He’s so twitchy and even moves unlike himself here, snatching the bag and legging it and with no consideration for the kids’ feelings

he gets a bit more back to himself after presumably finding a place to shower and putting on some fresh clothes.

And getting rid of the jacket. :(

Did Dean get new boots as well? I resent that he ditched the jacket but there is no way he got jeans or boots his size from the stolen clothes even if he may have had a chance with plaid or a clean t-shirt… He totally stopped to go shopping.

* * *

It’s our first windmill at Benny’s grave site! I can’t remember why we’re keeping track of them. But it was a thing at some point in season 10 >.>

One thing about Dean hitching a ride and walking through these back roads etc and coming to an old graveyard at night with an ancient wooden windmill in it is that we’re also nostalgically right back with an old school feel to the show’s aesthetic. The whole “old stuff” theme I was talking about being absent last season - it’s not like any of this is a totally new theme or ever completely went away, but especially in Carver era we have an over-abundance of abandoned warehouses, barns, farm equipment… Even feel like there are many more attics or basements. Even re-visiting Bobby’s house in 8x23… The world as a whole has a very different feel and the past has a very different sway on the story. 

* * *

Dean is right back to digging graves :’) Again, that early seasons vibe of what he’s doing - since ghosts are so rarely the problem any more it feels old school - but instead of destroying the spirit he pours life force ONTO the bones and they’re revived - with the effect of orange light from within the grave and everything. Not only that but of course Dean’s saving the “thing” instead of saving people hunting things, he’s blurred the two together. 

I wanna say Benny introduces a lot of shades of grey to Dean’s worldview on monsters but I know the number 50 is nearby on everyone’s brains if I use that phrasing and honestly this trip through season 8 is mostly going to be me trying to run screeching past Denny without falling into a pit of despair. 

(I’ve been talking a lot today about the whole Drowley thing, with the asks on my blog, and it occurs to me that Benny is actually a fairly positive if nowhere near as overtly coded, male love interest for Dean. When I think about his male love interests on the show (aka dudes who are blatantly used as such), the ones who are more than one episode (sorry Aaron and Gunnar… less sorry, Nick the Siren :P) are pretty much just Crowley, Benny and Cas when it comes to being used narratively in love triangles or parallels etc as far as I recall (I feel like a very bad bi!Dean stan if I’m missing someone else :S)… Benny is literally like for like to Amelia and Sam in the opening of the season and used as such repeatedly. It’s definitely not weird to call him such because of the way the narrative uses him and he’s certainly not just shipped with Dean because attractive dudes sharing screentime - the story absolutely treats him as such without ever mentioning it too loudly unlike the others Dean is linked to.)

* * *

> DEAN  
> Wow. That was fast. 

Dean tactfully not mentioning the fact the spell magically applies clothes to Benny.

Although I guess he was absorbed into Dean’s arm clothes and all so I guess … I GUESS … he’s allowed to pop out with them on too

* * *

Sam abandons the cute dog, and also Amelia I suppose, because getting immediately into the parallels of them walking away from their love interests isn’t too subtle

At least Dean said goodbye to Benny… Sam just patted Riot

… and cue the first of many times some random thing happens that was not actually a thing - that is the shadowy figure watching Sam leave who turns out to probably just have been Amelia’s husband except like… I don’t trust that ;P I still think something was meant to be going on there

tbh from the way the collar was turned up and especially with later stuff like 9x23 messing with silhouettes just like it, I really feel suddenly that was supposed to be Crowley - say, a never revealed elaborate plot to get Sam back in the game at the same time as Dean, for reasons that never manifested as this is a fully antagonistic Crowley season once it all shakes out… 

If he knew Dean was back because he’d been keeping an eye out then turning up the one thing that would get Sam turfed out of his comfy existence with Amelia in the same week thus forcing Sam to head back to the cabin the same time as Dean has just set up shop there would explain an aaaawful lot. Maybe Don was actually dead until Crowley intervened

except then Crowley ended up being totally the bad guy and nothing happened with this so

(I mean if you’re going to commit to being a supernatural soap opera, go all out)

* * *

Anyway Dean has not been socialised very well since he came back from Purgatory.  There’s still something of a kind of over enthusiastic puppy about him, but also conveying that he’s liable to freak out angrily or with fear in moments. Of course him tackling Sam parallels 1x01 as well for starters, but again this parallel is subverted by the fact the story is so different for all the callbacks - Sam and Amelia are in the vague same set up as Sam and Jess just for Sam running away, normal life, not wanting to tell her about monsters… But he’s already kind of lost her through normal human soap opera stuff (Crowley theory pending) though he won’t admit it yet. And they kind of simultaneously don’t have anything to do, and do have to go get Kevin once they figure out he’s in trouble… the whole thing is much simpler but also way more complicated with all their years of baggage…

… case in point Sam asking after Cas and Dean immediately getting weird about it… I always love how they’re so intense and talking back and forth and then Sam brings up Cas and Dean just turns around and immediately gets to that whole staring soulfully into the distance looking miserable thing he does :’)

He’s already convinced himself that Cas let go and “something happened to him down there” which I’ve never been sure is an ominous line that never quite panned out, or if this is just Dean struggling and failing to make sense of what Cas was going through, since he obviously does not understand until Cas tells him properly in 8x07 (and then Dean is willing and concerned to talk to Cas properly in 8x08 :’))

* * *

Also

> SAM  
> Well, how’d you get out?
> 
> DEAN  
> I guess whoever built that box didn’t want me in there any more than I did.
> 
> SAM  
> What does that mean?
> 
> DEAN  
> I’m here, okay?

Dean knows God made Purgatory, right?? - Death exposition from back when talking about Leviathans? - so he’s being obtuse about a possible will of God thing saving him… I feel like that “whoever” is more obvious than he will let on, and he just doesn’t want to think too deeply about the metaphysics. Also, Benny later says it’s a human portal implying it will work if any human comes in Purgatory and Sam later uses it as such, but right now this seems an awful lot like Dean got out via divine intervention, until we know more of the story… these temporary implications are interesting all on their own even if they later are expanded on differently.

* * *

Anyway… miscommunication theme at work with Sam saying he ditched all the phones… but it all works out okay anyway because Dean was trying to tell him he was alive and at the cabin, and tada here they both are at the cabin together??

* * *

I can’t believe it takes them 3 years to resolve this argument

* * *

I have nothing else to say about it since fandom has dragged this out so many times, *I’ve* weighed in on it before, and now the text has resolved it for better or worse on how that was handled, this isn’t something that is between them any more…

I mean honestly this is the cabin of holding grudges :P I wonder what it says that Cas and Dean go elsewhere in 7x23 and then Cas detects forgiveness… And since we’ve transitioned to Dean sitting on the sofa (holding a grudge) it reminds me how he spent 7x03 sitting on that sofa, stewing in the immediate aftermath of losing Cas.

* * *

> DEAN  
> I wasn’t dead. In fact, I was knee-deep in God’s armpit killing monsters, which, I thought, is what we actually do. 

*points at him hugging Benny*

“what we do” is not as simple as it used to be

* * *

> SAM  
> Look, I’m still the same guy, Dean.
> 
> DEAN  
> Well, bully for you. I’m not.

I suppose that also goes with what I was saying about how this scene plays with 1x01 but also like absolutely can’t be the same thing because they HAVE all changed since then. The subversions aren’t really clever twists on the story just for the sake of it/mixing things up/whatever, as much as showing us how they’ve changed and how things are different now (which, I mean, is clever in its own way… I mean like they’re just not trying to be cute and ~clever~ with it like “ohoho this is just the pilot episode but in season 8″ could have been a disaster with less subtlety.)

and of course with Dean acting so twitchy and angry (pausing only for a heartbreaking look about Cas that he hides from Sam) he’s obviously also a different guy just from the last time we had him on screen last episode, as he seemed positively mellow by the last few episodes of season 7 in comparison

… Guess this goes with the “man in the wilderness” lyrics as well

* * *

Have to say, their original argument is fair enough for the both of them when you think about what stance they’re arguing from, but once the Kevin answerphone messages come in, the whole thing is massively stacked against Sam: maybe Dean seems a bit harsh on pushing the point about Sam looking for him and Cas with a guilt trip about their “deep abiding love” but once Kevin gets dragged into the crossfire, Sam’s decision is the one that under fire from the actual storytelling. 

You could argue with later knowledge Dean knew how to get out of Purgatory from fairly early on and ended up sidetracking into a “where’s the angel” quest having his own personal reasons to be out of the main story on Earth for an entire year so the fact he wasn’t back sooner with the same result of returning alone is just because he took a personal year.

:P

* * *

I have no stake in this argument tbh >.>

* * *

Anyway Purgatory flashbacks! Everyone loves those!

Again continuing the theme of Dean as the monster, him being the one stalking the vampire… This is something affecting his behaviour in the present as well, although I don’t recall any overt hints that Dean came back from Purgatory wrong in the magical sense, like, we were never meant to worry he’d actually become a monster while he was there. It’s still clear that it has rubbed off on him, being in a world where violence is the only way to get by… As he says, it’s pure, but I think pure  _for Dean_  also makes more sense specifically for his character. This kind of thing is channelling some very core stuff in Dean and bringing it out to the surface.

of course the whole “monster is the one that is hunted, hunter is framed as the monster” theme first popped up in 2x03 with Gordon, and he was used as a way to explore this attitude in hunters and to tease that violence in Dean, and he eventually rejected it at the time, but not before Gordon identified that Dean had the propensity for violence… I mean, Dean sawing the head off the vampire happened as a way to impress Gordon before they ever really started talking, right? And that was a hugely violent moment and Dean went right up to the edge of being super scary in that episode. And now that guy has been unleashed.

* * *

> DEAN  
> Where’s the angel?
> 
> VAMPIRE  
> You’re him. The human.

Everyone knows: Purgatory edition

* * *

> SAM  
> You okay?
> 
> DEAN  
> [looking tense and nervous] Yeah. Yeah, hey, what do you say we blow this joint, hit the road?

This is a really under-appreciated moment using background sounds as it includes not just the train noise but car alarms and horns and general sounds of loud transit, modern life stuff going on - Dean’s agitation isn’t at random here or him being antsy to carry on looking for Kevin or whatever else… he’s freaking out quietly about being back in a world with all this stuff, when he’s grown used to the silence of Purgatory where the only noises aside from the white noise of trees would be approaching danger. I think he’s so twitchy here just because he’s feeling almost threatened by trying to sleep in a noisy place where his senses can’t tell danger is approaching. The cabin at least is isolated and surrounded by trees so must feel “safer” for him.

(Which makes me wonder about how quiet the bunker surely is, and how even if Dean was much less twitchy after a few episodes, if he’d been having this trouble adapting to their motel lifestyle, the reassuring security of the bunker must have meant a LOT to him not just for giving him a home, but because he’d only recently had this many issues with security to sleep that translated poorly into returning to their old lives… Shaking things up and having a new go at life with the Bunker as home must have made him feel settled way more than the obvious surface level niceness of having a place to call home…)

* * *

> DEAN  
> People died, Sam.
> 
> SAM  
> People will always die, Dean. Or maybe another hunter took care of it. I don’t know, but the point is, for the first time, I realized that it wasn’t only up to me to stop it.

This quickly brings us back up to speed on Dean’s attitude towards saving people as well… 5x11 made a point of having Dean’s psyche actually point out to him how he was burdened with the entire planet’s wellbeing, and I think after 3 apocalypse level situations in 3 years for him to deal with, reminding us that he feels this obligation that if they’re not doing  _something_  then people are dying and it’s their fault kind of answers the discussion we were having about what even was their motivation for the Leviathan problem, and again is packing a lot of Dean psychology into this episode… 

Especially since this season’s main plot is over closing the gates of Hell, it’s a kind of un asked for situation by the rest of the planet: sure it would improve things, maybe, but there’s no crisis they’re answering and nothing truly catastrophic they’d avert by doing it. There’s a generally accepted natural order with SOME evil in it, and the year off has been just more of the same with no world ending troubles, as Sam as safely been observing. So it seems like more of a grudge against Crowley as their motivation other than this general sense of obligation to saving the world. And of course the end of the season has Dean and Sam pick NOT doing it, in a move which somehow makes this unhealthy sense of duty to the general population of the planet seem like the healthier mindset… (despite the fact 99% of the world probably would never have known if they did or didn’t close the gates) 

I guess having this sense of duty examined along the way is good but I also sort of feel like they haven’t paid it much attention since 8x23… Season 11 has another end of the world disaster lurking with the Darkness, but it’s getting treated on a very personal level so this sense of obligation isn’t a core part of it… 

Hm.

Not sure how I feel about this theme now I think about it, although it’s very much a part of season 8, now I’m a bit baffled about if it has any use outside of this season :P

I guess this is what rewatches are for >.> I guess if nothing else it does always constantly underline the MotW format that even when they do blatantly use the MotW as a diversion from their problems, the other times when they just go do it because why not despite looming other issues, this is the explanation for how they can bench the main plot and focus on little cases so consistently - they just can’t rest easily knowing there’s probable cases out there.

Since the topic of discussion is also Sam being able to let that go and focus on his own life, I’ve always seen these lines together suggesting a happy medium where they can delegate to other, younger hunters - this is the same season with Krissy and her little group doing the same thing after all, or the Wayward Daughters laters - and maybe be allowed to chill about that obligation :P It’s hard to imagine Dean especially taking a full retirement over the Bobby model.

* * *

> DEAN  
> There  _was_  a girl.
> 
> SAM  
> Yeah. There was. And then there wasn’t. Any more questions?

this episode is infuriatingly vague about if Sam and Dean meant to meet up in the same week Dean got back that Sam just ~happens~ to leave Amelia… It’s clearer with later context he left because Don came back but at this point this feels like the only clear proof he was actually leaving her when we saw him leave and not just that he somehow magically heard Dean was back, because earlier Dean made it sound like he  _may_  have contacted Sam somehow despite telling him all his numbers were out of order… 

Like seriously it’s been years and I still don’t get it :P

* * *

Dean moving to sit on the floor instead of the bed also seems to be part of him not being particularly well used to being back in the normal world

* * *

Also “it felt pure” oh my god his accent… I swear Benny really does rub off on him :P

* * *

> BENNY  
> There is if you’re human. God has made it so. At least, that’s the rumor. 

Still like the headcanon Cas found Benny and shoved him at Dean just because of the way Benny says “God has made it so” in one voice and then changes tone to sound more sceptical - he definitely sounds like he’s quoting something and in this moment it suggests he’s really only taking it on faith too. 

Again, thinking about if that was Crowley shoving Sam out the door, having Cas try to manipulate events so Dean leaves Purgatory without him by sending a vampire with a good heart and a fairly uncomplicated vested interest in getting out again, does continue the parallels between Sam and Dean’s stories… even these weird implied parallels that never actually get answered.

* * *

I guess the demon possessing Channing did make a call to Crowley to tell him Dean was back, but then again we never hear his side of it and he presumably planted the demon to keep an eye out for Kevin and we don’t know if the demon stayed in the loop on anything else…

* * *

Dean gets flashbacks from seeing two kids running around play-fighting and Sam gets traumatic flashbacks from seeing a dog :P

I appreciate the effort but it is kind of weird to match them up to each other.. probably why so much of the story after this makes fun of “sam hit a dog” just because it was such a weird contrast to the Purgatory drama happening over on the other side of the story

* * *

Anyway Sam buys Dean’s love back with a cheeseburger

why don’t we just end the argument here and not make it an issue after this 

I  mean the root of this argument was entirely that one time Sam brought cake instead of pie, and now he’s buying Dean the correct food for the situation. Bygones be bygones?

* * *

Even though Dean learned plenty about hacking last season, between Charlie and Frank, this season he just eats fries and stares at Sam explaining how he tracked Kevin… I suppose again it’s putting Dean at odds with the modern day world while he’s been concerned with primal needs like survival and so his focus on the cheeseburger makes sense…

* * *

Contrasting the characters to tell the story while ignoring past characterisation 101 :P

* * *

Hey Kevin! Looking good. Nice makeover :P

(so amused that Crowley ends up linked two 2 of these weird makeovers because of actor hairstyle changes :P Like, this just accidentally became his thing… 100% convinced thanks to this that the decision for demon!Dean to keep the longer hair was in canon Crowley convincing him to grow it out a bit)

* * *

Anyway Kevin took a level in badass over the year, or just after dealing with Leviathan really does not find Crowley all that threatening. Regular stupid monsters in comparison!

There’s one of the caged halo lights over his head as he works on the demon exploding spell in the flashbacks

* * *

> SAM  
> That. I mean, there’s no way that Kevin’s getting out of this intact, is there? 

Oh no. This gets worse. Much worse. >.>

I have a lot of feelings about Kevin and his survival against the odds for what amounts to a season and a half, especially while being the most valuable playing piece on the board for all that time and so always at risk… Especially when all his conflict comes from everyone wanting to use him and especially with his relationship to the Winchesters being so muddy because they DO use him - in season 9 entirely for petty spells for weekly little problems and he was sort of evolving into their research assistant - but also feel a responsibility to protect him, AND come to care about him in their own, terribly expressed way. Dean trying to convince Kevin not to walk out on them in season 9 is like the definition of this lack of obviously expressed care (because Winchesters and communicating :P) unintentionally making the people in their vicinity feel used… And of course to them if they have this “need to save the entire planet” mentality and Dean can’t even imagine that not being a crushing burden every hour of the day for everyone else, that just sucks people in for this whole greater good thing. If you can’t NOT do all the things they do, like hear about a spell that closes the gates of hell and immediately know you HAVE to do it, then it creates these arguments:

> SAM  
> Yeah, he got out.
> 
> DEAN  
> And now he’s in it… whether he likes it or not.
> 
> SAM  
> So…free will, that’s only for you?
> 
> DEAN  
> I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Sam, we have an opportunity to wipe the slate clean. We take Kevin to the tablet, he tells us the spell, we send every demon back to hell – forever. Every single bastard that destroyed our lives, killed our mother, killed Jess. And you’re not sure?

More season 1 callbacks there. 

Anyway, obviously that was a low blow from Sam about free will… Low blow from Dean about Jess :P

As I was saying, Dean has a point that Kevin is kind of already trapped and in the middle of it, or why else would he be living rough in an abandoned and heavily warded church? Kevin’s survival of season 8 seems to hinge on them closing the gates and eliminating the threat posed to Kevin by being important (you could say that once they make that decision not to do it and just casually have Kevin around, his importance doesn’t go away but they forget that, and he dies because others DON’T forget that. Not that Dean could have planned to protect Kevin from Metatron wanting him dead because there were a lot of things going on there Dean was not aware of/in control of), but narratively Kevin seems to be off the hook once they clear the Trials storyline and there is a lot of stuff about him not being useful afterwards and that dooming him, so it’s really absolutely no-win for his position in the story.

On the other hand, Dean does seem, at least in Sam’s eyes, to be making choices for everyone based on his own personal understanding of it. KEVIN seems pretty thrilled and enthusiastic about shutting the gates and being useful in this moment and time, and he and Dean were beaming at each other over this possibility, so I kind of think maybe Sam is projecting that onto Dean. On the other hand so much is to come about Dean making choices for people and overriding their autonomy and will… and Sam has expressed concern about that before (especially with soulless!Sam disliking Dean’s decision in 6x11, but there was a theme around that part of the show about this in general)

We’re not fully there yet, but since this is the first episode of Carver era, using it to show Sam has issues with Dean making choices for people does set down some foundations for the later conflicts… And then from season 9 onwards, Dean’s autonomy is ground down by the Mark of Cain arc leading to the Amara situation… Cosmic comeuppance?

* * *

Anyways, since I have literally never paid attention to this season as a whole or its themes or anything, I am just now realising that Sam and Kevin are having a personal moment in an abandoned church and like, 8x23 ends in an abandoned church… 

> SAM  
> Kevin, I, uh… I owe you an apology. Um… look, when you disappeared and Dean disappeared, I…needed to clear my head, and… I’m thinking maybe you were one of the pieces that I should have been there to pick up. 

Seems like Sam unburdening and trying to make right with the world as well - so the season is bookended by Sam confessing and sorting stuff out. Of course 8x23 has a hauntingly empty impression that no one is listening, while he can actually have a back and forth conversation with Kevin who is very much listening.

They also compare their lives - Kevin asks Sam about being a hunter all his life, and then says how weird it is for him to have his destiny dropped on him and derail what he thought was his life. Sam is being talked about as a hunter, but 8x21 also lets us know that Sam felt “unclean” all his life so even his whole destiny thing has been with him one way or another since the opening scene of the Pilot/whenever it was decided Sam and Dean would be the vessels for the big fight eons before they existed. So even talking from the position of experiencing a horrible destiny on their shoulders, Sam may not have known what it WAS but he’s felt affected by it his entire life.

* * *

Anyway seems Dean talked Sam over:

> SAM  
> If we can do this, get the tablet, get you everything you need to close the gates of Hell, there’s a world out there where nobody – not Crowley, no demon – is chasing you anymore.
> 
> KEVIN  
> I guess I just don’t see how I get from here to there.
> 
> SAM  
> I used to not be able to see it, either. But there is a way.

I think it was mostly just Sam needed to argue this through with Dean for his own sake before he could commit to telling Kevin that it was a good idea.

* * *

For some reason all the discussion I ever see of Sam and Amelia re: this bit where she tells him to keep the dog because “don’t you think you’re responsible” is always from the human interest side of things, making her out to be irresponsible or a bad vet for foisting a dog on a guy who’s not in a position to keep the dog, but from the other POV this is pretty much a direct symbolic answer to this argument with Dean about Sam’s responsibility for the state of the world, metaphorically represented as a dog (and Amelia - I think not the only time - is a Dean mirror, for pushing the responsibility on Sam right after this scene we see Dean talk Sam into talking Kevin into helping them do the thing) (as far as I recall this isn’t weird that Amelia is a Dean mirror because Benny also is used as a stand-in Sam, especially from Sam’s understanding of Dean’s relationship with Benny…)

I mean don’t get me wrong defending Sam being forced to keep Riot, it’s a really weird moment when trying to figure out wtf Amelia’s supposed to be like and she’s not exactly the best character for fleshing out an interesting inner life since everything about her is just for the service of Sam’s arc, but her lines make so much more sense if you’re not just focussing on their soap opera or her as a human (>.> I resent typing that about female characters) and look at her as just representing a corner in this metaphorical argument about Sam’s responsibility:

> AMELIA  
> Don’t you think you’re responsible?
> 
> SAM  
> Why do you think I brought him here?
> 
> AMELIA  
> Roberta, could you hand this man his trophy on his way out, please? Well, maybe if you were such an upstanding guy, you wouldn’t have hit him in the first place?
> 
> SAM  
> Fine. I’ll take him.
> 
> AMELIA  
> There’s my hero.

Even using the word “hero” makes it very clear she’s meant to be addressing Sam’s sense of being burdened with the responsibility of world. In a way this might be the moment of realising “fuck that” when it comes to setting off on a new world-saving mission if it puts in context to him how this always happens when the world needs saving… (like we’ve been discussing, they don’t have any destiny or anything to deal with the Leviathans - they just do it because that’s what they do. Crowley tasked Sam in the last scene of 7x23 with a JOB to help clear them all up, in effect handing him the dog yet again…) So he takes the dog as his responsibility and that’s it, nothing else can get foisted on him, as far as he’s concerned. 

And of course because this comes right after he and Kevin talk about destiny, it’s also underlining how Sam has no destiny any more and how the responsibility has always come to him in the same way it was dumped onto Kevin. And again, not any more.

* * *

I’m not a huge fan of “Amelia as a figment of Sam’s imagination” because it;s a very depressing statement about her as a real person existing so marginally in the story and being SO much only there for Sam, but on the other hand these writing choices where she seems to talk to him directly from his psyche would lend credit if you were going to believe it >.>

Maybe we should say “Amelia was real, but Sam has false memories just like Dean, and at least the dialogue or order of events or whatever has changed to reflect his mood”

she may not have said this but this is how he felt about the dog situation and so this is how he now remembers it, hence getting that memory after this conversation

idk

* * *

Anyway Dean shows off his Purgatory blade but ends up having to use the normal demon killing knife, because somehow despite a year of fighting Dean can still be pretty useless sometimes :P (Also symbolically he kind of has to leave Purgatory behind now… clinging to that knife isn’t going to do him any favours even if it looks cool…)

I do like post purgatory Dean though even if he’s very snappish…

> DEAN  
> Spanky the demon. Yeah, I heard about you. You’re the one who uses too much teeth, right? 

… 

heh Crowley comes walking in and immediately checks Dean out. Was going to say he’s looking good but stopped himself. :P Can’t believe Dean tells Crowley to ask his mother about Cas though I mean… There’s 2 references to Rowena at least this season. I wonder if they were looking for a chance to introduce her all along?

Also. Lol, Crowley saying “where’s  _your_  angel” I mean not like he’s mirroring Dean’s desperate phrasing from earlier but he was all “where’s  _the_  angel” or “not without  _the_  angel” and now Crowley is like “yours” and… doesn’t it just make so much more sense to go back and make that line “where’s  _my_  angel”? :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> That’s not Channing, Kevin. Not anymore.
> 
> CROWLEY  
> What an awful thing to say to the boy. Of course it’s Channing.

I also get the feeling “meatsuit rights” were always on the agenda in Carver era, especially with 8x02 really making a thing of it since Ms Tran nearly gets killed for the sake of getting Crowley and that loses them Kevin for several episodes… Just that with everything getting stretched out and random new plot twists happening all the time, we’ve only really got back to it in season 11 :P

(which has also made me think: Sam started season 11 championing saving the meatsuit where possible but then they made him take that stance about Cas being fine while Lucifer is wearing him and even if I think there was an intent to say something slightly different, Sam really did seem to forget to care about Cas for a moment… I’m probably not done blaming Buckleming for that line by a long shot, but anyway. Just reminded that it makes Sam look even worse considering his previous stance even if random possessed humans had a lot less say in being worn by demons than Cas did in his situation and that was what Sam was focussing on…)

Also to get back to season 8 - obviously the whole drama in a church thing from the other end of the season is about curing a demon as well… And there’s that whole ethical question about what happens to the meatsuit when you cure a demon in it? Obviously Crowley’s meatsuit is dead (if he wasn’t before, Bobby shot him in season 6, and he’s going to smoke out at least for the first time we see on screen (?) in the next episode so the poor bloke can finally officially be declared dead canonically :P) but it raises questions.

listen, you can tell I have not spent much time thinking about this season structurally… it just occurred to me while thinking these thoughts that of course Jimmy’s long been dead, and Cas being made human is ethically sound… I only just realised that 8x23 is a bait and switch on the fact one of them was set up to become human and they wanted us to think it was going to be Crowley but then Cas was… Their deleted scene conversation in 9x10 is extra fascinating where they reflect on being not human considering how their stories are looping around and around each other…

* * *

> DEAN  
> This ain’t over by a long shot, Crowley.
> 
> CROWLEY  
> Really, Dean, who writes your stuff? A marshmallow?

… Why did Carver just call himself a marshmallow?

I’m not going to play ball and start calling him that

…

But anyway here’s the theme of writing showing up. In its meta, self-hating the writer way that this ends up with authorial intent in Carver era being represented by Metatron… there’s an avatar not to be proud of… Probably the kind of marshmallow who’d write such bad lines :P

* * *

Must have been a fun overnight car ride with Kevin right after Channing was fridged for manpain >.> Guess you’re a real Winchester now, mate. 

Dean yells grumpily at his phone pretending Benny was an automated call… Obviously he’s not, but since there’s been a theme of Dean vs the normal world and technology this episode, him being pissed off with the concept of automated calls counts, even if this wasn’t one :P

He then sneaks off to hang out by the toilets and make a sketchy phone call to Benny because he totally doesn’t have something coded as a secret relationship >.>

* * *

Aah it’s starting:

> DEAN (on phone)  
> Yeah, I hear that. Listen, Benny, not to beat a dead horse. What we did down there is what we had to do. Now, I don’t regret it for a second. But… you know, maybe until we both adjust, it’s best we don’t talk for a while. 

“did what we had to do” … that one was on ice for a while until 11x17 and hipster werewolf saying it about killing Sam but honestly there’s a point in season 9 where it would be dangerous to use that phrase in a drinking game >.>

I think it’s a vampire trait to be extremely melodramatic because there’s no real reason for Benny to be making this phonecall from off to the side of a funeral, except obviously him talking about a lot changing in 50 years does imply he’s looked up an old friend and got there clearly a week late. Guessing he’s feeling pretty bummed about that and wanted someone friendly to talk to and Dean’s like “woah woah woah I can’t have a VAMPIRE friend what if people SEE me with him” because this totally isn’t a metaphor for a holiday fling Dean is now terrified about it getting serious and Sam, you know, finding out Dean likes dudes. I mean. Vampires.

(Honestly I think in-character I’m a bit more vague on exactly how much happened between them, mostly because time and a place and the whopping great distraction of Cas taking Dean’s emotional energy so this is one of those ones where textually they’re presented as a romantic relationship way more than I think they really felt. Like, I’m perfectly happy to include Benny on Dean’s list of ex-boyfriends because that’s how he was written but I’m not sure Dean would realise he was :P Maybe Benny was crazily in love with him, I don’t know. Wouldn’t surprise me. :P) 

* * *

> DEAN (on phone)  
> One day at a time, just like we talked about, right?
> 
> BENNY (on phone)  
> I think you had it right, bud.
> 
> DEAN (on phone)  
> What’s that?
> 
> BENNY (on phone)  
> Purgatory  _was_  pure. I’m kind of wishin’ I had appreciated it more. You know? Like you.

Dean and Benny seem to have worked out a support group style plan for surviving back in the world, that Dean needs as much as a vampire learning to adjust and struggling not to eat anyone… And said vampire even didn’t feel as ~in deep~ with Purgatory as Dean did. (It stays with him - 10x19 proves that) 

And again paralleling him directly to the way the monsters think… but in this case he’s also trying to push Benny away, maybe deny that part of himself, and in doing so it’s also clear he’s rejecting a friend and support group for coping, after we’ve seen all episode how he’s struggling. Like, the healthier thing would clearly have been to promise to stay in regular communication with Benny rather than just say he’d be his In Case of Emergency contact… 

* * *

Also, Dean appreciating Purgatory is an interesting thing just for itself. I’ve talked a lot elsewhere about how Purgatory worked in the more traditional sense of literally purifying them, and that word about being pure keeps being attached to it, so I think it’s fair to analyse Purgatory that way at least how it was used in this season. Cas much more obviously represents wanting to stay and do penance there, but I do think that Dean was benefiting from it in a weird way that Benny could never understand as he wasn’t a human soul. Dean said himself that he’s changed, and I know a lot of people write about how Dean seems happier or to be coming into himself in a very different way this season… Having some temporary self-acceptance and character growth briefly… I kind of like to think that Purgatory cleared out some cobwebs on his soul in a positive way too

* * *

Dean is distractingly attractive in this conversation. We’ve made it through season 7 Sam and his hair, now we’re at season 8 Dean (peak Dean, when shaving) and after that disaster, it’s straight into season 9 Dean (peak Dean, with scruff)

He has a very haunted/sad look when he finally hangs up on Benny. 

Think maybe Dean didn’t really want to leave at all *rolls my eyes at how ridiculous he and Cas are*

If they didn’t have that whole obligation to saving the world, Dean could have stayed and built them a nice house in the woods out of sticks, and they could have stayed in Purgatory and got married and everyone would have been happy

…

I should probably not think about that too long when it plausibly avoids basically every single bit of drama from here on out, since Dean and then Cas returning are the two things that kick off EVERYTHING that happens after this

* * *

good lord I hope watching the rest of the season doesn’t cause me to spend so much time evaluating my entire perception of season 8… I’ve realised just how shockingly neutral I’ve been on it all this time


	2. 8x02

Or: too much heart is always MY problem when it comes to this story. Help.

Huh so Dabbflin don’t break up yet… That answers my question I hadn’t asked yet :P

* * *

the most frustrating thing in this cold open is that “box 1″ in the bank is just some random box on the wall - I’d accept that the one next to it is “000″ but there’s rows above, and it’s in the corner opposite the door instead of starting FROM the door

*clutches head*

* * *

> KEVIN  
> What? Is it too much to ask if we can swing by and check on my mom?
> 
> DEAN  
> “Swing by?” It’s a day’s drive in the opposite direction. You know that, right?

Mmhmm don’t worry sweetie Dabb has no concept of space and time when characters are in a car. You drive wherever you want :P

Dean rather undermines his attempt to be grumpy by devouring yet another cheeseburger on screen and talking with his mouth full - he’s pretty much just eaten burgers since he got back… I guess Iron Man came out much earlier than this and I do always think of Tony Stark getting back from his stay in the cave and just being like “hello America pls get me a cheeseburger now someone” 

… which, you know, this is the episode Sam is confirmed as Thor, so why not have that parallel

* * *

This scene is really is bright and full of primary colours. They’re sitting outdoors in the sun, everything would be great if Kevin didn’t keep stressing about how much danger his mom was in :P

> DEAN  
> She’s bait, man, plain and simple. And you want to swim right up and bite the hook? Look, we have got Crowley by the short and curlies, okay? All we need to do is find the tablet, whip up the spell, and – boom! – sunshine and sandy beaches. 

Aha, and Dean placing an early request for his beach episode. This is the part of the season where they’re full of hope and there’s not too much unworkable plot conflict/drama between them and it, probably hence the really bright colours (as well as the contrast to how Purgatory looks). The whole thing I was talking about last episode about their self-made problems is really starting to come into its own: their goal is very simple - close the gates. Which could have been maybe more easily accomplished if they’d not had buckets of drama along the way. Dean and Sam spent last episode arguing about their political stances on this and the whole tension over how they spent the last year of their lives which will bubble over and cause MORE drama, but this episode represents a real series of fuck ups which ends with them losing track of Kevin and the tablet. Some of it was beyond their control, but in those cases things like trying to stab Ms Tran to kill Crowley really compounds the problem they have with any plain sailing with Kevin. 

* * *

Anyway Dean gives in and is convinced to go help Kevin for now so that takes us straight to the main problem of them casually murdering the mailman and others who Kevin can actually identify by name who are possessed. Followed by Sam - uh - reverse exorcising (we apparently are not supposed to talk about this as it never happens again :P) Eunice and Dean killing her too. Linda even asks if they really  _had_  to do it and they justify it as part of their greater good battle, but even in while the credits were still appearing at the bottom of the screen we’re being made to feel uncomfortable about the Winchesters’ approach to meatsuits and casually murdering anyone who had demons in them.

(I figure Linda should be a billion percent more freaked out by having a dead body in her house, of a friend, but hey. We have to move the plot on :P)

thinking of moving the plot on, they also make a random point to remind us that Crowley takes souls when it wasn’t really what they were talking about (to plant the idea of Linda trying to trade her soul) and of course Linda digging in her heels and refusing to be put somewhere safe but prioritising Kevin’s safety is getting her involved and foreshadowing that they’ll run off together 

* * *

the station with the lockers is very blue and yellow. I think it’s generally agreed that colour combination = angels, and of course there’s the surprise appearance of Samandriel still to come, showing up interested in the tablet as well. After season 7 where angels showed up  _once_ , their interest in current events still reads as surprising at this point in the season, as they have come across as very uninvolved in the affairs of the earth, even so much as not particularly seeming to have a stake in fighting the Leviathan (since they couldn’t kill them either, but I mean, they could have shown up like “hey let’s get that tablet for you” in the first 3 episodes if they’d really cared :P)… 

* * *

Sam asking the guy who originally stole the tablet about if he stole a tablet is a terrible idea without specifying “weird god rock with writing” vs “like an ipad or something” since to everyone else on the planet there is a considerably more obvious mental image that comes with that word :P

* * *

Dean zones out into a dangerous Purgatory flashback that makes it much more clear these are literal PTSD flashbacks and not just memories, as blurs the two interrogations and gets extremely violent for the situation as a result. Directors are all still working on getting the maximum out of Dean’s scary eyes although the whole tie tugging off thing is A+ scary Dean. Also considering he uses it to grab and choke the guy, showing how he can use basically anything as a weapon if you let him.

(I do wonder, in the Purgatory flashback, that they have the monster chained up with an actual chain. I wonder how it got to Purgatory. I wonder a lot about what sort of civilisation is there, if the stuff monsters die with comes with them, and how much anyone really manages to bring through - just the odd knives and pocket stuff, maybe a bag if they’re lucky… If a monster died chained up would there be chains with them when they appear in Purgatory? They clearly have badass weapon making workshops and probably mine the stone and enough raw materials to get by… Did Dean just skirt by on the edges of monster society avoiding homesteads, towns, mines? farms? Are there monster cities??)

Anyway this is all showing us how Dean is still very messed up from Purgatory, and it’s this same violence that stays with him through all of Carver era really - he doesn’t exactly get a chance to heal from this so far as I recall and it funnels into the Mark storyline and that near its resolution calls right back to Purgatory. I think Dean here is no different from Dean with the Mark except that he manages to dial things back a bit and adapt back to human life for a while, but I guess seeing this in hindsight of season 10 (I haven’t been back here for a while, not since season 9 was just wrapping up :P) makes me realise Dean has been carrying this violence in him the whole time. I guess permanently struggling to deal with this time he touched base with this primal part of himself

* * *

(And while it’s contrasting the purity of Purgatory where there was one simple mission and everything was monsters so it didn’t “matter” what he hurts, with Dean roughing up a guy in an interrogation and even holding the demon knife to the throat of a regular human, blurring who the “enemy” is… the fact Dean is interrogating to find Cas in this scenario especially when he really cruelly kills the monster at the end, puts this hunt for Cas in quite a dark light, showing again how Dean is very capable of going very dark for his loved ones…)

* * *

Anyway back in the real world I think this shop the tablet got flogged to actually is the same set as the shop in 9x18 where Gadreel visited

* * *

> DEAN  
> Hey, Lyle, I’ve had a really, really bad day today, so I’m not in the mood to dillydally. If you want to do this the rough way, I am happy to oblige.
> 
> LYLE  
> Sure. We can do it that way, if you want to get famous. [He gestures to security cameras and we see the scene in black and white.]

More Dean struggling with being back in the real world - not just with the psychological coping but with the fact CCTV is watching him… That sort of constant monitoring from society to keep people’s behaviour in check that Dean has been not operating under all this time… And Dean vs technology again, forgetting about things such as this that enforce the social contract not to just beat people up in their own shop >.>

* * *

Dean manages to be the only one who doesn’t help with ganging up on this guy for info as Linda leads the attack and Kevin and Sam both back her up with random tax knowledge they have for some reason, leaving Dean, who just shouted a lot, kind of adrift. He still looks smug like they had a victory over this guy he thinks is a jerk, sort of sharing in the moment - there’s a long reaction shot about him looking pleased/proud of the others. Or just smug at the guy for being beaten. Hm. Not sure what that says except he clearly doesn’t feel like his bad approach is an issue when they still got what they wanted despite him :P

* * *

> BEAU  
> Well, I  _am_  the right hand of a God, after all – Plutus, specifically.
> 
> DEAN  
> Is that even a planet anymore?

Pfft Dean you think you’re so funny 

(I laughed)

Anyway quoting because “right hand of a God” is a weirdly season 11 thematic thing and there’s probably like no way this is remotely to do with it but hey themes and phrases and stuff 

* * *

Sam almost suggesting they auction Baby and Dean freaking out and threatening to kill him and the next 2 generations is hilarious but also kind of weird that Sam would suggest it. Maybe on the assumption they’d steal Baby right back, but it puts him in a very weird place of apparently seeing Baby as just a car, which seems as terrible as the line in 11x18 where Dean has to lash back at the way Sam was talking about Cas’s vessel as an “it” and not paying enough care to the guy inside. I’m not sure I want to suggest Sam has a weird concept of the importance of these things but it’s worrying it keeps being him saying stuff like this :P I mean, again as I’ve been saying about him in the wake of 11x18 he is very pragmatic about stuff and much less sentimental than Dean but I do think some of these lines are still overstepping characterisation

* * *

Considering how much of a rare artefact their demon killing knife is, it’s impressive that didn’t get swindled out of them at some point this episode, but also despite how important it is to them, does take us riiight back to season 3 and Bela and her casually exploiting hunters because all their charms etc are so unbelievably priceless (never mind the fact it first showed up in season 3 thanks to Ruby :P) so suggests they could have tried auctioning it except it didn’t even occur to them how valuable some of the stuff they travel with habitually is. Dean’s had that knife with him in Purgatory never mind all the good it’s done them over the years so he gets very precious about anyone trying to take it even temporarily… 

Again I think he’s struggling a lot with security and feeling vulnerable because he’s not yet out of attack mode, so being forced to give up a weapon and handle a situation unarmed must be freaking him out

* * *

I think one of the artefacts on display is Excalibur

* * *

> SAMANDIRIEL  
> Dean Winchester?
> 
> DEAN  
> Do I know you?
> 
> SAMANDIRIEL  
> Uh, no, but, uh, I knew Castiel.

That awkward moment when you bump into in-laws unexpectedly at a function and you can’t escape after they make a beeline for you

Anyway saying “Castiel” is the best way to get Dean’s attention

I always liked that Samandiriel (I have apparently been spelling it wrong all this time unless superwiki is wrong :P) actually seems concerned about Cas - like, he’s not just asking strategically, he’s genuinely asking after him. 

I guess Heaven/Naomi makes an effort to get Cas after things get stirred up here and Samandiriel (off-screen?) gets kidnapped. I really like the idea of the pining retcon being something that helped Cas get back and so only establishing that Dean is back and therefore there’s a link between him on Earth and Cas in Purgatory means the angels will try and get Cas back… Again, hence Cas repeatedly appearing in vague proximity to Dean as he makes it back.

Anyway, hey, here we go starting the real theme of season 8:

> SAMANDIRIEL  
> You know, there are some in Heaven who still believe, despite his mistakes, that Castiel’s heart was always in the right place.
> 
> DEAN  
> Are you one of them?
> 
> SAMANDIRIEL  
> I think too much heart was always Castiel’s problem.

considering the next 2 MotW at least (sorry I am very blurry on what happens in season 8 so I can’t accurately discuss this theme but I I’m pretty sure it’s discussed as a broad season 8 theme way beyond that :P) are directly related to hearts, the fact that the mention of hearts first shows up connected directly to Cas is extremely important for guiding this theme to make sure it’s about him. 

Also, you know, this flashback connecting it directly to Dean as well

Oh god it’s the big Destiel flashback. I’m not ready :P

* * *

The river ends at the source etc.

I still think Cas set up shop here (as Dean was told it was a 3 day journey & Cas had to be reliably known to be there so word had to spread through the monsters as well so basically he had to be semi-permanently attached to the river there) because he knew Dean still wasn’t leaving Purgatory… I guess he stopped running for a bit and just let them come find him if they had to… Always giving Dean the choice to say “nah it’s not worth it” and head off home if he didn’t want to come find Cas after all.

(I am now really sold also on the theory that he set Benny up to take Dean home and hoped Dean would just leave as well. Like how likely would it be that Benny would just HAPPEN to have come across all the info about the human portal and the spell to have his own essence absorb into Dean etc…)

but I’ve always thought long before any deep speculation on this whole thing, that Cas was waiting for Dean and knew he’d come, but really, really hoped that he wouldn’t. Because then he’d have to tell Dean no, I’m staying… And in the end this doesn’t even work so he has to go with Dean to the very end. I think this flashback subtly tells us before we get confirmation in 8x07 that Cas may have been left behind on his own choice, even if Dean does not see it that way and we see it through his eyes

* * *

because ha ha ha “What’s the matter? You don’t think you deserve to be saved?”

* * *

Dean: *hugs Cas, laughing in delight*

Me: *grinning and blushing and hiding my smile behind my hands badly*

Cas: *tries to back away from the hug, quietly clenches fist when Dean grabs him anyway*

Me: *sobs*

Dean: “nice peach fuzz”

Me: *walks it off*

* * *

THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH. HELP.

* * *

EDIT TO ADD: OH MY GOD I WENT LOOKING THROUGH MY TAG FOR THIS EPISODE TO SEE IF THERE WERE ANY GIFS I URGENTLY NEEDED TO MAKE BECAUSE THEY WEREN’T ALREADY ON MY BLOG

AND DAMMIT

<http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/93881120793>

* * *

And of course Benny immediately accusing Cas of “bailing” on Dean because clearly Dean bringing him up to speed on how he ended up where he is and how Cas is missing etc would have Dean angry or at least grumpy because Cas did kind of ditch him and Dean has no idea what’s happened to him, but as soon as Dean is face to face with Cas he defends him and wants to hear Cas out and gives him a chance to explain what happened fairly like there is no grudge here

…

TBH I hate to do this but I guess the writing went there first… obviously Dean comes back in 8x01 accusing Sam of not looking for him etc and very very quickly turns on Sam and DOESN’T hear him out so there’s a pretty obvious parallel weighted in Cas’s favour over Sam here. Since I’m busy trying to make sense of season 8 with as much as I can remember of upcoming stuff, of course 8x23 reveals Sam’s anxiety that Dean would pick “another angel or another vampire” over him (ugh that moment.) I mean he’s not at all privy to this but I guess we’re being shown Dean’s differing priorities to prove that Sam really did have a point there even if he didn’t know this exact thing happened… Dean is shown prioritising Cas to us and later the Benny episodes are again twisted so that Dean is just trying to help Benny and it turns into a huge mess about priorities making Dean look bad to Sam’s eyes about protecting Benny… 

I remember a lot of meta about Dean here in Purgatory NOT having the burden of looking after Sam and being allowed to make selfish choices without that burden - because even if he makes choices to protect or stay with Sam out of love, there’s still a whole lot of issues underlying. Putting Dean into this mindset with basically everything about him but some core concerns stripped away also means removing THAT issue from him, since Sam isn’t in here with him so basically, Sam issues don’t apply in Purgatory. 

Dean is allowed to assume Sam is a grown adult and probably fine out there and hopefully working on a way to save Dean but Dean has Benny to help him escape so he doesn’t have to RELY on Sam being dependant on Dean to the point he does something stupid to get Dean out so it’s a relative place of luxury in their codependency issues - for all I know Dean felt GUILTY about this so hearing Sam had done nothing for Dean just as Dean did not prioritise Sam and they BOTH took a year off from this makes Dean lash out at Sam because he suddenly, without Cas coming back with him, realises he wasted basically a whole year in Purgatory and didn’t prioritise Sam and left him alone thinking Dean was dead…

(wow this is a mess :P)

On the other hand, all that aside, Sam doesn’t manage to give a satisfactory answer to Dean because he doesn’t share everything that happened to him: if he’d straight up explained his state of mind in gruesome detail Dean may have been a lot more understanding of the stress Sam went through - he does say that he’d lost everyone he ever loved at that point and Dean could have sympathised as he was freaking out and suicidal over the same thing in 7x02, but maybe Sam just didn’t manage to communicate it effectively enough to make the point and EXPOSE his feelings rather than allude to them… 

Here Cas just drops this bombshell about why he ran away and makes Dean make that FACE of stunned amazement and awe as he realises what Cas is saying about protecting Dean and running away to keep the Leviathans from them. Cas’s voice wavers and it’s clear revealing “to keep them away from you” is perhaps a step further than Cas wanted to admit right away, that there’s a deeper meaning here, revealing  _something_  about Cas. 

So it shows how Cas’s abandonment had understandable motivations (and unfortunately, ones that imply he cares a great deal about Dean but ugh - this being about self-sacrifice too. Cas has his own stuff going on about penance but we don’t get a look into that until 8x07/8x08 meaning this seems to be entirely about Dean right now while Cas did have his own personal non-Dean reasons for wanting to stay as well)… Anyway Sam failed to express his side of things correctly to Dean, for whatever reasons, messing it up before he can make Dean understand rationally… so this parallel comes out massively in Cas’s favour in Dean’s eyes.

* * *

(I am really not in favour of how season 8 makes a rift between Sam and Dean with Cas (and Benny I guess) in the middle just because this can NOT have helped with the fandom issues for those who hate Cas and prefer Sam >.> Also because Sam and Cas as friends had been making pretty good progress but of course Sam harbouring this feeling sets them back for ages - their hug in 9x11 is way off on the horizon from here… >.>)

* * *

…Not sure this is a moment Dean realises Cas might love him, but I did think Cas had a moment like that in 7x23 so it would be pretty funny if both of them were by this point aware that the other ~might possibly~ be in love with them… without exploring their OWN feelings to realise they are in love back… Denial and repression and not understanding human emotions all working together to make the bizarrest unrequited love story set up where they reverse-pine :P

* * *

Anyway after that yelling Dean gets all tender and sweet about taking Cas home. 

“I need you”

How did they not kiss in this scene.

Well, Cas looks so conflicted and sad and this was his point where he should have grabbed Dean if it was gonna happen and Dean was just leaving the opening for Cas to do it, so I guess that’s on him

I should start counting whose fault it is they haven’t kissed yet and tally it up but I know for a fact I’ve already missed some opportunities to tally missed opportunities >.>

* * *

Anyway while I’ve been typing all that Dean has tried to steal the tablet… I am quite amused that this is the demon tablet and it’s been changing hands constantly… Cas had it last! Or possibly it’s stowed in the Bunker! Or maybe it’s wherever he stashed the First Blade… the important thing is this is probably the Most Stolen Item on the show because even the Colt was handed over after they asked nicely for it on like 2 separate occasions, whereas this thing is just *always* stolen :P 

* * *

The bidding war is amazing 

* * *

Well until it gets really tragic

Of course the whole Winchesters selling their souls for the other thing was started with John doing it for Dean but of course Linda doing it for Kevin underscores the whole parental responsibility thing that Dean had for Sam when he did that. To have more subtle references to early seasons stuff thrown in.

> CROWLEY  
> If it’s souls that you’re after, I can give you a million souls.
> 
> DEAN  
> Hey, flyboy, are you gonna get in on this?
> 
> SAMANDIRIEL  
> We guard the souls in Heaven. We don’t horse-trade them.
> 
> CROWLEY  
> So we have a deal.
> 
> PLUTUS  
> It’s not about the quantity, chief. It’s about the sacrifice.

Lot of stuff going on here - considering the increasingly sinister portrayal of Heaven as a soul-harvesting dystopia Matrix heaven, which has always been kind of a thing (Dabbflin really kicked it off themselves in 5x16) and how we’re going to meet Naomi soon, and how as the seasons go on Heaven’s use of the souls gets more and more murky… I wonder if Samandriel would have been able to swing authority to make a trade like that if he’d gone through the right channels… :P Or of course this is the true purpose but it’s become corrupted as a means of measuring power. I guess season 11 may be in a position if God does come back to allude to all these questions about angels and Heaven and the structure of the universe… it would be nice to have at least one thing answered. :P

Also just looking at Crowley’s offer is reminding me of Cas being allowed to take souls to Heaven just for power in 6x20, another time Crowley was willing to buy someone off with a bulk payment souls… I’m pretty sure at some point in the Bible, Jesus was supposed to have taken a ton of souls out of Hell or somewhere like that as an act of kindness, whereas they’re being removed from Hell just as currency in this story… 

And then of course the whole thing about sacrifice, and of course the demon tablet asks for a sacrifice to close Hell… so themes from the start of the season again being answered at the end…

> CROWLEY  
> Fine. You win. I bid… my own soul!
> 
> PLUTUS  
> [laughs] Mr. Crowley, you don’t have a soul. 

*stares into 8x23* nearly, though. :P

* * *

Gosh, and after the episode started so lurid, in sunny suburban places, we went via dingy shops and cheap motels to this dusty bleak warehouse and it’s now all grey-brown and washed out and sad as we get this conversation about Linda giving up her soul.

> MRS TRAN  
> Losing my soul – is it going to hurt?
> 
> DEAN  
> Probably.
> 
> MRS TRAN  
> Will I die?
> 
> SAM  
> No. You’ll just wish you were dead.

Yikes. Coming from Sam obviously he’s had the experience… Although souless!Sam seemed pretty chill/happy to keep existing that way. Perhaps it’s more Sam’s reflection on it from hindsight… Either way as I was literally just saying about him not conveying his state of mind to Dean properly, we get these occasional hints that Sam is not okay or has not been okay, that he may feel suicidal at times but it’s rarely brought out into the open so he drops a bomb that he wished he was dead at some point in relation to this losing his soul thing and that was not clearly conveyed and explored at the time >.>

* * *

> SAMANDIRIEL  
> Excuse me, miss. Hi. My name is Sam– Alfie. I’m an angel.
> 
> MRS TRAN  
> Who works at Wiener Hut?
> 
> SAMANDIRIEL  
> No. This is, uh – it doesn’t matter. Uh, what you did in here was amazing,

He is definitely a good egg :’) He’s clearly got a lot of room to care about humans and admires Linda for being a good person… He and Cas would definitely have got on

you know

if Cas hadn’t been forced to murder him >.> 

As often happens to the angels who actually agree with Cas’s politics

I mean the ones who don’t die as well but Cas often gets personally involved and then it’s terrible when they’re technically on his side :P

* * *

Anyway then Crowley is awful as per usual 

I can’t believe Sam has tackled Crowley in canon like I know he was in Linda so presented a much smaller target and all but it’s hilarious. 

You can’t just *tackle* the king of hell

Meh, Sam is Worthy so I can’t tell him what to do

…

probably the MOST frustrating thing is that there’s no one else to claim that hammer so Sam could have taken it and it’s REALLY USEFUL

WHY DIDN’T HE

I suppose because he’s truly Worthy he probably was all ethical about stealing it or being allowed to use it

pfft

* * *

> CROWLEY  
> I know we’re not mates, Kevin, but one word of advice – run. Run far and run fast. ‘Cause the Winchesters – well, they have a habit of using people up and watching them die bloody. Toodles. 

bleh :P Poor Kevin. The Tragedy of Kevin Tran… And Crowley weirdly does look out for him in this really horrible way, perhaps just to spite the Winchesters since it’s also encouraging him not to help them so also ensuring some long term survival for Crowley, but Kevin has already screwed him over once (and he’ll do it again by the end of the season :P) so I can’t help feeling he has some admiration for Kevin as an interesting playing piece on the board, independent of this connection. Anyone who gets one over on Crowley earns some respect from him.

Dean glares at Crowley all rage-y and scary through this, possibly thinking about having recently lost Cas, although not like they haven’t lost a ton of people or being reminded of losses over and over through the last few years. He’s pulling a proper season 9 rage face though. I hadn’t realised how much of that same sort of performance Jensen is channelling here, so again I’m being led into deep thought about Dean’s arc over this time

* * *

> DEAN  
> Kid, in this life –
> 
> KEVIN  
> Shut up! I don’t want to hear any more of your crappy speeches.

To be fair, Dean’s morale-raising speeches can be pretty hit and miss depending on what Dean’s basing them on and his own moral position. Considering this is the “sorry but not sorry I just tried to stab your mom” speech, um. I’m with Kevin :P

* * *

Gosh this is a beautiful episode though:

And look at the broken halo light. All we can see is the cage, and that’s broken too… Considering this light was linked briefly to Kevin in 8x02 and we’re done with his little 2 episode arc for now, showing this like we’ve left him broken is a really powerful statement.

And the way the light source is just through the sigils and they have dusty sunbeams… Ugh. This room is almost too atmospheric :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> What? Slit soccer mom’s throat? Yeah, I was. I wish I had.
> 
> SAM  
> Dean –
> 
> DEAN  
> It was Crowley, Sam. No matter what meat suit he’s in, I should have knifed him. I mean, yeah, it would have sucked, and I would have hated myself, but what’s one more nightmare, right?

Oh Dean :( This is like the worst side of their whole collateral damage thing, but I suppose this statement explains the dark side of them making bad/hard choices… I feel like this is possibly meant to be most of a part of the ongoing Dean broken down to nothing but a killer kind of feeling we’ve been getting from him post Purgatory but aside from the fact Linda means more to a main character than Random Neighbour Lady or The Postman, Sam’s actually clocked more civilian deaths than Dean this episode… Just all of them with a belief in what they’re doing being for the greater good so they can shake off the ones where they don’t have to personally deal with the consequences like *almost* killing Linda is different.

Anyway it’s rare for them to have some serious self-reflection, so it’s interesting to have Dean’s take on making these horrible choices, to see how they can be justified by his huge well of self-hate, almost like “well I’m already a terrible person with blood on my hands so I may as well be the terrible person with more blood on my hands so someone else doesn’t have to be” 

…

this theme is not addressed nearly enough, but I can kind of see how Dean avoids thinking about it but a rare indication that he’s self-aware of the problems of the way they operate…

* * *

I’d feel happier talking about this one if anything much had happened as a result of it, but this seems to be one of the most critical episodes about the meatsuit problem until season 11 and then that’s all on Sam with Dean being sceptical of how much they can really do… though this may explain why he was so resistant to it when Sam got it into his head to start caring about this again…

* * *

I guess in opposition to Dean “saving things” re: Benny in 8x01, this is him “hunting people” for the full subversion of the tagline the season opened on >.>

* * *

Anyway Kevin legged it

* * *

> DEAN  
> He thinks people I don’t need anymore – they end up dead.
> 
> SAM  
> Dean, that – that – that’s not true. You know that.

OH NO Dean said that he *needed* Cas 

OH NOOOO that’s when we first see the flashback of him “losing” Cas in the false memory. 

(Sam has no idea why Dean has reacted like this except maybe he does since Dean has been Most Weird of anything about Cas so far, but whatever Sam’s thinking he immediately tries to console Dean in that kind of way he does when Dean is wrecked about Cas so I think Sam kind of gets it because that’s his “oh boy tragic Destiel angst” voice :P Also I guess Dean had literally just said something horrifically self-loathing out loud so Sam probably does feel the need to be in damage control when Dean clearly takes another emotional blow immediately afterwards)

(I mean fair play to Kevin though :P)

It is interesting that Dean said he needed Cas and nothing contradicted that this episode but he lost him anyway… Maybe that’s specifically why that phrasing triggers this flashback? Or maybe he felt like even though he said it, it was just a stupid emotional whim to need Cas like as a friend or ~whatever~ and maybe he didn’t strictly *need* him for any plot reasons… Like he has no “legitimate” reason to need Cas, except Dean didn’t want to lose him - he wanted to take him hoe even if there was no other reason to do it than to save Cas because he likes him? I feel like Dean is really struggling with this need over, like,  _need_  thing. 

…

You can see which episode I’m eyeing up here. That Dean if he’s trying to wrangle with that word, and how it relates to Cas, and this re-use of it relating to Kevin is applied to losing Cas too, but the circumstances are so different with *what* Dean needs from Cas… by the time he uses that word on Cas again in 8x17 it comes after telling him he’s family, and it’s absolutely through and through not about Cas’s utility but about emotional need.

Which, tbh, like no Destiel shipper is going to be surprised by that, but on the other hand some people STILL think Cas is a tool to Dean and that “need” was because he’s useful and only because he’s useful

but this episode literally sets it up to REJECT the idea of Cas being useful (unlike poor poor plot-important Kevin) and to float the idea of need as, well… want. :P 

(To glance ahead to 10x19 where Benny/Dean’s subconscious I think said something about that? Accusing Dean of mixing them up or seeing them as the same thing or just saying one when he meant the other…? I remember some moderate to excited Destiel enthusiasm as a result of that just because Purgatory + “need” coming up.

I am starting to feel like I’m referring to the Werther episode like every 10 minutes to make sense of this season, like it’s offering a ton of hindsight to explain/confirm things from this season.)

* * *

There are deleted scenes for every single episode on this disc, while I swear there were hardly any for the last few seasons. Over-stuffed story, much? :P

Ah it was only 30 seconds of footage. Linda calling herself a “Queen” and making a chess metaphor about owning the guy at the shop. I think this is the season where several chess boards show up? 8x08, and I know there was one abandoned at the Bunker when they got there, at least. So setting up some more imagery for the season.

And Dean being all weird and uncomfortable about having to wear a suit again when we first saw him in one this episode (I guess this scene also would have existed to draw attention also to the fact they went away and changed between discovering the locker had been robbed and coming back to question the owner about it as it was basically exactly the same location between scene breaks except they magically swapped into suits) … He’s like “why do we have to wear these!?” tugging at the sleeves and rolling his shoulders, feeling confined and uncomfortable… Again Dean vs the modern world and struggling to adapt back to his old life. Sam’s like “they’re useful” 


	3. 8x03

Or: I believe general fandom policy is to remember this one for how ridiculously attractive everyone looks 

also the MotW is a Destiel parallel or something

* * *

I… actually have  no idea what the recap was doing. Sometimes it’s okay to just summarise like 3 short plot points for emotional relevance and then move on with the episode when it doesn’t have anything to do with any of those things :P

* * *

A+ spooky misty night aesthetics in the cold open

and “I do a lot of cardio” before the guy grabs the heart out of another dude is such a terrible pun I have to laugh

I mean I can feel my soul dying but I laughed

* * *

The opening with Sam and Dean is luridly bright. Tons of purple flowers in the background, bold primary colours everywhere, and of course all the fresh fruit and vegetables on display and we’re introduced to the scene via a shot of baskets of fruit - with red apples that Sam grabs paralleled to the heart being grabbed in the cold open. Like, literally, the heart thing happens, title card, Sam grabs a big red heart-shaped apple

Interesting that at least these last 2 episodes have been QUITE so bright - 8x01 I don’t remember being as much - and of course last episode faded out and this one at the very least resolves at night or indoors in a dark place or something, and has some grimier scenes on the way. I think the burger scene in 8x01 was also quite lurid (and the burger scene in 8x02 was the other I was thinking of when saying that episode was lurid). So I’m starting to think, what with the strong contrast to the Purgatory flashbacks being practically monochrome and grey, the moments focusing on normal human life and specifically food, and the good things of being back in this world are being highlighted with their brightness… But perhaps also like Dean staring into the vending machine with all its bright packaged junk food in 8x01, perhaps there’s something almost uncanny or uncomfortable about it? I don’t recall thinking many other episodes in season 8 were actively lurid rather than just colourful if they were brightly lit (i.e. the LARP episode is bright and colourful but it’s not OTT on the colour) so I’m going to go with a tentative diagnosis of this being early in the season culture shock for Dean (we are definitely getting his POV this season even if we get Sam moments, it sees the “default” POV in a scene is still very much Dean.

Also Sam x fresh fruit and veg and dragging them to a farmers’ market has been linked to the season 7 plot by smarter people than me, especially for talking about habits Sam formed over the year and his ongoing distrust of processed food, even if he’s been the salad guy for many seasons by now there’s something more recent and darker than just that going on here…? the last time we saw him shopping was carrying a huge bag of fresh things in 7x22… I can’t remember if this is the episode where Amelia has a Ridiculous Bag of Limes or if that’s a flashback elsewhere (I’m assuming we have to get in the Amelia flashbacks somewhere in the first 6 episodes?? I remember a soundbite somewhere about Jensen directing some of them? Anyway close enough to this that it counts) but anyway she does that at some point so they’re definitely equally matched/linked in some ways. :P

I suppose Sam being linked to this theme in such a way makes the heart symbolism where it connects to him, about him and Amelia? As he’s linked to grabbing the heart aka being connected to heartbreak (and we saw him in 8x01 leaving Amelia, for reasons at this point are still undisclosed but do at the moment imply since he walked out that he was the one leaving her before we know how much more complicated it is)

So unlike the Sam/Amelia parallels to Dean/Benny in the overall structure, the heart theme is paralleled between them and Dean/Cas thanks to 8x02 and “too much heart” etc… Um, so making THAT parallel directly to a romantic relationship… *cough*

* * *

> DEAN  
> It’s a case. Look, I say we hang out the shingle again and ride.
> 
> SAM  
> We’re on a case, Dean. Kevin and the demon tablet need to be found, so heart guy takes a number.

So this is taking us right back to season 1 style conflict as well (if anyone who read the whole rewatch would remember me talking about this every start of the episode) - Sam still clinging to normal life stuff while wanting to deal with the mytharc - in this case feeling a sense of personal responsibility to it rather than vengeance, just wanting to deal with the problem that spiralled from not helping in the year out (if he’d found Kevin as soon as Kevin called, no hiding the tablet and subsequently losing it, Kevin would have read it with Sam’s protection ASAP and they’d probably have done the Trials before Dean ever got back :P) while Dean, back on Earth, is settling into what they do best AKA picking up random hunts. In this case, picking up something that started with a heart-stealing 6 months ago so it falls under the jurisdiction of people who weren’t saved while Sam was the only Winchester this side of Purgatory, and we go back to Dean’s sense of obligation to the job - by this point vs season 1 where it was all “Dad wants us to” it’s just Dean’s crushing sense of obligation to the entire planet to be constantly saving it (like, because he’s internalised “Dad wants us to” because of course everything is always Dean’s issues with John :P). 

> DEAN  
> Okay, we’re back, which means that we walk and kill monsters at the same time. We’ll find Kevin. But in the meantime, do we ignore stuff like this? Or are innocent people supposed to die

(blah blah Dean piling on Sam for taking time off)

* * *

[like a billion years of them wandering around investigating and talking to police/the guy who did the murdering in the cold open/more research/more police]

Odd random link to again connect Sam with the heart-snatching:

> DETECTIVE  
> I mean, sure, he can run a little bit, but Thor he ain’t. 

(talking about the guy who did indeed do the heart-snatching)

since you know we literally had Sam holding Thor’s hammer last episode

… never seen anyone talk about Sam in connection with this, although I have to assume that these are pretty straight up obvious reasons to do with Amelia as he appears to be in the spotlight in this opening section for Dean blasting him for taking a year off… Amelia hasn’t been mentioned but obviously she’s completely connected to that year off sooo

yeah no one seems to talk much about Sam and Amelia so that’s probably it :P

* * *

[yet more investigating] 

less said about all the dialogue in these parts the better :P 

I guess nothing too overt about this but Dean remains more grumpy than normal post-purgatory even if it’s not like the first two episodes which were making a case study of him

Last 2 episodes I was talking a lot about a theme of Dean vs technology so I suppose this is him with a new phone and trying to move on and adapt again:

> DEAN  
> I bought a translation app.
> 
> SAM  
> You bought an app.

I think he was also on the laptop earlier so I guess along with getting back to normal chasing random cases he’s also getting used to interacting with the world properly again in this specific way while he was shown directly at odds with it before

* * *

can you even transplant whole eyes

* * *

this episode has a great deal of driving involved *twiddles thumbs*

* * *

thinking of themes of the season, there’s a ton of arrow imagery in the last part of the season, building up to the whole cupid thing. The Bunker was designed in this time, too, and has a lot of patterns in the windows/lights which match so it remains perpetually reminiscent of this theme. First thing I’ve caught this rewatch is Randa’s necklace looks similar to the stylised versions of feathers on the arrow:

& of course she’s one of the heart snatchers

(Pink seems connected to death but also the sort of themes of specifically sex and death like her murdering this random guy instead of sleeping with him… I ended up watching 4x18 today with my friend and remembered how ridiculously pink it was - at least half connected to Sam and Lilith’s um “fiery demonic passion” or whatever :P)

* * *

Anyway then because it’s been 15 whole minutes of what counts as subtle for them, Bucklemming urgently need to explain a ton of stuff to us.

I do like their approach of doing this though as I’ve said a lot of times, just because it tells us exactly what the themes are with all the subtlety of an anvil (making season arcs easier to analyse especially in unfolding new canon, and delivering obscene amounts of Destiel when they feel it’s on the table), so…

> SAM  
> Or… maybe you don’t need me. I mean, maybe you’re at your best hacking and slicing your way through all the world’s crap alone, not having to explain yourself to anybody. 
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah, that makes sense, seeing as I have so many other brothers I can talk to about this stuff. 

in there’s the argument in 8x23 and some probing of Dean’s psychology, suggested by the opposite brother to how it relates - Sam giving us the run down on how Purgatory felt pure to Dean and why he seems from Sam’s POV to be so snappy and hard to work with at the moment (not the whole picture but what Sam has clearly intuited about Dean’s experiences and he must have been aware of his trouble to adapt, maybe mistaking some of the worse PTSD moments as like just Purgatory nostalgia like that interrogation last episode that got too violent… Not like Dean doesn’t have a complicated relationship with Purgatory where he did genuinely like it as well)

And Dean on the other hand setting up the inevitable drama of Sam discovering Benny exists, when he’s already been set up as someone Dean CAN talk to and shares the experience of Purgatory… Obviously this comes across as something which ends up being a lie or a half-truth but Sam has no way to know that… 

(never mind Cas turning out not to be dead and coming back so then Dean has two people on his team :P I do see Sam’s jealousy/insecurity about them in 8x23 as brotherly concern where he utterly misses the whole framing of Benny and Cas as love interests to Dean that we benefit from getting the narrative parallels they can’t see in-character… Honestly not sure where we really start with it and Sam could have a realisation sooner but I feel like Sam relating to Cas as an in-law is much more a season 9 onwards thing… But yeah, an anvil line about “other brothers” makes me leap immediately to that line from Sam about Dean trusting angels and vampires over Sam especially as Cas and Benny are framed as brothers/family in the dialogue even when it’s more complicated than that)

> SAM  
> Look, I’m not saying I’m bailing on you. I’m just saying make room for the possibility that we want different things. I mean, I want my time to count for something.
> 
> DEAN  
> So, what we do doesn’t count?

And again their conflict about doing the job rears up, very obviously for how Dean feels about it when you take into account what we’ve been told so far this season about his sense of responsibility. I think this arc at the beginning of the season for Sam is where we get most of our ideas about Sam wanting to retire when fandom discusses the “Sam gets a dog” ending, although it was teased a tiny amount in season 6 after he got his soul back. Of course this season teases it as Sam’s actual endgame, especially in 8x14 where Sam and Dean are arguing about who does the Trials, with the sense of tragedy that Sam was always doomed to do them, and he’s already subtly linked to this just by the fact he already feels the stronger connection to the arc before he even knows what it is. Dean’s enthusiastic about it (and has no small amount of desire to dick Crowley over) but Sam has his own penance to do with Kevin and so on, so all this retirement stuff is kind of cruel considering they start the Trials on the hope of finally securing a clean win and happy ending that would enable this.

There is situational tragedy all the time even if the overall development does seem to suggest a happier ending as a whole 

* * *

> SAM  
> Yeah, he – he bought it in a car crash last year.
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah.
> 
> SAM  
> Nose-dived off a bridge or something.

Ahah, I think I HAVE seen people paralleling Sam and Brick over this and “Sam hit a dog” & the suicide themes

Once we know more about Brick there’s some more Cas-like stuff about him (the whole… immortal warrior thing… :P) and Dean’s reaction to the story with 8x02′s “aaaah!!” cliffhanger about him losing Cas and all we know about so far that “Cas just let go” means Dean’s reaction to the story is way Destiel. But those themes haven’t shown up yet and Sam is portrayed as the bigger fan of Brick at first and therefore linked to him again overtly, so he’s doing double-duty as a mirror and Sam’s up first.

* * *

More on the fresh fruit theme when they get to Brick’s old house as there’s a bowl of green apples (not red like hearts, which would be freaky after the heart-eating scene) on the table when they interview his wife. I’ve generally taken that as a sign of doom. :P Not sure, however, now I’ve moved to Carver Era, that fruit has the same meaning, and I feel like it meant something different in the opening of this episode, meaning I’m basically bookmarking this thought for later, pending where else fresh fruit/bowls of apples in particular show up.

* * *

> MRS HOLMES  
> Brick lived for competition and athletic perfection. I don’t think it occurred to his fans that he was human, like the rest of us. 

“ha ha ha yes he was definitely human” *sweats nervously*

Actually, come to think of it, this side of the Brick thing relating to Cas is interesting because also Cas ends up human at the end of this season and while it came as a twist, I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever seen anyone discuss potential foreshadowing for this or even picking out thematic suggestions of it with hindsight. Obviously Brick only lived in *pretence* as a human, and then died, so right now that’s kind of ominous foreshadowing but with hindsight Brick slumming it with regular humans (”Find a wife”!) is interesting. I’ve already mentally compared him to Prometheus further up the season while typing one recent paragraph (and didn’t mention it :P), so I’ll throw in since I’ve thought of him again right now, that he also forgot who he was and lived as a human except for the whole dying thing and didn’t KNOW he was a Titan. That’s two examples of these type of characters stooping to humanity for a romance, maintaining a weird relationship to their demi-god side of existence… 

Hm

* * *

More news at 5 o’clock for that theme :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> You know, I-I can’t help wonder what happened that night on that bridge. There was light traffic, no alcohol involved, no skid marks. Big-time athlete, reflexes like a cat, how is it that he just drives off the side of a bridge?
> 
> MRS HOLMES  
> When things happen that aren’t supposed to happen, they’re called accidents, I believe.

Accidents don’t just happen accidentally :P 

potential links to Sam aside, this is the method of suicide Dean was talking about when threatening to kill himself last season in 7x02 (and it’s always struck me as symbolic he’d take the car out with him, just because it also works in reverse when the car is damaged to make a point about how Dean’s feeling) and he’s the one who is posing the question so the theme seems somewhat more connected to him here. While this season we’re generally much more in the clear with Dean’s mental health, it’s not something that goes away entirely ever at least with the recklessness, lack of self-worth, and trying to put others before his own life always remaining Dean traits. His argument for doing the Trials, for example, is predicated on his life being one doomed no matter what because he sees himself as a tragedy.

But of course, down this part of the season the main parallel is to Cas, who “just let go” and even later when Dean doesn’t have a false memory of losing Cas it’s still true in spirit - and we learn that Cas too feels suicidal for what he’s done and that Brick is then directly relevant to the one character overtly connected to the theme, even before we learn anything else about him at this point in the conversation

* * *

> SAM  
> So, everybody knows about Brick’s football career, obviously, but no one knows much about his personal life. Was he ever married?
> 
> MRS HOLMES  
> Just to the game. He gave it everything he had. It’s a difficult life.

Tbh, I know this turns out to be a secret wife thing but that is the sort of phrasing that comes up a lot when people are closeted and unmarried for other obvious reasons…

* * *

…

PUPPY

I assume I’m meant to be collecting dog references in Carver era, even if everyone’s not going to be on board with the dog = god conspiracy :P Of course thematically they’re very relevant to Dean and then Cas arcs… In season 8 I guess slightly less so as the whole dehumanising into an attack dog thing is part of decent arcs and tragedy. Perhaps for Dean with the whole Purgatory thing as he was narrowed down into a killer for a year, but the attack dog imagery comes very much with someone holding the leash and so I don’t think it’s strictly relevant right now

* * *

TBH there’s a very weird implication with Randa coming to chill with Mrs Holmes like she’s Brick now (as she has his heart) kind of the actual representation of Mrs Holmes’ dead husband, and they’re kind of a threesome with just the two of them…

> RANDA  
> Brick’s heart beats inside here now. Brick gave me new life. I can feel him. It’s why I moved to Boulder… to be near here. And I’ll watch out for you like Brick did.
> 
> MRS HOLMES  
> I don’t need your concern.
> 
> RANDA  
> We need each other, and Brick needs us. You keep our little secret safe, and the three of us will be just fine.

Laughing because when Buckleming go for it they really do with the whole pushing themes that are on the table… In this case, the “heart” theme 

And look at that “need” there… Never mind the “watch out for you” because Cas does that - in fact we’ve got an “I’ll watch over you” coming up in a few short episodes

TBH can you make a metaphor for Randa as Naomi, controlling Brick’s heart and menacing Brick’s ex-wife (Dean is the ex-wife in this situation) while Brick’s heart (Cas) is helplessly along for the ride… 

* * *

Then we find out about Cacao, and how he’s the corn god - I think in hindsight that’s much more interesting… The deleted scene from this episode that I remember is Mrs Holmes going to his grave and placing a piece of corn on it, weirdly making this episode echo 9x11, especially as that too has Cain talking about Colette watching over him. 

As always I remain fascinated watching the themes in this show circulate around and around each other in different variations :P You could argue Cain passing on the Mark is very much like these people getting organ transplants from Brick that then inspire them to tear hearts out.

* * *

> DEAN  
> Hey, Sammy, would it totally crush you to know that your boy Brick wasn’t a natural blond? 

I suppose, weirdly, this does count for the “the story is wrong” theme of false identity, deception, and otherwise crafting narratives. Brick cleverly constructed his various identities that would allow him to compete over and over and over.

* * *

> DEAN  
> This is a lot of hardware. Okay, the football trophies I get, but there’s a lot of other stuff here – I mean, baseball, boxing, race-car driving.
> 
> SAM  
> He was a fan.

Also, Bucklemming might not have the best track record with this (9x21 has Sam and Dean dismiss the angel they snark-interrogate as a fan while talking directly into the camera) but fannish-ness is a legit theme through Carver era, sometimes handled better (hi Robbie) sometimes not (didn’t Thinman get a lot of fandom wank about its treatment of fannish discourse?) and of course Metatron’s season 9 arc is basically him being a Bad Fan as much as a hack writer.

This is a rather more positive look at being a fan (possibly because sports fandom is “legit” fandom in society) but anyway flagging it up for the theme since this is early days of season 8 and we have a lot of ground to cover on this :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> The Maya were all about war and torture and conquest… and sports. It says, “Their athletes were treated like kings.” The Mayan jocks made sacrifices to Cacao by – ready for this? – killing a victim, pulling out his heart, and eating it. They believed the rituals gave them super-charged power over their opponents.

Interesting again just looking ahead to the Mark of Cain stuff and then paralleling it back here that there’s this overlap in “war and torture and conquest” … And Dean was stronger and got stronger from killing, even seeming to suffer if he  _didn’t_ kill. 

* * *

> DEAN  
> Well, we’ve seen it before – people making deals with demons, gods. I mean, maybe he stayed young and strong so long as the sacrifices kept coming.

Also, the option to  _just stop_  doesn’t come up: Brick has to kill himself to end the spell’s hold on him, but of course it just gets passed along. They parallel it to werewolves because they’re on very much the same theme - hence literally the next episode being the first werewolf episode since season 2 - but again I’m seeing the way the Mark of Cain worked here… (At least, mostly in the form we understood it for a season and half)

> SAM  
> Maybe the spell went along for the ride and infected the people who got his organs. Remember how Paul Hayes said he had a health scare that changed his life? I mean, maybe the spell could compel him to keep carrying out the ritual.
> 
> DEAN  
> Sort of like getting bit by a werewolf. I mean, once you’re infected, you do what you got to do, especially if you like the results.

* * *

> MRS HOLMES  
> His Mayan name was Inyo. He was a proud young athlete nearly 1,000 years ago. He lived for sport and never wanted his days in the sun to end. So he arranged a bargain with the god Cacao through a high priest.
> 
> DEAN  
> Stay young forever.
> 
> MRS HOLMES  
> As long as the sacrifices continued, twice a year – once for the planting, once for harvest.

Baaaad deal. 

I do think it’s important that Brick was human though, in the end, even if he had this arrangement and lived to be so old. For the later Dean parallel (oh man I’m laughing now about 10x22 and Cas saying he’d be with Dean forever if Dean was immortal)… but as a Cas parallel in the here and now, Brick not being an actual god is important because they seem more monstrous/inhuman on this show even when they do fall in love. Brick being a single-minded warrior/athlete until after 1000 years he meets someone who changes him and finally makes him feel differently about the way he’s been leading his life, even if it ends in tragedy, works as one hell of a Destiel parallel for Cas in the here and now of this episode (still presumed dead by “letting go”) just because it forces you to reflect on the eons Cas lived, and even rebelling from time to time enough for Naomi to have a personal grudge against him, nothing ever disrupted him like meeting Dean did.

> MRS HOLMES  
> Not until I began to age and – and Brick – Kelly, as he was when I met him – did not. But by that time, Brick himself had changed… inside. He wasn’t just the warrior whose only reason for living was combat. He – we were deeply, deeply in love. So in love, I’m ashamed to say, that when I found out that – how my husband stayed young and strong, I chose to ignore it. 
> 
> MRS HOLMES  
> Every ten years or so, he would, uh, re-emerge with a new look, a new name. And me, I was the wife, and I was the woman in hiding, and then, when I got into my forties, I became Brick’s mother. Eleanor. I am so tired. You can’t imagine the burden of it all. I think even Brick was through. He could see the end of my days were at hand, and… He had lived centuries all alone, but I don’t think he could bear the thought of life without me. That’s why he drove off that bridge. You must think I’m a monster. 

* * *

Of course Dean’s reaction to it all is sad eyes but then when he talks in response to that last line, it’s all

> DEAN  
> No. No, just that you married one. 

For Dean this season there’s a wild ride with his feelings on inter-species romance and marrying monsters

you know

for some reason

so starting that off now :P

* * *

> MRS HOLMES  
> Brick used to say the heart was key. That was the focus of the sacrifice.
> 
> DEAN  
> Are you saying that if we stop Brick’s beating heart, then we could stop the whole thing?

This is amusingly like the way they defeated the leviathans

no, but, quoting it because “the heart was key” because we need some more reminding of how important hearts are this season, after talking a lot about love already. 

* * *

Amusingly “The Bunny Hole” where Randa works mentions “Starring Exotic Angel Fire” on the billboard… Reminds me of 10x02 and the club demon!Dean was at briefly, which was one of the few ways angel-related stuff reached him while demon!Dean because the Destiel plot kept weeell clear of him for the time he was a demon

* * *

Oooh here’s a randomly tragic line out of nowhere

> SAM  
> You think Brick thought maybe he’d burn to nothing when he crashed that car?
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah, but he didn’t, which brings us here.

not sure if this is about Sam (it would be compelling to go with the thought that Sam was suicidal and basically Riot saved his life) of if this is about, in a dark way, the one linked to all the heart stuff - Cas - enduring after he’s presumed dead, as he was for the last 2 episodes

(ALSO wtf was with the association I had with Jensen directing Sam/Amelia I thought that was a thing and that it would have been perfect to develop over this episode to, you know, give Dean slightly less to do, but apparently there’s none??)

* * *

I can’t believe there’s literally a line of unecessary exposition during the fight I mean while Dean is  _wrestling_  with this guy

> JIMMY TONG  
> I’m the guy from Phoenix you were looking for. 

Listen, Bucklemming, you have a hell of a lot of dodgy lines in here that I’ve not even started on because I don’t have the energy to fight all the uses of “crazy” or weird comments about strippers and so on but seriously, there’s being shitty humans and there’s bad writing :P

Never mind this whole thing with Randa being empowered to become a stripper because god powers… Like, good for her, but in a Buckleming episode that’s just… weird… and I don’t know what to even make of it except that it feels sketchy and objectifying in a way it shouldn’t have to 

I mean this is one of their best episodes just because it doesn’t manage to be outright terrible for any reason but it skirts the line all over the place

* * *

Anyway then Dean has his heart threatened because heart theme of season 8 for Dean/Cas

* * *

Such a weird wrap up 

Eleanor all “oh cool you killed someone now I am at peace but you know I’d have been cool if she killed me too whatever”

Sam and Dean smile indulgently at her

(she goes to put corn on Brick’s grave in the deleted scene)

* * *

Dean tries to convince Sam he loves hunting and doesn’t want to retire right after Sam’s like “I don’t like hunting and I want to retire ASAP” - if we’re going for the Dean making decisions for everyone and deciding what they want, then that’s a prime example so we have to assume is also a long-decided important theme for the season, way way before it becomes painfully relevant.

Buckleming do seem to be very in tune with the way the wind blows, say what you will about their delivery 

I think also Dean is meant to probably come across as being scared that Sam will abandon him and that he doesn’t want to work alone… Especially when he feels such a burden to keep hunting no matter what, as repeatedly emphasised

He also empathises with Randa:

> DEAN  
> Wow. Back in business. Got the win. Admit it – feels good, huh? You know, I was thinking about what Randa said about, uh, you know, what it feels like to be a warrior. I get it, man, I do. 

which seems kinda random and I was not expecting him to actually say it, but then I guess I stop talking about her as a future throw back Mark of Cain Dean parallel, but to be an actual representation of his sublimated desires for violence and the simplicity of being a warrior - she stands in for his existence in Purgatory. (these themes have always existed with Dean in Carver era and I knew that because Purgatory is hard to miss, but the actual level of detail exploring Dean’s character that paves the way for the Mark of Cain arc is something I’ve clearly missed)

Sam and Dean are comparing their previous years together right now without realising it, if Randa is purgatory!Dean as they have this discussion

And OH this is where there’s a Sam/Amelia flashback

the one where he’s all panicky that he lost her (and running across a bridge, wow subtle after all this talk of going over the bridge :P) … He’s dealing with so much trauma from his past life that he freaks out when she’s gone, so discovering her planning a birthday picnic for him is like being smacked in the face with all her normality and how the life they live is safe… 

And of course the parallel to Lisa in Dean’s dream in 3x10 is always overwhelmingly huge since that was a picnic too… Sam telling Dean that he got to try the normal life and he liked it and that’s what he wants has got to double hurt Dean because with Lisa he went through this whole arc, tried it, and the life rejected him and he feels he’s made his peace with being a hunter forever, so Sam wanting something else is not just abandoning Dean, but seemingly abandoning Dean for the one place Dean feels he can never go again. 

Bummer ending.

* * *

(Yeah the deleted scene was just Mrs Holmes leaving the corn on Brick’s grave with no dialogue or anything, just a nice slow sad moment which I guess got cut for some other reason than time because this manages NOT to be one of the gargantuan Bucklemming episodes :P) 


	4. 8x04

or: werewolf love triangle drama 

aka further evidence this season is a soap opera

* * *

Blood Splatter Guy got a good Christmas bonus for this episode

* * *

I wonder if Thomas J. Wright is like “Oh it’s you again” when he’s given Robbie’s scripts. “Oh you’re doing a hand-held cam documentary from the POV of some werewolves.” “Oh you’re doing an episode from the POV of the car.” “… I swear to god I’m done if you try and make me direct from the POV of the lamps in the Bunker”

* * *

(Probably not.)

(Robbie, hey, I bet you £20 you won’t do an episode from the POV of the lamps in the Bunker)

* * *

I really like the music in the opening turning out to be playing on the ipod, and Dean yanks it out of its dock. And how he pops it back in at the end as a mark of respect, like, having learned the story instead of the music being irritating he can now memorialise them by leaving the crime scene intact (oh god why are they just  _touching_  stuff in here. You are in what will soon probably be a room crawling with forensics people)

* * *

Possibly the most unbelievable part of this episode is that Kate managed to edit this entire thing in almost less than overnight, like that is some SERIOUS editing skill, considering how much footage there would have been.

Possibly the slightly nerdier housemate who had the bigger film obsession had edited a fair amount of it already to chronicle his own story, but then Kate just repurposed what was already done and added her own side of the story, which is an even better statement for her with the whole “write your own story” theme

* * *

This is so Alice in Wonderland:

… I mean there’s probably other iconic pop culture with notes with instructions to do stuff in the format of “[——] me” but it’s got to all trace back to that, surely?

I  may be missing some reference specifically to a “play me” moment to be fair

anyway assuming I don’t have a pop culture blind spot, I do like the whole “down the rabbit hole” thing here since we’re about to descend into unusual episode format 

with Sam and Dean just background characters, the werewolf squad does all the storytelling, so it kind of literally is a mirror world, and of course the characters are parallels/mirrors for the main characters although right now before I actually go further than this point I can’t remember who or what

Although I’m tentatively going with 8x03 setting us up with the theme of Dean relating to the monster (which of course is his main conflict from 8x01/8x02 with his purgatory mindset still clinging to him, and bringing Benny back - I don’t know for sure but I think the next episode is a Benny episode (Okay I cheated and looked: it is) so this is all tiding us over nicely for that conflict) and since Dean was so taken with Randa’s declaration of power and strength that came from eating hearts (and again - 2 episodes in a row with heart-snatching), I’m going to have to go with a bit of column A, a bit of column B for the 2 werewolf blokes being his mirrors: one who is unwillingly bitten but then is all “I’m a god!!!” when he discovers his powers kicking in, and the other who voluntarily embraces the darkness of becoming a monster. Both have a tragic ending, but the one who asks to get bitten ends up being a Dean parallel further down the line in 9x11 - as I was comparing last episode to setting up some psychological groundwork for Dean and the Mark of Cain arc, this also sets up some of the same stuff that will be played off later

So I suppose that leaves Kate to be the Sam mirror in that she wants a normal life and her first message to them is “This should never have ended this way.”

and we left last episode on that for Sam - with Dean telling him “lol no you want to be a hunter” so the fact that one of the Dean mirrors - the darker one - bites Kate, possibly a Sam mirror, and forces her to be a werewolf is a much more nuanced explanation for the same theme that Buckleming were playing with last episode

So this is all setting them up for their tragedies and conflict of the next couple of seasons, anyway. 

* * *

Hopefully there’s more to say on this because tbh once we actually start the episode it’s all A+ character building for these 3 random characters but I’m not sure how much I actually want/need to talk about them as people so I figure this will be pretty short as rewatches go for me :P 

* * *

> MICHAEL  
> In a world where nothing is what it seems… 

Aside from the staggeringly obvious “write your own story” theme of this episode, there’s the “the story is wrong” theme already

* * *

I am sort of annoyed at Robbie for giving Kate a table full of girl friends to chat to in the opening but then the moment she gets involved with Michael her life gets sucked into theirs

although I suppose if the theory is that Brian made 80-90% of this film before Kate turned it into her own (we often see him at the desk editing and doing stuff since he got so into recording it all) then there would be a strong focus from his POV even though it’s her story, and of course even if she filmed herself with her friends it wasn’t part of this story and she probably wouldn’t want it to be… 

I can’t remember how much Michael actually enjoys filming himself over this episode, but he’s definitely not the POV character, rather the object of desire for Kate and Brian

(I have always figured Brian had a whopping great crush on him and Kate plays out as one of those love interests who is caught between the homoerotic tension of the blokes in a love triangle who are using her partially as a proxy between them… (Sometimes that’s a trope, sometimes it’s accidental but you end up watching something and you’re like wtf why are these blokes rivals not making out. For some reason Bridget Jones’ Diary is the first and only example I can think of remembering the guys from that getting into a punch up fight with each other, and I can’t get past that realisation now. But anyway in this case I feel it’s very much intentional, especially with the whole werewolf thing thrown in as that carries a lot of overt poking at this theme - if I remember correctly Brian literally asks Michael to bite him at one point??)… Anyway in that case, even more of a win for Kate to step free of it and tell her own story, as (obviously not in BJD’s case) the girl in the story can get overwhelmed by the blokes if the writing favours them and their conflict too much and she’s poorly written)

* * *

Anyway they get into a camera dick-waving contest where you can see Brian losing even though he’s apparently the most camera-y of them, and there’s just all these ridiculous staring into the distance jealous faces pretending this isn’t affecting him

he also carries on editing stuff sitting at his desk running a webcam while Michael and Kate hook up

look I’m not saying he’s secretly in love with his roommate but while Brian is describing all of Kate’s friends he does say 

> BRIAN  
> Okay. [He zooms the camera in on the female students.] Secretly in love with her roommate. 

* * *

I barely know anything about Lord of the Flies since I was never made to study it so I’ll just assume these references are really clever :P

It does have the characters actually talking about literary analysis and parallels on screen, which I’ve always liked since by the time this season came out I was graduated with a literature degree and nothing to do with it except for nod knowingly at other references to people doing literature degrees

Also they literally point out a character who is apparently a Christ figure which considering how often people point to various members of TFW but most often Dean that I see as Christ figures that’s worth a nod for Robbie pointing out that’s a Thing :P

Then: more flirting & a Brokeback Mountain line

> BRIAN  
> Come on. Who loves you?
> 
> MICHAEL  
> Aww. I wish I could quit you.
> 
> BRIAN  
> Yeah, right. Yeah.

* * *

Anyway there’s monsters and stuff to worry about and the most subtle entrance of the car ever 

like when the Ghostfacers accidentally crossed paths with the Winchesters in THEIR obsessively recorded movie, you heard that engine from a mile off and there was a long shot of the car driving past. Probably one of their better entrances because it was announced entirely by the car engine from someone else’s POV :P

* * *

> SAM  
> All right. There is not a case here.
> 
> DEAN  
> There  _is_  a case here. You’re rusty. We just got to dig a little deeper. Come on.

tbh if we haven’t missed anything this is literally the second case they’ve done in a year :P This is, if nothing else, a clever way for Robbie to side-step having to write all this angst about working together that Buckleming set up, because with minimal Sam n Dean on screen less chance for them to fall out in a prologued way :P He can allude to it but doesn’t have to script whole long angsty conversations

of course, continuing the “Dean is flinging them at cases and Sam doesn’t care” thing 

mostly noting because eventually Sam will have to be the first one to pick a case at which point there WILL be something to talk about

* * *

> MICHAEL  
> Is it just me or are you getting a workplace-romance vibe from those two? 

honestly considering the love triangle they’re stuck in I think they’re projecting on the Winchesters :P I forgot how full on the subtext was between these guys.

They’re busy keeping an eye out for subtext too :P

And obviously, occasional jokes about mistaking Sam and Dean for lovers, as the show does, aside, the fact these kids are drawing the wrong conclusions about them again goes with the themes of misinterpretation and the story being wrong because Michael is constructing a narrative of “two unrelated FBI guys argue like a married couple” based on the limited evidence he sees, while we know it’s “two brothers posing as fake FBI argue as siblings”

* * *

It also occurs to me Michael is wearing a reddish brown leather jacket 

and now he’s alone and running through the trees with night vision AKA super desaturated and dark and green and there’s werewolves nearby sooo there’s a Purgatory parallel 

he also got split off from Brian after yelling at Scott to draw him away from him, which is making me laugh about “to keep them away from you!” 

…

Somehow I have managed to type all this without posing them as a Destiel parallel, probably because their actual story is a terrible parallel what with all the jealousy and murder, but hey

sometimes these parallels happen anyway :P

* * *

Hey look it’s the chair from the Fairy episode

I’m calling that good enough foreshadowing that Robbie is going to fling fairies at us in the next episode he writes

* * *

> BRIAN  
> I, um… I really want to be able to do what you do. So I-I think maybe we could go back out there and get that thing to bite me, and then we could both be superheroes.
> 
> MICHAEL  
> Stop! What? Are you serious?
> 
> BRIAN  
> Michael, you can’t keep this to yourself.
> 
> MICHAEL  
> Keep what to myself? We don’t even know what this thing is. Why the hell would you want it?

this is so interesting as Dean parallel though (sorry, I am now harping on this and it’s Buckleming’s fault) knowing that he really likes the idea of monstrous power and strength as per last episode - tbh feeling like this almost IS set up for the Mark of Cain arc in the vage vague sense that they were planting seeds for Dean, just because with hindsight of 3 more seasons of Carver Era, the fact Dean gets plunged down an arc started by him accepting some power to be able to kill a bigger badder monster when he was feeling particularly terrible about himself really is making me sit up and pay attention to these seeds. Like, I always thought that the Purgatory arc had later relevance to Dean just because we’d seen him raw and murdery once before in recent memory, but these particular themes and questions are fascinating with later hindsight. 

Especially because Dean has been connected to superheroes before - like joking about being Batman - but also in general he has always had a more romantic notion of their job than Sam has… I sometimes feel like Sam has been dragged every step of the way until he stops resisting, but except for when Dean is feeling particularly helpless he always wants to hunt, and him not wanting to hunt or not having his heart in it (season 2, 7, for example) are signs something’s seriously wrong with him. Dean feels like a cowboy or a superhero, or gets super invested in his fake FBI persona, and generally really goes for this interpretation of their job as heroes… So this is the dark side of that, the sense of being stronger and better and with Purgatory, giving in to all that stuff and being stripped down to a version of himself that really does only have the simple motivations of killing monsters all day long - at that point not really to benefit anyone else like when he kills them to save people - but just to do it

(actually the end of this episode, revealing all the violence and how the problem sorts itself out with the dangerous monsters killing each other and Kate swearing to not be dangerous to other people, kind of might work to ease Dean out of this mindset - since I don’t remember much else about this theme in season 8 aside from the branch of it connected to his relationship with Benny… and he does seem more settled and normal after a point when he’s back used to doing what they do… The solution to the problem is one where he and Sam have to exercise mercy rather than killing anything else, and if I remember correctly Dean’s the one who’s quickest to allow Kate a chance or at least that he significantly has no problem supporting that - something different from his normal stance… He brushes close to that monstrous mindset himself but doesn’t want to give into it yet because he’s not totally gone even if things like that violent interrogation in 8x02 show he’s got some stuff to work out… So he can understand Kate and especially understand her choosing not to give in and be the monster, so after he talks about how it seems almost attractive to be monstrous, she helps him see even actual monsters can choose not to give in, averting this for like a whole season and a half. :P)

* * *

I think the reason I can’t take Sam’s season 8 hair seriously is that it curls like mine does, but only after I’ve stuck it in a ponytail to keep it out the way so all the ends poof out in wings when I let it down… So I just end up seeing Sam having a ponytail all the time off-screen or when he jogs in the morning or whatever and that just makes me laugh. I’m sad we didn’t go back to the season 7 shape of his hair because he just keeps cutting the wings off and keeping the rest of the bob shape >.>

*self-consciously ties my own bob back*

* * *

TBH I can understand these kids maybe not immediately thinking of werewolves but Sam and Dean talking about how it’s probably “another god” seems kind of silly when they know how werewolves work or at least enough to be going around asking if anyone’s been bitten by anything lately… Like the answer just whooshes right over their heads

I suppose they haven’t seen one for 6 seasons, but still

how often is it Mayan gods either

* * *

Anyway then Michael eats a crapton of food after his werewolf awakening - specifically junkfood and leftovers - and washes it down with a beer, so AGAIN I’m thinking of how Dean had all these weird patterns with food, either having a huge appetite or losing it entirely…

* * *

Once he goes out and kills someone we have the same sort apologising for his actions etc as end up very familiar with Dean as well - 

> BRIAN  
> Kate, you’re not…
> 
> MICHAEL  
> No.
> 
> BRIAN  
> …trying to justify –
> 
> KATE  
> We don’t know what happened, Brian. What? He can’t defend himself? 

> BRIAN  
> Eating a heart is self-defense? Kate, who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself? 

> KATE  
> You just don’t get it, do you?
> 
> BRIAN  
> What? What don’t I understand?
> 
> KATE  
> You’ve never been in love. 

obviously at the time of writing none of these parallels were really planned, but I am interested in the last point, to finally drag myself out of staring up at season 9 & 10, that again we have the theme of love and hearts and relationships with monsters in them… 

An actual Destiel relationship parallel which makes sense feels pretty hard to come at, but at least this is coming right at the theme to enforce the fact it exists when we want points of data :P

* * *

Anyway Dean gets *two* burgers for one meal in this cafe where they’re spying on them so actually the link to his hunger and Michael’s is even in this episode… Dean’s eaten practically nothing but burgers on screen since he got back and they seem to be his human food of choice… I suppose also just the luxury of being able to order as much food as he wants as well as just saying he missed them - he must have put on a lot of weight in these few weeks even if Jensen obviously would not because he’s not THAT dedicated to the character :P Also I assume Dean would have been thinner than he’s been for most of his adult life in Purgatory…

but yeah also the parallel of monsters = hungry (and usually whatever monster we meet, they’d defined by their hunger and whatever they eat) is definitely happening to Dean too

burgers end up in this same season = domestic and home, since he makes them when they have the Bunker kitchen to enjoy. And then by the end of season 9 they’re linked to his humanity… 

clearly the show secretly gets advertising money from burger places :P

* * *

> BRIAN  
> So, you stumbled on Carter, wolfed out, and then what? Got a taste for hearts again?
> 
> PROFESSOR  
> You never lose the taste, if you’re stupid enough to have one. Once you have a human heart, it’s almost impossible to control the monster inside.

theeemes

I can see why werewolves showed up in 9x12 and again in 10x04 right after Dean was cured and had to live as a human again… This new brand of werewolf (which, conveniently, all werewolves they meet are after this despite apparently being a rarer sort of in the lore since they require extra research :P) is much more finely tuned for the kinds of conflict in Carver era… Like with the vampire cure having a point of no return there’s also the fact it’s easier to resist eating hearts if you never taste human. I’m also thinking about how demon!Dean had a sort of point of no return on killing Sam - same as Dean being warned by Cain that killing Sam at any point would ruin him. (Also to throw back to 6x11 where soulless!Sam was trying to scar his vessel by killing Bobby) … I mean these themes have always been around but they become the main arc when the Mark of Cain stuff is the main problem especially in season 10, so this early on lines like this are really setting a lot of groundwork

… ugh this rewatch is going to take forever just because everything reminds me of later canon because we’ve talked about it all so bloody much

* * *

> PROFESSOR  
> Why are you doing this?
> 
> BRIAN  
> I want to see what you guys see… do what you do.

good grief that’s almost literally Crowley’s lines to Dean in 9x23 

* * *

Pffft

> BRIAN  
> Kate, listen to me. I love you. I love you. You’ll understand. You just need to see what I see. After I bite you, you’ll understand. 

Didn’t work for him, did not work for Crowley :P

* * *

I just really love the whole dramatic climax of this episode… The actors did a phenomenal job of not sucking at an episode that could have been utterly terrible if they didn’t pull it off since they were putting in so much work 

* * *

Yeah, Kate also managed to have a shower as well as editing and finishing the film - along with giving herself a head start from the Winchesters when she left she probably had to have only put together the last day or less of it unless she’s extremely competent at movie editing and picking scenes and timing it all correctly from the multiple cameras covering the fight >.> 

idk why but I’ve always had the impression she edited the entire thing together overnight so these comments are mostly for me :P

* * *

Oooh Sam does just immediately assume they’ll go after her but Dean is being super thoughtful about it while Sam is working on the assumption Dean will probably want to go after her. So the focus is very much on Dean having a different reaction from expected - both for us and Sam and I guess Dean as well realising he’s conflicted about this and leaning towards letting her go because he feels sympathetic to her saying she had no choice.

* * *

I feel like that “no choice” thing is also super important. For season 8 specifically rather than general Carver era themes, I’m stuck on Cas’s upcoming arc about being controlled by Naomi, although I may just be missing stuff about choice.

(Well, Dean telling Sam he wants to be a hunter when Sam says he doesn’t, Dean not giving Sam a choice.

Kevin getting picked for Prophet Duty.)

then the wider themes about autonomy that really focus on the Gadreel stuff, so that’s too far off to assume, like with all the Mark of Cain stuff I’ve been talking about, that it was influenced by anything more than the themes that were being established at this early part of the season…

* * *

Gosh I love that last shot of Kate walking off

* * *

oh god the deleted scene. That was so awkward, I’m glad it got cut. >.> Although I did realise that Kate was wearing a trenchcoat-ish jacket while they were investigating, possibly because she thought it was appropriate for sneaky investigating, but also Michael was in that Dean-like jacket earlier so that’s another thing, and actually parallels Dean and Cas to the romantic relationship (even if it was tragic and a terrible parallel :P). 

But seriously though, Sam awkwardly drop-calling Amelia from a phonebox while Dean’s off buying stuff from a liquor store… *secondhand embarrassment cringe* I think it was my same problem as with watching Baby - that feeling that you’re snooping on them because you are *shudder*

Also occurs to me is that the first time Dean’s really linked to alcohol this season? I can’t even remember if they’ve had a beer although now I’m feeling like they must have at least done that in some of the research-y scenes last episode??

Ah well, his overall drinking is reportedly pretty low this season so this for once probably is not part of a serious pattern and was presumably written more to separate out Sam and Dean to give him a chance to make that call while they were having a moment of down time.

* * *

I’ve made it one whole DVD into the season. High five!


	5. 8x05

or: listen, the title of this episode (”Blood Brother”) just makes me constantly question why Dean is not a vampire from season 8 onward. He and Benny literally did the blood brother thing to get Benny out of Purgatory. All the early vampire episodes were like “aaaaaah don’t let your blood mix with a vampiiiire” and now Dean’s like “nah it’s cool been there done that what’s the worst that can happen” 

I just

aaaargh

* * *

it doesn’t even happen this episode the title just reminds me and then I get a headache

* * *

aaaargh

* * *

Anyway Benny continues to earn his keep as a beloved side character with the whole BAMF cold open of him going around killing the vampires who helped kill him. 

Right from the get go we have this theme of coming back for revenge, and of course next episode is heavy on the revenge theme too with the MotW being a revenge-ghost. If the last 2 episodes dealt directly with hearts and romance (specifically romance between humans and supernatural thingies), these 2 are revenge and family. This one has cross-over between the themes with Benny and Andrea, but I’d say revenge is much more the order the day in this one

* * *

Sam n Dean meanwhile have been chasing after Kevin for lack of anything better to do and because Sam presumably is super invested in fixing that one thing because then he can go off to college and find someone else with a dog to settle down with, as per what we’ve been told about him so far

I literally can’t remember what Sam does in this episode aside from this and show up at the end to scowl at Benny

but anyway it makes sense this is their default motivation since this is the only work Sam *actually* wants to do right now, and this is more of a Sam thing despite

> SAM  
> I don’t know, Dean. I mean, you did try to kill his mother.
> 
> DEAN  
> I was trying to kill Crowley, okay? Who happened to be wearing Kevin’s mother at the time. Well, there’s a difference.
> 
> SAM  
> Apparently not to Kevin. Oh, I know. Maybe because – oh, yeah – it’s his mother.

I guess Dean being grumpy about Kevin taking that personally/facing up to the consequences for him is a strong motivator not to really want to find him as urgently as Sam - they argue about if they knew it was a false lead or not when they started driving to this last known location with the implication Sam warned Dean and Dean drove there anyway, almost like he was secure he was on a wild goose chase given how the conversation goes

Also Kevin is constructing an elaborate false narrative for them to chase, for the ongoing theme of stories, good or bad

* * *

Benny calls and there’s the ongoing sort of framing of it as Dean “cheating” on Sam - we had the line a couple of episodes ago about Dean saying “how many other brothers does he have to talk to” or something, and with the main textual presentation in the dialogue etc of Benny as a brother it is pretty much a “Dean is unfaithful on his brother with another brother” kind of arc (which culminates in that line in 8x23 about Sam jealous of trusting other vampires and angels more than him). I guess when you’re looking for soap opera drama and your main relationship is brothers, then…

(also: title of this episode - which has its own echoes of “family don’t end in blood”, a catchphrase of the show, and one way to “make” a non-blood person into “blood family” which while it sort of seems to logically undermine the first statement, they’re both on a theme of found family) 

(Of course I guess one side of the fandom would get as much a kick out of the “cheating” framing - in the long run I guess when the emotional drama of the “cheating” is out the way - as say the same implications as Sam sneaking around talking on the phone in the bathroom that the Siren episode starts with framing them as a broken marriage… Can’t help remembering talking about that one in the interest of fairness.

And on the other hand, more in my interest, ignoring how it reflects on Sam and Dean as just that Dean is being shady about it, Dean’s acting very much like he’s hiding a secret relationship to reflect on the framing of him and Benny - and is very much part of the Benny & Amelia parallels to their respective Winchester, especially if we include the deleted scene from 8x04 of Sam drop-calling Amelia when Dean takes his eyes off Sam for a minute, so they’re both linked by surreptitious phonecalls between these episodes)

* * *

> DEAN  
> What, Sam? Last I counted, you took a year off from the job. I need a day. 

Kind of a low blow in their argument, but actually, it’s kind of underlining how ridiculous it is that they literally can’t have anything outside of the other, long before that becomes more of one of the major points of conflict somewhere down the line

tbh now they’re settled in the Bunker and at least somewhat reliably in the area all the time, Sam needs to find a bookclub and Dean needs to make up a lie to cover he has a D&D group and they just go have personal crap and friends who are not in the same circle :P 

I mean maybe the point is that it’s more weird that Dean won’t tell Sam who this personal contact is who’s pulled him away from the main plot stuff to take a personal day, and of course Dean (and Sam) probably could have made this period a lot easier by talking openly about all their experiences, but honestly knowing the Winchesters

* * *

Anyway Dean has Purgatory flashbacks while driving, which can’t be healthy

Maybe Benny’s whistling was stuck in his head & that’s all it was

* * *

ooh this is the full Sam & Amelia flashbacks episode

So yeah the one where Dean and Sam’s years off are paralleled ridiculously - not like this wasn’t already a thing but I guess this is where you can make the strongest argument they’re being paralleled since they both spend the episode dwelling in the past of their last year, Dean reliving a bit more of that monster-killing drama, Sam just kind of… thinking about stuff while sitting still? He doesn’t go out and visit her this episode does he? 

Also this first flashback despite him sitting there looking her up before he gets distracted, is led into by a clunky air conditioning unit or something and is much more about Sam’s year off  _for_  Sam - starting off small with him having nowhere else to go, nothing to do, and a dog to look after, none of it connected to her. Just Sam managing the small things in his life that he can actually cope with and aren’t giant world-saving situations

* * *

It’s becoming increasingly obvious I have forgotten the whole structure of the Sam & Amelia stuff even though explaining why it was there in the first place is about all you can do with it when it has minimal plot relevance and no lasting effect, and so you’d think context for each flashback would be super important

* * *

Anyway Dean drives up in an establishing shot with such epic scenery it legitimately makes the car look small. 

There’s a fair amount of yellow at the docks, I don’t know if the thematic colour associations are entirely different in Carver era since it was a blaring warning about death in Gamble era… No one important dies this episode and the themes aren’t particularly to DO with death in the sense this colour has been used before, so I guess bookmarking this theme too to see what happens with it now

*continues twiddling thumbs*

* * *

TBH the ridiculous OTT way Dean reacts to hurt!Cas makes this Dean helping hurt!Benny thing more bro-y than basically anything going on in the actual scene for my eyes :P

like “oh just found my vampire buddy mostly dead in a dark hole waiting for help but you know it’s cool”

and his reaction to Benny wandering out healed and in clothes is painfully setting us up for 8x07 and Cas’s ~cleans up nicely~ moment of infamy

I mean I do have a little soft spot for Denny but tbh if you’re going to transition immediately to a scene with Dean, Cas and Benny in it, my heart follows the OTP :P

Also: I forgot Edlund wrote this episode so that explains this:

> CASTIEL  
> Well, I think we’re clear for the moment. It does present a curious curl in the metaphysics, doesn’t it? If you murder a monster in monster heaven, where does it go? 

For upcoming themes of no particular importance, we also have the discussion where Dean specifically mentions his “humanity” - of course being the only human in Purgatory you could go one way and say “well that’s why, duh” but on the other hand, all this stuff about Dean’s monstrous side being brought out by Purgatory aside, having his humanity “drawing too much attention” is literally pointing out how much of a symbol of humanity he is… Already a long-established theme and so of course having a conflict over it is the writing choice for the next few seasons frequently REMINDING us that “humanity” is somehow a primary character trait of Dean’s despite how that kind of applied to literally every human in a way :P 

but yeah a little reminder that Dean “Humanity” Winchester is a thing doesn’t go amiss considering certain lines about Humanity later in the show :P 

Certainly, this line helped me instantly be like “wait what that was barely even a misdirect that still literally means Dean in the show’s language!??”

* * *

Anyway then Dean once again prioritises even  _trying_ to save Cas above everything - even his own life and unfortunately Benny’s

> BENNY  
> Obviously, I’m less than comfortable with that. 

and you can see Cas realising he really has to go along with Dean until the last moment and that anything BUT what he ended up doing wouldn’t be good enough to keep Dean from following him around Purgatory trying to save him forever, no matter how many times Cas tells him to go home and just leave him here

* * *

Oh yeah, and then here’s Sam trying to research outside despite a billion distractions (he has the same ambient noise issues as Dean in 8x01 fresh back from Purgatory), and ends up having a flashback triggered by an ice machine 

I mean there’s a whole thing about motels and him and Amelia and the whole motel thing being symbolically their own Purgatory, in a sort of waiting room sense of the metaphor. 

Amelia’s room has enough alcohol in it in one establishing shot to put season 7 Dean to shame. All her billions of limes are part of apparently hardcore tequila drinking… They never outright say anything about this so far as I recall except for her saying how lost and messed up she was as well when comparing herself to Sam. Possibly because making her too obviously a Dean mirror would make things even more super weird than they already are

* * *

> BENNY  
> Yachts. Names of yachts

….

………

7x15, Edlund episode:

> DEAN (on phone):  
> I don’t care that they’ve [the Leviathan] infiltrated the luxury boat industry, Frank. 

I almost feel sorry for these vampires

(there ARE throw-backs to season 7′s plot this season but this one seems not to have been mentioned, even in the sort of way 8x08 casually mentions the businessman who had a terrible year because he invested in Roman Enterprises… making out some of the vampires were murdered by Leviathan and they’ve had worse numbers than normal since then would have been hilarious)

* * *

Or Edlund is just really making a statement about yacht culture and has a bee in his bonnet about it so he keeps bringing it up

* * *

There’s such dramatic build up music as Benny talks all ominously about how they killed all these people, before Dean ruins everything with “Vampirates”

…

still can’t believe he got Cas to say “werepire”

can’t believe he didn’t hear it

honestly though I feel kind of bad about saying it but again, Benny is part of the whole tradition of people not playing along to Dean’s cute names for things, all shaking his head and like “no, it’s not” (the first thing you think of, aka you are  being weird, Dean) & then Cas grumpily humours him and so again in a very silly way it elevates Dean n Cas to some other level he’s not on with other people

… and then has some sort of bastardisation of the unrequited pining/unheard love declaration trope along the lines of “watched him rake leaves” but for Dean missing Cas saying it and then a few episode later he’s still got the unfulfilled feeling about no one playing along so he’s still trying out portmanteaus unaware that Cas has already given him what he wants if only he’d be there to listen

yes I am still harping on that and will be forever :P 

* * *

Anyway then theeemes

> BENNY  
> When you get turned, it’s like you’re reborn into a vampire nest. Your maker – he means everything to you. I mean, you really start believing he’s God. Now, if your maker happens to believe the same thing, well… 
> 
> BENNY  
> Anyway…our father – he was a jealous god. He kept the family together but kept us apart from the rest of the world, always at sea. I always did what was best for the nest… till I met her. Andrea. Andrea Kormos. Beautiful. I mean, words don’t even cut it, you know? Greek, heiress.
> 
> BENNY  
> She was sailing a 42-foot sloop to the Canary Islands. Now, I should have called her boat’s destination in to my crew, but instead, I joined her on it.
> 
> BENNY  
> My life changed when she entered it, Dean. Everything I had been or done up to that point just… seemed to vanish… into what we had become together. I mean… We found it, man. 
> 
> BENNY  
> They pinned me down, and they beheaded me. The last thing I saw was the old man tearing out Andrea’s throat. 

TBH, this is a Destiel parallel from 2 directions: Benny as Cas rebelling against his God and family (obvious parallel is obvious when Benny literally calls his creator a “god”) after they spent years isolated from the world (and the angels silently watched over the Earth without getting involved) and then from the other direction Benny as Dean with a false impression of seeing his loved one die in the last instant in one world before crossing into the next. Since Dean has no one to blame for Cas’s “death” he’s just kinda blaming himself I guess :P

Also of course where there’s God there’s a John Winchester parallel and Benny’s here as a rebellious son. Sam may be the one who wants out of the family business right now so he’s back to season 1 level personal rebellion (only against DEAN instead of John) but it’s Dean who helps Benny here and helps Benny raid the nest. Of course Benny is a Sam parallel AS WELL since he’s been presented as the “other brother” (Dean’s words) in a sort of supplanting Sam kind of way, so Benny having the strength to rebel and fight back against his family when Sam is struggling with that too piles onto Sam’s current helpless struggle and once again asserts Benny as “better” than Sam as in he was there with Dean over Purgatory, helped him escape, and is now stealing Dean’s time and Dean’s prioritising him, and even managed to break free of his family, which Sam, currently harping on retirement, desperately wants to do

…

Like no wonder poor Benny gets killed off when he’s the manifestation of so much of the main characters’ shit :P

…

shit like this is why I remain permanently convinced that, like the triple-mirror duty Gadreel played, Cole should have bit it in 10x23 because he was the 3rd of these mirror characters filling almost the exact same ecological niche as Benny and Gadreel. I remain suspicious >.>

* * *

Anyway then Dean and Benny borrow a boat and go for a sailing trip and it’s all very peaceful

* * *

> BENNY  
> It’s weird being back – in the world, I mean. Isn’t it?
> 
> DEAN  
> Sure as hell is.
> 
> BENNY  
> I mean, what do you do with it all? All the – all the everything? Hell, I don’t even know if this world is real, if I’m real.
> 
> DEAN  
> Hey, listen to me. I’ve seen what happens down that rabbit hole, okay? We’re real. Benny, this is real. It’s the only way to play this game, you get me?

That would be Sam’s issues in season 6/7… and Dean’s in season 4 though we never got it stated that way. Despite Dean having his own personal experience with it I’d say because Sam’s stuff in canon is much more recent Dean may be calling on that

… as well as having had to deal with his own sense of whether he’s truly back in the world or not over the last few episodes, as I was blaming the super bright look in many establishing scenes of the first 3 episodes as being culture shock for Dean… never mind the PTSD from Purgatory affecting him still, with at least some of the flashbacks vivid enough to make it clear he’s having issues with what reality he’s in

However, Benny keeps saying stuff like this which flags up his issues and Dean does not particularly help him with that even before he feels forced to abandon him, for Sam’s sake, which is all part of the great big tragedy about Benny

* * *

Probably says something that Dean and Benny sneak into the house together but then Dean is urging Benny to move on but we see Benny discover the picture of Andrea, realise she’s still alive, look around for Dean and he’s not there. So Benny is left to face her alone when she appears

* * *

Dean and Benny are both in here with their Purgatory blades as well, as if there isn’t enough about them dealing with their Purgatory issues - Dean already kind of fucked up using the knife in one fight and eventually he retires this one to the wall of his new bedroom where it belongs as a memento. For now, though, Benny gets captured and his own weapon turned against him

* * *

> SAM  
> Well, you know, usually when someone moves into a town, they – they actually, uh, you know, move into the town.
> 
> AMELIA  
> I did.
> 
> SAM  
> A motel is not actually part of the town that it’s in. It’s not part of anywhere.

There’s some of the most tragic lines Sam will ever say. Of course in the here and now it’s the establishing lines that set up that Sam was as much in a kind of Purgatory as Dean was, but when you look at how Sam has lived in motels for his entire life… 

It’s even worse when you consider how long it takes him to warm up to the Bunker so even when they seem to have a fixed address, Sam doesn’t feel like it’s sufficiently putting down roots

He has a very specific idea of what Home is - his Heavens that we saw included one where literally crashing some random “normal” family’s thanksgiving in a real house with all the trimmings was important enough to leave a permanent happy mark on his life. He had a literal Scrooge story about Christmas re: definition of how family can celebrate it, torn between what is “normal” and what is a Winchester style Christmas. And he doesn’t think motels are real places or an actual part of society despite being probably 99% of the actual non-car roofs over his head, even including their stays at Bobby’s (which were much less frequent than you might think). When he and Amelia get together, buying a house is one of the first things they do together - okay because they were both living in the same motel before that and it’s no way to live and even they know that - but there’s something significant about Sam putting his name on a house and starting a “real life” with someone by attempting to put down roots like that, and taking a step to move on and try to build that normal life.

TBH probably the fact he did this is what makes him resist the Bunker as an unconventional definition of “home” for the longest time, when he’s used to the places they stay for jobs as liminal spaces on their never-ending journey, and his idea of “home” being a fixed place where you live a normal, no-hunting life, so any alternate definitions of it - Baby aside - don’t sit well with Sam in the same way Dean seems very adaptable to the concept or embracing the non-normal idiosyncrasies of their lives.

* * *

> DEAN (on phone)  
> I’m not alone, damn it. All right? I’m not alone. I’ve got backup – guy who’s been tracking the nest for a while.
> 
> SAM (on phone)  
> What guy? Garth?
> 
> DEAN (on phone)  
> What? No. You don’t know him. He’s a friend.

subtle. *glances at next episode*

of course… the whole “all your friends are dead” thing is kinda painful right now, when the biggest open wound would be Cas :P

(Of… all the characters who’ve survived this far, Garth aside since we see him immediately after this, let’s see… Jody is a mystery. Why do they not hang out with Jody. CALL HER UP FOR A CHAT. Kevin’s on the run, Charlie said she never wanted to see them again… Who else has even survived to season 8?? … I’m already running out of returning cast members - the only other two I can think of who are even in this season from earlier times are Meg and Crowley

eeesh)

But yeah no that line seems to be another one of these Sam Winchester Harsh Truths™ considering it’s not “all  _our_  friends are dead” like in 7x22 (if I remember that line properly), but “all  _your_  friends are dead.” not that Sam has a huge social circle either, but the focus is on Sam telling Dean he’s got no one else outside of him (possibly because he’s been stewing on this since Dean took a personal day, running through the same list trying to figure it out). And of course Dean immediately gets angry about this and then has to temporarily put the phone down and take a huge angry breath… I think it was a touched nerve about Cas… Last thing he needs right now :P

* * *

> ANDREA  
> No. It’s not your fault. You never hid anything from me, Benny. I chose you. 

Honesty as the foundation of a good relationship? Doesn’t happen very often around here but hey at least she’s not resentful she got turned into a vampire because of him :P

I can’t remember exactly why she gets killed at the end but I guess because she liked being a vampire a bit too much?

* * *

> ANDREA  
> Benny, I can’t kill him… [she tucks the knife into his jacket] …none of us can. But you – you came back from the grave. You’re proof that he’s not all-powerful, that he’s not God. He’s scared of you, Benny – I know it. [She presses keys into his hand.] 
> 
> BENNY  
> You understand that I came back to burn his operation to the ground, to stop the killing. 

Throw in Benny as a Christ figure. 

Vampire Jesus come to show them a better way

(This is especially amusing as Robbie pointed out that literary Christ figure analogies just in the last episode before this… Of course there’s always Christ imagery in this show… It’s Sam’s turn this season I think, trying to sacrifice himself. And then Dean literally dies and resurrects in a dark parallel in season 9…)

* * *

There’s got to be something symbolic about Dean not listening to Sam trying to talk some sense into him about hunting alone/without Sam, and just sticking him on speaker phone to use as distraction/bait to lure a vampire

and of course the phone gets smashed in the struggle

communication problems abound!

* * *

I always liked that they cast a really young man to be Benny’s vampire “father” just because that detail all by itself is unsettling enough about the dynamic to make it interesting.

* * *

Anyway Dean then kills even MORE vampires and emerges in the hallway doing his Purgatory monster killing pose, and stomps forward down the corridor and into darkness… I’m reminded I was idly collecting moments he did that in season 6 and had like at least 3 of them giffed and was waiting for more, only I then clearly forgot all about it when I paused the rewatch and came back to it again months later, so no compilation gifset from Lizzy. 

I am the actual worst giffer in the fandom :P

* * *

> BENNY  
> Yep. And I think we both know which of our kinds kills more humans. 

This takes me back to 7x22 again - the Leviathans vs the alpha vamp and my brief thoughts on how the two of them operated with regards to killing and eating people. Like, optimally, you don’t want either of them at it, but vampires can exist in a status quo and not affect the ecosystem in the same way. If the world stays in a perpetual balance, it has Heaven, Hell and monsters doing just more of the same as they’ve always done, which means *some* humans getting eaten from time to time

But yeah vampires have already been favourably compared to not being an epidemic level threat… throw in some even more overt social commentary than the social commentary that came with the Leviathans about how terrible humans are themselves, and vampires really do see to be somehow top trumps for most ethical monster :P 

(They’re certainly most-used for shades of grey stories about monsters and humans and the bleed between - Benny serving as a main plot example, but if you look at say the way the werewolves were used last episode with Lord of the Flies references and the whole dark side of human nature/the monster inside winning kind of stuff, vampires being concerned about restraint and low-impact existence is a very different exploration of monsters…)

* * *

> BENNY  
> Look, all I’m saying is I started seeing something in humanity, okay? Something that shouldn’t be taken. I drink blood. I don’t drink people. 

*forever sad about the tragedy of Benny*

Also: obviously Cas was not eating people but more parallels with him and his rebellion and love of humanity

* * *

> BENNY  
> What does it matter what you believe? You got your head so far up your ass, Dean, you don’t even realize we’re already done for. The angel knows it. We are never gonna make it with him next to us glowing like a beacon. 

teehee Dean’s irrational need to save Cas being called out - she says smiling fondly at Edlund and how he will cram Destiel into anything - Dean’s putting getting Cas out above everything, including his own life and even perhaps any realistic chance of escape, which as I’ve said kind of could be a lot about Dean’s unhealthy approach towards saving everyone even to the bitter end with Cas just the latest example… but in the personal story between them it means so much more as this season builds up to some truly epic Destiel and even on the surface level, needs to establish their much better relationship than any time since season 5 - and how it’s grown and improved since then too. 

this episode also does a very good job showing us, without any input from Cas aside from his distraction and lack of involvement, how Cas is coming to the realisation that he has to stay behind and how he’ll do it as Benny’s line here has shown us he’s actually agreeing with an unspoken sentiment from Cas rather than just turning on Cas and telling him to go for these reasons. Things stay friendly-ish amongst Team Purgatory and they’d DON’T fall out over who stays and goes. But it all points towards Dean’s determination to save them all, rather than anything else 

I think you can see this line as “just” being used to explain Benny having a change of heart aka needing a scene to show what he was like before that moment, and the more important part was him saving Cas, especially as expressing loyalty to Dean or respecting that Dean is too valuable to lose when he offers this way out and DOES seem determined to save anyone - and extending that to Benny too makes him fight all the harder for Dean in one of those inspiring presence of the hero moments - and so it’s being used as a contrast to his later actions, since the key question is why did Dean honour his agreement with Benny and bring him back at all. But I think there is more depth to it so this line is worth looking at as more than just setting up a standard to be subverted in a minute

* * *

Hm, Sam steals a yellow car 

this is noteworthy to me because A: I mentioned yellow earlier, B: there’s a lot of yellow in the Amelia scenes I suppose to help with the glowy unreal over-saturated aesthetic (and for example she’s sitting with a cushion covered in yellow flowers)

and C: Ruby had a yellow car and since I only just realised that last year I am definitely going to mention it :P

I don’t think there’s too much to say about that parallel because there barely is one but they’re both love interests Sam kept off Dean’s radar once he was back from a year he spent ~dead~, so that’s something. :P

Ooh and the fairy episode chair is in Amelia’s room (it’s yellow-green with flowers so it makes sense they have it. Amelia seems strongly associated with flowers) I guess the flowery chair showing up in literally the last episode probably means we should have been making a Sam/Amelia parallel with the werewolf kids but I don’t spend much emotional energy on this :P

this rewatch is basically, in season 8, me trying to cobble together coherency/themes so I feel like I should be making an effort >.>

* * *

> BENNY’S MAKER  
> I suppose you coming back from the dead – well, that’s the definition of mutiny, isn’t it? 

^ Cas, re: every free pass resurrection he’s ever had but especially the season 4/5 one since that was literally the reward for rebelling :P

* * *

Okay but Benny killing that one vampire was one of the best choreographed kills on the show :P

like damn, he would have been useful to keep around

friendly vampire with those sort of moves

* * *

> BENNY  
> You just gonna sit there?   
> 
> BENNY’S MAKER  
> You’re right. I’ve been here so, so long, Benny, seen all the outcomes, all the patterns a trillion times. It all means so little. This universe is a pyramid of despair, nothing else. 

if he’s a literal God metaphor that’s pretty interesting… Especially given where we are in season 11, impatiently waiting to see if Chuck’s return brings God back into the picture or not. Either way this may end up weirdly relevant to God’s characterisation, if he turns out to have been avoiding getting involved even up to the point of his sister stomping around. I think there’s little hints about God’s characterisation around the show but not a whole lot. Stuff like the mere existence of the tablets or lines like Cas’s about it being a sorry universe engineered to create conflict are some of the main things we’ve had lately at *this* point - from Edlund’s pen too - and it’s not really until Metatron we get much about God as a character at all since the Apocalypse. I think the writers must have discussed God a little here and there over these seasons just because we get more about him and I feel like Edlund had some serious input just based on what episodes he personally went off to write - since he is responsible for both the first name drop of Metatron and his intro - so all in all I think it’s not too unreasonable to assume this might be a line of dialogue which actually isn’t a huge leap to suggest it really is maybe suggesting how they were thinking of God’s characterisation, at least in this season? He’s notably absent in a season where the conflict is based around basically post-it notes he left on the fridge with instructions for while he was out.

(It’s also a pretty grim depiction of the cyclical nature of the universe, and in-universe we have Carver era all about endlessly repeating patterns and stories, some things to the fandom waiting for change, ad nauseum…)

Anyway talking about the “universe” instead of the “world” is way too cosmic for some random vampire no matter how old he is so this line has to go deeper >.>

* * *

> BENNY’S MAKER  
> This is my story, you gnat.
> 
> BENNY  
> Get up!
> 
> BENNY’S MAKER  
> It ends the way I choose, not you.

I forgot about that comment! Story theeeme. Everyone has their own story… Free will is just the story we choose to write? Or coming from a dark God wannabe, a kind of chilling omen for Metatron, whose star will be rising soon… He and this guy both wear sweaters after all

* * *

thinking of important knives, it seems like that knife was Benny’s maker’s, or (less likely, thematically) Andrea’s… either way Benny sets it on the guy’s harpsichord or whatever they said that was, and there’s something very symbolic about having used that weapon to kill him - turning his own weapon on him. Also have him “retiring” the weapon after its done its job

* * *

Andrea wants to stay and be a vampirate. She’s been changed by their maker and this is what he was taunting Benny about before he killed him - Benny’s showing humanity, even “fell” for humanity… so the evil father figure took Andrea and changed her into a monster and she’s happy to be that. In a way this is basically the most tragic if we fast-forward to 10x22: Cas telling Dean he’ll have to watch him murder the world because he makes that same choice as Benny and ends up seeing the “humanity” he made that decision for corrupted into something monstrous in front of his eyes, hollowing out his own decision.

And of course taunting Benny about their nature is even more tragic when you consider how Benny’s story ends, with him ending up implied to be killing again to eat, and not feeling like he belongs on Earth, generally never overcoming that struggle Dean has. (And to look at 10x19, you have to wonder if Dean ever really managed to overcome it at least for the next 3 seasons… There’s less of this in season 11 so far since he’s excised the monster part of him as Amara (metaphorically) so really how that gets wrapped up determines where this theme goes for Dean from here…)

The human/monster romances in the opening of the season are extremely dark - Brick carried on killing for strength/immortality and chose to end his life rather than stop killing, so even after death his heart was still forcing people to kill (and as I was saying, that’s a perfect Mark of Cain parallel in hindsight), then the werewolf love triangle is a hot mess with them jealously fighting over each other and the strength of being a monster, before it all descends into bloody violence… Now Benny’s tragedy with Andrea is not just that she dies but that he’s philosophically lost her before that and this whole struggle of their monster natures wins out in favour of being a monster to her…

* * *

Anyway this seems vaguely reminiscent of all the stuff in 9x10 about Dean saying he’s poison and walking off 

> BENNY  
> What I loved – it ain’t here anymore. It was snuffed out a long time ago by monsters like me… like what you’ve become.
> 
> ANDREA  
> You think you’re better than me now?
> 
> BENNY  
> No. I think we’re all damned.

you know, and ending up damned :P

Also Benny is clearly left depressed and… maybe not actively feeling suicidal but definitely at loose ends after his revenge mission to “leave a smoking crater” ended up having none of the catharsis that he wanted and even a brief unexpected hope that Andrea was still alive and would be with him robbed from him. (… not going to parallel it to Dean getting Cas back and then within an episode Naomi is already making it weird. Not going to do that. nope.) We then cut to Purgatory after one of those deeply ironic uses of “you good?” as in “are you okay?” but only seems to be the phrasing when a character’s morality is on the line too… and the Leviathan drop down between them in a smoking crater, because hey why not get in one last use for them as a depression metaphor :P 

(Well, okay, 10x19 randomly had a Leviathan :P)

* * *

Ah, that flashback that exists only to show how Dean officially added Benny to Dean’s list of People Who I Will Fight For No Matter What because he saved Cas :’) Gosh I love the Purgatory Destiel… for only a few scenes over some episodes, there sure is a lot of it :P 

Dangerous things happen when Dean is allowed to focus on Cas like that. :3

* * *

Anyway then the most awkward meet the family moment ever

Sam intuits that Benny’s a vampire from touch, but also maybe just a stinking feeling about why Dean would be hiding him. The whole thing is played as slow and controlled as the way Benny killed that vampire earlier, shot by shot tracking their little movements and glances as Sam reaches for a knife after everything slows down when he touches Benny’s hand… 

There’s a huge parallel to this moment in 9x22 and Gadreel showing up, except that Dean was beyond reason and just stabbed him then and there, while Sam at least listens to Dean’s shake of the head and takes his hand off his gun or knife or whatever he was reaching for once he’s been given a look telling him to back off. 

At this point it’s played a lot more like Sam just has a huge amount of unreasonable rage that Benny is a vampire more than anything else, as soon as he realises it - Dean trying to stand in front of him all defensively before that being the last straw about Dean hiding Benny, granted. 

I wonder how much wank there was at the time that Sam is generally meant to be the more forgiving towards friendly monsters… I mean *I’m* not bothered by it since I figure the surrounding build up and all the lying etc more than explains Sam’s poor reception to this reveal. But Sam in this episode seems like something people would have got angry over :P

* * *

Anyway, if nothing else so far this rewatch 5 episodes in has convinced me that the 8x23 stuff I’ve always wrinkled my nose at, at the very least is built up pretty well in this opening to explain Sam’s jealousy and feeling of being supplanted, even BEFORE he knew about Benny. 

I guess next episode culminates in Dean laying out his grievances against Sam as well, and again just off my vague memory of them, I think Dean’s mindset has been suitably shaky and angry since he got back…

… is it possible that only knowing Cas is back and alive and well sorts Dean out? That’s literally the next episode after that, and at least as far as I recall with Dean it’s much less weird from then on out? Like, the Benny situation that causes the midseason fall out escalates from Sam’s actions which would be explained in this moment we just saw here… Not that Dean responds well, but he doesn’t kick anything off himself

Hm

I should maybe stop trying to work out this season from memory and actually watch it, since that’s helping a hell of a lot more than sitting around speculating :P


	6. 8x06

or:  Garth is not paid enough to deal with Winchester angst, honestly. 

(He’s a good soul, he does it for free. But I mean seriously, I hope they at least bought him lunch :P)

* * *

Nice simple, bloody cold open to set the scene, between a husband and a jealous wife. Cut to the Winchesters. (Also how mean is it to compare Dean n Benny to a one night prom hook up to Sam and Dean’s apparent years of happy marriage? … they aren’t even happily married if we take that parallel to their lives!)

* * *

They’re hanging out at a Rib Shack that must be an in joke or something because that same sign was in the dog episode in season 6, also by Glass. 

> DEAN  
> I caught wind of a case on this police scanner. Sounds like our kind of thing.
> 
> SAM  
> I wasn’t even gone ten minutes.
> 
> DEAN  
> Okay. That matters why?

Still with the season 1 pattern case-finding, which, now I think about it, it’s never been SUCH an issue for Sam protesting doing random jobs as in those two seasons. 

In this case I think there’s a little bit of Dean shopping around for jobs to distract Sam and because he knows even if Sam protests, he’s got a basic level of humanity that telling him there’s a case and people to save generally will get him to cooperate, so it’s probably emotional blackmail :P 

* * *

> SAM  
> I don’t know, Dean. How about because you haven’t said a word to me since Prentiss Island? And now, what? You want me to shut up and ride shotgun and act like nothing happened? 

That “shut up and ride shotgun” thing is pretty important just because how little we ever see Sam driving, and there is a theme I’ve seen some people pick up on of Dean driving to assert control as well… I mean it’s always been uncommon for Sam to drive and as early as like the second episode Dean was letting him as a reward, but this is twisting around a regular trait of their relationship - aka Sam is shotgun - and Sam using it to express his dissatisfaction with the situation and how Dean won’t talk to him

Dean, who has presumably been upset that Sam took SO badly to Benny, has presumably been sulking as well about Sam’s reaction, avoiding exactly this. He’s probably not been helping himself since lying and hiding Benny’s existence and refusing to talk about it all makes it look like he’s done something wrong or that there IS something to hide - I can’t remember why now but something in the last dozen episodes or so made me remember Sam and Ruby and wonder if there was some element of Sam suspecting the worst along those lines with Dean and Benny just because Dean conceals the relationship from Sam. What we SEE with Dean and Benny in person barely warrants any of the sneaking around except for on “don’t associate with monsters” grounds, so it’s entirely because he’s a vampire Dean hides it, and that’s all that Sam flips out about ie proving Dean’s point about hiding it to Dean’s eyes

So when Dean actually tries explaining that Benny is the one who saved him from Purgatory and that he’s an OK guy, the same conversation they could have had weeks ago like “hi I’m back this is Benny he saved me be cool he’s a vampire” is already completely unsalvageable despite the fact that Dean isn’t necessarily in the wrong over anything (like, Benny is genuinely trying to be good so far as we’ve seen) and was just being cautious about Sam finding out because of their past baggage (ie Amy Pond - grr flipping around this bro drama from last season when it weighed down the start of season 7 so much), which of course even before Sam finds out has blown it up into a huge deal

(although it’s not really said in this part, of course also confirming to Sam that Benny saved Dean from Purgatory means there’s the other side of “you should have looked for me” holding Sam to a standard for NOT doing that (despite Dean having someone who did help him out) which just ~proves~ to Sam how Benny has supplanted him) 

And then Sam challenges Dean with much the same line as Benny asked Dean last episode, directly calling back to it

> SAM  
> But you’re out now, and Benny’s still breathing. Why?
> 
> DEAN  
> He’s my friend, Sam.

And the unspoken reply to that question last episode we were shown was specifically “because Benny saved Cas” so even silently this is again putting Dean’s priorities and loyalties in a conflict… Like with choosing to stay in Purgatory to look for Cas even when he had a way out, Dean has a more complicated relationship with Benny forged over this (aka he didn’t walk off and leave Dean to find Cas but stuck with him through that whole search, even before he saved Cas he was at least going along with Dean) and while of course Sam is still important to Dean, Dean having a complex inner life and relationship with other people who aren’t Sam, all this stuff Tea Purgatory went through and how they relate to each other is not something Sam can understand or relate to, or something Sam knows very much about at all, and it puts Dean at odds with Sam where when Dean won’t even express 90% of the stuff going on with him to HIMSELF, no wonder he can’t explain it to Sam - he also says Sam doesn’t understand anything about Purgatory and hasn’t tried to have a heart to heart about it, probably because it’s such a huge and scarring experience he hasn’t found a way to express it to himself yet - I mean he’s wandering around with false memories of it and having vivid flashbacks still…

Then proving that old arguments never die

> SAM  
> And what about my friend, Amy? She was what? ‘Cause you sure as hell didn’t have a problem ganking her.
> 
> DEAN  
> Well, I guess people change, don’t they? We let that werewolf Kate go, didn’t we?

The Amy thing they even supposedly wrapped up but with Sam coming to meet Dean’s POV, not Dean admitting there can be monsters worth protecting and so this is gift wrapped for Sam to dig up the argument again and press his case. Dean argues he’s actually been through character growth, citing sources, and of course he wasn’t scoring points or anything to let Kate go, or doing it because he wanted Sam to see he was having second thoughts about all monsters being terrible before bringing up the subject of Benny or anything… he just genuinely felt like she might have a chance - yes because he was hoping the same for Benny, but he was hoping that because he’s now had a chance to get to know a monster and realised they can have the potential to be good and stay in touch with their human side… I don’t think Dean can admit he was wrong but he can admit he thinks differently now, while somehow still making it into an argument >.> Can’t let Sam actually be right, so…

> DEAN  
> Yeah. I got a vampire buddy, and you turn your phone off for a year. 

Aka: “let’s keep arguing for a few more weeks we’re not done with this yet”

* * *

Bonus points: “had to do what you had to do” Sam accuses Dean of getting out of Purgatory, so he knows that’s a thing they say all the time, except in this case it actually *wasn’t* a “did what I had to do” because Dean didn’t feel like he was making a morally compromising sacrifice in that same way the phrase is used so many times, Sam’s just applying it to him based on when they DO use it that way

* * *

Dean says the first possessed lady doesn’t even remember what she did - does Dean remember what the spectre made him say? Considering the trumped up charges the other kill for, how much do Dean’ grievances count? Obviously he wouldn’t kill Sam over them any day of the week, but the prom date from decades ago, really… Hm. Dean *is* good at holding a grudge though. I mean he remembered the cake instead of pie thing for the ENTIRE of season 7

* * *

Anyway then Garth happens

> GARTH  
> Bobby was gone. You two were MIA. It was a weird time. Somebody had to step in and take up the slack. All right. Let’s just get back to work, and we’ll talk about this later, all right? [He walks away.] 

There’s a weird implication that Sam and Dean should have taken after Bobby and become the hub of the hunter community - and maybe even that they had been helping out some way since their loss was felt. We know they do keep some contacts who we never hear about/see on screen (like how long did they know Rudy before he showed up??), but all in all it seems like the Worst Idea Ever to make the Winchesters, source of like, every apocalypse for the last few years, anything like a reliable hub of information like Bobby. Glass wrote the first Krissy episode, which implied strongly, again, that the Winchesters were and remained out of the loop with the hunter community to the point where Dean learning extra info about vetalas had never ever been shared with anyone - like, not even Sam - but that same dialogue implied John had been in the loop and shared info with other hunters like this. We tend to see Sam and Dean being extremely isolated and bad at communication in every sense of the word, so while I like to think, for example, the fact we now know Sam’s digitising the MoL archive or they do know people to send on cases they don’t feel like doing (I think Dean suggested that as recently as 11x17) they’re not a Bobby-like hub and I don’t think they’re suited to it, tbh :P Garth is much more suited, personality wise, and he seems to have been gaining a lot of experience since season 6 when he was clearly a noob  :P

* * *

Sam tries to talk down the case as nothing and Dean is forced to take Garth’s side that it might be real just to continue forcing Sam to work it. But Garth’s true power is uniting Sam and Dean against Garth by doing all the things like annoying ringtones and tasting ectoplasm - despite the fact they’re fighting, Sam and Dean are joined at the shoulder through this, watching it all like a horror show

I like to think Garth showing up generally is done to unite them although even if he’s strongly associated with dropping into the middle of brother strife, it doesn’t always work… 9x12 I seem to recall ended on a really terrible note.

* * *

Dean pauses the investigation for them to all go get food - he eats his Nth burger since he got back. Despite 9x23 I never realised just HOW much burgers were linked to Dean and humanity. 

Garth starts asking him where he was for the past year while he’s trying to eat and Dean initially doesn’t want to get into it. Uncomfortable memories of Purgatory dragged up as he’s eating his food he associates with being back, rejecting or moving on from that side of himself he exposed in Purgatory

* * *

“The one in Miami”

… Never gets old

* * *

Garth asks how Dean got out of Purgatory & Sam in the background of the scene puffs up looking at Dean like “YEAH how DID it happen, Dean?!” since he’s only just told Sam that Benny was even involved, without elaborating. I’m not sure Sam ever gets a play by play of the events even next episode? We’re only one episode away from finding out just how much trauma Dean is carrying from getting out - there’s been an emphasis on the mystery of how exactly that occurred but even with Dean deflecting all the time, I think you NEED the hindsight to see and understand how much Dean is messed up by losing Cas at the last moment, even with that one glimpse of the memory before then.

And then the whole thing with Dean guessing Garth has a history with the tooth fairy shows us immediately Garth having some traumatic experience in HIS past that he doesn’t want to talk about, paralleling his apparent trauma with Dean’s as Dean deflects from not wanting to talk about something.

* * *

> DEAN  
> So, first the mom goes “Natural Born Killer,” and now the son? Well, what do we got – a ghost with an Oedipus complex? [SAM looks at him.] I don’t know what that means. 

We have Dean on at least 3 counts of referencing the Classics I can remember just off the top of my head, one of them with a “hey I read” after the latest one in 11x04, so I’m inclined to believe that Dean does know what that is and plays stupid in front of Sam (Ugh, Sam’s surprised reactions to Dean showing non-standard “Dean” knowledge indirectly policing how Dean chooses to show his intelligence >.>), even if I’m not entirely sure how accurate this reference is aside from the mother & son connection thing. Of course I haven’t even read much/any of the Classics but know them through second hand pop culture absorption and plot summaries when they come up in other media I’ve actually studied and so had all the references explained to me… Dean would be more than capable of knowing all these references without any study depending on what films he’s watched… But we also know Dean is way more book smart than he lets on - which is… at all - and the fact he feels he needs to deflect about this rather than assuming it’s common knowledge…

* * *

Anyway then Dean gets outright hostile about Garth wearing Bobby’s hat. Aside from anything else, this may be the first time Dean’s actually thought properly about Bobby since they burned his flask - Sam was considerably less busy over the last year with plenty of self-reflection time, while Dean was non-stop survival mode until he got back. I guess enough time has passed he’s nearly out of that mindset - he’s way less jumpy than the first few episodes of the season - so Garth showing up with this reminder of Bobby is especially upsetting for Dean as he has to process the way others are mourning Bobby and paying their respects, at the same time as having to really address his own sadness about Bobby for the first time in a year, and process existing in a post-Bobby world 

Like, this is the non-supernatural way of seeing a ghost I guess 

Also considering all I said about Dean and Bobby as parallels and Bobby’s vengeful arc paralleling a hell of a lot of Dean’s upcoming stuff, I suppose it’s fitting that this reminder comes in the same episode that Dean “goes vengeful” … I wrote a very long meta once about Dean as a vengeful ghost and I think it would need a ton more nuance even than I included based off the stuff I’ve been picking up on in this rewatch, but this episode did actually form the foundation to that meta. Essentially I argued Dean metaphorically comes back from Purgatory as a vengeful ghost, and Carver era has/had while I was writing it in late season 10 been all focussed on this arc for Dean’s side of things… I’m not sure I’d still apply this metaphor now in season 11, but 8-10 definitely. 

(Maybe now I feel it’s mostly done and dusted it’s time to drag that meta out and refine it >.>)

* * *

Aah, Sam/Amelia flashback out of nowhere

They seem to be paralleled to the lady Sam just interviewed - naughty prom date, that would be Sam - and the married couple from the cold open - Don/Amelia. Sam getting that same sense of intruding, since this is where Amelia first mentions that she’d been married before. And of course it’s that sense of intruding that finally caused Sam to leave when Don came back, out of respect to the relationship where they felt like they’d been together forever. Prom Date Lady saying or implying she didn’t stand a chance against the childhood sweethearts is what hits Sam hardest I think

* * *

*cheers Garth on for pointing out Bobby meant something to everyone* It’s a further reminder of how the hunting community is much bigger than the Winchesters - and perhaps of their own isolation within it as Dean is struggling to understand that Bobby wasn’t just for them, even if he grew to be family. As with many things I blame John Winchester, since 2x03 made it pretty clear he kept Sam and Dean isolated - even when Dean was hunting alone as an adult and John was still alive. I am assuming even if over 8 years a lot of faces must have changed - I mean Lilith killed off a ton of hunters in 4x02 never mind regular job hazards - Sam and Dean remain isolated and don’t make close contacts as easily or have a good concept of how other people have working rather than family - but still strong - relationships. Since the root cause is John keeping them isolated and uninformed as kids, their ongoing habit and poor concepts of certain types of relationship are… kind of his fault :P

* * *

Garth doing civil war reenactments vs Charlie LARPing in 4 episodes time… 

Not sure what the point but definitely Garth’s random knowledge helps solve the case in this scenario

* * *

At the police station after the next death there’s a blood-splattered burger on the desk

considering what else I’ve typed about burgers this episode that’s pretty ominous :P I’ll take it as just a sign Dean is next up to be possessed since nothing too drastic happens with him otherwise in… like the entire season, although I guess if vengeance is ruining him just being able to eat burgers in peace… I’m thinking of 8x14 where he gets to make burgers in their kitchen and then before he even has a bite Kevin calls with info on the trials and they’re yanked away on a mission pretty much motivated by spite against Crowley…

* * *

Dean lumps Sam and Garth on a research project together, Garth says no one’s listening when Sam and Dean talk (miscomunication theme again) and Sam humorously doesn’t listen to Garth in order to flashback to Amelia, and actually having her tell her to forget what she said, and him saying he wants to listen

communication = healthy relationship

8x08 = “talk to me” between Dean and Cas

got it ;)

* * *

> LIBRARIAN   
> Corporal Collins of the Union shot and killed his brother, Vance, who fought for the Confederacy. Local boys. [We see a photograph of VANCE in the book.]
> 
> SAM   
> Wait, so two brothers fought on opposite sides of the Civil War?
> 
> LIBRARIAN   
> Legend has it that Vance swore vengeance on his brother with his dying breath. Years later – consumed by guilt, no doubt – the corporal dug his brother up where he’d buried him on the battlefield and brought him home.

Wow I’m sure THAT’s not like a METAPHOR or something

(I’m amused by Dean being like “we won” to the unknown soldier when they burn the bones - taking sides in the war themselves. Idk if that makes Dean the north & Sam the south or if it’s a broader thing like these brothers fought to the point of killing each other but Sam and Dean are on a “winning” side aka this is a dark mirror that lost the war and killed each other and they’re specifically disavowing their association with these brothers even before the parallel emerges… The whole thing about this being a border state & the brothers taking opposite sides also speaks into wider themes of duality/ self-determination but I studied literally a one week module on the American Civil War in my entire life so I’m super not qualified to talk about this any more than I have :P)

* * *

Anyway then Dean confronts the spectre - and responds threatening-flirtily to his interest in Dean’s anger

(obviously not strictly bi!Dean evidence, but obviously so much has been written about him in threatening situations acting straight - this is the other side of the coin (beg the pun considering how the spectre is travelling :P) where he defuses threatening situations by making them gay when the spectre gets all up in his face)

* * *

> DEPUTY KARL   
> Here. Have a taste.
> 
> He presses the penny into DEAN’s palm.

hey look it another belated Mark of Cain/First Blade parallel

* * *

belated? pre-emptive?

idk

point is Dean goes running off to kill his brother the moment he’s hit with the spectre’s anger because that’s the big story of the SPN universe that they embody

* * *

ANYWAY here’s “you should have looked for me in Purgatory” and one of these moments:

> SAM   
> Come on, Dean. I know it’s not you in there pulling the strings.
> 
> DEAN   
> Shut up!

power of twu love being the only thing to break mind control in Carver era aside, this also goes with their gross miscommunication issues, where Dean just dismisses Sam’s attempt to talk to him… This is very much the flipside of the opening scene conversation

> DEAN   
> Shut up! [to GARTH, who makes a move towards his belt for a weapon] Don’t! [to SAM] You never even wanted this life. Always blamed me for pulling you back into it.
> 
> SAM   
> That’s not true.
> 
> DEAN   
> Really? 'Cause everything you’ve ever done since you climbed into my ride has been to deceive me.

Sam says back then that Dean wants him to “shut up and ride shotgun” when Dean won’t talk to him about Benny, so here Dean makes his own reference to Sam’s place in the car (aka at this point their home), and ties it to him lying to Dean instead of Dean refusing to talk to Sam. As I’ve been saying with this season mirroring season 1 in some aspects, this is referring to the first episode, but despite how Sam left Amelia willingly, his conflict has still been wanting a normal life - the college application, talking about finding Kevin and then being done - and so that same thing that hurt Dean all through season 1 (I’m thinking “Shadow” especially where Sam was like “and then I can go back to  being a real person”) is back on the table.

Dean goes on to list those major incidents of Sam lying, 2 of those being things from when Sam had no soul so they can’t strictly count as decisions Sam made to lie. One of the things is really actually the conspiracy to keep Dean retired with Lisa for as long as possible, which soulless!Sam, Bobby and Cas were all complicit in… (guess he’s the last one standing on that for now) The other is literally just not having a soul… Of course these are really “times Dean was hurt by Sam/actions relating to Sam” and to go back to how much of a non-threat the prom night hook up was to their marriage this is like the cold open couple, these old wounds have been twisted around from Dean’s, I suppose, general anger that they happened and that things are always terrible, into throwing in more reasons to blame Sam. The Ruby thing is probably the only one he’s fully justified to be angry at Sam for in the sense of Sam - as mostly himself - actively lying and going behind Dean’s back, but I suppose the other stuff is thrown in for flavour because there needs to be a sense that Dean has been feeling wronged and angry throughout their relationship during the run of the show, so picking up just the one thing from season 4, half the length of the show ago, doesn’t have the sense of a pattern so much as picking something from 4, 6 and throwing in the new grievance from 8 (and of course alluding to Sam taking forever to tell dean about the visions until he had no other choice back in season 1)

* * *

I bet Garth has no idea about their actual historical issues like I wonder how much actually makes it through the grapevine. He has to have heard about some of this stuff via rumours

I’m imagining Garth chilling with some even gruffer, larger hunters than the Winchesters, listening to second hand horror stories about them and all “Naaaw they’re lovely guys when you get to know ‘em!”

* * *

Anyway of course his presence in this episode is to defuse a fight that literally would have ended in Sam’s death without him there

Sam isn’t helping by bringing up Benny because oh my god don’t poke Dean when he’s already possessed by an angry rage spirit Sam

I guess that’s actually confirmation that Sam IS thinking of Benny as a Ruby figure to Dean - again, see Dean’s sketchiness over Benny vs Sam’s sketchiness over Ruby 

Dean also has that line

> DEAN   
> Benny has been more of a brother to me this past year than you’ve  _ever_  been! That’s right. Cas let me down. You let me down. The only person that hasn’t let me down is Benny. 

interesting to go with 8x23 which I think is the only other time all 4 of them are lumped into one sentence comparing their value as brothers - like I said whatever Destiel stuff goes on, the 8x23 line is Sam’s POV on Cas and Benny as rival brothers, and so this line is essential to set up for Sam’s response in 8x23. 

Also Cas is coming back next episode to answer to all these accusations… I think Dean may be speaking broadly about Cas dating back to the season 6 betrayal here, but this is all based on Cas being dead and the memory he leaves behind - gaining Cas’s perspective on Purgatory changes Dean’s opinion and he offers trust and care to Cas over 8x08 and the nature of their later arguments ending up all about Cas *leaving* not letting Dean down, this doesn’t become their story for the season and for the most part bygones are bygones with Dean and Cas, and all the Gamble era stuff stays in said era :P

So yeah I am pretty sure that line is about the season-long Sam and Dean fight not so much Dean and Cas - he’s thrown in there as an example as another relationship Dean’s had that was that good, but it ended badly as far as Dean knows right now and plus he’s misappropriating blame on Sam for things Sam hasn’t done so if Dean is angry (because the spectre) that Cas “let go” in Purgatory then it’s all blown up here too. 

* * *

Garth also tries talking Dean out of it and fails just for the record, since he has to resort to punching Dean to fix the problem :P

* * *

Aaah Dean’s wearing the maroon shirt after they clean up and are saying goodbye to Garth

Is this the first appearance? I feel like I’d remember screaming about it

He had a maroon shirt in season 1 although I’m not sure it’s the exact same one. Of course given the later associations with demon!Dean and especially with 10x03 where he comes after Sam verbally and physically with many of the same grievances - but digging even deeper - this shirt starts its Carver era associations on a great note, being seen immediately after a blow up of such epic proportions :P

* * *

Also: Dean showing growth and maturity even within the episode, and giving Garth back Bobby’s hat and respecting his way of mourning Bobby etc

I do like season 8 Dean :’)

however Garth also gives him advice on moving on and not becoming a vengeful spirit, which considering this is one of the strongest metaphors applied to Dean over the next few seasons is blatantly ignored 

* * *

Oooh there’s so much of this episode left because another Sam/Amelia flashback

Aside from the strong association with golden yellow/orange, and flowers, Amelia has a heart locket necklace, which is a Mary thing

How do they keep hooking up with Mary mirrors

* * *

I guess this is the response for the whole “you ditched me for a girl” thing with it being blatantly obvious how Sam and Amelia are helping each other cope with loss etc so offering that insight on why Sam didn’t look/how he felt about Dean’s death which to him made it something final and how he was trying to cope with it as Dean being gone rather than Dean’s death just being something to solve or fix - all that emphasis on him fixing stuff and looking after Riot again showing what Sam CAN cope with in this time and what he did instead

* * *

(I mean, Dean rebuilds the car while coping with loss… twice… you’d think he’d understand :P I guess Sam never shares any of this because ARGH communication)

* * *

Further on the “ARGH communication” theme: Sam shares who Amelia was but then gets angry about what Dean said in like the same sentence - like with arguing with Dean over the car in the opening and Dean doubling down on wanting to keep arguing, Sam is far from done with this about Benny

> SAM   
> Own up to your crap, Dean. I told you from the jump where I was coming from, why I didn’t look for you. 

Again, miscommunication, as Sam clearly didn’t explain it well enough to Dean because he’s been holding back so much he didn’t even share her name until now, in anger, and Dean didn’t ask for clarification in a friendly way from the start but immediately got worked up about it as an abandonment and Sam’s terrible priorities so the stuff from the last flashback, even if Sam tried to express it, just didn’t make it through. Sam thinks he was clear when explaining it in 8x01 but that’s not actually what happened and they don’t understand each other at all

Dean also says he doesn’t remember what he said which echoes the opening where he was saying it about the wife.

And of course the last echo from the opening argument is Sam threatening to be the one to kill Benny as if he’d be pleased to do it

(I can’t remember if these stakes are explicitly stated in the one where they fall out over Benny and Amelia properly, but I feel like that would be useful context to remember for Dean’s much-criticised decisions in that episode)

* * *

Anyway that’s enough of that argument… the next episode is an honest to god Cas episode and I suspect based on trends of how many people seem to peek inside these rewatches and leave likes or comment I am wasting a lot of breath here but the big Destiel or plot episodes somehow draw a lot more attention :P

(1 note for the werewolf episode all week is an all-time low for this rewatch. Yikes. People do not like the start of season 8)


	7. 8x07

Or: [fucking longing retcon ruining everyone’s lives I mean really](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/tagged/pining-not-praying)

* * *

Okay mine specifically

HEY this is where the pining thing starts too when I just made it my tag for lols picking a synonym that had alliteration with praying and then as everyone delved into the theory the pines in this episode were connected to the ongoing theme of Dean pining and then 11x11 was like “LOL PINING” so the longing/pining thing all came full circle and okay it started in 10x10 but 8x07 is the first time it’s seriously in action

* * *

I mean thinking of comparing 10x10 (because I mean it is Buckleming and they do reference themselves), this opening bit where Dean is driving along and sees Cas at the side of the road is like the reverse of Cas strolling after Claire in his car

He was seeking her out because of HER longing to talk to Cas and it was kind of agreed both of them (secretly or not) did want to find and talk to the other 

here Dean is whooshing along alone in the car (I think specifically so they don’t have to deal with Sam in the scene :P) NOT looking for Cas, but his longing calls out to him anyway, and Cas is the one walking aimlessly along the side of the road, managing to appear in proximity to Dean despite the fact he’s a moving target and doesn’t think there’s a chance he’d actually have Cas drop in on him, but that apparently doesn’t stop him low key wanting Cas there all the time anywy

thinking of things happening because they happen, of course this explanation that Cas was between worlds a bit or taking a while to fully manifest or whatever the hell he says in a bit is blatantly just here to cause Dean to have “visions” of Cas: it’s adding extra crap to the episode (as with the Longing Retcon - Cas could have just said he was an angel so he found her. It’s not like Claire was at all warded in any way shape or form) and in this case the dramatic effect they wanted was Dean having these sightings of Cas and being tortured by his presence. We all saw Dean drop out of Purgatory A-okay, and there’s not exactly a precedent on the show for what happens to angels when they’re yanked out of Purgatory and dropped back on Earth, ergo this entire process is a construct for dramatic effect and that effect was tormenting Dean with Cas :P

… I suppose that might have been a given but this episode is understandably talked over to death so I’m trying to find a new angle here

* * *

… And Dean is trying to find an angel there :P

* * *

I’ll always have a fond spot for the music choice here - apparently The Animals’ “We Gotta Get Out of This Place” 

> ♪ We got to get out of this place ♪
> 
> ♪ If it’s the last thing we ever do ♪
> 
> ♪ We got to get out of this place ♪

Well, that’s Purgatory right there… The first line is even delivered just over a shot of the tops of the trees, making a direct association between these two forested locations

> ♪ Girl, there’s a better life for me and you ♪
> 
> ♪ mm, yeah ♪
> 
> ♪ My little girl, you’re so young and pretty ♪

And that last line is where Dean sees Cas 

Like 

Cas is “Girl” in this scenario there’s no 2 ways about it :P

(This episode’s director literally just popped in to do this one and apparently hasn’t come back since which is a shame)

* * *

Also what is with bears in this episode? The kid who got snatched in the cold open was snatched in a loo with a bear paw print on the door, and then there’s the bear holding the sign…

* * *

> SAM  
> You look like you’ve s– well, I was gonna say, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” but you’d probably be stoked. Uh, you okay? 

Heh, I was just saying that there’s more than one way to be a ghost on this show in the last rewatch

Dean’s response is the most “eeeeh” I’ve ever heard him say he’s okay >.>

I think he actually WANTS Sam to bother him about it (he’s fully ready to unload about seeing Cas the second time it happens), but Sam just distracts him with a case

hey I said at some point Sam would break his streak of not engaging and be the one to suggest a case. He and Dean seem in a remarkably good mood with each other considering how they left off last episode, so I’m guessing a fair amount of time has gone by, and/or Sam has specifically been looking for demon-y stuff assuming it is tied to Crowley and/or Kevin so he’s feeling good about this lead being exactly what it is, so supposedly being the last thing he needs to do before he’s free to go live a normal life, while I guess Dean is just happy Sam is engaging with the job and hoping it will convince Sam that he’s enjoying himself/good at it 

tbh maybe I should only stop counting when Sam is the one to find a non-plot MotW?

* * *

Pfft excessive bloody torture when we cut to Crowley with Samandiriel:

> CROWLEY  
> They’ll be what – put out? I’m quaking, really. The power grid is so whacked out in Heaven, they don’t even know you’re not there. So, on the count of thee… one, two… 

I think this is the first reference we have to Heaven being actively weakened as a whole… Which is weird coming before the Fall since it was obvious after that Heaven was damaged, and I don’t recall any mentions of Heaven being damaged in any way before (this aside, apparently) except for in sheer numbers of angels who’ve been killed when it’s referenced that Heaven is not doing so well. It’s almost like Buckleming jump the gun with a season 9-10-11 theme 

I mean I think we’ve already had the line about it being chaos in Heaven because of what Cas did, but the implication the structure of Heaven is damaged is weird to see here

* * *

> MRS TRAN  
> What, and keep living in rat-infested hovels and running from cursed creatures? This is no life! 

Interesting that while Sam and Dean squat in cabins and abandoned houses when they need to be off the grid - and one time, somehow, in an abandoned motel - Kevin and Linda have been staying in churches and abandoned businesses. This seems to be a diner. Sam and Dean sort of make a home of this lifestyle, while for the Trans picking places no one would live or even normally sleep in at any time for them sort of doubles down on their vagrant lifestyle, since the Winchesters over there are busy making it look cool

* * *

anyway terrible secondhand mom embarrassment from Linda 

* * *

Actually terrible secondhand embarrassment from Sam muttering the exorcism under his breath and trying to pass it off as a normal thing

guys this is literally what “Christo” was for and there’s maybe like 3 points in the show where you actually would use it like it was used in that one episode 

*sighs because the show buried this so deeply* it usually almost never matters despite general fandom complaints about it never being used again because of the way they interact with demons from basically then onwards - either they don’t know until it’s too late, or they just know what they’re supposed to be looking for - but in these RARE OCCASIONS having a 1 word “is that a demon” test would be real handy

You literally could have been like “hi i’m special agent Christo” and seen what happened

pfft

* * *

Uh anyway then Dean is doing late night research while being haunted by the ghost of his ex-husband

* * *

this episode is a rollercoaster

* * *

Good old gothic trope of storms and disturbed sleep (you KNOW he’s been messed up about seeing Cas which is why he’s even awake in the first place) and seeing your dead lover in the window but when you get closer it’s just your own reflection and the pouring rain

* * *

Ugh and then they just go for the whole “you’re seeing things” idea whole heartedly. Dean opens up about it and doesn’t lie after getting a second look and confirming he is even hallucinating this specific thing… And then he actually is open and emotional about losing Cas, maybe because it’s the middle of the night during a storm and this is a mess even for Dean so he just… shares. And shares and shares and shares. Considering how the whole last episode was about miscommunication causing arguments, I’d even wonder if Sam would feel more kindly towards Dean, temporarily until the blow up fight about Benny, just because Dean was open here about Cas and Sam would feel let in for the first time in ages - and it has been Dean’s trauma about Cas and Purgatory messing him up in no small part so he’s really unloading some of the main sticking points here… Generally 8x07 and 8x08 come across as a reasonably good happy truce between the fights (do they come up at all??) so I wonder if Dean finally giving in and opening up about how terrible he feels about Cas precipitates this?

I mean admittedly because there’s no time for drama as they need Cas back in the flesh by the 15 minute mark, so they can’t have a whole blown up drama about Dean not telling Sam he’s having visions

\- which, hey. Again with the season 1 parallels. I’m sure if you dig into my tag for this episode there’s that gifset paralleling the direct reference to Dean seeing Cas on the side of the road to Sam seeing Jess as part of his visions in … Bloody Mary, I think. So this literally was a do-over on a season 1 argument?

* * *

Purgatory flashback! \o/

*takes a long break before they do the shoulder touch thing*

* * *

Benny is the one telling Cas he’s a “broken record” for trying to talk them out of saving him, I guess after the last flashbacks now fully committed, like Dean, to saving all of Team Purgatory

…

it occurs to me he does not ask what happened to Cas

like

ever

but 8x01 would have been a good start, like, hey, thanks for resurrecting me, where’s the angel?

(”Oh don’t you start with that”)

* * *

God dammit when will my stomach stop flipping from random shoulder touches?

* * *

confirmed: I still ship the thing

* * *

Oh no, Cas looking so sad and conflicted about Dean absolutely refusing to give up on him. :( Especially when Dean moves away and we’re left with a last lingering look from Cas

got to figure out how to ditch your boyfriend without making it too obvious

or giving him lasting trauma about failing you >.>

* * *

([I’m flippant just because I’ve spent so mUCH energy on Cas in Purgatory I can’t work up all those thoughts again when I’ve already written them down](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/98410596963/campchitaquamemories-elizabethrobertajones) :P)

(I’m fairly sure that or the Charlie and Dean vs fairies meta was the one I wrote while taking codeine but I think I managed to get my point across…)

* * *

Anyway it’s the pantomime round! He’s behind you! 

(Wow I miss/missed/will always miss the sound of Cas’s wings)

* * *

“Hello, Dean”

* * *

OH they’re FLOWERS on the wall of the motel

listen I have always watched A: shitty streams or B: seen this in smol gifs

I thought they were atoms >.>

* * *

This makes considerably more sense given the themes

and Amelia’s motel room being all flowery

and here’s Dean’s main love interest back with him :P

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> Yes. [There is a long pause.] Oh. I’m dirty.
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah, well, Purgatory will do that to you.

I’ve always thought these lines were really significant

maybe not just for Purgatory but how Dean sees it. He describes it as “bloody” for example and he was extremely covered in fake blood while there :P But also just the contrast between one world and the other, human and monster… Dean getting himself dirty there was descending into being that dark primal version of himself… Not sure that directly reflects on Cas - that Cas being so dirty was the sign of something else, his despair or sense of giving up, I guess… (There must be plenty of meta anyway about him at the river washing his face, but I always took that as a purifying gesture in of itself… but there’s also him making a really futile attempt to get clean before meeting Dean for the first time and putting on a brave face about Dean wanting to save him etc) He has a “back in the fight” moment of restoring his old “uniform” including fixing the trenchcoat and presenting himself to Dean when he’s ready - but anyway this is revealing how Dean thinks/felt about Purgatory

* * *

> BENNY  
> Aren’t you guys all about faith?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Not particularly.
> 
> BENNY  
> Oh, ye of frigging little faith.

Obviously the irony of Cas saying that is a Thing (it’s been his Thing since 5x16 and to glance ahead at future Buckleming episodes since they seem to really like this, Cas has that moment in the church in 9x03, and was grim about God helping them in 11x03, and Lucifer echoed the sentiment via Cas’s face in 11x18…) but I kind of really like that Benny made that assumption about Dean & Cas as a couple, probably *because* Dean’s been running around Purgatory obsessing about his guardian angel all year and displayed massive amounts of personal faith in Cas, and I guess for someone who hasn’t seen the distinction like how we’ve seen Dean & Cas’s faith shatter, Benny’s come to some well-intentioned but totally wrong assumptions just because Cas is an angel

because he’s been seeing the faith Dean has in  _Cas_

* * *

Okay no Dean and Benny really do share blood for like 10 seconds before Dean does the spell

I was totally justified in suspecting that could have made Dean into a vampire :P

* * *

So uh, not to totally ruin the tone, but Sam’s just watched Cas go into the bathroom, Dean rotate on the spot to watch him go, and then zone out for like 3 minutes episode time while Cas was in the shower :P

* * *

Dean expresses some valid concern he won’t know was legit a Huge Problem until 8x17 around about the time Cas backhands him across the room for the first time. He blames his instinct on guessing something’s wrong by how much he REMEMBERS about leaving Purgatory. Cas will by the end of the episode tell Dean he remembers wrong about some details, somehow these two events in this episode have always struck me - thanks to this phrasing:

> DEAN  
> I remember every second of leaving that place. […] and he says he has no idea how he got out? I – I’m just not buying it. 

\- as being really tuned to make Dean look like an unreliable narrator (for obvious reasons) so his concern about how Cas got out isn’t treated seriously? Even though we meet Naomi this episode, so we might have concerns, for Dean I always felt like it cancelled out?

…. I may be entirely wrong about this and discover as much as I rewatch properly but I don’t remember Dean ever making an effort to find out what was wrong with Cas or Sam picking up on that concern and treating it as a valid problem, and my instinct has always been the end of this episode chased them off investigating

* * *

Anyway Cas cleans up nicely

The whole… boner thing… seems so involuntary because Dean was so concerned about Cas a moment before, like, he seems genuinely shocked and taken aback that Cas’s physical appearance even affects him - like even the most surface level-y reading ignoring years of fandom squawking we’ve engaged in over this, Cas shows up looking like his old self and Dean is some sort of surprised and pleased to have Cas back like Dean remembered him, and the “better?” is challenging Dean to have an opinion on how Cas looks before and after… I suppose if the subject is how Cas is doing - when Dean has been raising all these concerns about him and how he got back - then Cas presenting his default normal self to Dean is also trying to answer his concerns (He can hear them talking in the other room of course >.> 8x17 does seem to be trying to “answer” this episode in many ways)

And then the whole contrast with Sam just smiling, pleased to see Cas seeming normal after all this time, while Dean is like, personally victimised by this or something :P

* * *

okay but that last nod from Dean

* * *

Anyway I guess all the classic Buckleming was saved for the Delta character >.> I feel bad for Ms Tran also, seeing as she comes off incredibly bitchy to her in turn as they snark back and forth about “hookers”

at least Linda gets to have an awesome moment catching a demon literally more than twice her size

* * *

So it turns out Cas smiling fondly at the TV is a million times worse after season 11

I am confiscating his TV privileges 

> CASTIEL  
> I missed television. 

(ACTUALLY I spent all that time talking about Dean vs technology when he got back and he was shown to be having a huge amount of trouble adapting to technology in their lives… I know he does his TV watching off-screen mostly through the show but I wonder if he took a long time to start watching it again… This is contrasting his return to Cas’s and showing Cas happy to engage in TV and stuff from this world - human things - with almost a greater connection than Dean had… Cas and TV is blatantly a thematic thing in Carver era even just looking at 8x07 and 8x08 together, never mind where we go from here…)

* * *

> SAM  
> Uh, how is Kevin a prophet if Chuck is a prophet?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> I’m not sure what happened to Chuck, but, um… he must be dead.

Ooooh boy

I mean I don’t think anyone has FORGOTTEN this exchange while we discuss Chuck for season 11, but as far as I recall season 7 didn’t actually *mention* Chuck in relation to the whole prophet thing? They accepted that Kevin was a prophet and knew what they were dealing with because of Chuck but here comes the first thing that shakes up any canon about Chuck since season 4-5… Obviously him disappearing is a huge neon sign something’s up, but here it’s lampshaded but unanswered that Chuck was different from Kevin and sets up these strict rules which prove there’s something different about Chuck, and the more new canon they introduce the more different Chuck gets… And there are other hints like how Metatron writes the story… All enough plausible deniability until Chuck shows up again in 10x05 at which point this line pays off.

I *think* they’ve all been writing under the vague assumption Chuck was god, but it’s Robbie and Buckleming who have done all the heavy lifting here as far as I can recall and they’re both season 7 newbies (that racist truck incident aside). Probably actually gives THEM plausible deniability :P 

(I mean there’s still plenty of room to keep Chuck as the vessel or whatever else of God but it’s clear he’s operating on a different level from Kevin by season 10)

* * *

Oh my god Dean reacting to Cas casually standing too close for the first time in ages. It’s not just the way he looks him up and down. It’s the way he JUMPS when Cas walks into his space

I don’t know why that’s so amusing except that it is. Dean’s still feeling really weird about him being here not because he doesn’t care but I think he’s actually kind of freaked out by Cas’s existence

maybe he doesn’t want to bump shoulders with him yet because he’s still getting over him even being here… I seem to recall he’s happy to touch Cas’s shoulder in a bit when he’s worried about him (I think I’m thinking of the same episode?? They touch shoulders a lot this season :/)

* * *

Anyway while Dean is utterly distracted by Cas’s presence, Cas is motivated to get up and stop watching TV because Sam mentioned Crowley, and so Cas too seems to be motivated by revenge/spite/what have you, and as I’ve been discussing way too much for Sam and Dean, these are their terrible motivations to get stuff done this season. 

(Cas occupies a weird space between them: he’s motivated by Crowley rage here, which is Sam’s motivation, but 8x08 of course he’s Team Dean with just wanting to be a hunter so he expresses an interest in just doing the job for the job’s sake, and that’s Dean’s stance this season… (To compare to season 1, which Sam & Dean’s stances are from, I talked a lot in season 1 about how Dean’s attitude to the job was mirrored by Cas and his need for a mission/how he was introduced as an angel and his season 4 arc mirroring Dean in season 1… taking us back to season 1 themes kind of lets Cas and Dean overlap on this?) 

And of course Cas is really deflecting from his MAIN motivation all the time about his own personal redemption, which is what the entire Naomi and then Metatron arc is about from Cas’s perspective)

* * *

Wait does Kevin think his mom is dead from THIS episode until like 9x14?? No way 

when does she even disappear… is it just she’s put somewhere off-screen? I think Kevin makes some excuse like she was distracting and then she’s just off-screen and at some point he gets the impression she’s been captured and killed??

I feel like I need to look up what episodes she was in now >.>

(apparently nothing for another season and a bit until 9x14 so she does just drop off the radar after this.)

* * *

For some reason this is the worst transition into a Purgatory flashback ever with Sam and Dean making awkward conversation about why they’re waiting for Linda in the middle of nowhere while Cas sits squinting silently in the back seat of the car, and then BAM Purgatory flashback to Cas getting beaten up by Leviathan 

Like it wouldn’t be so bad but literally every other flashback is triggered by something

I suppose the point is that Dean is still distracted and harping on Cas even if he’s not directly talking about/to him and this conversation was an attempt to not think about it except whoops he’s harping on it and they need to go talk

Mm Dean n Cas needing to talk

* * *

Oh god this conversation

this is literally a conversation where they would have kissed if Linda hadn’t shown up when she did

Ugh they’re ridiculous

TBH I’m reminded of what I was saying in 7x23 about Cas realising how much Dean cared when he does the “rather have you” thing - this seems like a similar sort of realisation as he hears how Dean has misinterpreted their final moments in Purgatory. What Dean remembers is so close to the truth except that Cas pushes him away at the last moment and Dean’s guilt about not saving him too swallows up Cas’s choice and turns it into Dean’s failure - a common theme for Dean but mostly applied to Dean overriding Sam’s choice with actual actions, rather than just misinterpreting an event. I don’t think he’s ever overridden Cas’s choice in the same ways even if this is an example of a similar mindset of the guilt of not saving loved ones. 

Since the actual effect is all psychological damage to Dean possibly caused by perceived rejection he didn’t want to attribute to Cas, and struggling with his need to save people, it’s a weird situation

honestly, although there are times when they’re very good for each other, when they’re dealing with the other’s suicidal issues (5x18 I’m looking at you) they handle it horrifically badly, possibly because despite everything they have in common they don’t seem to always recognise their own struggles in each other? 9x10/10x09 especially show their growth and support with Cas being more understanding of Dean when HE’s in a bad way and I’m really HOPING the end of season 11 does the same in return from Dean to Cas as it seems to be implying it will

ANYWAY

I’m never over the way they just break down in front of each other here… I mean, Dean, obviously, freaking out and pretty much just baring his soul about his feelings about saving Cas to him… Cas responds by understanding that Dean has taken this on as a burden of guilt and he looks so sad as he realises it’s his OWN fault Dean feels so bad about this… And his own sad expression and realisation is about as close to “breaking down” as Cas usually gets :P

> DEAN  
> It’s like you didn’t believe we could do it. I mean, you kept saying that you didn’t think it would work. Did you not trust me? 

I always liked how Dean made it about belief and trust (I mean as I was saying Benny had a weird impression of their faith because of what was between them personally)

the problem always was Cas totally believed Dean would and could save Cas if there was any possibility it would work and Cas WANTED to be saved. It was that trust that had him run away from Dean… Again as I was saying in 7x23:

> To make this really awful, of course this conversation [where Cas suddenly realises how much Dean cares, personally] is pretty much directly the influence on Cas’s behaviour towards Dean in Purgatory, running away from him and trying to ditch him for Dean’s own good and hoping he escapes and leaves Purgatory quickly and without Cas dragging him down, because Cas KNOWS Dean would do EXACTLY WHAT HE DID, but he hopes that breaking Dean’s heart and disappearing will harden Dean up and make him leave Cas behind, only he doesn’t… He STILL would rather have Cas with him than anything else 

Everything about Purgatory always makes me think Cas wanted to be abandoned and the fact Dean wouldn’t do it probably tormented him

(especially with Dean constantly praying)

(And pfft this is the ultimate longing retcon-affected episode because Cas would have had that the entire time even when Den wasn’t praying, as Dean was actively searching for Cas and reaching out for him the entire time so if Cas could track Claire from however far just because she had an unrealised yearning to talk to Cas… Cas never would have stopped hearing Dean in Purgatory…)

* * *

Hehehe, but when Linda interrupts we have this whole bit where Dean and Cas glance her way then a bit where Sam gets out the car etc to go greet her, she pulls up… and then we see Dean and Cas still standing opposite each other and only once Linda is out the car and talking to them, do they actually stop the stare off and move to join the conversation

off-screen Destiel is the worst

* * *

Dean taking out the demon knife and clearly intending to torture the demon for info but the camera cuts to Crowley with Kevin torturing HIM for his purposes… uhoh

Dean and Crowley parallels are not good :P

* * *

Poor Kevin :(

* * *

> KEVIN  
> The next is… “The demonic influence on the collective tapestry of the soul.” 

Well I’M interested in that

* * *

*blinks because Sam and Linda are in one car* *rewinds*

Awww Cas was riding shotgun in the impala and had his elbow resting on the window 

this is my new favourite Cas thing :3

* * *

> KEVIN  
> And this one… describes, uh… sealing the gates of Hell.
> 
> CROWLEY  
> So it’s true. It’s there. Clearly, humans cannot possess this thing. What was God thinking?

Well… it’s entirely your fault humans have ever seen it

And it’s your fault the angel tablet gets unearthed too :P

I spent so much of the end of season 7 squeeing about Charlie being the agent of fate that got them the Leviathan tablet and gave them a fighting chance… With this season the “break in case of emergency” nature of the tablets disappears and they just become collector’s items, to be used at the discretion of the current owner. God left the tablets seemingly for when they were Most Needed as we saw with the first… but the other tablets had already been found and were in collections waiting for use… A whole lot of this plot is powered by personal motivation and decisions for what to do with the legacy God left behind (I don’t think it’s a coincidence this is a theme of the season especially like how Sam and Dean kind of like saying “we’re legacies” so much when they discover the MoL :P) Rather than any external force it’s all internally motivated, from Crowley grabbing at power/Metatron using them out of spite to TFW trying to do the right thing without any idea what that actually is. Ideas that seem good at the time turn out terribly, and there’s a whole lot of hubris and collateral damage… 

Maybe/maybe not we’ll get an answer for this in season 11, but I kind of like that all the chaos and conflict in Carver era directly or indirectly relates back to shit God did

the seemingly helpful nature of the tablets especially

* * *

Awww Dean taking Cas with him when they split up to investigate

He really is glued to him… I don’t think he wants Cas out of his sight for long yet

like forget Dean being precious about “I’ll watch over you” next episode… you can bet that between 8x07 and 8x08 whatever happened there, Dean did not take his eyes off Cas. :’)

* * *

> KEVIN  
> From… the archangel… Metatron.
> 
> CROWLEY  
> The scribe… and suck-up. Took down God’s word, picked up his cleaning.

Asshole promoted himself since no one else would be able to argue with it

Crowley offers our first real characterisation on Metatron and it seems pretty accurate :P This sounds an awful lot like Metatron faking his death, which makes sense with how off the radar we find him 

> KEVIN  
> “Upon completion of this task, I take my leave of my master in this world.” 

since it seems to make you think Metatron is probably dead here, it’s presumably a part of the ongoing theme about miscommunication/the story being wrong

* * *

Aaaah I clearly forget how ridiculous this episode is between viewings… Cas doubles up to take a breather, and Dean, who just got flung across the room and tangled in chains comes running back to him to prop him up after Cas has one dizzy spell

never mind me making the comparisons to hurt!Cas and Dean’s reactions in later seasons, he’s starting right now :’)

mm Destiel shoulder touching though

Dean doing it to Cas right now is especially important after he leaned out of Cas’s space in alarm a few scenes ago while still getting used to Cas being here… Once they’re back in the thick of things Dean forgets all his reservations in favour of trying to help Cas

…

“Cas no you’re not strong enough” 

:’) 

* * *

It’s so nice to have Cas back glaring at Crowley :’) 

Crowley clearly missed flirting with Cas too because he’s like “playing for my team” “west side story” and “you can get it up” within like 3 lines of dialogue

* * *

Aaaand Cas breaks tablet numero dos…

You’d think based on the rule of three he wouldn’t smash the angel tablet but nah he smashes a tablet per season for a while and honestly season 10 probably had Cas blow up so many doors just to make him feel better about not having anything important to smash

I hope he gets to smash something fun in season 11 before it’s over

* * *

Okay but there’s a post about Dean running over to check on Cas when he comes through the door and just leaving Kevin to the side… Actually when he walks in the door Kevin is upright and standing by the door - he and Dean look at each other and then rush over to collect their broken tablet/broken angel - considering Kevin’s attachment to the tablets is “once clung so hard to them he couldn’t be made to let go” paralleling Dean’s attachment to Cas to Kevin rushing to check on the tablet out of fear and concern is an adorable parallel.

* * *

Okay this shot should not have been allowed

We get it. He’s tall.

* * *

I feel bad that the last time we see Linda for over a season is Sam reprimanding her for hiring the witch, and then she gets relegated for being too nagging or overbearing or whatever trope they decided to go with for making her a hellish helicopter parent to Kevin

* * *

Awww Kevin is still clutching his tablet

I like to think Dean n Cas are hugging off-screen through this little exchange with as much intensity

* * *

Dean finally lets go of Cas and deflects by opening the car to mess around with stuff in the back and pretends that never happened which is where we join them

Dean trying to tell Cas off for worrying him turns around to Cas telling Dean off for making everything something he feels guilty and responsible for in a surprisingly good conversational segue by Buckleming

Never mind swapping conversations with “Cas thinks he might be able to fix that”

First of all though, Cas apparently has to fix Dean

* * *

We also have Dean accusing Cas of being really reckless with his own life, which is something DEAN has been accused of when he’s been feeling about the same as Cas… Again, recognising their own trauma in each other but Dean just starts the conversation angry until Cas wrongfoots him by making it about what Dean feels responsible for or not

> CASTIEL  
> It’s not about fault. It’s about will. 

Cas still sticking up for free will as ever :’) And of course these are the key themes of this era of choice and agency over their own lives - even if Cas was acting on his right to stay behind and maybe get killed by Leviathan and definitely to not return to what’s commonly understood as the living world… It’s still a CHOICE to do all that, and so Dean dealing wit such a choice here is I guess part of the ongoing conversation about it over the rest of the show from here on

* * *

> DEAN  
> Look, I don’t need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? For failing you like I’ve failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about! I don’t need it! 

Dean is just so open and emotional about everything Cas this episode and it’s amazing

Like, this episode starts and ends with him dealing with his feelings about Cas and has them as a discussion point at various times throughout… and at every point he’s open and expressive, and after all of season 8 so far when he’s been cagey and weird about everything he feels, even when it should have been relatively easy to explain (like as I said, Benny could have just plain not been a fight if Dean had been open about it) the fact that when it’s Cas Dean changes completely is… kind of ridiculous. And it’s not a just a Buckleming thing: Dean is good with Cas next episode and for example of like a random event idk he sure does say some emotional things to Cas in that one scene in 8x17 :P

* * *

Meanwhile: Cas actually trying to kill me

> CASTIEL  
> See, it wasn’t that I was weak. I was stronger than you. I pulled away. Nothing you could have done would have saved me, because I didn’t want to be saved. 

Cas sees that pushing away Dean (and probably running from him and hiding from him in Purgatory) were huge acts of strength which implies how HARD it was for him to do it and how much he wanted to go with Dean and to be at his side and to come back with him… I mean he’s TELLING Dean how difficult it was to do that AND saying he understands how much Dean wanted to cling on to HIM so saying he gets it and he understands how Dean feels and aaaaaaaaah

… and then immediately into Cas saying he didn’t want to be saved which brings you right back down and it’s terrible and sad and we’re back to Cas’s self-punishment and suicidal ideation

In 7x23 Cas was upset and confused when Sam said they’d fix him and Cas felt like that was how he was supposed to be. Here, Cas wanted to stay in Purgatory and thought that was where he was supposed to be… I am seriously worried about him in season 11 just because it’s those exact same patterns we’re seeing inside his head with the TV and Cas not feeling like he’s worth saving… :( 

Dean looks like I feel about this. And then Sam walks in after Cas tells Dean he can’t save everyone.

TBH, that and the 8x08 walking in are probably the 2 worst Sam interruptions and they’re not even interrupting a romantic moment, they’re interrupting where Dean might be pushed - considering his ongoing open and emotional state with Cas - to say reassuring, comforting things to Cas. >.> It might not FIX Cas but there’s so few opportunities for true emotional honesty… Dean looks absolutely destroyed by hearing about how Cas feels (which is presumably why he’s so quick to get up and try again with the “talk to me”) but they get interrupted and dragged apart before they can ever deal with it… I think 8x23 is their next real heart to heart after these 2 episodes? And then 9x06 after that??

*breathing into a paper bag*

* * *

that abrupt cut to Naomi’s office always freaks me out

gosh if she isn’t one of the best antagonists (not villains) we’ve ever had on the show

probably also why I have a hard time trusting all-white interior design :P

I know a lot has been written about her office so I won’t go over it but I do like the absolute feeling of control and power it gives her

You KNOW this is an important room, even for Heaven

Also this is the first time we see the back end of heaven, something really only for the eyes of the angels… Considering 5x16, it definitely feels like we’re getting a much more omniscient view of everything, and so this scene even before we find out what it’s about is giving us this scene of letting us see behind the curtain. 

And of course since Naomi is controlling Cas, that turns out it is what we are literally seeing

* * *

Also the sheer glee of seeing Amanda Tapping on screen is one of like 3 memories I have of actually watching season 8 at the time :P 

* * *

Cas immediately trying to rebel and being like “NO I WON’T” when Naomi tells him what he’ll be doing :’) 

I love that that’s his first interaction with her, and her sheer confidence that she has this under control and Cas won’t be rebelling, not this time. She’s taking a personal interest in his story and is determined to keep it on track, and okay so reprogramming clearly has its issues it takes Cas like 2 episode to shake off the programming in 4x20) but for the first time since then she has Cas back in her control and dammit this time she’s KEEPING him and she is good at what she does

… She does have the best interest of Heaven at heart, but Cas WANTS to help and would be happy to do it if they asked, and yet this is how it happens… Setting Heaven up as in conflict with him just because they’re controlling him and have ALREADY overridden his free will choice to STAY in Purgatory and of course Cas’s whole thing is free will and so controlling him is the worst thing you can do… 

Like, this is why Cas has issues with his family :P

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> I’m – I’m fine. And, yes, I’m with you – if that’s all right.
> 
> SAM  
> It is, right? You two are good?
> 
> DEAN  
> [looking down] Yeah.

Sam begins his long-suffering journey through dealing with Dean n Cas through Carver era, source of much eye-rolling, fond smiles and awkward coughing… 

And of course since this episode has to set up all the Dean n Cas stuff for the season outside of Purgatory, it is pretty much telling us no, they are not good. And it’s not plot reasons (even with Naomi’s surprise appearance) making things bad between them… it’s their own emotional issues with each other causing the tension… TBH the fact their arc this season gets resolved in the presence of cupids is all you ever need to say about them in season 8 :P


	8. 8x08

or: *Dean and Cas make cartoon heart eyes at each other*

[this episode should come with a hazard warning post-11x18]

* * *

I just stuck this on to play the recap and cold open while I was eating/messing around doing other stuff/still thinking of pausing it and going to make tea, and BAM “my husband died in Afghanistan” “Hello, Dean” and I remembered this is the episode where we find out Don came back so there’s Amelia & Don as a Dean/Cas parallel before we’re even done with the freakin’ recap

I don’t even know if Dabb had creative control over this part of the episode 

*goes to get tea*

* * *

I mean what a silly cold open BUT we’re immediately back to the hearts theme that popped up after “too much heart was always Castiel’s problem” and hey look who’s back along with that theme?? :D

* * *

off-brand Gas-n-Sip BUT it is blue and yellow now!

we’re getting closer :P

* * *

I hope Dean ASKED Cas if he wanted a drink because he comes out with 2 colas and offers one to Sam and drinks the other and like Cas is RIGHT THERE

Dean appears to be looking at him while Sam talks about Garth and Kevin and stuff Dean is not very interested in. He cba to have the conversation with Linda … actually TBH Dean was already looking at Cas and probably about to go over when Sam was all “Dean’s here he really wants to talk to you” so no wonder Dean dismissively ended the call and was probably hoping Sam would just let him live (aka go hang out with Cas some more)

I don’t REMEMBER Sam and Dean fighting this episode, but 8x07 was suspiciously quiet on that front, like, they barely could work up the chill to get in the car together at the end of 8x06 and then Buckleming don’t have to write the argument because it’s not part of the main plot of their episode, and now Dean is being grumpy and bored with this stuff to Sam 

[and holy crap he spends so much time glancing over at Cas](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/143394414260/just-dean-being-totally-distracted-by-cas-while)

and then as soon as Sam lets him go, Dean glances back over and finally makes his escape to go talk to him :D

* * *

Dean’s internal monologue: CASCASCASCASCASCASCASCAS

* * *

We start out the Cas conversation really cute with Cas snark and Cas saying terrifying science things about how angels work, but then Dean asks why he turned off angel radio and it gets tragic immediately

> DEAN  
> Why’d you flip the switch?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Because it’s a direct link to Heaven. And I don’t want anything to do with that place – not anymore.

This is Cas’s extreme far end of what he wants but unfortunately unlike many of the things where it seems finding balance could be in order re: Sam and Dean’s endgame choices or desire in life is teased at the start of Carver era, Heaven is so busy rejecting Cas and giving him such a kicking from season 9 onwards (and not treating him any better in season 8 even if it’s not rejecting him so hard) you have to ask why he would ever want it except out of the habit of loyalty/when he has no other choice but to turn to them, making it less of a choice than it should be. I suppose for season 8 this is subverted by him trying to close up Heaven and fix things as penance but still not  _wanting_  to leave earth behind. At this point it seems like Cas’s goal is pretty simple: to become a hunter like them! but even by the middle of the episode we find out he’s AVOIDING going back to Heaven, so this desire is shown to only be a deflection…

… While also showing something Cas can and would want, just… not under these circumstances, so all his trial runs at being human or slowly finding himself and making a life and family on Earth are creeeeeping towards him making this same decision without this baggage?

Hopefully?

> CASTIEL  
> No. I still want – I still need to help people. 

This is also an extremely Dean thing considering 8x01 took the time to tell us Dean felt like literally everyone who may have been eaten by monsters over the year off was Sam’s fault directly for not hunting, revealing far more about his own obligation or need to save the world ALL THE TIME so changing “want” to “need” is significant

This is also part of Cas’s penance, I think… He has done enough damage to the world as well as Heaven that for example that we see him going around healing babies in 8x10 makes perfect sense that he’d be trying to offset the bad (and aaaaaaah I remembered how he has his angel army tasked with healing people in 9x22)

AND the whole want/need problem. Cas seems wholly better at diagnosing the difference than Dean… Again I’m remembering 10x19 taking Dean to task for not being able to tell them apart, and wow that episode ends up coming to my mind so much while I’m doing this rewatch… TBH Berens squeaks through by a single season by having plausible deniability about season 8, just like I was saying Buckleming and Robbie, season 7 onwards writers, seem to have spent the most time fucking with past canon, for good or bad. So Berens revisiting season 8 via the re-use of Purgatory and throwing in a theme like discussing what “need” means when it’s been said so many times already and I’m only on episode 8, is kind of like, lol, I wasn’t here at the time, *I* didn’t put any of this into the show…)

* * *

Anyway

> DEAN  
> So what now? Move to Vermont, open up a charming B&B?

I have read dozens of that fic

also that is an extremely gay thing to say Dean

ALSO it was said in a conversation between canon w/w characters on OITNB and I remember cackling about Cas watching that off-screen in 11x04 because if he remembers this conversation he was due a “???” moment about Dean asking him this

TBH

season 8 has so much in it about endgames and ideal futures

the whole idea of Dean having that example on his mind of what people do when they retire/want to start a new life is weirdly interesting

Dean writes the AU fic with us

* * *

I also like how Sam came over to join them, KINDA. He’s been lurking very much in the background. Like, Dean n Cas are standing right facing each other and Sam is lurking with Dean having his back to him even, CLEARLY not a part of the conversation

if you wanna talk about third wheels

honestly that line and Cas being all cute, sounds almost like regular Misha voice. It’s weird hearing Cas having fun

and tapping on the side of the car to tell them to catch up when he intends to fly off pfft

> DEAN  
> Wait, Cas, Cas! If you want to play cowboys and bloodsuckers, that’s fine. 

teehee Dean thinking of them as cowboys again

(wait a minute - Dabb episode! Aaah! It probably IS a reference then)

* * *

god dammit

* * *

have I actually said anything about this episode that isn’t Destiel or tragic Cas stuff yet?

Cas found the MotW case so Sam still hasn’t found a regular job for them to do this season and of course was all occupied with Kevin when we joined them. Since this is Cas’s shining moment of getting to do a MotW it’s fitting he’s the one who finds it for them

Sam happily seems to go along with it because this isn’t a conflict with Dean over doing the job and with Kevin settled in and doing what he can, they now have time off from the mytharc Sam can do nothing about even if it’s his end goal, so he may as well do a hunt since I think it’s this episode that specifically shows why sam had nowhere else to be except here

* * *

Despite Cas getting to ride in the front seat last episode (and clearly enjoying it) this is also about him imposing on their regular lives and finding a space within it. 8x06 made a point of Sam’s “place” being shotgun for good or bad. Sam AND Dean say “no” when Cas asks to sit in the front, because that’s I guess TOO MUCH shaking up the natural order (And Dean may not want to take his eyes off Cas since 8x07 but he can do that fine while Cas is in the back seat I mean the driver SHOULD be checking the rearview mirror regularly anyway :P) … I do think Sam’s little shove is a bit too vindictive, enjoying “middle brother” privilege 

I think he sees Cas kinda this way when it comes to their family dynamic… Like I keep saying about 8x23, Sam’s jealousy over Cas and Benny is as rival brothers… So him getting to be the “older” child is kind of hilarious in this context (because Cas is a bazillion years old), and later really tragic. Like, looking at what he says in 8x23, he’s a bit too pleased Dean holds up Sam’s claim for shotgun… I’d not like to say that Dean offering it to Cas at the end of the episode is ACTUALLY Sam’s motivation for including Cas on that list of people Dean trusts over him in 8x23 because that’s ridiculous but… idk maybe getting to act out Cas’s place in the family as Sam sees it here is subliminally affecting him with these little displays of friendly sibling rivalry :P

(I don’t even know if it’s worth pointing out since it seems so obvious but I mean stop and think about how Cas is 4 seasons in and this is the first time he’s genuinely just hanging out with them with nowhere else to be and nothing else to do… They genuinely are all learning their way around each other in a totally new way this episode… there are so few other times it’s like this I’m drawing a blank on if 11x04 is the only other time Cas was on “just be a part of the family” duty)

* * *

Oh gosh I forgot how much I love the detective in this episode

and also that I headcanon that Sam totally hooked up with her in that long awkward gap where he disappears while Dean n Cas are talking alone 

since he said he was going to go see her or going with her somewhere

and like 

he’s gone for ages

and because Dean n Cas are sticking to each other like glue, we have the beautiful example of Sam and a female character having significant interaction while Dean is paired with a male character, only in this random MotW it’s CAS

* * *

> DEAN  
> Listen, you see anything weird, anything out of the box, you give us a call. [He hands the DETECTIVE a card.]
> 
> DETECTIVE  
> Whatever you say, Scully.

teehee

… I seem to remember that being a season 1 thing where Dean was all “YOU’RE a red-headed woman” to Sam when he was accused so while we’re on the weird subject of season 8 trawling up season 1 this is a bizarre part of that trend :P 

Never hurts to reference the X-Files I guess :P

Anyway Dean doesn’t deflect it this time

* * *

Dean’s awkward second-hand embarrassment standing next to Cas while he’s sniffing the dead guy is amazing. Like, he’s standing an inch from Cas, he can’t pretend he doesn’t know him, he’s at some next level of belonging to Cas and regretting it and I think that’s adorable :P

* * *

I’ll never be over how it’s a plausible theory Dean has Cas on a piece of string this episode *watches them shuffle back off screen together the same way they came in*

I’m assuming this theme of unfaithful spouses is at least tangentially related to Sam’s issues but tbh the whole “Nice job on the bladder infection” *intense flashback* gives a terrible impression of what triggered Sam’s memory here

* * *

It’s also kind of sad the symmetry of these two narrative strands mean that Dean’s Purgatory flashbacks got him Cas back, while Sam’s flashbacks are about losing Amelia

Like, the fact Dean and Cas are wandering around all episode holding pinkie fingers is extra cruel that Sam is reflecting on how he lost Amelia

* * *

Omg Amelia literally has the same hairstyle as the girl that the dead guy was seeing

I mean if you wanted a proper narrative parallel of the interloper in the marriage, Sam, holding the “Don & Amelia forever” photo album really ought to be the one with the braid in his hair –

– wait a minute this is the “… and braid Sam’s hair” episode

wtf have I just uncovered

* * *

> STAN  
> Ame said you went to Stanford.

I like how Sam’s life is literally like Stanford > hit a dog as far as these people are concerned. I mean, that was the last time he lived a normal life before now but even if he shared about losing Dean he clearly hasn’t filled in much about what he did in between, so details like the last time he had some stability - eight years ago - will do >.>

* * *

This episode always makes me laugh so much… And not even at the big magical nonsense stuff but all the little things as well like 

> AMELIA  
> Don’t talk politics. Don’t say anything bad about the Cowboys. And whatever you do, don’t – do not use the words “moist” or “irregardless.”
> 
> SAM  
> There goes my opener.

or 

> MRS FRELING  
> Gary had a heart attack. Why would the FBI –
> 
> DEAN  
> The parks are government property.

… this is just a really good episode all round

* * *

*immediately recants that because Cas is not good at interrogating people and this is so hilariously awkward*

gives us another excuse for Dean n Cas to share the same inch of floor space while they watch Sam carry on the job

* * *

Cas’s squinting over all the revelations of cheating and then that it was an open marriage is just so cute. I guess he hasn’t had many reasons to puzzle through the complexity of human relationships, and he’s, um, learning a lot this week?

Meanwhile Dean, who has had his own experience of the suburbs, thinks this is amazing and honestly I am just remembering Sid from 6x01 here. :P SOMETHING changed Dean’s mind about suburbs being a soul-destroying nightmare back in season 1 (since we’re trying to make season 1 parallels right now) to a place where these sort of arrangements are cool, and I’m just saying he did spend a year out there living among the suburbanites and learning their ways so this one has to be a subversion of season 1 opinions based on his life experience… :P

* * *

I’m fairly sure I’ve seen an analysis of the major deaths in this as Cas parallels… The guy in businessman attire complete with a blue tie, who lost everything thanks to the Leviathans and was then suicidal, is kind of obvious… And you can make a good case for “too much heart” being the cause of death of the guy who loved so hard his heart exploded

I say that because this is really depressing in that context:

> MAN  
> It’s a miracle! God wants me to live! 

I’m just thinking about Cas saying in 7x23 that each of his resurrections is worse than the last and that it feels like a punishment. In season 5 he was all excited just like this guy because God brought him back and it was a sign and he was going to find God etc… And of course 8x07 only just reminded us that Cas has no faith now >.>

* * *

I mean also making a Cas parallel to the guy who was in love because the heart thing is kind of a big deal too I guess but Destiel parallels are a dime a dozen this is season 8 :P

* * *

*leaves it paused on Cas smiling at the TV screen for a little bit because I am still Suffering as a result of 11x18*

I’m sure I’ve read people writing about his arc of being useless to the case/slowly gaining understanding/making all the helpful insights in the end that solve it so I won’t poke that too much because there’s a ton of squeeing Cas meta about this episode already… but I do like that it’s TV that kind of causes the turn around because he’s fairly more useful after this point instead of being their embarrassing third wheel he does start offering the greater stability and support in terms of this case

and since Cas and TV is such a big deal now, worth mentioning how it helps him here

* * *

Although he comes up with a much deeper metaphor for Loony Toons than probably intended, but one that intellectual types would probably love to write an essay on :P Also a good example of how the story is filtered through the perception of the viewer - Cas being Cas (finds this hilarious because his sense of humour is amazing) sees an Epic Theological Metaphor… A great little meta moment waaay before Robbie catches up and explores how we read stories and talks about subtext in 9x18 or 10x05

(and of course called back in 10x02 where I guess Cas’s metaphorical interpretation is the most relevant way to start trying to understand what the cartoon was doing in that episode so he’s helping US to interpret it :P)

* * *

1: hahaha further evidence the stuff in Dean’s duffel is like 90% bandanas wtf Dean

2: oh no the sincerity with which Cas says he’ll watch over him like it’s the most obvious thing in the universe… I was talking about Cas’s casual possessiveness over Dean and this is killing me

especially since as will all great Dean Winchester manly saving face overreactions, you know he’s at the very least secretly really touched by Cas saying that/would happily have let Cas watch over them after a few more rounds of token arguing (but not so much Cas literally would go stand outside on the road for 4 hours - dangit I have “I’ll Just Wait Here Then” stuck in my head) and secretly enjoyed it too

* * *

the detective takes Sam away for a long gap of time, and leaves Dean n Cas to investigate 

Cas gives Dean the most eye rolling look about OF COURSE I can lift this one ton anvil have you MET me?

Cas’s ongoing confusion about human relationships when Dean explains the heart leaping out of the chest thing

oh my poor child you are not human yet but you’re going to know what this is like soon >.>

* * *

(If it’s not clear I am referring to Dean’s cute jump scare on Cas in 9x06 to pay him back for all the times Cas dropped in on him unannounced because that if nothing else would have got Cas’s heart going :P)

* * *

… oh no I am less than a season from having to catalogue remotely intelligible thoughts about that episode

* * *

Oh no I’m not ready for THIS conversation either

it starts with Cas just casually admiring John’s journal I suppose because they’re both researching what could possibly be going on… I always liked that Cas had it and Dean was on the computer (possibly just strategic because Cas vs learning to use a computer when I don’t think we’ve ever seen him do it before, even if he acquires a laptop later on) just because the obvious trust of letting Cas have it. I seem to remember Dean being really precious about it in 8x12 with Henry, and he had some issues with allowing him to just suddenly show up and be family, so it retrospectively shows Dean accepting Cas into the family… Also just the more physical connection to the job and the legacy in that notebook and how Dean had it all through the early seasons memorising it and reading it over and over. We don’t see it so often by season 8 if only because they out-class the sort of hunts John was doing by so much now. But it’s a great little moment that Cas has it

Cas musing out loud about John’s handwriting being nice clearly breaks a long silence… Dean blatantly still has unresolved thoughts and issues about Cas being back, if nothing else then after mulling over 8x07 some more and having time to think, Dean’s managed to process all those worrying things Cas said, and, well, be worried.

Since the moment Cas breaks the silence, Dean immediately asks how he’s doing instead of having whatever weird discussion Cas was starting.

And then like I’ve been saying Dean’s been showing emotional openness about Cas or to Cas where no one else gets it so far this season, and so he’s absolutely ready to start talking to him about whatever:

> DEAN  
> Well, I just – I – I know that when… I got puked out of Purgatory, it took me a few weeks to… find my sea legs. 

Yeah, we know, it’s literally taken you until basically this episode to be acting totally normal, for some reason :P *clears throat and politely doesn’t connect it to Cas being back in case that scares Dean off from talking to him*

Anyway I love that he’s talking to Cas from experience - hoping he can draw him out to talk by being understanding…

> DEAN  
> Don’t get me wrong. I’m – I’m happy you’re back. I’m – I’m freaking thrilled. It’s just this whole mysterious-resurrection thing – it always has one mother of a downside. 

And that’s calling back to 7x23 and what Cas told Dean there (and as the jumper illustrated in this very episode), so it’s obvious Dean remembers their conversations even a year later (hence the meta I’ve seen about Dean freaking out about Cas through the middle of this season comparing this conversation to Cas disappearing back off to Heaven, because Dean DOES remember what they talk about and care)

* * *

Me after watching the rest of the conversation:

WE’RE BOTH JUST SO WORRIED ABOUT CAS

AND SAM HAS THE WORST TIMING

GO GET A DRINK WITH THE CUTE DETECTIVE AND LET THEM FINISH THIS CONVERSATION, SAM

Dean doesn’t even have a chance to even START to answer Cas and Cas gets up, engaging Sam in conversation like nothing happened, leaving Dean sitting here just further demonstrating how Cas is skating by and concealing how he feels as Dean sees him switch back to normal surface level functioning… which I think Dean can relate to >.>

… I love though how “talk to me” is all Dean needs to say and Cas opens up to him… Again perhaps it’s not necessary to say it but this episode is the sort of template for how they might lead their lives without immediate conflict, and it’s not that Dean doesn’t care - I’ve always taken this episode in particular as intended to establish how the “normal” is supposed to look between everyone - it’s just that he so rarely ever gets a chance to ask and have the luxury of concerning himself with Cas’s problems… I mean Dabb especially always tries to write a good, CARING, DeanCas moment at least once a season to show they both still care a great deal about each other even with all the turmoil going on (9x10 gets a special mention for them having one of these conversations with Sam screeching in pain in the background as Crowley prods at Gadreel :P) but it’s often that their concern gets lost in all the drama and urgent running around for the plot and especially with the conflict that comes their way. To me this moment will always be how Dean n Cas talk to each other as a default when there’s nothing to stop them but Sam walking through the door?

* * *

Anyway I feel like I’ve already talked over Cas’s actual emotional state tons before he was even back, so this revelation about his suicidal feelings has been all laid out already, so it’s probably mostly a horrible revelation for Dean so far as this rewatch is concerned :P

* * *

this whole framing as they discuss the case has Sam with a huge light over his head which makes him look like he has a giant halo, which is always interesting on this show

guess that theme is almost too obvious for Sam this season? Had they thought of the Trials thing by now?

* * *

Oh god Cas fumbling for his badge and either not being sure if it’s still there or not getting it out in time and looking really distressed… always makes me so sad

turns out he still has it later (season 9, Buckleming canon so ??? on the logistics and I’m still not sure if the intent at the time was that Cas DIDN’T have a badge), so I assume applying that info he was just caught off guard here, but he didn’t even get to hold it up upside down?? 

Charlie does that later and breaks Dean’s HEART so it would have been nice to have more than a tiny hint about what Cas was doing there for proper comparison

(because CAS AND CHARLIE AAAAH)

I’m assuming if he was meant to have the badge that was him on this theme of not quite keeping up/still finding his feet with working the case

I mean he sort of reached for his pocket so I’m assuming he wouldn’t do that if he didn’t have a badge at all??

* * *

Is there any evidence that Mrs Tate is not in fact the killer grandma from the season 3 fairy tales episode? :P 

* * *

I always think it’s adorable how Dean is like “no flirting” and we cut directly to her beaming at Cas. Dean does then track the cute nurse across the room with his eyes but you know what it’s such a small thing and we know he always looks at everyone in a room - remember in 7x22 (hey Dabb :P) where Dean casually referenced the guy putting too much mustard on his hotdog without even seeming to look at him for a little while? Dean is great at reading the room and keeping an eye on everyone there >.>

*aggressively un-no homos the no homo to make this episode perfect* :P

* * *

“I’ll interrogate the cat” is one of the best lines on the show

* * *

> ORDERLY  
> It’s creepy, right? A lot of these people – they just tune out and live in their own heads. It’s like maybe the real world is too much for them, and they just run and hide, you know?
> 
> SAM  
> Hmm.

See shit like that is why the bladder infection flashback is so hilarious

* * *

Also: Oh no. I forgot that Sam and Cas go save the guy from TV inside his own head and while Sam’s getting paralleled to all this stuff now, Cas and TV is set up here right at the start of Cas’s emotional Carver era arc to have shades of that and heeey guess who’s tuned out and living in his own head watching TV right now?

*flips a table*

* * *

I MEAN I objectively knew about this parallel but omg I had not stopped to actually make the connection in a thoughtful way and now I don’t wanna watch the end of the episode AT ALL :P

* * *

Anyway Sam gets judged by Amelia’s dad who also brings up the theme that Sam was running away over that time, and tbh I can’t remember at this point how obvious that was through the other flashbacks since this has all been discussed to death before I ever got to it and shapes how I watch all of it in hindsight

[mental note that this is where it was said definitely just in case I need that for later]

> STAN  
> The question is – what are  _you_  running from, Sam? 

Maybe something important to try and answer? They don’t ask questions without meaning for them to be answered in some way… It’s being asked so late in the season for Sam’s flashbacks I’d have to assume it’s more about relating forwards asking that question than backwards

* * *

I think the cat is called Bob

* * *

Cas describing the cake exploding though.

Q: what IS my favourite line in this episode?  
A: trick question. All of them

* * *

Dean comes running up to talk to Cas and Sam goes to check on Fred… Priorities :P 

Dean berates Cas for not paying attention, but Cas instantly catches the detail about the bracelet because dammit Dean you’re not allowed to be grumpy with Cas, he’s trying to help >.>

* * *

Also, really handy to have him around to heal people

(count 1 Cas healing a dude by hovering his hand over him and then digging his fingers in rather painfully, just because I suppose we don’t NEED to count it but it’s hilarious that the Crypt Scene is the only time he heals someone as tenderly as that… and by hilarious I mean AAAAAH)

the orderly who got shot is lying right next to Cas’s rug

is this the first time we see it in Carver era? I can’t remember if it only became Cas’s rug in fandom chatter after like, season 10 started, although I remember it in 9x18 and I’m sure people have gone back and found it elsewhere

Also the windows are full of pink light which is never a good sign

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> Do you think Mr. Jones knows what’s happening?
> 
> DEAN  
> I don’t know. Seems to me like the dude’s living in a dream world.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

I’m not gonna make it past the last scene I will actually die

* * *

Stan accuses Amelia of living in a dream world too, and then comes over to talk about John some more with Sam. For once I’m not actually sure what all the mentions serve here except for perhaps tracing back Sam’s fucked up ness and running away all the way back to season 1 and how when we first found him with Jess, which the Amelia thing parallels; he had run away from John to get that life. Only this time he still has the car, and also does Sam REALLY think of it as John’s car, still, after all this time? Surely it should at least be Dean’s car too…

TBH Dabbflin wrote 8x02 where Sam jokingly or not suggests auctioning the car so I’m wondering if they were going for Sam feeling a little disconnected from the car… we had him saying “shut up and sit shotgun” about himself in 8x06, so I guess this is showing even when he owned the car for the year he didn’t feel like it was his, it was linked to his running away, and now he and Dean are working together again, Dean’s taken over ownership of the car and Sam is feeling even weirder about it?

(11x04 is a long ways off :P)

(Hmm. 10x02 for Dabb writing and “it’s just a car?!?!” although Sam may have been more incredulous demon!Dean would say that than defensive of Baby? It’s a step in the right direction :P)

* * *

Anyway Dean takes on the dangerous bank side of things for himself and entrusts Sam and Cas to handle Fred possibly just because they have the more important vested interest in seeing inside Fred’s head right now for their plot arcs and Dean has nothing to contribute to that

which is a shame for season 11 because Cas in that state has become very much Dean’s probablem

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> Can you feel that, Sam? The power. 

Cas, not everyone is an angel

* * *

I was going to comment I saw their giant neon cross flash by in the background but it’s actually meant to be here: 

Sam rushes in and fills that space

yeah I think they knew he was sacrificing himself at the end of the season by this point

* * *

If Cas had zapped him and Dean into Fred’s head I’m like 99% sure they would not have been standing on opposite sides of the road from each other like he and Sam were :P

* * *

Dean took his chance and went for it

> DEAN  
> What’s up, Doc? 

* * *

hang on is this the same bank set as 8x02

I think it’s the same one

* * *

> FRED  
> Cartoons – yeah, yeah, I always loved them when I was a kid. They made me feel… happy – safe. They were…
> 
> SAM  
> Something to hold on to.
> 
> FRED  
> Yeah.

oh no oh no

I am too emotionally compromised about Cas to deal with this episode

* * *

I mean season 11 is doing a great job going back to Cas’s arc here and revisiting it and hopefully making it mean even more than it ever did here (Cas disappears for a long stretch of episodes in the middle and okay his trauma is understood to be the motivation behind his end of season involvement in the angel fall, but even in 8x23 when he and Dean talk it doesn’t revisit this stuff very deeply despite this being their most meaningful conversation of the season, and so this does kind of get dropped in the sense of being a *main* character arc for Cas in favour of the mind control and resultin fall out, and ongoing penance, as his major issue…) so I suppose I should be happy but we’re in the horrible unresolved stage AGAIN as of 11x18, which is current canon at time of writing (for 2 more days although MotW next and no Cas until 11x21 so I have plenty of time to stew I guess :P) so mostly I am just in a lot of pain and can’t write any coherent meta about how it all ties in because there isn’t any resolution in season 11 for me to write about yet :P

* * *

I think after my season 7 watch uncannily matched up to new season 11 episodes as I went, I may have got too far ahead and am watching episodes which I need the end of season 11 to really make work, since Chuck mentions and all that new prophet info happened in 8x07 and I’m getting the distinct feeling I should have watched 8x07 with 11x20 and 8x08 with 1x21 *mentally bookmarks those thoughts*

* * *

Hm, there’s a crypt scene parallel here with Sam talking Fred out of his own head (and Cas is listening and looking really sad and thoughtful as Sam talks) although I’m not sure how I feel about it except that it’s I suppose still in the establishing stages of the season and much much more overt in shape than the “I know you’re in there” we got in 8x06 since we’re actually getting the whole thing of a character inside their own head with much more clarity than what’s going on outside, needing to be talked back to the real world

And it’s also of course much tuned to the themes Sam’s been dealing with so multi-purpose parallel at work:

> SAM  
> Look, it can be nice living in a dream world. It can be great. I know that. And you can hide, and you can pretend all the crap out there doesn’t exist, but you can’t do it forever because… eventually, whatever it is you’re running from – it’ll find you. It’ll come along, and it’ll punch you in the gut. And then… then you got to wake up, because if you don’t, then trying to keep that dream alive will destroy you! It’ll destroy everything! 

Of course Cas was anything but in a happy dream world in 8x17 so aside from the need to wake up to avoid “everything” being destroyed (lol Dean is his everything) there’s a very different focus and of course Fred is overcoming his own mental illness rather than anything anyone inflicted on him and again Sam is dealing with inner problems while in 8x17 of course the whole thing is about control… and the other crypt scene parallels in this season generally show us the outside view and someone externally controlled

And Cas of course is applying this to HIS own internal problems of the exact moment: he recognises his problems in Fred, of running and escaping and living in the happy dream (oh god) of hunting with Sam and Dean but this gives him the courage to say at the end of the episode that he will go back to Heaven and it’s implied he’s ready to confront his own trauma

He doesn’t technically have a “destroy everything” problem here, but I guess he realises it could only get worse if he runs away and LETS it become a problem 

(this probably all underlines the cruelty of Naomi keeping him away from Heaven and refusing to let him come back, as he can’t have that catharsis and owning of his problems, but instead uncomfortably changes his mind about where he’ll go and stays on Earth… Again Naomi’s approach as I said last episode almost isn’t necessary. Metatron proves Cas will willingly go along and help if he thinks there’s something he can do… Naomi sets herself up for that, that Cas thinks STOPPING Heaven is the only option since she puts him through so much and proves the system corrupt. But he’s clearly willing to make amends on his own terms and with free will intact, in whatever way he can be useful and NOT be pushed around and forced into conflict as he was… The need for control means Cas’s conflict is his desire for free will vs Heaven, and when it’s Cas and free will, there’s no winning when you oppose him >.>)

* * *

Huh, I forgot how they wrapped up with what happens with the doctor by him turning his own gun on himself (Fred forces him to do it). That’s not the only time that happens this season - the human bad guy in the ‘lil hunters episode is driven to kill himself too when Krissy etc confront him about his evil schemes

I mean the show has an issue about how to handle the genuinely human bad guys since most episodes resolve with killing the monster so when the monster is just a human doing awful stuff as in those two cases, how do you resolve it? And not have your main characters kill a regular plain old human…

(I mean they do that some other times… although the only examples I can immediately think of are instances of Dean killing humans while affected by the Mark so that’s not good data >.>)

(I think a lot of the special children who were killed early on died this way? I remember the one who could levitate stuff pretty much literally did this with a gun?)

* * *

*pauses to eat a lemon cake before dealing with this* I AM STRESS EATING

Oh no Cas looks like he’s going to cry when Naomi tells him he can’t come back and he tries to explain

> NAOMI  
> I can see what you’re thinking, and I won’t allow it. 

bye bye free will :(

> CASTIEL  
> You don’t understand. I have been trying to pretend that I can escape what I did in Heaven, but I can’t. All that pain that I caused – I – I have to come back, to make things right. 

NAOMI LOOK HE WANTS TO HELP

JUST LET HIM HELP

* * *

Cas settles for “wanting” to help Fred but we know he feels he NEEDS to go back to Heaven for the reasons Sam explained re: HIS life experience

it’s almost like Naomi knew what Cas would say but waited until he’d declined to stay with the Winchesters just to split them up, because then Cas is forced to give an alternate explanation for why he said he wasn’t going to stay with them

she really doesn’t like their influence on them >.>

Anyway Cas hunting was established as the happy vaseline-smeared-on-the-screen blissful retreat for Cas and so that escape has to end too, because he is not allowed nice things

* * *

Sam and Cas are bouncing off each other since Cas talking about not running any more trips Sam’s last memory ( _bladder infection_  oh my god Dabb) of Amelia finding out about Don still being alive.

For your consideration: in many respects the Sam/Amelia parallels to Dean/Cas seemed to have Sam as Dean, Amelia as Cas, but in this case Dean is Cas’s Amelia he’s had a fleeting thing with before Naomi forces him out the door 

* * *

Ahahaha so okay this last moment always felt bittersweet but happy in a way because Cas x humanity (in the pure sense of that :P) and so okay Naomi shoves him away from working with the Winchesters, but Cas is going to go off and heal babies and stuff, and that moment of him listening to Ode to Joy was kind of uplifting and pure with a tear in the corner of your eye that he’s been made to split up from the Winchesters but heart full of love for Cas doing sweet things and caring so much (I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dark analysis of this moment?)

but NOW thanks to season 11 I’m just thinking much harder about how Cas talks about not running away any more but Naomi has effectively stopped him doing that before he had a chance - and Cas KEEPS ON running all season. He’s in like permanent running away for one reason or another mode until the end of the season

Naomi stops Cas from facing up to the things he wants to deal with, so Cas IS still effectively running away re: that as a metaphor for not dealing with his problems, because even helping humans isn’t the core of what he needs to do  he made the contrast to Dean earlier:

> CASTIEL  
> I caused a lot of suffering on earth, but I  _devastated_  Heaven. I vaporized thousands of my own kind 

(And I mean, he cured leprosy and healed the blind, and the killing aside, he kind of had some upsides to the suffering on earth :P)

so Cas sitting next to Fred watching over him, is digging into Fred’s head as he sits there back in that catatonic state where he can never help anyone again (and he’s retired with links to the hunting community so it’s implied he DID used to help people in a way the main characters can all relate to) and Cas is directly paralleled to him

and they both just sit there listening to the music, not doing anything?

Like, after seeing how Cas can retreat seriously into media even to the point of Fred belatedly becoming a direct parallel to Cas in 11x06/11x18 this is so much more clearly Cas also retreating into the exact same thing and being paralleled to the way Fred has been left lost happily in his own head to live out his days in a pleasant catatonic state

This IS Cas displaying that season 11 behaviour when he’s forced to stay behind and can’t do what he wants to do 

I mean, just a hint of it for now, but it’s there and lurking inside him and now with hindsight this moment is 1000% more tragic 

* * *

I wish I had a happy note to end this on but I nearly cried when the music started and I do not cry at this show 

Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas :(


	9. 8x09

Or: this show really seems to have a real anti-pie agenda

* * *

TBH all I really remember about this episode (like, commentary-wise) is that between this and 8x08 being cool there’s a really weird argument to make that Dabb vs cars was Loflin’s fault all along…

* * *

The recap reminding us who Martin is makes me realise that’s also 2 episodes in a row with old/retired hunters with a very negative result… Martin of course being a Dabbflin creation from back in season 5. He was mentioned a couple of times in season 7 in relation to Sam’s issues, and along with Fred they seem to encapsulate the whole range, by the end of this episode, of bad endings for hunters - too old, psychologically traumatised, and then dead. Considering the season started with Sam optimistically looking for an endgame, these two episodes and the next after also deal with the end of the Amelia storyline, both in the flashbacks first and then in their present day encounters next, taking the possibility of happy ending, a house and a dog, off the table for Sam (and as I was saying in 8x08, the first hints of Sam martyring himself are showing up before the Trials arc, although he’s already emotionally connected to it in a way Dean isn’t)

* * *

TBH this cold open just makes me suuuper sad that Benny didn’t get to just hang out working at this diner with Elizabeth for the rest of the show

showing him having found a tiny slice of happiness and then showing Martin eating the pie at like 2 separate occasions just is cruel when they use slice of pie as a metaphor for happiness >.>

* * *

Ooh, this is the episode with the diner from 11x12 that has the red neon devil’s tail… the scene is all blue and red and yellow here, further to the whole “season 8 is luridly bright” thing

I like the different way this set is used just because coming here in daylight, with no looming Lucifer plot, this whole place is cartoonish and cute (hey we’re still recovering from 8x08 :P) 

I suppose that episode also represented their brief truce on this fight and Sam’s in the car about to break that truce taking a call about Benny, while Dean collects yet more burgers

(honestly does he eat ANYTHING else on screen)

* * *

Considering one of Sam’s superpowers is apparently poker, he has a terrible poker face when he’s holding stuff back from Dean. I mean I guess he intends to tell him what’s going on and he’s just uncomfortable with revealing it but he makes some magnificently shifty shoulder gestures before he reveals he’s been talking to Martin

* * *

> SAM  
> Really, Dean? You don’t believe that? Because Benny’s a vampire. And any hunter worth his salt isn’t gonna let one just walk around freely. 

Ooo~~oooh 

Sam’s fabulous bitchiness aside, as I was saying 8x01 literally subverted the saving people hunting things motto the moment we saw Dean resurrect Benny (and save a “thing”), so Dean has been operating happily outside those really strict lines making informed choices (such as with Kate too)… Considering all this Benny stuff, I still can’t stop thinking all the time of him in season 10 (10x08?) saying all vampires were evil or something like that - back into those strict lines, after he came so close to developing a nuanced and forgiving world view on monsters. I honestly think getting Dean back to a Benny-level appreciation for the nuance of monsters is an endgame goal - to really effect this mindset and just make it the new rule outside of special episodes focussing on it but in day-to-day behaviour as well - and this was something we were teased in season 8 and was taken away in 9 as part of his descent. He hasn’t really been brought all the way back yet although I guess some episodes like 11x08 he did take the (considerably more harmless than a vampire) supernatural creature’s side…

Dean’s a work in progress :P

Anyway for now Sam is taking the hard line on Benny specifically out of personal motivation out of his own feelings being hurt and so on - not strictly related to his normal habits of being the one who normally sympathises with the monsters more

* * *

*actual establishing shots of where they’re driving* aka stock footage too far away from the road to need to drop an Impala in 

The conversation in the car was made dark by being through the windows or just in the shade of the car… then we go to the dark hotel which just isn’t very well lit… It’s not all the filters of season 1 but it’s definitely a murky feeling episode

I’m still watching while it’s daylight and I can’t see what’s going on 

* * *

> MARTIN  
> Just minding his own business. Working at the gumbo shack.
> 
> DEAN  
> Benny’s working at the gumbo shack?

Dean’s surprise at hearing that kind of amuses me, because this scenario is paralleled with 9x06 and finding Cas working at the Gas n Sip - in both cases he doesn’t seem to think that’s something particularly worth their time… and in both cases he’s had to drive them away because of Sam (in this case, literally because of Sam’s jealously, in 9x03′s case, it’s sort of metaphoric but essentially the same root cause) and that’s where they ended up, making a little life for themselves. While I think Benny at this point is considerably less in the scenario Cas was in in 9x03 and considerably more self-sufficient and not in the sort of danger Cas was in - even if both have problems with constant conflict with other vampires/angels, it’s the same failure of care, broadly. Dean and Benny, even though they agreed to go their separate ways in 8x01, were possibly meant to rely on each other a bit more than they did (and I think that goes both ways with Dean needing a sympathetic ear that understood Purgatory between 8x01-8x07 that he didn’t feel he could call on either - we never saw HIM calling Benny rather than the other way around, and it’s not implied they talked even before Dean has to “break up” with him after this drama) and meeting up with Benny again later in the season the implication is that he really needed Dean there for him in the intervening time. 

Anyway also Dean vs normal life and the things people choose to do with it. The fact BENNY has options to settle down and do something halfway normal like hold down a job - and Dean hasn’t thought of this for himself - must seriously unsettle Dean

* * *

> DEAN  
> Martin, you sure you’re running on a full charge?
> 
> MARTIN  
> Y-yeah. L-l-little s-shock therapy in the morning, and I-I’m [snaps fingers] good to go.

I think that was meant to be sarcasm from Martin but it’s played weirdly straight? It sounds like it was meant to be wordplay on “charge”

*side-eyes this and moves on*

* * *

Although TBH if Dabbflin’s “break up” is them both trying hard to demonstrate their individual strengths, and assuming that was meant to be wordplay, there’s a whole lot of it in this exchange… This episode’s reception is  _swamped_  by 8x08 but I don’t think Loflin is doing half bad for himself? I can’t remember if he wrote any other episode alone aside from the Prometheus episode, but that one I’m also very fond of

* * *

> DEAN  
> Wait – did you actually  _see_  Benny kill the guy or not?
> 
> MARTIN  
> I saw enough.
> 
> DEAN  
> Well, then, how can you be sure it was Benny if you didn’t actually see him do it?

again with the whole unreliable narrator theme

Sam and Martin are working on the assumption that Benny is evil and so interpreting the story as they have it to fit that interpretation. Dean thinks Benny is good and reads into the story differently and investigates it from a totally different angle. Only one of them can actually be right… In this case the “surface layer” of monsters being bad loses out to the nuanced subtext:

> MARTIN  
> B-b-because I saw Benny turn up the path, and then two seconds later, I trip over a body with its throat ripped. Look, man, you – you ever hear of Occam’s Razor? “Keep it simple, stupid”? It’s not that complicated. 

* * *

Anyway Sam isn’t totally unreasonable about this (yet) so even if he doesn’t trust Benny, he gives Dean a chance to deal with it and that Dean will keep his word that if Benny is a problem, then he’ll accept it and treat Benny accordingly

which… NOW we’re contradicting what they agreed in the conversation where they came to an agreement about what Dean did with Amy - that expecting the emotionally invested party to deal with a monster friend objectively is an unreasonable ask… that the un-emotionally invested party is to be trusted (Dean is going along with that part in the way that he accepted what Sam had done and promised to hear out the situation before they ever drove down here)

It’s all so far so good with a lot of simmering anger underneath, and it’s a shame it all goes off the rails after a while because this tentative understanding from the first 10 minutes of the episode can’t last >.>

* * *

> SAM  
> [exhales sharply] Well, sometimes it’s not easy to see things for what they are.
> 
> _FLASHBACK_

Clearly I am still not over giggling at Sam flashing back over the bladder infection line because 99% of these flashbacks are legitimately triggered by the last thing that was said to them in order to introduce the theme/purpose of the flashback

* * *

Riot is such a cute dog

* * *

that was very important meta shhh

* * *

Sam tells Amelia he selfishly wants to stay with her and she’s like yeah I want that too… Of course there’s a lot to say about Sam making these decisions for himself and saying what he wants and picking a life… but this is also where the strong Dean/Benny Sam/Amelia parallels show back up (after the parallels went all over the place in the middle of this half of the season with a lot of Destiel or Sam and Dean parallels mixed in between all sides of the dynamics) - Dean making what choices he can to preserve him and Benny e.g. making the choice to conceal him from Sam from the start, leading up to him prioritising Benny over Sam in order to stop Sam killing him

* * *

(also Sam saying “maybe I’m going to Hell for saying this” is kind of weird phrasing for him playing fast and loose with but I also just remembered that we literally return to this scene when Sam is IN Hell in 11x10 being tormented by Lucifer over this exact thing and now I’m laughing)

Ah Dabbflin <3

* * *

> DEAN  
> You’re out of pecan. Story of my life. 

Dean vs pie… Such a long, complicated and tragic story :P In this case I think Dean and Benny are being paralleled over the pie thing in such a way that we just bring up Dean’s issues with pie here but then thanks to that can apply the metaphor to Benny? It seems so cruel watching Martin eat that pie later, that the moment haunts me when I start watching this episode >.>

* * *

Anyway Dean goes to hear Benny out, fair and square and like he and Sam agreed, machete in his hands and prepared for the worst 

> BENNY  
> I know it’s hard to believe, but I haven’t always been this cute and cuddly. He’s chasing a memory, Dean. That’s all. He’s crewing up a new nest. He’s hoping I can give him some cred. I told him no. 

I’m fairly sure I had some point earlier about the way the past haunts them… Maybe just in general…? (if I wasn’t confusing that with season 11 meta) 

Sam was burying the past with Amelia but HIS side of things never intrudes on her - it’s her past that intrudes on them and that’s not such a neat parallel to Sam taking a year off to be “cute and cuddly” The “chasing a memory” thing doesn’t come into it unless that reflects on Sam rushing back to Amelia and finding she’s still with Don

I may just be really tired and missing some obvious parallel here :P I can’t think how this relates to anything happening to Dean or Cas, but the Benny stuff is supposedly paralleling the Amelia stuff so 

* * *

> BENNY  
> With Andrea gone and you hunting again, seemed like the right time for a homecoming – you two being the only ones who keep all my ducks in a row. 

Argh nooo don’t compare him directly to Andrea >.> the “and you hunting again” thing is weird because Dean n Benny never actually had a “normal” time on Earth and Benny was saying about how it’s different dealing with the hunger on Earth that wasn’t an issue in Purgatory… In a way the “you hunting again” thing seems more about creating a narrative foil to what Sam is doing with Amelia - he’s in a very different place in his life only a few months later with a whole different conflict about how to continue on from there if they were going to have a relationship, just like Dean has a very different issue including Benny in his life going forwards from how they travelled through Purgatory together…

* * *

Here’s 8x23 and a lot about “trust” being put on the table:

> SAM  
> Listen, Dean, we came here on a dead body. You asked for some time, and now there’s another dead body. Are we just going on trust here?
> 
> DEAN  
> Yes.

[…]

> DEAN  
> Yes, I do – too well. In fact, every relationship I have ever had has gone to crap at some point. But the one thing I can say about Benny – he has  _never_  let me down.
> 
> SAM  
> Huh. Well, good on you, Dean. Must feel great finally finding someone you can trust after all these years.

I mean Dean has a fair point about the number of times he’s been betrayed by Sam or Cas or what have you (One major incident apiece at this point :P) but he was clearly not thinking about reception when he opened his mouth - combined with his holding a grudge for a billion years thing it’s A: amazing he gets over Cas’s betrayal within a season and B: no wonder Sam feels so bad in 8x23 when Dean reminds him of Ruby again shortly before everything kicks off… 

Anyway Dean utterly fails to make his case because he’s thinking very much from an internal perspective of how this all feels to him, and almost, like, arguing *objectively* with Sam as if Sam-who-betrayed-him and Sam who’s here now are different characters - which I mean, says a lot about how Dean doesn’t see Sam as someone who betrayed him 24/7 :P - and he just wants Sam to know that Dean’s had a lot of experience with betrayal and so on but Benny doesn’t feel like that to him

only like, phrased in the most catastrophic way ever for making Sam go for it. Dean’s always reacting from instinct and intuition vs Sam’s logic and @Mittensmorgul has written some time ago about how the different ways they think and approach problems affect their arguments, and how hard it is for them to see the other’s side or consider how the other might think about what they’re saying. Dean’s basically trying to explain a gut feeling to Sam, and that’s just not something that is easy to explain or logic out except that Dean trusts Benny and yes he trusts Sam a hell of a lot most of the time but there’s experiences Dean had which have taught him WHEN to trust, and now he knows that Benny doesn’t feel like the experiences when Dean felt NOT to trust.

(I’ve seen Sam girls complaining that Dean is always proved right at Sam’s expense and that the narrative favour him… Which is not something I’ve ever been concerned about as I watch from a Dean or Cas perspective 99% of the time but when these sorts of arguments flair up I can see exactly how frustrating it is when Sam is genuinely wrong and getting told so, and then for it just to be PROVEN that he was wrong and overreacting. I actually find Sam really interesting for how he reacts like this and these situations bringing out his darker side)

(like, Sam is going into this assuming Benny = Ruby so Dean reminding Sam of Ruby, obliquely, is just making Sam go like “aaaargh but I trusted HER” and seeing his own stubbornness not to be wrong in Dean, while Dean is just… not wrong and knows it)

* * *

(I feel like season 8 is vastly easier to watch when you’re casually always kind of on Dean’s side even if you are sympathetic to Sam :P)

* * *

Oh no the orange rug is on the floor when Martin knocks Dean out

* * *

The unseen part here is where Sam has to agree with Martin that knocking out Dean was a good idea and go through with leaving him behind and, you know, picking sides with Martin once what was done was done. 

Like: drastic thing happens. That’s the moment Sam has to make an emotional response/form a clear opinion of how to deal with it, and he could have told Martin to naff off for hitting Dean or trusted that Dean may have been right and that Martin’s reaction was so extreme it forces Sam to reconsider what side he’s on

but ironically considering this is an episode about trust, Sam picks Martin for now and leaves Dean behind knocked out cold, and while he angrily gives Martin some terms and conditions for working together, he would still rather follow the course of not trusting Dean and assuming he’s compromised

(honestly since Ruby is on the table, seems like season 4 where Sam was always assuming Dean was too weak and couldn’t make the right/tough choices any more, and he fell down that rabbit hole of trust and making the hard choices he thought were necessary egged on by someone else who was also making them… So Martin’s choice to knock Dean out may actually have encouraged Sam to think that they needed to make hard choices and Dean wasn’t up to it… Obviously he doesn’t *encourage* knocking Dean out on the regular, but he doesn’t ostracise Martin for doing it either.)

* * *

John gets dragged back into it:

> MARTIN  
> Glad your dad wasn’t around to hear that. He’d have a mind to take you both out the woodshed and show you what’s what. Half inclined to do it myself. 

Martin sounds like he knows John well, then (I assume that came up in his first episode?) and he offers this commentary on John’s parenting as if he knows exactly what John would have thought and done

I mean it’s all blatantly second hand evidence from an unreliable source but I think one of the few times we really have it genuinely implied John would hit them for messing up?

Also TBH the whole “forbidden romance” aspect of Dean having to hide his monster friend from his parents like they’re on different sides of a Romeo & Juliet style fracture is ridiculous

* * *

there’s kind of weird parallels with the sides they’re picking with the flashback triggered by Martin saying 

> MARTIN  
> Just saying – brother chooses a vampire over a brother? I know how  _I’d_  feel. 

and then comes to the point of Don saying:

> DON  
> But the only one that knows what’s best for Amelia is Amelia. So when all of this is said and done and she’s made her decision, I’ll respect it. 

because it ends up with Dean being Amelia in this scenario

so, like, going around finding all the narrative parallels can walk you into a hole sometimes :P

* * *

Anyway Dean can only be restrained while handcuffed AND unconscious because the next thing we see is him awake and free :P He warns Benny that Sam is a BAMF and somehow even more scary than he looks… I am distracted by how Benny has been sitting in the same camping spot in the same blood-covered shirt for a day :P Never mind how he “it was night and now it’s day” about the body he found… now we “it was day and now it’s night” with Sam and Martin getting to his camp

* * *

it’s kind of obvious Dabb & Loflin worked together

* * *

I like how this random vampire trying to start a new nest is also connected to docks and he’s lurking in a shipyard somewhere. Lowkey Vampirates theme still :P

Dean knocks aside a hanging sheet without crossing through it properly, sort of avoiding the passing through the veil imagery, but we see Benny framed behind cage imagery, and of course he’s the one that kind of applies to now, even as he and Dean sort of joke about the nature of vampires - Benny is going to have his good vampire cred put to the test this episode and kind of fail when he manages to kill Martin but not Elizabeth (like… MAJOR disaster averted…) It still kicks off a quiet off-screen descent until we come back to him in 8x19

* * *

> BENNY  
> You’ve lost a step, friend. You need to lay off the junk food. 

We have seen Dean eat like 5 burgers per episode since he got back :P 

I was paralleling them directly to not being in Purgatory, so Benny pointing out how he’s not quite as sharp/good at fighting as he was and blaming it on the burgers is underlining how Dean’s shaken off Purgatory by now, at least in the worst ways it affected him. 

* * *

And then Benny does that thing where he looks hungrily at Dean’s neck where he got cut in the fight, because of course we have Benny looking lustfully at Dean with one of the oldest tropes about vampires there is about the metaphor between desire for blood/actual like,  _desire_  :P

Honestly that’s one of like a very few handful of things I actually remember about my season 8 first watch, because this one always makes me laugh when it’s used like this

(I somehow first-watched season 8 without considering the Destiel at all but I picked up on Dean x Benny and Dean x Aaron :P)

Also, Benny specifically said that Dean was one of the things that kept his “ducks in a row” so having Benny then have a horrible moment about wanting to eat Dean just further underlines his failing resolve/how he’s pretty much lost from this point on:

> BENNY  
> My life here is over, isn’t it? 

* * *

Dean once again relates directly to Benny:

> DEAN  
> Guys like us, we don’t get a home. We don’t get family. 

Dean’s made that decision long ago about homes, whenever he realised that Lisa had been a severe miscalculation about what he was allowed to have (so he would think) but the “we don’t get family” thing is sadder, as it’s being used to mean the kind of people like Elizabeth, or Lisa and Ben, or Amelia - the sort of safe, happy normal side of civilian life. Benny tells him he has Sam and Dean is just like “Yeah” looking really unhappy, considering they’ve now officially kicked off the big fight of the year once again… And Sam and Dean aren’t a normal model of a family, working alongside each other and only having each other and at the same time, always falling out and not feeling like they can trust each other BECAUSE of the stresses of the job… they don’t represent that “family” ideal to each other - a conflict we saw really clearly in 5x16 with Sam’s heavens, per Dabbflin episodes… 

Dean would be focussing on all the bad now, anyway. And actually this is further exploring how he feels about Amelia to Sam - he uses her as a weakness against Sam to make him have that panicked reaction and leave, in a way revealing to Sam the sort of vulnerability she’d represent and showing him WHY they can’t have that sort of thing… 

… And of course for Dean and family, later in the season he’ll tell Cas that he’s family, in a very different meaning of it (being on rather better terms with Sam by then as well) with the whole found family, the people who matter to you being whoever and however you know them, just the actual love you have for each other being important… Kind of a lesson learned too late with letting Benny go, even if he wasn’t dead yet by that point. 

(I mean by the late part of the season they have the Bunker too, and a different sense of themselves as a family with a settled home, as Dean takes to it instantly even if Sam doesn’t… Dean’s perspective of what they CAN have changes even in this season, so 8x17 him calling Cas family is much more along the lines of heading towards season 11 themes with Dean and Cas calling the Bunker home, Cas living in the kitchen in his mind…)

* * *

Also Dean and Benny have this whole conversation through more chicken wire giving us more cage imagery

* * *

there’s almost nothing to say about Martin taunting Benny after he lures him to the gumbo shack? “Bloodlust” was name-dropped earlier as a word in conversation but is the title of the season 2 episode with Gordon and this is following almost exactly the same pattern except with a total reversal on Gordon trying to taunt Dean into killing Lenore (you know, the vampire who was besties with a Ty Olsson played vampire so this parallel is all over the place :P) by riling her up with blood to prove she was the monster… in this case Martin’s cutting Elizabeth to rile Benny up to prove HE’s the monster when he’s the one standing roughly in Dean’s spot… as I was saying comparing back to 2x03 in 8x01, the way Dean was framed especially getting out of Purgatory and hunting vampires in Purgatory was very reminiscent of Gordon in 2x03, so it’s almost like he finally had that descent (despite actually having this long arc about the nuance of monsters being sympathetic that he first learned in that episode by REJECTING tapping into his darker side…) Anyway here Benny is issued the same challenge to show either his monster side or his human side…

I just really love how Dean and Benny have these themes around them and how Benny reflects on Dean and so on…

… I am still emotional about 10x19 bringing Benny back that way, honestly :P 

* * *

UGH and Benny resting his head on the counter waiting for Martin to come at him, framed THROUGH the empty pie rack

I MEAN

god the symbolism there :P

* * *

Ooh the sign for the beer which is associated with death is behind Elizabeth when she phones Dean. I clocked it in the cold open but wasn’t sure who we saw it with, but Benny did most of his shots actually facing away fro Martin so it wasn’t so associated with him… we only really see it once the carnage has happened

* * *

Poor Elizabeth :(

I remember being SO tense first watching this worrying that Benny was dead. Like, after that amount of stress the fact he killed Martin doesn’t make me judge him at all. :P 

Benny is very much a victim in this episode, but I think Martin is too, caught in the crosshairs between Sam and Dean’s fight and unfortunately mostly being Sam’s fault since he was the one who put Martin onto this case, so early early Carver era collateral damage way before the really bad stuff starts off with Sam, as well as this staged to create sympathy for Benny putting us on Dean’s side of the argument, AND how Benny’s tragedy was very much shaped around the “problem” of Sam and how will eventually die much more directly for the codependency arc…

* * *

When Dean and Sam talk about it Sam can’t even start to take responsibility for Martin’s death as he still assumes Benny is the monster and there’s no room for the nuance of a last desperate act to protect a loved one, or that the hunter - even though he’d seen how volatile Martin was even to the point of letting him knock Dean out and lock him up - could possibly be wrong. 

> DEAN (on phone)  
> Martin.
> 
> SAM (on phone)  
> Was it Benny?
> 
> DEAN (on phone)  
> He had it coming, Sam. I’ll tell you what happened.
> 
> SAM (on phone)  
> I-I  _know_  what happened, Dean.
> 
> DEAN (on phone)  
> Okay, you want to listen to me or not?
> 
> SAM hangs up.

When it comes to how they’re interpreting the story, Sam is completely wrong and we know it as we’ve seen exactly what happened, and Dean is in a position where even if he didn’t see it for himself, he can hear out the full story (presumably from Elizabeth) and understand the truth properly. And it’s because Sam won’t listen and engage with the story…

… which I think is a theme in Carver era although I am very tired and drawing a blank on where else :P I just know that, like,  _most_  episodes seem to deal with stories and interpretation :P

Anyway Sam has an El Sol beer sign behind him which can be connected to false realities and the story being wrong

but of course also since Amelia sneaks up on him, throws in our parallel to Lisa, just since they’re thematically connected anyway and Dean’s time with Lisa in season 6 was basically introduced via an El Sol sign 

* * *

[dramatic cliffhanger]

Um… I don’t have any summary thoughts, really. Of course this conflict carries on over to next episode and is resolved there (badly, for the sake of more drama later :P) so it’s all left for then

also next episode has Cas

let’s watch that


	10. 8x10

Or: actually… what even was this episode?

* * *

TBH while trying to visualise this episode pre-watching I’ve realised I basically blur together season 8 in a really weird way. This one feels exactly like 8x07 in my head, with rescuing Samandiriel instead of Kevin, and also has the spill over bro fight, which blurs it with basically every episode in the general vicinity with Amelia and/or Benny, and since it’s apparently set on Fizzle’s Folly in some part I see scrolling down the episode page, I blur it all the way as far as 8x19 where they’re hanging out on the boat waiting with Kevin because I was convinced for some reason that bit where Naomi comes to chat with Dean was this episode even though I know it isn’t. >.> This is a real Carver Era™ episode with all the action and running around and going to dingy warehouses… And weirdly indistinguishable from the others around it :P

* * *

it’s starting the recap with a Road So Far musical interlude since this was the midseason but this wraps up basically most of the subplot threads from the start of the season, lets us have 8x11 as a delightful free space episode, and then the Bunker and Trials stuff start happening instead and we basically have season 8.2 which is a totally different story? Closing the gates of hell was mentioned since the start but they don’t get a lead on it until the actual middle of the season, and the Naomi subplot will only just start seriously escalating this episode with the reveal of the angel tablet… I mean, add in the Bunker totally changing the feel of the show immediately (and in hindsight is the start of what feels like the modern era of the show and feeling like the Bunker is home right away is even easier the more time goes by) and I guess my main impression going into this episode is that it’s an ending of sorts (for example, ending with them in the cabin, which I don’t even know if we see again since the Bunker takes over as home in a few short episodes?)… I seem to recall also checking and seeing that Cas literally isn’t in it until 8x17 after this

(I was thinking about that in the context of season 11, as we “lost” Cas in 11x10 as in this season but Misha’s face has been on screen practically every other episode even if we won’t get Cas back until about the same time as in season 8, presumably… Anyway also just how the perception of season 8 is this bastion of Destiel stuff but even with some mentions and Dean’s low key concern about Cas in the intervening time here, season 11 has had Dean freaking out about Cas every single episode, out loud, since he found out what happened… Just thinking about the way our expectations escalate and how differently it’s happening this time around…)

* * *

also while I was scrolling down the main superwiki page to get to the transcript, I saw this:

> “[Torn and Frayed](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FTorn_and_Frayed&t=Zjg3NzdlZGEwYzZiNWJkYTFhZjJkYzFkYjJmOTlmYTc0N2M4NTMxNyxmMjNGRUpXdw%3D%3D&b=t%3AEoTmUHpiEEiE91JGAXVv3Q&p=https%3A%2F%2Felizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F143747811623%2F8x10-rewatch-or-actually-what-even-was-this&m=1)” is a Rolling Stones song from the 1972 album “Exile on Main St.” 

and I just ended writing about 8x09 as talking about how Amelia is linked to Lisa via the El Sol sign and of course THAT episode was called Exile on Main st.

* * *

“Alfie” in trouble starts off the episode

weird parallel that Dean cba to say “Samandiriel” so read his name tag and went with that in 8x02, and now the demon torturer is calling him that… He’s like a professor type in a labcoat with a bowtie but he seems to be Crowley’s torture guy and that makes him an Alastair typed character from the get go (I seem to remember he beats Dean up a bit near the end of the episode?) and I always feel sad about Dean parallels to demons and torturers. 

* * *

Sam is in the same motel room as he was in all the flashbacks

well since I think they only made one set it’s technically Amelia’s room as that’s the one we saw, although they both moved out by then so it’s not weird :P (it’s a little bit weird)

Sam is practically blending in with the plaid wall in his shirt

* * *

> SAM  
> Yeah, well, I heard all I needed to hear.
> 
> DEAN  
> No, you heard what you wanted to hear.

More on the story interpretation theme - Sam as his own unreliable narrator

And also with the subversion of “hunting people saving things” 

> SAM  
> Seriously, Dean? That’s the story you’re going with? That the vampire was the real victim here?

[…]   

> DEAN  
> You were gonna kill Benny. What was I supposed to do?
> 
> SAM  
> Is that what we are? You save a vampire

and of course this is the episode more sympathetic to Sam’s POV after the Dean POV on the last one, explaining how he felt about Dean’s manipulation and showing how it becomes both of them feeling like they’ve being forced to pick between each other and their plus ones

in the wake of 11x19 this feels ESPECIALLY good with the emphasis on how Jesse could love his brother most in the world but ALSO be married and love someone else whole-heartedly and have a happy ending with them too? Just to contrast the story being told in current canon with the one going on here which is the first fundamental split between them in Carvera era and caused by the same thing that 11x19 finally subverted…

For now we’re at the very start of Carver era and we circle around this one for AGES - Cas is the victim of it next season (and you could argue, ongoing victim if he never quite feels let into the family again after 9x03 based on where he’s currently at) and season 10 escalates it as far as them picking each other over the entire world… (Not that this season doesn’t end the same except that at least in 8x23 there was now aggressive active damage from the decision, just passive ongoing demon drama that they failed to prevent by not closing Hell)

season 11 is really only where we start healing from this, but this episode is where the rift REALLY shows up for the party

* * *

This also feels like their argument at the start of 4x04 over Ruby and Cas, essentially, but that one was not in so many words and the Sam and Cas dynamic was still basically non-existent since they weren’t even due to meet for another 3 episodes, so even with Dean using what Cas said in an argument against him didn’t quite faction them up this way, even if it’s basically the same narrative principle in the first half of season 8 as all of season 4 was structured around these 2 parallel relationships. 

(of course I’m not done talking about that, have you MET me?? I LIVE in season 4 :P)

* * *

> SAM  
> You didn’t want me to trust you. You wanted me to trust Benny, and I can’t do that.
> 
> DEAN  
> Right. Okay, well, then, what the hell do we do now?
> 
> SAM  
> That depends. It depends on you. On whether or not you’re done with him.
> 
> DEAN  
> Well, honestly, I don’t know.

trust again: in this case considering Sam’s issue with Dean in 8x23 is that Dean trusted others over Sam… this shows Sam being unwilling to extend trust himself, even in Dean never mind Dean’s friends… Last episode we had Dean accidentally say he didn’t trust Sam (which is how Sam would have taken it even if Dean probably didn’t mean to imply as much as it came across) and so this makes his declaration in 8x23 murkier, since really the discussion should be that they both lost their trust in each other, but it turns into Sam feeling terrible Dean didn’t trust him… when there’s so much more at work there with these issues going both ways. 

both of them set traps earlier - Sam bringing Martin in to watch Benny, Dean changing the number in the phone - long before either thing was brought into play in their argument… So they’ve both compounded a lack of trust issue by doing sneaky things and last episode was it just blowing up after long fuses burnt down. 

anyway this conversation concludes with it built up that they’ve made such strong factions with Amelia and Benny that they can’t work together any more - literally showing the worst case example that when they have outside relationships to each other they can no longer function as a team or trust and rely on each other

* * *

meanwhile: Cas

who gets on fine with BOTH of them and rarely causes conflict like this :P In fact he’s usually more likely to be shown in conflict with Dean, albeit in a non-falling out and arguing forever way. I mean I know Cas gets lumped in with Benny when Sam says about Dean trusting others over Sam, but he DOES have his own relationship with Sam unlike Benny… 

like I said a while back, I think Sam just kinda misses the memo on Dean n Cas as a couple until later (season 9 onwards, he seems to cotton on :P I know 9x18 at the very latest as a start point has Sam doing the whole ~special treatment to Dean’s feelings because Cas~ thing when telling him Cas has been abducted, although I’m sure the early episodes somewhere along the line tipped him off before then) hence having sibling jealously… once he realises Cas is better described as his brother-in-law this thread disappears entirely :P Like, for example, all the meta on Sam’s response to Cas saying “I miss him” in 10x01… obviously now, Sam’s different response to losing Cas in season 11 and how he is acting as constant support to Dean since…

* * *

I love watching Cas healing babies

it’s such a perfect moment

* * *

> NAOMI  
> Castiel, we have a situation. Samandiriel has been captured.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> I thought Samandiriel was dead.

heaven getting in on that lying and manipulating the story thing. They clearly save face on the fact an angel got captured by demons (CAN YOU SAY PR DISASTER) by broadcasting that he was dead… Cas is in that privileged seat (heh because Naomi summoned him into one of the chairs much to his bafflement) of being already under close observation by Naomi and being directly manipulated by her, so he makes an obvious candidate to send to get Samandiriel,  he’s operating somewhat out of “normal” angel circles, especially as he’s still got a ban on returning to Heaven so he can be kept doubly out of the loop of not just what the heavenly machine hides from all angels, but the chance for him to communicate with other angels in person and hear their perspective or share his info

* * *

Anyway then Cas watches Dean sleep

Dean is not so amused :P 

I always felt like they should rule of 3 this since we have “that’s not going to happen” in 8x08 but Cas disappears for ages after this, so I guess they forgot they were showing Dean protesting too much about Cas watching over him (or in this case being too awkward to poke him awake so just lurking until Dean woke up :P) - either way it makes a pattern that Dean does complain too much about this when we know with time and the right conditions he can be very gentle and open with Cas so I always feel vaguely like we should have had a subverted version >.>

* * *

A: further to the “too awkward to poke him” theory

> CASTIEL  
> Yes, which is why I need your help. It seems this is gonna involve… talking to people.
> 
> DEAN  
> Come on, Cas, I thought you were a hunter now.

B:  _what’s it like to settle down with a hunter_

aaaaaaaaaaaah

* * *

(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH)

I know, I know people collected a lot of gifs of Cas as a hunter from 8x08 and 9x06 but we missed one :P

* * *

Anyway ew why is that porn joke still a thing whyyy 

* * *

this is however one of the instances where Cas comes to ask Dean for help with a thing, rather than the other way around - okay it mostly happens in season 4 and then like, extremely sporadically (the Claire stuff for example in all her season 10 episodes) but since the argument that “Dean just sees Cas as a tool blah blah blah” was at least alive until recently (I have no idea of its status as hater rhetoric since this whole “Dean loses sleep and actively misses Cas for 7 episodes in a row” thing happened :P) it’s always nice to point out examples that aren’t Dean calling Cas for help but Cas coming to Dean instead, and getting instant, cheerfully offered help

(In this case Cas mentions Crowley is involved and Dean’s like “welp no time like the present to murder him” :P)

* * *

Anyway then just to compare and contrast Cas popping in on Dean unexpectedly, while Sam is also sitting around stewing, Amelia pops in on HIM unexpectedly

* * *

hang on a sec *scrolls back up to check*

> CASTIEL  
> Samandiriel is being held in the general vicinity of Hastings, Nebraska. 

that’s like, the major town near the Bunker

I recognise it from all the fics where people who don’t write the show and actually researched stuff like that write Sam and Dean driving off to do things like shopping trips and other things that need mid to large towns :P

I do find it weird that Sam and Dean have probably been to the silly tourist landmark for the centre of the US in Lebanon at least once in their road-tripping lives, since they seem weary and aware of these sort of meaningless roadside attractions, which would make up a significant chunk of their culture… strange to think about them crossing paths with the Bunker. In this case, we’re literally 2 episodes before it’s introduced AND on the other side of the hiatus so Jenny must have known about it?

* * *

Anyway Dean n Cas driving around together investigating stuff :’)

… Cas getting to see Dean wearing one of his really nice suits

Dean and Cas standing really close <3

it’s the little things and I am easily appeased

* * *

> DEAN  
> Mr. Hinckley? Hi. Uh, we’re from the, uh,  _Geneva Gazette._  I wanted to ask you a few questions about your  _ambush._  

tbh the terrible pun is actually the most convincing selling of the journalist cover he’s ever done :P I can just imagine the corny headline

* * *

Shame this isn’t one of these episodes that parallels Sam and Dean’s stories really closely while they’re apart, because Sam hooking up with Amelia would leave a nice narrative gap on Dean’s side :P

* * *

Btw Sam you probably should have told Amelia you hunted monsters… would have made things more interesting :P

* * *

I think that’s Cas’s car or one like it parked outside the abandoned factory… beige cars of that similar make do keep showing up… 

Thinking of missed opportunities for Cas to grab his car early, this is the scene where Dean tries asking him out on a lunch date and Cas ignores it

*hums and thinks of their cars parked outside the restaurant while they were inside on the Burger Date*

I probably should not have started thinking about how they adopted Claire in season 10 because it’s distractingly sad from, like, all directions, either marooned down in season 8 or sighing about season 11 :P

* * *

Okay but favourite underrated character dynamic:

> CASTIEL  
> You look horrible.
> 
> KEVIN  
> Yeah. Thanks.

they meet like maybe 3 times and it’s always a disaster and I love it

* * *

Dean being so proud of Cas offering to fly off and get stuff for them though :3

Like, “there’s someone with the right attitude!”

Kevin is under a lot of stress and cannot be expected to magically create dozens of weapons for you while translating the Trials at the same time, Dean. 

tbh Dean would be the most obnoxious boyfriend to other people, always going on about how great Cas is :P Like, we get it, he’s an angel, no we can’t all live up to that standard, he’s literally not human, Dean.

* * *

… This episode is mostly action and not deep meta stuff :P

* * *

Also random gross interlude for Dean to say objectifying stuff about Kevin’s mom while he can’t hear >.> Combined with a BAB sighting on the laptop, this episode is kinda weird and objectifying… I do like Jenny’s writing mostly, but she of all the writers except perhaps Snymelo seem to write, like, extra dudebro if left unchecked… >.> (And I think I spotted this was a Singer-directed episode)

* * *

Anyway then Benny calls, thankfully interrupting whatever Dean was going to say… he’s shown lurking by a family cheerfully eating a picnic, which is either a reminder of “guys like us don’t get family” or he is seriously considering eating them all and decided to call Dean first

* * *

fish are friends, not food

* * *

oooh hang on a sec, thinking of *gestures vaguely at the last few points* Jenny wrote 9x08 too, so that “always the adios” thing actually is more of a direct reference than I ever realised

… huh

* * *

> BENNY (on phone)  
> Dean, you did this old dog a real solid, and, uh… the way you stood up for me – 

aah dog imagery

(and of course that applies either way since Benny is a Dean mirror)

* * *

> DEAN  
> You kicked your mom to the curb?
> 
> KEVIN  
> She was too distracting. I couldn’t focus. The angels said I had to go to the desert to learn the word of God, all right? So… this is my desert.
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah, but your mom’s your mom.

baaah, bye Linda >.> 

Dean looks really upset by Kevin saying that, since obviously the subject of having a living mother that cares about you is a huge deal to the Winchesters… Anyway it shows Kevin having to willingly sacrifice for the mission what the Winchesters lost to start theirs… The mention of the angels also reminds us that Kevin is in here because sucky destiny, and the mention of the desert and him comparing his current situation also underlines how alone he is in all this, and his theme of isolation - which is how Crowley eventually gets to him. And for Kevin too there are themes about trust all over the place, since he’s already run off once because he can’t trust anyone but himself, and Crowley again tries to get at Kevin by reminding him that…

* * *

Anyway then Cas abducts Sam

Sam and Dean make angry shoulders at each other

Cas is pro-teamwork and gets to tell them to stow their crap. Bless his cotton socks <3 I love Cas’s role as the force of unity between them here, as well as bringing in the bigger picture that while they’re falling out over silly stuff, like, the world is still happening out there and people/angels still need saving :P

(The conversation with Kevin, and about how he booted his mum out, also plays a similar role in trying to convince Dean he should suck it up and stick with Sam I think)

* * *

in the mean time

*more angry shoulders*

* * *

Thankfully then we get to skip to the action :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> Okay, so, what? We go in, take care of the hell mooks, and you extract the angel?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Yes. After killing so many, I need to save at least this one.

*loud sobbing because this never goes Cas’s way* 

This also, despite the season 7 stuff with Cas, is also, I guess, the real start of that theme for Cas? He hasn’t met any other angels outside of Naomi so far this season, and in season 7 Hester was the one guilt-tripping HIM and Cas was still deflecting from approaching his issues properly… 8x08′s conversation about returning to Heaven and this are really setting up this side of Cas’s need to do penance… And of course since what happens with Samandriel is the start of Cas helplessly watching/being made to kill yet MORE angels, at least in Carver era (although of course I’d argue that Hester was very much along that theme and I guess is really the scene that sets us up for this whole exploration over the next few seasons that’s currently treating Cas to, say, watching Hannah or Ambriel die, or having Lucifer kill more angels with his hands…

* * *

And awww Cas gives Sam his angel blade,  because he trusts him :’)

Like with 8x07 where Cas was just not back at full strength, with the angel warding, Cas is physically blocked from entering and helping… Dean already has the demon knife in his hand, so Cas bequeaths his knife on to Sam… to go with Cas as a force of unity between them, he’s also equalising the imbalance between Sam and Dean and also much better at delegating and working out what they do tactically (since Dean doesn’t even want Sam there it’s important someone else neutral on the argument is calling the shots :P) 

I like these little things about TFW working together as a unit and especially with the way their strengths are balanced and being TFW overrides their arguments

* * *

Anyway then more descent imagery for Dean walking off down a long dark corridor with red at the end.

He’s also gesturing to Sam which way to walk when they split up so they’re back to working together properly now they’re on the task

* * *

I really love al the dramatic red lighting

and that shot of Sam and Dean crossing paths either side of more chicken wire cage imagery, since they’re currently still in conflict

working together also forces Dean to save Sam’s life because obviously priorities that are always more important than fights :P

* * *

Anyway then Cas shows up but is in distress even before Samandiriel’s screaming/core programming leaking out (there’s angel high pitched whistling involved :P) triggers Cas’s flashbacks of being tortured

(at the show: WHY)

and Sam sees Cas is now the one more in “need” and hands him back his angel blade

* * *

I hate how it clutches it like a teddy bear or something as he goes down :(

* * *

anyway I guess Cas getting actual flashes he remembers of Naomi (who he doesn’t know exists in his day to day life >.>) is probably part of why he was dragged off for the hard reprogramming between now and 8x17… making her eventual choice of “murder all the Deans!” that much more dramatic… Dean has always been the symbol of Cas’s rebellion against Heaven to Cas and we didn’t even get there directly from events leading up to that reprogramming

Also Samandiriel blurting out everything that has been opened up to him from having his head hacked including revealing that Naomi was real

> NAOMI  
> This is a direct order! Kill him! 

And then since we’re going from this to 8x17 for Cas, here we have our Crypt Scene subversion on the exact same conditions with Naomi ordering Cas to do it from inside his head, offering a sort of “control” situation for the big moment, since Cas can barely argue even in the office, and then just goes and does it

* * *

I love this shot though:

between the light blurring through Naomi to make her look hardly real to the way it’s all darkened around the edges… That light in her window when it’s pure white seemed to be representing Heaven in all its white purity… Now we see darkness creeping in around the edges and with the damage done by Samandiriel being hacked, Heaven’s been compromised in several ways, from Crowley knowing about the tablets to angel grunts on the ground becoming aware of the control exerted on them. This is a clear moment of defeat for Naomi, having to choose to sacrifice yet another angel (and we know she agrees with Cas in spirit that Heaven needs to be fixed and that no more angels should die - Naomi WANTS the end of all this chaos and her actions are towards preservation… It’s as much a loss for her as it is for Cas to discover that Samandiriel revealed their secrets and that the angels are becoming aware)

* * *

The room seems brighter again from the next angles we see of it as Naomi praises Cas for killing poor Samandiriel, but we can still see in the background the dark grey of the main window being dimmed >.>

* * *

I always get so sad about her saying he was “broken”, more than calling him a traitor, because one is just PR, but the other is dehumanising the angels and showing how she thinks of them as machines :(

* * *

And of course how she says Cas was a hero but then we return to him hunched over and practically curled around poor Samandiriel/Alfie’s body clearly in a huge amount of remorse that can’t be programmed out of him by telling him he did the right thing

Also he did kinda kill Samandiriel up against the side of the Impala so honestly it should have wings burned into the side of it >.>

* * *

Poor Cas in Naomi’s office looking on the verge of real tears, and Cas talking to Sam and Dean swaying on the spot and talking like a robot while bleeding a tear :( That moment always hurts so much

The violent reprogramming/torture she does does seem to be through the eye and I’ve seen people interpret it that way, but I see it as Cas being so compromised HIMSELF about having to say and do these things and struggling against his free will being blocked, which is, like, a core part of himself, that he cries blood like a sign of how horribly wrong everything is and he can’t express it… Tears of blood are generally signs of horrible things happening or omens, if we look back to apocalypse era stuff on the show

* * *

bye Cas :( 

Also as a very rude post once pointed out Cas saying he’s going to return to Heaven is doubly upsetting for Dean after what Cas said about returning to Heaven… and this only gets worse as the season goes on and on with no Cas for ages :( :(

* * *

Sam and Dean rush back to a safe place to talk i.e. they’re not ready to spray paint angel warding on the roof of the car… 

> DEAN  
> I told you something was off with him since he got back from Purgatory. 

Dean says pretty much the exact same thing about Casifer - that he seems off - so I really like that he has a reliable “something’s up with Cas” sense

and of course the fact that Dean was right about this too and it was all pushed down at the time… since Cas made it about Dean mis-remembering Purgatory and turned Dean into an unreliable narrator…

I think 8x17 has Dean making similar points about how long Cas has seemed strange

* * *

> DEAN  
> I don’t know. I’m just tired of all the fighting. And, you know, maybe I’m a little bit jealous. I could never separate myself from the job like you could. Hell, maybe it’s time for at least one of us to be happy. 

Dean immediately goes from “must save Cas” to remembering Sam had girl problems, and gives Sam the blessing to go off and join her if he wants - that he’ll stay alone and research into what’s up with Cas by himself (as this is currently their only major problem while they wait for results from Kevin)

this again with season 11 in mind seems ridiculously more suggestive than ever that Dean is A: bummed about Cas and B: looking mournfully at endgames and romantic potential for them and seeing nothing he can HAVE and C: bringing this all up as if he himself is currently actively unhappy in love, like, nothing to do with the fact Cas came back but has immediately flapped off somewhere and left Dean worried and upset and not with Cas.

Also showing how Dean separates love from the job (this comes across very accusingly when he says it because of course Sam ALSO does this and splits off from the job to have his love interests when he’s trying to live a normal life. Dean too sees it this way but picks the job over the love interest, such as when with Lisa she saw how conflicted he was and shoved him back out the door as she could see the split in his heart between her and hunting and being on the road

season 11 continues to be weirdly revolutionary in teasing the idea of settling down with another hunter or someone in the life, just because Sam and Dean both have created these false dichotomies where they HAVE to have one or the other

like, Dean being sad and conflicted about Cas here, doubles up with the fact that Cas is intrinsically a part of the job even when he’s not trying to be a hunter there’s always a problem - he’s not there, something’s happening to him, he’s dead, he’s got other duties… whatever it is, the job comes between them?

TBH if not for 11x19 I’d have assumed this as a sneaky allusion to this but that episode has changed my stance on this subplot or thematic thread or whatever it is in a very eye-opening way >.>

Pls stop me being too positive for my own good :P

* * *

> SAM  
> What, you being such a big hugger and all? 

… Dean did go squish Cas in Purgatory

the Destiels will have that :P

* * *

> SAM  
> Yeah, I keep hearing that. I’m gonna… take a walk. Clear my head. 

that’s generally when you’d assume he runs off and doesn’t come back but we’re at one of the big low points here and Sam can’t make the selfish decision here… 

and of course the whole fact that by season 11 they’re talking about balance again casts this in such a strict light that they can’t have “one foot in one foot out”, again clearly showing the development and change they’ve all been through by season 11

* * *

Anyway Benny is hanging out at the docks looking reeeeally shady now and clearly running out of “humane” blood to drink :(

Poor Benny. You did not deserve this >.> Since this is the break up call

> DEAN (on phone)  
> Listen, Benny. Everything you’ve done for me, I will never forget, but, uh… This is it. 

I mean

honestly

(the fact no one ever clearly pointed out to me/I never realised that 9x08 has the same writer is bothering me now :P I still don’t know about Dean n Benny canonically hooking up, but the FRAMING of them, dear god)

* * *

And of course Dean is standing by the sofa which seems in only a season and a half to be linked to some of their worst states of mind… 

if this IS the last time we see the cabin, Dean sitting pensively on the sofa thinking sadly about having to “adios” Benny this sofa has the most concentrated amount of Awful connected to it per piece of furniture that even the breakfast table in the Bunker can’t match, and Bobby’s sofa never gets close to… It’s like those 3 weeks he spent on the sofa with his broken leg after Cas died left an emotional stain on the sofa that never washed out, and we end with it on this horrible uncomfortable, sad, moment where the brothers pick each other and it just looks and feels awful

*waves goodbye to Amelia too*

(Of course everything Dean was saying about relationships that I was relating to Cas also attaches to this duel break up with Benny and Amelia thing)

* * *

Sam and Dean just look so UNHAPPY

ugh

* * *

… hey I know who can fix that

*puts the next episode on immediately* :P


	11. 8x11

Or: what a wonderfully subversive little episode <3

lemme just fangirl it loudly for a while

* * *

Oh my god the recap of this episode literally is just the Benny & Amelia break up parallel aside from reminding us who Charlie is 

the compare and contrast on the break ups is in uncomfortable focus in the sort of way you’d normally only get with a specifically made gifset to point angrily at the parallel (and the fact this is lampshaded IN the episode)

there’s no warning for the actual content of the episode, even with references to LARPing and a fairy episode in the past of the show… Maybe less about the element of surprise and more about asking you to forget how it’s happened before :P 

* * *

I’m aware I’ve already spent [way too much time writing about this episode](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/98348884223/changelings-queerness-and-supernatural), but tbh I’ve pretty much always seen it through that lens - it’s not like that post, for me, is a thought experiment style essay so much as just explaining the way I’ve always seen this episode since my old essay about this but not Supernatural predates this by like 2 years… :P In fact I was researching it when I saw 6x09 for the first time… :D For me personally this has always been the kind of the gayest episode in terms of applying queer theory to it than anything since the siren episode, and only usurped by 11x19 this week. :P 

But hey that meta was talking about all the fairy episodes in general and I’ve never done a full pass through of this episode in particular applying it so 

tl:dr - fairy association = queer subtext, Dean rolls up to this episode already associated unlike Sam thanks to 6x09… And Sam sort of manages to get through 99% of the episode and everything that matters without getting overty connected to Moondoor in any way shape or form… Participation goes a step further e.g. Sam staying anachronistic, even using computers in the anachronism tent & general sense of masquerade & related themes to that for Dean and Charlie, blah blah fairy worlds as queer spaces, real fairy world leaking into Moondoor, HANDMAIDEN as a subversion of gender expectations… etc etc 

ALSO I went onto my 8x10 tag out of curiosity for what I needed to reblog or maybe make gifs of from elsewhere, and got totally distracted by how it seemed to be a tag actually half dedicated to THIS episode, and I realised this episode acts as an answer or subversion or explanation or what have you to that episode, of course starting, as I already said, with how the plot summarised recap is just the 2 break ups from last episode paralleled

* * *

Cold open guy starts off arguing with his friend:

> MAN (on phone)   
> How dare you? Lance. Yeah, that’s right. I’m talking to Lance, not – 

basically the first lines of dialogue are already working on this theme of blurring identities… and of course if we just take Moondoor as the “story” theme that’s present all through Carver era, they’re getting the story wrong. Catastrophically wrong:

> MAN (on phone)   
> Oh, you know, we both cut corners to get close to her, but that wasn’t cheating. Dude, it’s just a game. 

we won’t know until later but they have the same futile quest as the bad guy in the episode: that is, they’re reading the story completely wrong and all of them are engaged in a battle to woo Charlie because they’ve blurred reality and fiction to think their real selves have a chance with the Queen of Moons, who is, essentially, a fictional character.

They’re all nerd-bro entitled dudes who think the girl playing in their spaces is up for grabs, and as a queer nerd girl who hangs out in these sorts of spaces this episode is  _immensely_  satisfying for me :P I think some of the deaths were political over Moondoor factions, but what we see on screen is the main nerd-bro killing off his two nerd-bro “rivals” for Charlie’s affection

so we know right from the start anyway that these guys aren’t playing by the rules of the story, and by the end the last standing nerd-bro gets the message he’s been ruining everyone’s fun and will be held accountable for his actions for his entitlement towards the uninterested female characters

(have I mentioned how much I love Robbie? :P)

I mean obviously not all the dudes in this episode are terrible - some of the shadow orc guys offer a more sympathetic example of escapism at Moondoor very similar to Charlie’s when they’re asked, if I remember correctly…

but these guys fit that nerd-bro profile thanks to not just crushing on Charlie but breaking the rules to get closer to her when it’s obviously unwanted attention 

* * *

Anyway then we see the guy die after getting the tree of pain on his arm, and I don’t need to talk about how that one was gone over and over as a Mark of Cain parallel once we knew about it 

* * *

Heh, in the car, when Dean says “Have some fun” the credits wait until that line after a pause to say “And Felicia Day” :3

Sam has been thinking about the demon tablet and being noticeably moody enough about it to make Dean ask even on top of the whole “just broke up with Amelia” thing (Dean makes no mention of how he’s feeling even after telling Sam how he understands it wasn’t easy for him to give up Amelia) but it’s Garth who calls and puts them on the case, as, again as in 8x08, the last MotW we had, a neutral party in their arguments telling them where to go… 

Anyway Sam wraps it up with this line:

> SAM   
> Working a case. As long as we’re waiting on Kevin, that’ll be our fun. 

(Ahaha little do you know that you will be FORCED to have fun *evil cackling*) 

It lets Sam verbalise his frustration about working random cases but without a position to argue against Dean for suggesting they do anything, or a reason NOT to do it since a “higher authority” is putting them on the job. But reminds us STILL that Sam is only working cases because they’re waiting for something more important - still threatening that he might want out on the other side of things and that even this deep into the season and even on the other side of Amelia, Sam still has his own desires and idea of an ending

… it occurs to me now that I’ve watched this much of the season, that our next “MotW” is 8x13, and Sam DOES put them on that case after nerding out and investigating all the files they find in the Bunker, and so it’s the other side of discovering their status as “Legacies” that he must have an attitude shift… Now I’m curious about the MotW on the other side of that, since of course the Trials thing starts immediately after that, so Sam’s motivation has to undergo another shift because he’s in a different situation… Hm.

* * *

> SHERIFF   
> FBI? You guys are quick. Haven’t even got the body out yet.
> 
> DEAN   
> Well, the FBI is all work… [he looks at SAM] no play.

obviously Dean’s retort to Sam’s last line from the previous scene, several hours later :P

I mean in Dean’s defence have you seen him try to come up with a snappy come back on the spot?

* * *

i relate to Dean so hard

* * *

Anyway then he snipes this comment too, ostensibly to the Sheriff but for Sam’s hearing:

> DEAN   
> I work better on my own. 

so he’s clearly busy holding a grudge about Sam’s attempts to split/make his own way in the world… 

* * *

I kind of really like the sheriff (for a one-off one scene role he is extremely memorable) but he somehow inescapably reminds me of Bob Singer, possibly because the voice is similar to the actor who played him in The French Mistake (we hear actual Bob Singer quite often in the show doing VO stuff - I think I saw on Superwiki he was the dung beetle documentary narrator literally last episode from this - and he sounds nothing like this :P), possibly because this guy’s shown as casually old and scornful and out of touch in a genial but still unsympathetic towards the victim kind of way, pointing out his house was full of “toys” and of course the absolutely classic line 

> SHERIFF   
> These kids today with their texting and murder.

it’s the kind of outside eye looking in on all this giving us the general view on all the nerd stuff

He’s also uninformed about monster stuff, obviously, but gets us a hilarious moment of misinterpreting the subtext when Sam asks him, presumably thinking about torn out hearts etc which is matter of course for possible monster attacks:

> SAM   
> Huh. So, anything… missing from the body?
> 
> SHERIFF   
> You mean aside from the arms and legs? Uh… [chuckling] nope. All there – twig and berries, too.

… 

* * *

> LANCE   
> Wands and swords at dawn.
> 
> DEAN   
> Now, when you say “wands” do you mean magic wands?

I love those times when Dean immediately thinks of dicks

…

> DEAN   
> You saw the chain mail. This could be “Fifty Shades of Greyfox” for all we know.

* * *

so basically this episode is so far 90% about penises

* * *

for the ongoing subtext of Dean policing his behaviour around Sam about anything:

> DEAN   
> Huh. [chuckling] It actually looks kind of awesome.
> 
> SAM looks at DEAN, and DEAN takes the smile off his face.

which actually, since I’m still thinking about 11x19, remembering that Jesse had that long conversation with Sam about how awesome HIS brother was for supporting him and being understanding of his sexuality, and then Sam getting all thoughtful… Obviously we pretty much all agree Sam is probably not only totally fine with Dean being bi but also has probably suspected for a very long time… but Dean’s reaction to Sam seeing him doing anything remotely un-Dean-like from thinking nerdy stuff looks cool to liking Taylor Swift and as I’ve talked about before, in relation to that last one, it’s usually Sam’s reaction looked surprised/judgemental that also polices Dean’s behaviour as much as is own hang ups about being seen to like un-manly things? Obviously there are examples SUCH AS THIS EPISODE where it’s subverted but I think the overall pattern is sort of like this little example here where Dean DOES check himself, and certainly the expectation still when presented with similar scenarios?

… I dunno, formless musing on this theme :P

* * *

Anyway HI CHARLIE

* * *

One more quick murder for the road (the guy dying of poisoning, as we later discover, whose death includes horrendous bleeding from the eyes, to be paralleled briefly to Cas bleeding from the eye last episode as a result of a horrible influence from within, just to double down on the idea Naomi’s influence on him is THAT bad - obviously the next time we see Cas is 8x17 by the same writer, so Robbie has more of a free run on this than anyone else)

* * *

Aaand culture shock when Sam and Dean get to Moondoor and they BOTH stand out in their Fed duds to start with…

* * *

I love Dean’s face when “Boltar” puts the “shadow orc”’s teeth back in after they’ve been in the ground. You can see in him in the background just sucking on his teeth like “NOPE”

ah, germ-phobic Dean <3

* * *

> GERRY (BOLTAR)   
> Hold! [He puts down the hood of his costume and speaks in an everyday voice.] Um, guys, we’re not doing the whole genre-mash-up thing this weekend. We only do that every third month.
> 
> […]
> 
> GERRY (BOLTAR)   
> Your fake badges, the cheap suits. It’s very cool. I get it. Your characters are FBI agents that somehow traveled to Moondoor, but I’m telling you it’s just – it’s straight-up Moondoor this weekend.

Boltar goes on to critique their badges in intricate detail

if you’ve been reading along with me you’ll know I have a serious thing about Dean and the badge (see also: [Lizzy vs the Siren Episode](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/125513601548/spn-hellatus-rewatch-4x14-or-honestly-this)), and it’s the fault of an episode literally 2 down the line from here, so I think it’s very worth mentioning how Boltar “outs” them as fake FBI agents (again, actual phrasing used about them posing as agents in 9x15 on this same overt theme) based on his insider knowledge of what LARPers look like. LARP-dar or something instead of gaydar :P 

Anyway I talk a lot about Dean’s FBI persona as something he uses to be a shade off of his normal self and therefore free under that false identity to be a little bit gayer than normal… 

The whole line of inquiry when I follow this thread has Dean bumbling about it being a federal investigation to Aaron in the back of my head at all times, tbh, and that  _thing_  with the badge. So on top of everything else about Dean and costuming here, Dean’s persona is exposed and he chooses to transform into the handmaiden for the rest of the episode… The FBI thing is a false persona still even if it’s closer to an expressed version of Dean he doesn’t normally get to reveal… but his choice to change and express himself as a citizen of Moondoor is a different, more true identity? idk. It’s the association to the fairyland again which changes what it means especially for Dean into this different sort of coding? (since for Sam, who eventually dresses up too, the bookending theme is “fun” and so I suppose him not dressing up approaches it as if he’s a killjoy rather than making it about how he’s not engaging with the same subtext, even if that’s there too… but it’s always way more than that for Dean)

(I am so glad this episode pre-dates “handmaiden or feudal lord” as a sarcastic meme about lesbian relationships because tbh Charlie IS the feudal lord here and I’d be looking super askance at Dean being the handmaiden if there was any chance that was a thing when this was written :P Thankfully not, since that seems the sort of meme Robbie would find out about. >.>)

ANYWHO I just think it’s sort of important Dean’s “outed” before this episode starts in earnest :P This theme has been attached to him and not Sam (I mean all we really need for proof of that is Nick latching onto Dean not Sam before we get into the analysis of the FBI persona thing, although there’s plenty of smaller instances around… Lull on it over Gamble era but it’s back with a vengeance from this season onwards - 10x08 also has a serious random moment about the badge for example, moments before Dean seduces DeputyDouche for info…) so even though this moment is kind of attacking both of them for showing up in suits, it’s Dean who responds to it, and it’s part of a theme attached exclusively to Dean over the years.

* * *

> GERRY (BOLTAR)   
> It’s just – it’s a tournament weekend, okay guys, so you got to follow the rules. If there’s no rules – chaos. 

this sounds weirdly apt for a comparison to Naomi trying to manage Heaven - I’m sure there’s meta out there paralleling Moondoor to Heaven 

* * *

> DEFEATED SWORDFIGHTER   
> I love you.
> 
> CHARLIE   
> I know.

tbh she is kind of leading them on since that’s her catchphrase :P She’s play-acting and quoting movie lines and being a nerd, and at least for now it all seems really harmless (since why would she suspect someone would do anything as extreme as what Boltar did :P) Charlie is constructing a very safe narrative all recycled romantic lines from films and part of her Moondoor story, as an “interactive literaturist” or whatever… considering all the attention she gets from the cute elf maidens, presumably she herself is out, and therefore thinks there’s a good safe line between reality and fiction (and she still gets to hook up with the maidens. Win win :P) but it’s down to losers like Boltar not respecting that difference?

(btw I’m not reflecting that onto commentary of themes of subtext etc as a whole - this is sort of part of Charlie’s personal story, when we look at 8x20 as well - and that clinging onto the fake reality thing in the djinn dream and not being able to let go ends up being about Dean not being able to let go of Sam, so in a roundabout way this theme ends up looping around via Robbie episodes to be about THAT drama that isn’t even relevant to the brothers yet AT ALL, and for now there’s just a strong personal theme about stories and reality vs fiction attached to Charlie that’s kind of her own… I just realised I should probably explain that line of thought a bit more since this is starting to sound like I’m drawing out a really critical theme of people misinterpreting the subtext here that I don’t think Robbie would ever intend considering how he writes about subtext when he actually openly mentions it :P)

* * *

Anyway! Charlie then talks about HER identities (including “Charlie”) dying, and how Sam and Dean showing up had killed “Carrie” (her current name in this… I guess she favours names beginning in C :P)

in this case it’s a bad thing, but also works to put the idea of shedding identities on the table, which is something positively connected to Dean this episode as he will shed this current identity and dress up and have fun as the handmaiden this episode… I think I also wrote in that fairy meta about Charlie and her multiple adaptable identities also being significant just for understanding her character… And of course that reflects on Dean in his more metaphoric shedding of identity here… 

* * *

PS I love Charlie standing in front of a huge portrait of herself as a queen

Moondoor is so OTT

I bet one of her followers painted it for her :P

* * *

Probably carried that bed in for her too

* * *

Aha, I knew I covered her armour before!

<http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/118891591388/elizabethrobertajones-thinking-of-charlies>

She has the Bees of Pacifism on her armour (per: honeycomb design in the background of the hotel in Hammer of the Gods for Gabriel, Cas in season 7, Cain in 9x11) and of course after they tell her people are dying she sheds the armour and rejoins the fight after a moment where she nearly walked out the door, because Charlie is good even when she wants to run, if people are in danger she’ll stay and do what she can :’)

* * *

Also of course we talk a lot about the symbolism of Charlie plopping her crown on Dean’s head on the way out of the door but I mean I can’t just *not* mention it when this episode has a great actual multi-purpose and varied subplot of costume symbolism… Dean of course to go with the themes is “queened” rather than “kinged” (in chess you can upgrade a pawn to a queen - and this is a season of chess references - but kings are unique - never mind how Moondoor, while being a multi-gender “fairyland” is fairly feminine coded (or at least “un-manly” for the dudes involved e.g. Sheriff Bob making fun of the guy for the house full of toys) and Dean is going to get the job of hand _maiden_  etc. It’s safe to assume Charlie is bequeathing queenship on him :P 

* * *

> CHARLIE   
> What I care about is not getting my other arm broken… or dying. 

grrrrr

although I have to wonder if her getting her other arm broken kinda doomed her - I mean, that happened in season 10, where we were all waiting shortly after that for Cain’s prophecy to tick down… Having a character with a list of things that might happen to them and then the first thing happening kind of leaves you like “so is she going to die next now that happened??” … I think Robbie is honest about never meaning to kill her off and fighting for it not to happen so let’s go with it also worked in reverse like Cain’s thingy and she died temporarily in 9x04 and then her next appearance in season 10 she had her other arm broken, boom, she was supposed to be safe because she’d subverted the list, in a clever parallel to how Dean was going to work through his own list and not kill anyone >.>

Shh I have been trying NOT to talk about this :P *forces self to go back and enjoy the present moment*

* * *

Anyway Dean argues for Charlie to get to safety and Sam suggests that they could use her help which is eerie and uncomfortable for the end of season 10

especially as Charlie decides to stay and fight officially at that point after expressing her fear and how much she WANTS to leave

> CHARLIE   
> But the queen… [sighs] she has to stay. I mean, Sam is right. People are dying. That can’t happen on my watch. And you know what? I am tired of running. I like my life here. I’m gonna stay and fight for it. 

also, relating to Sam, he of course has the whole theme of “running” from the start of the season, and as the opening of the episode reminded us, he still wants to run away… Charlie saying this is basically what Dean has been *trying* to communicate to Sam about their duty to save people, but he and Sam are at a point where they can barely communicate without misunderstandings and guilt trips and emotional blackmail etc just because they’ve been backed into so many corners… So for example 8x03 has Dean epically failing to communicate this exact thing to Sam while it’s all wrapped up in guilt trips.

Hearing a 3rd party person explain why they stay and fight may actually be the catalyst that gets Sam happy to hunt just as their job again? Considering he’s finally due a change of opinion in the latter part of the season…

* * *

I mean we mostly get reaction shots of Dean looking sad and troubled as a result of that but the message is for Sam too :P

* * *

> DEAN and CHARLIE [simultaneously]  
> The porn star? 

Ah here’s the first thing from 8x10 I wanted to mention

I saw this gifset while I was exploring my own blog to see what I’d ever even reblogged about season 8 

<http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/93522546903/amyrat151-crossroadscastiel-in-which>

obviously Charlie’s in there again from 9x04, but the example with Cas as the only one Dean is awkward about it, is from literally the episode before this, and so having this episode also immediately address this by showing how Dean is cool mentioning porn in front of Sam and Charlie, and Charlie is cool mentioning porn in front of Sam and Dean, and none of them are actively weird about it in the way Dean was with Cas last episode, all serves to immediately respond to that moment from last episode. 

(I’m still not very fond of BAB anyway just because it’s a gross joke in of itself, but I suppose this is making lemonade with an ongoing theme since it’s already part of the show and Robbie can’t do anything about that. :P I also realise with 8x17 as the other example, Robbie’s responsible, this included, for THREE instances of mentions of porn surrounding Dean, and if it DOES comes as a direct response to the thing with Cas, it’s like he singlehandedly decided to turn it into the “can’t act perverted in front of a love interest” trope just by undermining the original intent, whatever it may have been, just by choosing to write the contrast 3 times in relatively short succession. It’s like how he’s responsible for maybe 3-4 of the crypt scene parallels just to really prove the rule there as well)

* * *

Sam has been single one episode and is being flirted with by cute LARPers

* * *

have I ever mentioned how much I love that Dean getting dressed moment which directly references Aragorn dressing for battle in The Two Towers? 

I’m 100% sure Dean knew exactly what he was referencing as much as the director and intentionally tugged on his clothes in the exact same way as he remembered Aragorn doing, WHILE imagining the exact same camera angles we got :P

* * *

TBH if Dean does not have a huge crush on Aragorn what is the point

* * *

Laughing because Charlie lets Dean actually finish one of his “in this life” speeches… (which are generally a sign of bullshit and Kevin stopped one before Dean could get started in 8x02 - of course Kevin and Charlie remain loose parallels or have parallel experiences, right up to their unfair deaths) 

* * *

I think if I’d been watching this with the investment I have now I’d have expired around about here just based on how Robbie tried to reach through the screen and murder me at the end of 11x11 with “pining for somebody else” 

> DEAN   
> Yeah, well, now he’s more committed than ever, so there’s that. But, trust me, this life – you can’t afford attachments. You just got to… let go.
> 
> CHARLIE   
> Are we still talking about Sam, or did you break up with someone, too?

this is literally the same thing - cut through the crap and have Charlie, who is still learning Dean herself (next time we see her she’s read the books and is up to speed on Destiel subtext :P) straight up make the unambiguous statement that forces you to consider Dean’s recent experiences as a romantic parallel

there’s a dual interpretation here:

<http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/135326880942/casfallsinlove-me-no>

“let go” is a phrase from the start of the season related directly to Cas (”he just… let go”) and the conversation at the end of 8x10 as I went into there seemed to strongly be suggesting even before Benny called and Dean had to break up with him, that Dean was pining and sad about Cas and paralleling the experience of losing him when he got weird and flew away and they realised he’s in trouble again, to Sam and Amelia

on the other hand, of course, the Benny and Amelia parallel is now done and dusted with the break ups, and it’s time to look back and reflect on them:

<http://bisexualdeanwinchester.tumblr.com/post/94446050292>

this phrase is basically the key to telling us in the text about the parallel and to give us an incredibly strong textual suggestion that Benny was a valid break up… Of course Charlie’s canny understanding of it also goes with her “helpful and dreamy” comment about Cas later in the season, with her being used to deliver textual analysis  _within_  the text to explain some stuff. 

(And the Benny and Cas parallel is remarkably enduring, with the “always the adios” line coming too close to 9x06 to NOT have at least some suggestion there… And of course being the word Dean said to break up with Benny)

* * *

Hehe, Dean swaps out his foam sword for a wooden one. Sliightly more phallic :P

* * *

> CHARLIE   
> It’s not just that, though. It’s an escape. I mean, here, I’m queen, a hero. Out there in the real world, I’m just hacking out code and chugging coffee all day long.
> 
> DEAN   
> Now, wait a second.
> 
> DEAN   
> If it wasn’t for you, we would have never been able to take down Dick Roman. Out there in the real world, you are a hero.

:D Charlie and her longing for adventure though. It’s not good enough that she saved the world once…

honestly after coming to this episode the slow way tracking all these themes, this is very Dean-like to have such a low opinion of herself or her impact on the world. I could imagine civilian Dean - AU or otherwise - enjoying LARPing for the same reason, and this season has emphasised how Dean feels that burden to keep on saving people… Charlie is expressing the same thing in a slightly less emotionally burdened way :P

* * *

Anyway

remember what I was saying about Charlie making Dean the queen?

> DEAN   
> I’m noticing a lot of these maidens checking you out.
> 
> CHARLIE   
> What? I can’t shut this down. It’s good to be queen.

here’s the confirmation that Moondoor is a safe queer space, and I think this is a lot about showing Dean this context where Charlie is confidently happy in her sexuality and surrounded by the potential for romance? Especially with the Gilda - Cas parallel at the end, linking Dean and Charlie via the crown and then having that line is one of MANY ways in this episode that Dean is connected to the queer stuff :P 

(And this is really the only episode that uses Charlie as a gay character ABOUT a gay character, whereas normally the argument that she just happens to be a gay character while doing all the other heroic stuff is a fair assessment… not a bad thing, but this whole episode is just really gay and I love it :P I like that there is an episode where she gets to express her sexuality because something like this episode means the “she just happens to be gay” thing isn’t like… okay you can just say that about anyone and yay for the representation but just saying it is the only thing we get? … but nah, here’s an episode which actually tells a happy (ish) gay story about her and allows her to affect the story specifically because she made out with the fairy as part of winning her trust :P It’s good to have both, you know? I like the incidentally gay characters for representation purposes, but honestly, like, some people were saying 11x19 is the only seriously queer episode on the whole show when it comes to that level of storytelling and being ABOUT queerness, and I’m over here like “well there were maybe 2 more I’d count as at least half meeting those standards” which when we’re nearing 250 episodes and I’m clocking one every 4 years with a steady escalation of how good they were as a queer story… :P)

* * *

Also like I said at the start I’m somewhat biased because I literally watched this episode after writing a whole dissertation on gay fairy stuff :P

* * *

*giggles at how Dean “tortures” the shadow orc by tapping him lightly with his wooden sword*

I mean that line about “no Geneva convention” is actually super dark considering how much torture they do in their day to day lives, and seeing Moondoor as a microcosm of hunting etc… THAT’S dark

* * *

Also, Dean playing the game offering real fake threat to the shadow orc - he can’t do any ACTUAL serious harm to him with the wooden sword, but the guy is in character and so the sword “becomes” real to get them the info they want… via the POWER OF IMAGINATION rather than the fairy magic which makes a sword real later in the episode, and is, again, cheating :P

* * *

Sam turns down some action in a tent with the cute LARPer and it’s also made me feel the need to point out we get flirting on both sides of the narrative split - with Sam here, and with a superficially similar looking elf with Charlie as they both investigate the same leads. Dean is left as a blank space with no one flirting with him, but he’s playing on the same team as the Queen here 

* * *

oooh and I forgot until now for sure, but Charlie is the one who officially names Dean her handmaiden as well. To go with her queening him. 

* * *

Charlieee don’t go off the path

… idk why I’m trying to look out for her, she’ll meet her cute fairy girlfriend by doing that

* * *

You knoooow… Dean seems awfully impressed by Boltar’s strategical thinking, considering he tries claiming the idea as his own (I think without any context Sam sees through that since Dean felt the need to say “my idea” which is basically never what anyone says who actually had the idea :P) so I’m going to make a tentative suggestion that Dean momentarily thought, hey, Charlie’s leading by example like a good Queen, maybe I should try the whole… flirting thing… 

  
  


it’s no good Dean he’s a useless nerd-bro who’s got a thing for Charlie. Spare yourself the trouble :P

* * *

I’m going to go ahead and blame Dean’s reaction to Aaron on Charlie. It’s 2 episodes away. Plus, like I said, this episode brings back the personas thing with a vengeance after it was a lacking theme over Gamble era 

* * *

Anyway yeah then Sam shows up and Dean is cutely defensive of the outfit, but not, as I was mentioning at the start, in a defensive way where he tries to hide how involved he is by now (possibly because being in full get up is a point of no return :P) 

he calls Boltar “Boltar the chatty” after HE told DEAN he asked too many questions, and is back to regular scorn for him after being rejected… Again, right after Dean seems to stretch out of his comfort zone a bit and appear to try some casual flirting with a dude in a totally safe zone, Sam is back, judging Dean dressing up - even in a harmless brother making fun way, if one is analogous for the other thing, it’s almost like Dean gets a double reprimand/reminder to stop trying to be more than the surface layer? So he’s back to deflecting, lying and making a shield of cute comments, etc…

* * *

It’s pretty cute that Dean yells for “your Highness!” when trying to find Charlie :D

* * *

> CHARLIE   
> Uh… hi. I’m the, uh, queen… of Moons. Nice to meet you. Great costume, bee tee dubs. 

…

> CHARLIE   
> Um, right. Okay. We can work this out, can’t we? Get you some gold, my crown. Ritualistic sacrifice? Look. I am not really a queen. I’m just an I.T. girl… standing in front of a monster… asking it not to kill her. 

I really like the progression between Charlie lying about being the queen (in a way - I mean, she IS the queen, it’s just not a real authority position) to blurting out a load of honesty, and after being honest, Gilda reveals herself and they can relate to each other and start an adorable relationship (*sighs forever because they were so cute*) 

this is a very light version of what happens in 8x20 as well, with Charlie facing up to the world outside of the dream/constructed story… Boltar is controlling Gilda to try and control the story, but then though Charlie sort of owns the narrative in Moondoor, it’s still putting her in a more mature position to understand the difference?

* * *

Anyway Dean has a similar “fuck this game” moment although waving around and shooting a real gun to get answers is not exaaactly what Charlie just did :P But it’s 2 parallel scenes of them resorting to reality in a desperate situation instead of retreating further into the fantasy?

* * *

> MONTY (ORC)   
> Look, I harbor an epic crush on the queen. Maybe you could put in a good word for me when you find her.
> 
> DEAN   
> I don’t think you’re her type.
> 
> MONTY (ORC)   
> What? You mean she’s not into Orcs?

… no, she is not :P

*cut to Charlie and Gilda sitting on the bed*

(Monty is considerably more harmless than the other nerd-bros and the other shadow orc guy who is their leader doesn’t seem to be in love with Charlie at all :P They seem rather more well-adjusted over on that side. Perhaps why so few of them were killed: they weren’t viable “threats”)

* * *

Ah, here’s one of the other lines which I found that was a paralleled to the previous episode:

> GILDA   
> I don’t know his name, but I was brought here to do his bidding.
> 
> CHARLIE   
> His bidding? That’s never good.
> 
> GILDA   
> My… master, he – he has me hurt people. He’s forcing me to. I’d never hurt anyone. I’m a fairy – the good kind.
> 
> CHARLIE   
> No, no, I get that. Why is he doing this?
> 
> GILDA   
> I don’t know. He started off with smaller commands, but he’s become more violent. He had me kill two men this week.

<http://justanotheridijiton.tumblr.com/post/129160553359/pondlifeforme-im-sorryi-cant-hear-you-over>

and of course it’s not just that we only just saw Cas being made to kill Samandiriel (and Dean has just found out too that something is definitely wrong with Cas although he doesn’t know for sure that it’s control yet) but this stretches forwards to 8x17 as of course that’s when Cas comes back, and Robbie, master of foreshadowing, gives us this parallel to Cas with a romance attached to a character he wrote as one of the strongest Dean parallels we ever had, to the point where, as I was saying in 7x20, she basically took his spot in the mytharc for that season.

I’ve seen posts from bloggers who were active at the time, accurately predict the crypt scene and all related nonsense based off this one parallel :P

so of course before we know anything about it Robbie’s here with a ROMANTIC parallel 

… 

they kissed

*is not sure I have conveyed loudly enough that Charlie and Gilda were a romantic Dean Cas parallel*

* * *

> CHARLIE   
> This – my outfit, all of this – it’s just a game here.
> 
> GILDA   
> Why would you play such a game?
> 
> CHARLIE   
> This world – not so much with awesome. The game is a way to get away.

vs

> GERRY (BOLTAR)   
> A handmaiden and a time traveler rescue the queen? I think not, kind lady.
> 
> SAM   
> Look, this isn’t a game, Boltar. The queen, our friend, is in real danger. You could get hurt.
> 
> GERRY (BOLTAR)   
> I will not leave my queen in peril.

honestly even if she WASN’T a lesbian he wouldn’t stand a chance just because of these thematic rifts between them :P But of course this is literally making the point that he can’t see past the fake story, and that the reality is that she’s totally not interested. It’s like all the dudes in the game miss the memo, while Charlie’s going around flirting the pants off all the ladies who are totally up to speed on what the truth is. 

I suppose actually if you were going to extract a wider message from this episode, the surface text is the dumb “i love you / i know” surface level storytelling from Charlie, but the complexity and depth underneath that is them all as real humands and, well, she’s totally not interested in the dudes, and they’ve read the story wrong by assuming it’s not a story that’s gay as hell? :P

And he clings to the game to the point of real harm to people who get in the way of his interpretation 

…

heh, I just remembered another time Robbie was fucking with the subtext, with “they’re a couple in real life” or whatever the phrasing was about Kristen and Siobhan. Another instance where it goes deeper than the story being told - okay sure the story being told in THAT instance was literally Destiel subtext, but of course they made it “more real” underneath the façade of the story?

* * *

*takes a moment to reflect on what even this show is and who allowed Robbie to get his grubby hands all over it in the first place*

* * *

> DEAN   
> Well, now what, Gerry?
> 
> GERRY (BOLTAR)   
> My name is Boltar the Furious!

Dean stops respecting him to use his in-game name once they’re in the tent and we have the reveal - it’s stopped being funny. But of course that just causes him to snap and show JUST how far he’s spiralled by denying his own name and clinging to the game, after everyone else has disavowed it as too silly to cling to like that

not looking good, sir.

honestly, he’s a Naomi parallel now for what he does to Gilda, but his approach to the story is more like season 9 Metatron:

> GERRY (BOLTAR)   
> But then you two idiots showed up, and I was forced to improvise. Rescue the damsel in distress from Orcs, become king, kill you both – that’ll work, too. 

that’s literally why Metatron set up Cas in 9x18 (heya Robbie FANCY SEEING YOU HERE) - because he needed to have a “bad guy” rival to make him look better, and so that, even though he was already technically in charge of Heaven, he could “win” a battle he set up just to prove he’d earned it

> There is no game! There is only Moondoor! I came here to be different, to get away from my crappy life, to be a hero, and guess what.
> 
> DEAN   
> What, you were a loser in the real world, and you’re a loser here? Shocker.
> 
> GERRY (BOLTAR)   
> Would a loser track down a real book of spells and compel a fairy to do his bidding?

*Gadreel narrows his eyes and pretends not to agree too loudly with the bowling ally angel calling Metatron a nerd*

* * *

Anyway this is a really silly fight :P

But Charlie saves Gilda and she immediately flies off :( At least she gets a kiss before she goes. We get a split second shot of Dean looking sad watching it, and of course aside from the upcoming parallel to Cas flapping off with the tablet, we just saw him return to Heaven with Samandiriel, so Dean is seeing a positive repeat of that (aka they won and Gilda was freed of control) but still with the same effect that Charlie loses her fairy girlfriend, never to be seen again if she had to be summoned to Earth :(

* * *

> CHARLIE   
> If the last 24 hours have taught me anything, it’s that escaping isn’t what it used to be. No more replacement characters for me. I got to face reality from now on. Sadly, reality actually includes monsters, but what are you gonna do? If I can ever be of help to you guys, let me know. 

again, really relevant to her later stuff :P I think this is mostly Robbie building her up for her arc, as tbh the “face reality” theme doesn’t actually come around to mean a great deal to Sam or Dean until later in the season - where of course it is relevant so, again, Robbie doing the master of foreshadowing thing with his thematic stuff

(no,  _you’re_  staring in uncertain dread at his season 11 episodes so far :P)

* * *

And of course 8x20 actually rounds off with the reason I tag Charlie now as “Frodo Lives” - exploring the real use of stories and HEALTHY fandom and escapism in your lives, so the fact this episode kind of took away some of that from Charlie for now is also just waiting to be balanced out by Charlie pt 2 of the season

* * *

Anyway in order to not make this weird, Sam quickly dives in with the whole “we need to have fun” theme instead 

wait actually DEAN starts it all off since he’s started harping about it again now the case is over. Sam just allows it (pfft I have to start typing before stuff happens or I’d never get done at all :P)

Yeah this was totally about having fun and nothing to do with personal discovery or any such thing :P

I mean that theme of fun was sort of there from the start relating to SAM but that’s maybe not how Dean viewed this episode…

* * *

Hm, deleted scene is the girl who tried to chat Sam up in the computer tent telling him she is an EMT and it’s nice to kick back in order to forget about the stress of saving people

okay so lol there was a revisiting of this theme in the middle of the episode deleted scenes included, but connected to Sam still. 

*looks suspiciously at Dean* aside from his Aragorn moment, and considering he was LARPing for much more of the episode than Sam, he sure didn;t seem to be having this kind of nonsense fun as the last battle :P

* * *

Anyway yeah they had fun and now Charlie is one of their best friends and the bro fight is resolved for now. Yay the part of season 8 everyone likes dipping into!

* * *

… there is a ridiculous run of bi!Dean and/or Destiel episodes here. Season 8 was something else :P


	12. 8x12

Or: I still find it somewhat incredible this is not their worst family reunion 

I like how we’re only 12 episodes in and we’re already rebooting the show with the exact same approach as 8x01 to start with: “Saving people, hunting things” even over the same shot of the whooshing car but then recapping basically their entire family history, all the grim and dirty stuff like angels setting it all up, finding a line where they say that hunting is their  _legacy_ , and repeating again and again how hunting is in their blood and it’s what they do…

This is more of a reboot than 8x01 in fact - it’s taking us RIGHT back to the start - to before the start - and tipping everything on its head

* * *

I find it pretty funny that despite all the family history there’s nothing about the Campbells - along with Carver Era’s more overt themes, “Pretending Gamble Era Didn’t Happen And Giving It A Do Over” pretty sneakily showing up here :P Let’s just grab the OTHER grandfather and do what SHOULD have been done with all the Campbell library, tons of inherited lore on monsters, infrequent but at least somewhat consistent relying on their inherited legacy for information, artefacts, and connections with other hunters…

* * *

NORMAL, Illinois

>.>

You can tell this is John before we know anything else because, planes etc aside, he had a toy gun that looks like the Colt :P

* * *

Henry watching him while he sleeps, wearing a trenchcoat… is THAT the rule of three on Cas “watching over” Dean? That it’s not weird in a family/parental way (admittedly John as a little, still undamaged, kid isn’t going to have the same issues as adult Dean with this no matter what :P) so whatever Dean’s feeling about Cas doing it, it’s not a family/parental way? I was talking in the last notes about Dean being weird about his porn in front of Cas and how that kicks off a long series of him being cool with everyone else seeing it, turning it into a “can’t be perverted in front of a love interest” trope, by accident or design. In this case, this moment where Henry watches over John while he sleeps, it’s a pefectly pure, innocent moment between father and son, showing there’s definitely a different vibe about Cas doing it in Dean’s eyes…

& of course Dean’s going to pull the “we’re family” thing on Cas soon-ish…

… but what sort of family?

*faint sound of Cesar’s voice going “Old married couple…” echoing in my head* :P

* * *

Uh, anyway, stuff is happening with Henry

secret, cult-y stuff

* * *

Abaddon hurts the guy who gives Henry the key to have bloody eyes - a theme of this season I’m starting to see, with Cas starting it in 8x10, the belladona death last episode, and now this, so 3 in a row.

I think he was blinded, too? He’s the guy from later in the episode?

Anyway, interesting that it’s connected with such an attack - Abaddon infiltrating the MoL from inside, an imposter in grey - the possession is actually a metaphor for once in this show as Cas is not  _literally_  possessed by Naomi

* * *

Henry does the infamous Winchester bursting out of of a closet moment… between this, the last few episodes, and 8x13 coming up next, this is officially the hands down gayest stretch of episodes by volume anywhere in the show :P 

* * *

I find it really tragic that (okay because this episode wasn’t pitched until mid-season 8) John was never in a position where the spell would have taken Henry to him - he’s flung this far into the future because this appears to be the first time he has blood relations who are able to help him 

with the reminder in the recap of the pressure of Destiny and the apocalypse we can assume that the spell never decreed it “safe”enough to take Henry anywhere near that mess. Apparently the mytharcs of 6 & 7 were too dangerous as well… As I’ve been saying, this little space in the story is Sam and Dean with genuinely nothing to do… and it’s important that the Trials etc is entirely voluntary (you can also work backwards and assume Mysterious Ways dumped Henry here as Sam is a couple of episodes from starting the Trials, so Mysterious Ways wanted them to have the resources of the MoL) - the irony of this season is that it’s the first time the universe is working entirely at leisure, just ticking over - Sam’s year off was very much a Just More of the Same kind of time for him… All the major players are actively agitating to change the universe but from a position of choice and desire, not because Destiny is MAKING them do it… Essentially, there’s no giant external controlling forces, even if someone as human as Sam is about to get all up in the mechanisms of the universe…

Anyway I’ve always seen the spell as skipping over John not necessarily as a defamation of his character (although we know Adam Glass writes good “John was a terrible parent” episodes) but more about his ability or readiness to help Henry: aside from the whole Destiny thing, John was sunk in a revenge spiral and terrible mindset towards hunting from which I spent most of season 1 talking about how Dean’s catchphrase of saving people hunting things, although phrased as “where Dad left off” is actually more true to the spirit of being a good hunter than John ever was, considering in the very first episode he ditches the job of saving people to follow a lead on his revenge mission. Not the sort of person who could benefit from/help Henry in the way Sam and Dean are in a space of time with nothing to do and with total luxury of choice

* * *

(I mean there’s still compulsions and terrible mindsets powering them on down the paths they go, but it’s all internal rather than external influence)

* * *

“When one of us falls out of your closet” Sam says, pointing at Dean

* * *

I love the siren song of the Impala to a Winchester

* * *

> HENRY   
> 2013\. My God. Guess the Mayans were wrong. 

This gets funnier the longer time goes by.

Also amusing that THIS was the apocalypse date he had in his head: that despite his connection to the judeo-christian apocalypse arc, the fact he’s very likely legitimately a vessel for Michael, and aaaall the work that went into it that would have involved his life too, he skipped over the whole thing, and so only a phony apocalypse he missed even registers to him :P

… If he hadn’t fathered John by that point I swear, like, Michael himself would have timetravelled to 2013 and yoinked him home 

but nah, in that horrible way the angels only cared about the bloodline, and with apparently no apocalypse scheduled in his lifetime, he’s free to go die whenever >.>

* * *

> HENRY   
> Josie. I know you’re still in there. You must fight this.
> 
> ABADDON   
> I’m afraid Josie’s indisposed, pet. It looks like it’s just you and me.

*adds it to the collection*

Actually season 9 retcons that Josie was sort of in love with Henry, but if we go too far past this we get to Casifer, and how she gave consent to be possessed and now how Cas seems to be very much in trouble after HE gave consent to be possessed, makes a new parallel further down the line

in this case anyway just in the immediate context of season 8 and what matters here, Henry is married and therefore Josie can’t be his main love interest, and therefore the “i know you’re in there” fails

* * *

[Oh look it’s the flirty Dean smile to the dude in the motel](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/143052986160/mishawinsexster-they-both-distinctly-remember)

I find it funnier that this one comes first before the Dean giving a flirty look to the lady because normally these parallels seem to come heteronormative moment first, subversion, if you choose to see it, later… In this case it’s like, nah, he was just being his usual flirty self with that guy and you’ll see the exact same look in a few minutes of episode screen time, so THAT is the lens you’re interpreting from :P

* * *

> DEAN   
> Yeah, right. Seriously? Dudes time-travelling through motel-room closets? That’s what we’ve come to? 

I think Dean wants to be incredulous and angry just because he finds the whole concept so stupid tbh :P I mean he’s timetravelled enough times he can’t find this weird

also of course as I was saying earlier, all time travel HE’s done (and will do) is to a specific momentous event, but Henry doesn’t *seem* to be travelling to a specific date or time or momentous event… I mean to them he IS the momentous event but there’s nothing on the calendar that would favour this day over any other when it could happen… hence me trying to analyse their current place in time of “why now?” when it comes to Henry falling out of the closet on that day

* * *

Poor Henry though… I think he knows already, without daring to think deeply about it, that not only is John dead but he’s never going to see him again - I think he is kind of aware that he’s had no influence on the timeline from the moment he disappeared until now - if these are what his grandsons are like - but he doesn’t dare confront that thought yet.

Meanwhile Sam and Dean discuss it over in the corner away from him:

> SAM   
> Driver’s license says he’s Henry Winchester from Normal, Illinois. He knows Dad’s birthday, the exact place where he was born. Dude, that’s our grandfather.
> 
> DEAN   
> I’m just saying before we break out the warm and toasties, let’s not forget that, uh, H.G. Wells over there left Dad high and dry when he was a kid.
> 
> SAM   
> But maybe he didn’t run out on Dad – I mean, not on purpose. Maybe he time-traveled here and, I don’t know, got stuck.
> 
> DEAN   
> Yeah, well, either way, Dad hated the son of a bitch.
> 
> SAM   
> And Dad made up for that how? By being father of the year?

in like 5 lines giving us a ton more John characterisation than we ever had before. 

Dean continues giving him cute nicknames to deflect from calling Henry anything familial and/or friendly or at least civil. Again, I still think about Dean calling Samuel “grandpa” unironically some point in early season 6 and how uncharacteristic that was, especially when they did seem to still massively distrust each other.

* * *

Dean has another burger, and tries to force another on Henry. Burgers are swinging around to have more of a family theme (see: 8x14) so that one’s pretty blatant as a kind of idk shibboleth test or something? I mean Henry already picked the Impala out of a line up on blind instinct… :P

* * *

Also can’t even remember if we ever learned it was a “demon killing knife of the Kurds” until now although Dean just rolls with the fancy name like “yeah that’s probably what our knife is then”

* * *

> SAM   
> You tapped the power of your soul to get here? 

ah and the power of souls is slowly coming back as a theme (I mean tbh it’s only been gone a season and a half, but I suppose this is more like… Carver era flirts with this theme e.g., well, the other episode with Henry in it… and the increasing suggestions of Heaven as a Matrix-style system… but we haven’t officially gone anywhere with it yet in a season 6 style escalation, although Amara offers a lot of opportunities for it to become a real issue)

* * *

Anyway they return to the site of the old MoL chapter house, only to discover it’s a comic book shop

> DEAN   
> We just spent four hours driving, okay? All he did was stare out the window and request Pat Boone on the radio. He had his time. 

That “he had his time” has a double meaning there of quite obvious explanation since Dean’s using the phrase to refer to Henry taking up THEIR time but also of course he’s officially a man out of time, and his music requests show it

* * *

Obvious class issues are obvious

> DEAN   
> Why, because we’re hunters? What do you have against us?
> 
> HENRY   
> Aside from the unthinking, unwashed, shoot-first-and-don’t-bother-to-ask-questions-later part, not much, really.

Sam and Dean end up being class aspirants from this episode onwards: they would presumably horrify the MoL to see how they’re living in the Bunker even to this day

…

…

but in terms of Sam and Dean’s own position, resources, and so on, they definitely do climb the ladder a rung or two. 

* * *

I forgot that they casually confirm Atlantis really existed

* * *

Aaaand there’s Dean’s other smile to the girl. It’s so staged :P The smiles and him saying “thank you” were completely unnecessary to what Abaddon needed to see to get an idea of what was going on… 

* * *

All the stuff with using Albertus Magnus is again false names/identities, a different narrative etc. Of course the whole thing with discovering your family used to be part of a secret cult is finding the story was wrong the whole time, so this is reshaping the Winchester story for us

* * *

And of course this episode is basically picking up the show and shaking it hard for a new direction, because we also have the first bits of lore about what the Knights of Hell are. Cue the beginning of my sadness that Abaddon’s story never really got off the ground, and rather than describing a terrifying villain this is now just setting us up for Dean’s arc :P

* * *

> HENRY   
> It’s the price we pay for upholding great responsibility. We know that.
> 
> DEAN   
> Your responsibility was to your family, not some glorified book club!
> 
> HENRY   
> I was a legacy. I had no choice.
> 
> DEAN   
> Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

here’s Henry all over the theme of choice and Destiny… Of course the recap on this episode made it clear Sam and Dean were hunters with about the same lack of choice in their actions, but for THEM the Bunker is something that comes to them somewhat by choice because they weren’t raised as Legacies and never had any expectation on them to do it? So even if it comes to them by right, it’s not this same level of responsibility that Henry felt

And of course Dean is still testing him over his right to be family - which of course he and Sam came to the conclusion once already that a biological grandfather wasn’t deserving of being family - that whole theme of chosen family always so important to the show… at least since John died and Sam and Dean had to strike out on their own and start making family connections by choice since they were properly orphaned

* * *

I am never fully prepared for one of the worst lines on the show:

> DEAN   
> He broke in to the trunk, stole an angel feather. 

I like to imagine every time after Cas has been in the car and flaps off, when Dean is cleaning the car next he finds them in the seat or the foot space and he just starts collecting them

.. it’s kinda creepy Dean tbh

and you don’t even like Cas watching you when you sleep

* * *

I swear that house that Larry lives at is one that’s been used in a ton of other episodes

I feel a nagging suspicion one of them was 7x12 aka the other episode with “time” in the title. Or I am just feeling a nagging sense of guilt I told myself to write something of the parallels in that episode with this one and now I’m totally drawing a blank on what those are :P

* * *

> SAM   
> But Abaddon is not.
> 
> LARRY   
> Abaddon was a hired gun. She killed us all that one night.

this “hired gun” thing seems to be hinting at SO much more 

on the other hand

based on Henry’s age and the fact he was just coming into a legacy, perhaps, as I was saying in the early seasons, it was clear there were other attempts to start the apocalypse that never got off the ground, mostly from the demons’s side as the angels knew the plan better, but Azazel had been making attempts for ages, testing Croatoan historically… the whole deal with the Hell Gates in Colt’s time… it all SUGGESTS the demons had been trying to get Lucifer out (actual apocalypse plans or just having him free for the hell of it) for a long time. Abaddon pre-dates anything we saw Azazel doing on-screen but he could have taken up her place OR even sent her himself. Or she was HIS boss… either way she was a dangerous actual presence on the chessboard until she went through time and ended up in 2013… Like Henry, skipping the apocalypse and Lucifer being free entirely. 

But what if she was MEANT to agitate and escalate things around one of these 2 bloodlines connected to the apocalypse or even to get to the Bunker for the knowledge it had - I’m pretty sure for example she would be powerful enough to use the Book of the Damned and the MoL were connected to that in some ways… 

idk, speculating about what the demons were up to is really interesting :P Implying that Abaddon was working for a higher power is especially interesting, and we know Hell’s main goal pre-apocalypse was all about getting Lucifer back… And she was one of his main knights according to the lore dump of this episode, before the Cain stuff muddies the water

* * *

> LARRY   
> She blinded me. It’s a miracle I survived.
> 
> WOMAN   
> It’s okay, dear.
> 
> The WOMAN walks over to LARRY’s chair and puts a hand on his shoulder. LARRY leans over and kisses her other hand.

She’s possessed by Abaddon right now isn’t she

so Larry is literally blind to her being right there… he’s showing a lot of trust in her but she’s not who she seems to be (because she’s possessed) … thanks to the bleeding eyes theme it’s pretty easy to connect this to Cas, and I’m assuming because he kissed her hand, they’re married

So… more parallels of romantic couples to the season 8 DeanCas situation?

(Honestly this is also the season 11 one circa that time Dean hung out with Casifer :P)

* * *

Larry telling Sam there’s a key will always conjure shades of The French Mistake

> LARRY   
> In the box is the key to every object, scroll, spell ever collected for thousands of years under one roof. It is the supernatural mother lode. 

we need all three of that crap

It’s a comparable situation, though, with the cache of Heavenly weapons being a similar game changer for Cas’s war - likewise getting the Bunker will equip the Winchesters to handle much higher level scenarios…. Even if they spend a lot of time on fruitless research over the Mark of Cain or Lucifer or Amara in later seasons, at least they HAVE a resource, and it does turn up answers occasionally.

* * *

Meanwhile Dean and Henry have an argument about what the right thing to do is:

> HENRY   
> You cannot begin to understand how I felt after reading John’s journal.
> 
> DEAN   
> Oh, I think I can. See, I’ve read that thing more times than you can imagine, and it hurts every time.

this makes season 1 approximately a million times worse… We can tell pretty quickly in season 1 just how much Dean is re-reading it and how he’s memorised it, but it’s like eight years later before he says about how painful it was to read it and although when we talk about the stuff in the journal from our objective viewpoint we can see how it would be awful to read, Dean has been using it as almost his “only” resource (to compare to being given the Bunker, indirectly, by Henry) and he’s never really talked before about how hard it is to read the journal, even though it is tracking what are blatantly the worst years of John’s life…

> HENRY   
> No! No, you were right. And I’m going to go back and give him the life he deserves, not the one he was forced to live.
> 
> DEAN   
> And what if it’s not meant to be?
> 
> HENRY   
> Then it will be!

and there’s the argument on time travel and destiny - and if the world can even be changed. We’ve seen them  _never_  managed to chance the past when they go there, and so Dean has had to grapple with this before when facing similar pain visiting Mary and John in the past and seeing how their lives were good, relatively speaking, and not being able to do anything to stop it

Henry is more naive and convinced he can change Destiny, and as I was saying there IS a theme this season of them taking it into their own hands and deciding what the outcome will be… but this is the flip side of it: what is yet to come can be changed as much as they feel like it because that’s their superpower as the centre of the narrative… But what has happened has always happened and can’t be changed.

* * *

> DEAN   
> Listen, I understand that this is not your idea of a happy ending, okay, and that – that you’re disappointed that me and Sam are mouth-breathing hunters. But you know what? We stopped the Apocalypse. 
> 
> HENRY   
> If this works the way I planned, there will never be an Apocalypse to stop. 

… does… Does Henry know they’re not talking about the Mayan apocalypse

* * *

Hang on Abaddon saw the coordinates for the Bunker and sure they stop her between now > 9x02, but after that she was totes free to go visit any time she wanted for like 20 episodes

* * *

whoops

* * *

> LARRY   
> Because it is the safest place on earth, warded against any evil ever created. It is impervious to any entry, except the key. 

*insert image of Casifer chilling in the Bunker*

or the Stynes kicking in the door

* * *

> DEAN   
> And what if you can’t? I can’t take that risk – not with Sammy on the hook now.
> 
> HENRY   
> I can’t abandon my son, Dean! Not again! I need to do this.

Dean and Henry argue over who is the more dedicated parent

* * *

> DEAN   
> Henry, you need to understand something. When my dad died, I couldn’t save him… no matter how bad I wanted to. I never want that to happen to Sam… ever. If there’s a chance that I can save him, I’m gonna do it. He’s my brother. He’s the only family I got. 

This sounds sweet now but it gets bad

oooh does it get bad

we’re not SO far from the end of the season that this could be foreshadowing? 8x20 clearly seems aware of how season 9 would start, in a way that each consecutive season since has seemed to be less aware of how it would end and the next start, until season 11 seems for now to be plotted with forethought again :P

* * *

The warehouse they go to randomly has old computer-y machine things on the walls… Not sure they’re the exact same ones from the Bunker but it does seem like they hadn’t even shown that set yet and they were borrowing bits of it for background flavour :P

* * *

Aw Henry nooo

Standing close to Abaddon is a bad idea. 

Since he took a fatal stomach wound, it’s very much like Mary’s death in the whole blood all over the stomach area look of it

again with this episode being a reboot we’re once again getting characters killed off to push on the story, and in this case it’s just changing things up and setting them on this new path

It’s also not a coincidence that we saw in the recap Dean shooting the Colt at Azazel as Henry has a full like, 2 season arc packed into once episode, as he gets to shoot Abaddon for what is temporarily (and all he needs to see to die good) downfall

* * *

I think she’s making it thunder or else Henry getting fatally wounded was accompanied by lightning in a way similar to the way the tablet being uncovered causes lightning 

it’s pretty amusing how much dramatic lightning there is here

* * *

Dean lopping off Abaddon’s head is surprisingly quick and anticlimactic but we also have 4 minutes left :P

* * *

Anyway Dean likes Henry now he’s proved himself - 

> DEAN   
> You’re gonna have to get close. And “close” means it could get ugly.
> 
> HENRY   
> I know. But you do that for blood.

Family don’t end in it, but hey, if you’re willing to die for it that also counts as permission to be family :P

But then again

> HENRY   
> [smiles] I’m sorry I judged you two so harshly for being hunters. I should have known better.
> 
> SAM   
> About?
> 
> HENRY   
> You’re also Winchesters. As long as we’re alive, there’s always hope. [DEAN and SAM look at each other.] I didn’t know my son as a man, but having met you two…I know I would have been proud of him.

this is like, peak selling the story about John - even with getting it from second hand interpretation and making this huge leap of an assumption, while for example a first-hand account of John this season from Martin is that he would have beaten the boys for associating with vampires or whatever that comment was about… generally much more an unvarnished image. Henry wants to believe the best in John, and Sam and Dean are happy to have their uncritical memories of John, which gives us these two unreconcilable versions of him even in what Sam and Dean say, depending practically just on the weather if they’re going to say John fucked them up or if he was a good man. 

… which then, you know, endless fandom arguments about which was true :P

In this case Sam and Dean are absolutely not going to tell their dying grandfather, who only just earned their loyalty and affection by dying for them, that maybe John wasn’t always perfect

> SAM   
> You think it would have made a difference?
> 
> DEAN   
> What?
> 
> SAM   
> Dad. If he’d had his own father around.
> 
> DEAN   
> What, in how he raised us? Sammy, he did the best he could.
> 
> SAM   
> I know that. I – I do. They all did.

* * *

Most of the end of the episode is kind of fluff as they can’t really come at it much more critically than that and they’re clearly in a really weird place, reflecting on their position in the universe and obviously thinking that John had a terrible life, THEY had a terrible upbringing… how much could Henry have changed that? And how much, thanks to the whole Destiny thing coming for them, would have happened anyway?

This is the middle episode of this little cluster where they’re at loose ends in the plot (ending in 8x14 when Kevin gives them their first lead) and right now all they have to do with themselves is go on this journey of discovery? Being left with the key, they have this little mini 2 episode arc to get them established in the Bunker and if I recall correctly 8x13 gets like an entire third of the way through the episode before they start investigating the case

very much a self-reflective little cluster of epiodes anyway

(which is why I love in particular how there’s a notable bi!Dean moment or theme in all of them :P I mean Sam is getting some self-exploration out of this too but the fact that this is what we see with Dean?  _Aaron_??

okay it’s half past midnight the night before the new episode, and I’m assuming Robbie’s going to blow us out of the water with 11x20, but I’m sorely tempted to start 8x13 NOW :P)


	13. 8x13

Or: Sobbing about how Edlund was too good for us is exactly the pick me up I need right now

historical context for later: I’m literally still sobbing about Robbie Thompson tweeting a fond farewell to writing the show

* * *

Scrolling through Superwiki on the way down to the transcript, I see that aside from the title being a sideways reference, this episode also somehow manages to miss directly referencing Indiana Jones… You know what I’m going to have to un-feud with Berens over 11x14 if Edlund was worse :P

(I kind of just… assumed… there’d be a proper reference in this episode

It’s like I don’t even know this show.

On the other hand, Superwiki lists 4 separate pop culture references for various funny things to call a golem :P)

* * *

I really like the opening not just because of the drama of the Golem smashing shit up (watching Nazis have their heads smushed is 100% ethical enjoyment of head-smushing in popular media) but because after they put subtitles in for all the German they also helpfully translated the spell, since they were already doing it for the German so why not carry on with the Latin. And it turns out the words for the spell are exactly as ridiculous as you’d expect… Literally just saying what the spell does in elevated language :P

I do find it interesting that the only way to keep the necromancers dead is to burn the bodies, but that they also know this spell to turn themselves into fire, AND they immolate the poor Rabbi, so it’s like, literally playing with fire with it as a double edged sword, and I’ve always thought that was an interesting metaphor. 

> NAZI OFFICER   
> [speaks in Latin]  
> Subtitle: The fire born from blood leaves behind no man. 

It also mentions it’s born from blood, and of course at the end of season we see Abaddon immolated by holy fire, and Sam’s doing the trials which are burning him up from the inside as they purify him, so I’m seeing some shades of the end of the season here one way or the other, as well as a warning that Abaddon would be back (and again I’m sulking about her wasted potential :P)

Anyway thoughts like this always get me interested in applying broad ideas about the 4 elements, just because season 7 was low-key about water, this one is low-key about fire… season 11 seems very much to be about air, thanks to the Darkness clouds/fogs… too tired to figure out if earth comes in between. I mean. I guess the whole thing with the angels falling is them coming to terms with being on Earth

(I get annoyed about how the 4 archangels all clearly represent an element and then it gets - heh - muddy about meaning when you’re left again with Earth for Gabriel, and have to apply it metaphorically about the planet/humanity, but hey, look who was in season 9… maybe this theory does work)

* * *

Anyway! Pulling up at this mysteeerious Bunker

… They’re gonna be putting their feet all over the furniture soon. 

Henry was right about hunters

* * *

ANYWAY yay now I can start tracking random nonsense metaphors about bunker furniture… literally feel like I’m at home

* * *

Wait was that chessboard up near the door?

why would you even sit up there

is the library not good enough for you??

* * *

(obviously for dramatic effect to show us some detail early on, but it does seem weird once we know the Bunker better that anyone would choose to sit up near the front door even if they may have been expecting something terrible)

Also: thinking of “something terrible” this abandonment of the bunker is like, less than a year probably after 11x14′s subplot (hurr) 

* * *

My heart is warmed by Dean in his dead guy robe

he’s being a dork with that sword only 2 episodes after the LARP episode, and after all I talked about him roleplaying and messing around not being Dean, I think this too has been talked over a lot as Dean’s brief blooming as a human being with character development in season 8, coming out of his shell, and just showing some different sides of himself… I think he DOES permanently get changed by having the Bunker, in a way season 11 was STILL exploring for Sam (11x04, of course, revealing Sam’s character development on the issue hadn’t moved since 9x04 when Robbie LAST had a crack at it), while next episode on from here shows Dean settling into his room, and the sense of having a home and a space to call his own DOES becomes integral to how we read Dean from this point on, as we get to write so much meta about the way his room changes and is shaped by what’s happening to him

anyway for now I’m mostly just making a note of Dean acting like a dork behind Sam’s back and then again hastily policing his behaviour when Sam turns around - even if he carries on acting a bit dorky in a more of a “lovable idiot brother” way as he acts to Sam, hiding his full-on nerd boner about the swords and wanting to play with them is concealed from Sam, so Dean’s not sharing his full personality with Sam, even if we get to see it 

(and I think this is enough to file under “miscommunication” as a theme, when they won’t even let each other see every side of the other’s personality, no wonder they struggle to understand each other… Sam tends to be more along the lines of dropping bombshells with no warning - the last Edlund episode features him telling Dean he ALWAYS felt unclean since forever, which in retrospect can be applied up and down the board for understanding Sam characterisation but - and I think about that line a lot when it comes to Sam so I have been keeping an ear out over this rewatch - it is quite a reveal even to the audience, going way deeper than anything we saw over the various mytharc struggles Sam had in the early seasons just for giving us such a deeper insight on him? Meanwhile we’ve had indications up and down the show about Dean’s softer side or what have you - literally, another thing I saw while skimming the superwiki page for this episode was the reminder Dean x amazing showers was from  _Bugs_ )

* * *

> SAM   
> Dean, look, I think we might have something here – something that could help us, help humanity. Henry certainly thought so. I mean, you know damn well we could use a break. What if we finally got one? 

The best bit is they genuinely got one! It took me until the end of season 8 to trust the Bunker, but it turned out the show really did just want the Winchesters settled and with some better resources and what do you know, so far so good 3 seasons later… I did think it was a gonner in season 10 but it pulled through… who knows how they’ll want to write season 12 but for now we’re good :P 

I’m sure there’s plenty out there already about how the Bunker was a game changer, but to me it actually fills the narrative gap left by Bobby: he was a source of lore and research and occasionally new cases or bottle episodes around his house, and the Winchesters now have to do that for themselves, but they have become much more self-sufficient about doing the job, and become better researchers, which is also a luxury of being settled… Basically it’s a mark of their maturity that they’re half-way grown into their own role as Bobby, alternating who’s more interested in research/finding cases, and with the Bunker’s resources/sense of home, able to make up for themselves what was lost from the story structure with Bobby… Which is another reason I feel the Bunker is reasonably safe, at least for now, as with the format of the show they need something pushing them on and supporting them in the specific way having a fixed set, lore on hand, and so on does…

* * *

… I’ve had a lot of time to type while all the stuff happens with the Rabbi… this would probably be a lot more worth commenting on if the show had gone in a direction of MoL-related MAIN arcs, but as it is it’s just enjoyable TV :P

* * *

I love how you can always tell who’s a nazi by the really specific glasses they wear… TV props departments probably have a box of tiny wire-framed round glasses they pass around whenever someone’s filming nazis

I know they’re just the historically accurate glasses of the time, but it’s such specific coding on TV

also these are modern nazis… I know aesthetic and everything, but they never break their glasses and go to get a modern pair?

* * *

Oh no, Dean worrying about Cas

Dean perpetually worrying about Cas forever and ever… 

let them REST

> DEAN   
> Garth says hi, by the way. Anything from Cas?
> 
> SAM   
>  No. Not – not a peep. Why? You?
> 
> DEAN   
> No, he’s, uh – he’s not answering.

:( this confirms that Dean has been praying to Cas and “two weeks” have passed… we don’t really know the timeline before now since Cas disappeared, but they appear to have had some real downtime finally, so it’s left Dean free to worry about Cas. And this parallels to the start of the season with Dean running around Purgatory praying to Cas, once again trying to find him (also getting annoyed with Cas for running away again when they get him back for real at the end of the season… the themes of their arc in season 8 are so simple and it’s devastating :P)

* * *

… In the downtime, Sam, who was worrying about how they had electricity and water and had clearly been investigating it, has found time to move a minifridge into the library, and it has a roll of wire on top of it, so I’m guessing he’s been pulling up panels and floorboards rewiring the bunker, along with all his work reading all the books. I love the idea of Sam practically stripmining the Bunker for information and resources right down to re-wiring it (hey he had a year off as a handyman so he’s putting his skills to use). Despite the fact he understands they’re holed up here until further notice since it doesn’t seem a bad place to be for now, he was present for the old MoL dude telling him to chuck the key in and leave this place to rot while Dean received no such warnings. I wonder if that plays some role in their approach to this place as home - Sam much more cautious of it as a whole, even if he is excited to see everything it has to offer. He may be responsible for starting the process of them moving in and making this place a bit more modern, but he’s still in the back of his mind assuming this is temporary enough that they need to collect every resource and move on…

(Honestly, 11x16 (ugh ROBBIE. AGAIN.) confirmed that SOMEONE has been digitising the archives here, most likely Sam, so in a way he’s still mining the resource…)

* * *

Phil & co clearly still working out how to film the Bunker, because wow Sam and Dean look yellow, thanks to the lamps on the table. The light is so strong it’s making Sam’s teeth horribly yellow. 

* * *

> DEAN   
> So… this is a case? [SAM raises his eyebrows and DEAN looks around the room as if he doesn’t want to leave.] I just got back. 

13 episodes in and finally Sam is back to being Sam and putting them on cases! I mean he still says he sees a light at the end of the tunnel, which is retiring and NOT having to keep hunting, just next episode, but his attitude shift and that letting the constrasts mean it’s Dean not want to immediately go work a job is a refreshing change

ALSO because the force of resistance is generally the much more interesting subject in these contrasts with “want to hunt” as a generic character default for either of them, and so Dean feeling like he “just got back” is showing how within 2 weeks he’s already thinking of the Bunker as a home base - even without BEING there the whole time - and so immediately with the Bunker’s introduction he’s bonded with it and feels that sense of home and belonging. I can’t remember if we see them return to the Bunker at the very end of this episode, but next one starts with him decorating his room… All in all, contrasting Sam feeling like they’ve caught a break on the JOB with Dean feeling like they’ve caught a break on LIFE…

… and I do think it’s nice that he’s wishing Cas were there to share the Bunker with them from the start :’) 

I mean they literally have no plot reason to have him around right now in the sense of “blah blah Sam and Dean only use Cas to help them as a tool they don’t even like him” as there’s nothing for Dean to ask Cas to help them with: he is ONLY concerned about Cas’s well-being after the weirdness of how he left them

* * *

Ahaha this shot of the car pulling into the campus

I have become  _unnervingly_  good at dragging various media players’ sliders to the 14 minute mark of this episode for some reason

… what can I say, the next couple of scenes are the best mood pick-me-up on the show for me :P I now have a pavlovian response to smile when I see Sam getting out the car on the way to the library

* * *

(I can’t believe they found a jacket with patches on the elbows for Sam… he never uses this dress up ever again??)

* * *

I’m still not convinced these girls aren’t a couple

* * *

*Aaron waves hi*

and Dean just loses his train of thought juuust like that :’)

this dialogue is so intentionally trite… I mean the girls practically talk like the freakin’ Ghostfacers, their words are so empty and repetitive. We are… so… not meant to be listening to them right now. We’re meant to be as confused about Aaron as Dean, and I think that detail is beautiful :P Like, the girls are interesting on your 300th watch of this just because they are amusing in their “it’s sooo sad” “I KNOW, RIGHT? IT’S SO SAD” dialogue and how they seem to be close and I know I’ve watched this too many times when I have actual thoughts about them… But basically by making them totally fluffy like this, there’s practically nothing to hear, plot-wise, so when the distraction comes, we’re right there with Dean and their words wash over us as he and Aaron have their third eye magic moment

* * *

It’s even funnier idly scrolling through the transcript, because they’re listed as ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMAN 1 and ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMAN 2 

Like the whole point is that Dean pays them zilch attention… I hate to say what I’m gonna say next, but in 10x13 when Dean goes to a college campus again with Sam there, he’s practically walking into trees at the sight of cute girls the same age as these girls, constantly, to the point where it’s nearly a send-up of Dean… I’ve no idea if (was it Snymelo? I think it was) they were thinking of this moment and I’d guess probably not, but showing us Dean behaving like that just serves, with every time his head cracks around, to make this moment with Aaron even more transcendently ridiculous. Dean seemed to not even realise until 10x13 how college campuses were full of cute girls (although in 1x07 he also was interested in the general concept, back when he was closer their age, so it’s more like he forgot - and we know he’s already eyeballed Aaron twice before they ever talk) and it’s only when he leaves the bar he has anything to say about them to indicate he even realised they were female

I don’t wanna lend 10x13 any more credit for the gross treatment of the girls in it as backing this up though so let’s stop there

“Special Agent Bolan” wants a word :P

* * *

…

I can’t believe that was written, acted, and directed on this show

“love in all places”

I swear to Chuck (our bisexual God :P) that this moment is just… wow

* * *

it’s already been shredded to bits by fandom, me included - from the analysis of the badge thing to the background dudes who seem to be wearing the “spot the Destiel parallel” clothes or the OTHER background dudes who just seem to be flirting, and blow by blow Dean and Aaron’s exchange as they do whatever the opposite of gay chicken is - more like gay “what the fuck how do I get off this ride before we hook up out of sheer awkwardness for what we started”

feel like a special mention due for Dean’s face right as he’s saying stuff about “federal… thing” right before his phone rings, and we can *seriously* see him contemplating going for it

(dear fandom: wtf how do I not have a gif of this already? the gifmakers seem to all chop it off after Dean does the thing where he passes his hand over his face)

OKAY FINE I’m pretty sure people clicking through on this one are expecting discussion of this instead of “there are 300 posts about this on my blog go look in my tag” :P

… I feel like if I learned anything from Robbie Thompson it’s that tearing the crap out of this scene is my birthright as a writer and TV loving nerd

*watches the scene 6 more times just to refresh my memory*

* * *

So Dean comes over all cocky and pushing his badge at Aaron - 

\- a badge I have exhaustively talked about over this rewatch and BECAUSE of this scene as being his facade as an FBI agent BUT already intrinsically linked to his expression of his sexuality, and it was EDLUND who started the real push with this, in Monster Movie, with Dean x Jamie as an example of him doing exactly this and everything he ever does with the persona of the FBI guy, completely unsubtly, but with a female character he could kiss and hook up with, before Yellow Fever and the Siren Episode perfected its season 4 use and made it all gay :P

in Carver Era, so far I think the only significant thing to happen thus far with this symbolism is Boltar “outing” Sam and Dean as fake FBI agents via seeing the badge (thanks Robbie - I always forgot about that moment until now when discussing Dean vs the badge), and I talked about how that was integral to seeing Dean in Moondoor as a metaphor ([or not](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/143843492841/inspired-by-a-wait-what-did-dean-really-take)) about him embracing his sexuality a little. 2 episodes later, we’re here (Dean is still messing about with swords in the background) and he is confidently not JUST holding the badge up to Aaron to see with a quick flash but actually dropping it on the table and pushing it at him to  _inspect_. He doesn’t seem to have learned his lesson about people seeing through the badge, and they can do it in more ways than one :P

There’s a lot going on here but essentially the argument is Dean lets himself loose a little while he can hide behind the badge and not being “himself” while playing the persona, being generally quite flirty, frequently talking to men in uniform as they need the cover to talk to authority figures… perfect storm for Dean to get some casual flirting in while not acting as himself and having the excuse that it was “special agent Bolan” or whoever it is this week who was just being friendly for the sake of getting information (this is particularly the case with the Siren episode, although Monster Movie played it this way too with the m/f pairing but Dean’s hell trauma as what he repressed to play-act the FBI guy instead - either way the 2 early examples set the scene for every time I end up talking about it hereafter)

As with Boltar seeing through the badge, Aaron’s going to completely trash Dean’s cover within one line, because the cover is not FBI over hunter, but this safe face behind the badge as a mask over Dean actually maybe being interested in dudes for realsies, to actually take whatever “eye magic” drew them together seriously and use it to destabilise Dean (and the full beauty of this isn’t until we know Aaron was only hitting on Dean as a cover of his own but  _he_  chose the method of attack on this and HIS cover trumps Dean’s) 

They actually ARE playing a sort of gay chicken up to this point but Dean loses extremely early on in the game:

and Aaron officially has the higher ground on who is playing who, as Dean does basically the whole conversation cracked open in a way he had not expected, even when Aaron hit on him from across the room

* * *

As Aaron explains the logistics of their hook up he’d been planning, Dean glances around, checking the amount of privacy they have: immediately, perhaps just making sure no one is overhearing their awkward encounter out of embarrassment, but it also verifies that, no, this is not one of those times Sam is right beside him and about to turn around and Dean will need to school his behaviour back to an acceptable level of Sam-friendly dorkiness (as decided by whatever arcane rules in Dean’s brain work out what is and isn’t acceptable for Sam to see at any given moment, as the sword thing demonstrated)

* * *

After that Dean pulls away the badge, and as countless meta has gone over, this is him packing away the fake identity and continuing on the rest of the conversation, for better or worse, façade down after Aaron beats him at his own game, by skipping straight to suggesting their 2 moments of “eye magic” so far between them are grounds enough for a hook up.

Mostly worse, then. I’d feel sorry for Dean if this wasn’t so damn hilarious and perfect.

* * *

I love his expression changing and softening right before he pulls the badge away, right as Aaron starts talking about how they had a “thing” - really look at his eyes just before the gif loops (when the shot changed to the badge)

  


This look right before the badge has him understanding the “mix up” Aaron had, so, Dean not realising this is an aggressive campaign to make him stop investigating, retracts with his ACTIONS that he is investigating Aaron by taking the badge out of the mix

Dean then cites “federal investigation” for the first time while still fiddling with the badge, still using his WORDS to pretend he was on the case and not giving in and admitting they had a “thing”, almost holding like the badge as the last line of defence between him and Aaron as an explanation or reason for what’s going on between them… He waves it at him one more time as an excuse like, hey, I have a perfectly good, non-gay reason for this all to be happening. Just a federal investigation. 

“haha see look, perfectly normal heterosexual FBI agent” 

*navel-gazes the badge* 

“@ me: right??? It still says that in there?”

“… wait this badge does not confirm my heterosexuality to anyone, least of all me”

“I feel so betrayed”

* * *

So Aaron goes for the throat as Dean’s still floundering around but supposedly still FBI and digging in his heels that he’s on the job, so therefore still a threat and still potentially investigating Aaron (Aaron wants to drive him away with gay panic in the main text (making it hilarious even on the SURFACE reading that Aaron was struggling to incite the response he wanted and had to go several rounds with Dean on this and we never saw Dean actually, like, OFFICIALLY shut him down) but the other resolution to get Dean off his case is to turn it into a hook up, and this absolutely toes the line on which way this would have gone): 

“is that supposed to make you less interesting?”

and the whole iconic way Dean looks up and Aaron’s ears go down because now Aaron has played the game TOO well:

  


([x](http://kikistiel.tumblr.com/post/42487155486) sue me, this one was in my tag for this episode 6 times I’m not making more gifs :P)

Aaron’s face is just perfect “Oh. Shit.” 

And again, much better once you know that Aaron possibly doesn’t even WANT to hook up or didn’t intend for it to go this far and that he literally just was scouting Dean out when he waved him over :P 

NOW Dean is interested in turn, having probably never got this far with flirting with a dude just because Aaron’s been so non-threatening and Dean nominally approached him first and he’s at the disadvantage with Aaron implying he started it with the “eye magic”… and that moment right there is when Dean crosses a line we’ve never seen him cross before or since and  _really_ looks at Aaron to evaluate this potential hook up as something that may be about to happen. 

(okay he may have got pretty close to it with Gunnar in 11x14 or some of those times he  _really_  looked Cas up and down - the “Cas, wait” in 9x06 probably the closest THEY ever came to Dean stepping over the line, but this is actually Dean pretty much about to make a date to meet Aaron off the clock or just skip straight to a bathroom hook up if he’s busy later, and ONLY Dean’s phone will stop him :P)

* * *

Then Dean says “not freaked out” and pockets the badge, and we get to the most annoying “okay” on the show, a second before his phone rings and takes Dean out of this torment

> DEAN   
> No. No. I – I’m n-not freaked out. It’s just a, you know… a federal thing. It’s, uh… Okay… 

Dean at this point is a MESS. He’s probably feeling like he’s in an advert for an antiperspirant as the “before” example, his mouth is dry, his heart is pounding, and what is the difference between primal fear and a sudden crush??? :P

God (name taken in vain throughout because God is bi), but his excuse is so interesting. “No, uh, you just… caught me off guard. Because I am at work. Doing… word-related-to-job-that-I-just-said (wait who am I? What does ‘federal’ even mean??) … thing” in the most unconvincing voice ever by the time he’s got to “thing” like he stopped but is aware he needs to finish the sentence, but this whole… thing… is based on Dean as an FBI agent as his reason for not doing it (it being Aaron), and now he’s put away the badge and told him he’s not freaked out, he seems to get to this weird moment of calm, after gesturing himself, trying to convey that this is the face of an FBI guy on the job one last time and trying to refer to the invisible mask that keeps him safe from thinking too deeply about what FBI!Dean gets up to around cute guys, and it’s that last look where he really seems to rest back on his heels and take stock of the situation for maybe the third time in a minute, is when Dean realises he’s run out of excuses - he’s accidentally talked his way out of being the FBI guy and is just talking for himself by that point, he runs out of words - and as I was saying there’s a words vs actions thing from the start, and he’s looking at Aaron in that long thoughtful pause like, “Okay” (meaning: let’s do this)

*phone rings*

* * *

Or, of course, that irritatingly vague “okay” could be… “this has got too awkward I need an out… OKAY - ” *phone rings* “thank god I don’t need to come up with an excuse here’s one right when I needed it!”

* * *

… but really though, Dean really, honestly, seems for a moment to be considering this whole situation in a way where this was going to happen

* * *

and of course, to go back to our swords from earlier, Sam calling is the moment that Dean checks himself and snaps back to the most dominant persona he ever employs - that of big brother Dean and all that he thinks that needs to be for Sam’s sake (as the sword thing showed, also including “cooler and less dorky than I really am” but we see in other more serious times, that it’s about appearing braver, stronger, more in control of the situation than Dean really is)

* * *

Anyway Dean is still recalibrating and Aaron is still flirting so Dean crashes into a table

… Edlund and Phil have a lot to answer for :P

* * *

> DEAN (on phone)   
> Huh. Well, uh, the two very hot co-captains of the women’s volleyball team agree that the rabbi’s death was very unnatural. I think we still got a case. 

:’)

Dean, honey, you don’t have to…

* * *

what am I saying he feels like the universe will explode if he doesn’t

* * *

Anyway then Dean looks very very very smol compared to the golem

And then SAM looks very very smol which is still a lot of smol for Sam

* * *

*quiet sobbing about the crushing heartbreak Dean takes when he realises that Aaron played him* I mean in screen time we’re maybe 2 minutes from where Dean looked ready to start all the experimenting at college he missed out on :P Aaron being so scathing about Dean feeling the need to ask and clarify honestly to me just doubles down on everything I’ve ever said about that first scene and how in for it Dean was…

Again, that “very smooth” “you really had me there” is easy to read either as “you really authentically seemed to be hitting on me and freaked me out because yikes no homo” or “wow you know I was literally a second from suggesting we go find some place quiet PLEASE don’t make this weird, especially in front of Sam”

thinking of, I feel like

> DEAN   
> [to SAM] Told you I was being followed. He was my gay thing. 

is advanced level deflection. Dean at least to Sam even if he looks anguished when he’s directing his expression at Aaron, manages to make it into a joke because there’s no way to make it through this Aaron thing without addressing how they met, as that’s all Dean KNOWS about him so far… Sam doesn’t have to know the extent to which Dean melted down because it’s now all just a joke and Sam is free to think maybe all Dean and Aaron did was bump into each other, and for all I know, Dean joking about it like this is to make Sam assume he’s being vaguely homophobic about why a dude would be tailing another dude around campus, and letting Sam think this is just something silly that happened to Dean 

while pulling a horrifically pained face at Aaron for the trolling he just recieved

* * *

Anyway I guess after this it’s just, like, the actual “plot” of the episode 

* * *

*returns now it’s not 2am*

I love the Golem’s endless wandering and patrolling around Aaron’s house:

> AARON  
> Yes. Shaped from clay and brought to life by rabbis to protect the Jewish people in times of – I don’t know – general crappiness. 

the restlessness seems to speak of this never-ending need to protect them?

* * *

Sam and Dean get to pull the Legacy card for the first time as well, and it gets them a pass with the golem. They’re truthful about who they are and rewarded for speaking up about it: the first of many many times behind open about it helps them and pulling the MoL card opens doors. It’s little stuff like this which, historical crappiness of the MoL aside, makes THEIR experience of it so positive?

* * *

> AARON  
> So… your grandfather was into all this supernatural stuff, too?
> 
> DEAN   
> Yeah, grandparents, mom, dad, truckload of cousins – the whole family was lousy for it, but we… [he looks at the GOLEM, which is still pacing] never had a Golem.

Aw and they’re re-evaluating their family history now… I was quite amused by how they left the Campbells out of last episode until one comment at the end but this line shows now how Sam and Dean are really reconciling their new identity with their history

Also Aaron got to title-drop the show, which you may as well do whenever you can :P

* * *

Hahahah there’s a No Smoking sign on Aaron’s coffee table

* * *

> AARON  
> My grandfather’s adventures, the Initiative, the Golem, the war – they were the stories that he told me when I was a kid. I thought it was make-believe. So did my parents – you know, fantasies to help him cope with all the horrible stuff he’d seen, but every once in a while, crazy old Grandpa Bass would come back by on one of his trips, hand me a $20 savings bond, and say, “one day, you’ll inherit the mantle.” Sure enough, a few days after he died, this big box shows up at my apartment. He always said I’d know what to do. Which was crap, because when I opened that box, this big, naked, potato-faced lunatic wakes up and goes crazy! 

[…]

> AARON  
> It’s Hebrew for something like “take charge,” but I have no idea what he means. Look, I grew up in Short Hills. I cheated my way through Hebrew school. I never really listened to my grandfather, what he was saying.
> 
> DEAN   
> So, wait – he just sends you this – this Golem and expects you to work it out?
> 
> AARON  
> He didn’t get much chance to prepare me, I guess. My parents – they did everything they could to prevent him from screwing me up with all his crazy talk. See, after the war, my grandfather spent the rest of his life trying to track down something he called the Thule Society.

This is all the “story being wrong” theme, with a heavy emphasis on upbringing that was done out of the best interest for Aaron but still fucked up and didn’t prepare him for what he’d actually need. His grandpa’s stories were dismissed as delusional, but what do you know, he was right all along

(about necromancer nazis but shh)

* * *

I like how this is one of those scene transitions where they’re like *urgently* let’s go! *cut to them in a completely new set of clothes*

* * *

Sam just decides to go rushing off upstairs alone instead of everyone going with him because he is a Nerd who likes libraries

how does he always gets hit with blowdarts

> DEAN   
> Crap! [to the GOLEM] Hey, big guy, they’re both gonna die unless we get whoever cast the spell. 

How did he know that would work??

… when in doubt, just use this trope :P

* * *

I like how the “oh my god these guys are psychopaths” thing where Aaron’s watching Sam warm his hands over the burning corpse is an improv from Jared… Phil is the best director because you just hear about all this nonsense that happens and he’s like “yeah that was funny so I left it in” … I mean that’s how the whole Aaron picking up Dean in the bar thing kind of happened too :P

* * *

Dean’s red plaid! He just seems really chill and domestic, bringing coffee while they all sit around in a kitchen in this scene

I mean, colours aside, I can see why people would make the association as a bi plaid (a precursor one now :P) just by context of the episode…

* * *

> AARON   
> When I was – when I was bar mitzvahed, my – my grandfather gave me this little old book. It was in Hebrew. It was like an owner’s manual for a Golem.
> 
> DEAN   
> Okay. Great. Get that, then.
> 
> AARON   
> I – I can’t, exactly. When I went to high school, I sort of… drifted. I started getting off the academic track, and, uh, I kind of, um… I kind of smoked it.

Aside from Dean’s amusing expression being yet more understated Dean and drugs subtext, to compare this to Sam and Dean being pretty quick to accept that they’re legacies, Aaron is sort of their terrible example of what happens if you don’t embrace your legacy? And then he DOES come around at the end, which is a positive message about their own journey as MoL…

(This episode does seem to be working on a hopeful assumption there might be a main plot related to all this but it’s all good character stuff anyway I guess and helps justify Sam strip-mining the Bunker for resources as just claiming what they inherit and using it properly :P)

* * *

> AARON   
> What makes you think you have any right to make that decision?
> 
> DEAN   
> Believe me, if we need the right, we will take it.

DEAN, NO

(just… in general. Part of Dean as a work in progress :P)

* * *

Anyway we’re running out of episode so then suddenly Nazis everywhere

* * *

> AARON   
> I didn’t know what he meant.
> 
> ECKHART   
> Knowledge is power, isn’t it?

again, back in this episode I wasn’t sure if the Bunker was a good idea or not on the first watch so this seemed really ominous about what the Winchesters had come into possession of… But so far so good despite a few wobbles :P

* * *

I hope Aaron’s doing okay out there on his nazi-killing adventures

* * *

> DEAN   
> So, uh, what? Aaron’s a J.I., and… you’re a Man of Letters now? Is that it? 

This seems to set Dean up as having a similar conflict to Sam vs feeling at home at the Bunker, with a kind of mutual job vs home conflict between them except that even if Sam remains nerdier about the books and archive than Dean, Dean really never does seem to have an identity crisis calling himself a MoL when he needs to after this point while the Sam vs calling the Bunker home thing carries on for a long time

* * *

*zoom out with Dean with his feet on the table*

*Henry, who has been dead like 2 weeks, starts rolling in his grave*


	14. 8x14

Or: glasses episode

* * *

something else probably happened this episode maybe but I just had to restrain myself from posting this without a read more and just that one tagline :P

* * *

this episode gets more and more ironic as time goes by, especially the title “Trial and Error” just because this is the biggest thing they ever do that never even pays off for them. 

Does Kevin even get to ask them about the Gates of Hell after all the work he put in or do they just uncomfortably not mention it to him? I genuinely can’t remember why he was upset in 9x02 because he had SO MANY reasons to be mad at them :P

* * *

Hey goofah dust guy from season 2 <3

* * *

Actually after the recap ends with reminding us about the Bunker, it becomes even more obvious that Kevin REALLY should have been moved to the Bunker like a month ago

My last pass through this part of the show was the summer before last with my friend who I accidentally got into the show, and she is one of those “guess the plot out loud” watchers and also very critical of dumb decisions, so I endured a week or so of her random appearances on our coinciding time off from work having my arm gripped and being full-body shaken by her as she demanded they move Kevin to the Bunker

I really feel this one because my head is still rattling ;)

* * *

I think maybe the funniest thing about this is how Kevin gets up and sticks a post it note to his mood board wall and stands back and is like “HOLY CRAP” as he suddenly sees the big picture, and finally understands… everything comes together!

what was the revelatory post it note?

* * *

Dean’s roooom

this sort of parallels Kevin’s shitty living space, tbh: showing Dean really settling in and putting stuff on the walls, getting to put his vinyl in place and his photo of Mary

meanwhile Kevin has a wall that is just “DEATH DARKNESS DEMONS”

“TO”

* * *

So much has been written about this, but I jut really like Dean’s house proud feeling. Since we have this ongoing contrast between Sam and Dean and how they view the Bunker, we have Sam dropping by to see how Dean’s doing, but we know nothing about his room until 9x04 I seem to recall, and in the here and now I think Sam is only really realising how the Bunker means home to Dean and how they’re really possibly settling in and not going anywhere. We have basically a “Dean sees it as home, Sam sees it as job-related” split, so him being a troll little brother littering Dean’s room is cute, but in the bigger picture he’s got a serious emotional divide from this mindset Dean’s in, and it’s not going to be a serious emotional subplot yet until, like, season 11, but the feeling is there the whole time…

Then we see instead on the other side of things:

> DEAN  
> What you reading?
> 
> SAM  
> Sort of, uh, everything.
> 
> DEAN  
> Oh, good. Somebody’s gonna have to dig through all this, and it ain’t gonna be me.

this is probably something the writers discussed because this is quietly recapping the stuff Edlund set up with this split. It’s not a coincidence we go from seeing how Dean settles in to seeing how Sam is viewing the Bunker: again, he’s strip mining it for info as if he’s on a deadline

Meanwhile, Dean is wearing 1 layer and it’s one of his henleys, which I can’t actually recall at this point if we’ve seen him wear something like this for like maybe since season 1 at this point… And of course:

> SAM  
> I know. I-I just didn’t think you knew what a kitchen was.
> 
> DEAN  
> I’m nesting, okay? Eat.

Even before we see the Bunker’s kitchen for the first time, Dean is attached to it (and, ironically, talking about attachments, we saw Kevin getting very attached to the coffee machine Fizzles’ Folly) … Since people were talking about how Cas being in the Bunker kitchen in his head was a Dean-coded room, even if we see both Winchesters in there through the show, this intro to the Bunker sets up how they relate to it all. The library is very much Sam-coded for the same reason. Dean spends his time there, but it’s either as a communal area, or as where Sam researches as well (see 9x10 and Sam in his own head there)

* * *

Incidentally they’re VASTLY better at lighting the Bunker just between last episode and here - Sam and Dean are back to their normal non-jaundiced selves even sitting right in front of the yellow lights :P

* * *

I also remember my friend shaking my arm like “DEAN’S GONNA POISON SAM” with the burgers, as the expectation was so set up that Dean can’t cook (??? 6x01? Montage? Cooking Dean! He even does a barbecue (with Sid, RIP) which we also see THIS episode again…) Meh, but the way Dean’s coded it goes SO against expectation that he can cook, as with certain other unnamed things about him, he can literally be shown cooking and apparently enjoying it/not killing other people, and the expectation that he can’t is still so hard wired if you’re NOT looking for the subversion that this episode comes as a surprise with Dean’s domestic nature

Also about the burgers: worth repeating that Dean’s pretty much eaten nothing but burgers on screen in Carver era and they’ve gone from representing humanity to a more nuanced idea of his domestic life, which is snatched from him by Kevin phoning, and he never returns to eat the burger, while Sam, who still thinks he has a chance, grabs his own to take on the road

…

don’t think I’m missing also the whole “Dean about to eat a delicious burger but then his phone rings and he is distracted from getting a chance to taste it” thing paralleling stuff from last episode…

hehehe

* * *

> KEVIN  
> Hot dogs, mostly.
> 
> DEAN  
> Sure, yeah – breakfast of champions. Look, I’m gonna feel dirty saying this, but you might want a salad and a shower.

Dean, like, subtly pushing his domestic agenda :P

(Hey those burgers had a ton of salad in them… it’s all about the delivery :P)

* * *

> KEVIN  
> Basically, God built a series of tests, and when you’ve done all three, you can slam the gates.
> 
> SAM  
> So, what – God wants us to take the SATs?
> 
> KEVIN  
> I-I guess. Uh, he works in mysterious ways.
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah, mysterious, douche-y ways.

He runs a cat blog 

that’s not actually very mysterious

* * *

> DEAN  
> Look, you get on the net – see what you can dig up. I’m gonna go for a supply run because we need goofer dust, and the kid needs to eat something that’s not ground-up hooves and pigs’ anuses – not that there’s anything wrong with that. 

Okay I am beginning to see why “Dean is everyone’s mom in season 8″ is a thing 

There’s actually a pretty narrow window of the season 8 Dean that people remember - 8x11 > here so far, and then get gets sad and angsty about Sam doing the trials and increasingly worried about Cas, and then especially after 8x17 he’s carrying anger with him again as he struggles with what happened there?

Wait did I just point out that Robbie fixed him and then broke him again

*throws hands up in despair because I can’t escape that asshole’s influence on this story and I’m still sad he’s leaving in a deep, tearful, listening to sad music and staring out the window way*

* * *

The chronicles of it’s totally fine for Sam to litter Dean’s room when:

> DEAN  
> Hey. Did you know that there are, like, 6,000 kinds of tomatoes?

*call back to Dean in 8x03 being a dick about the farmer’s market Sam dragged him to*

or

> SAM  
> I know. I do. But trust me on this – this whole “saving the world” thing – it’s a marathon, not a sprint. You got to take better care of yourself.

[1 minute later]

> DEAN  
> I got you a present. The, uh, blue ones are for the headaches, and the Greens are for pep. Don’t O.D. [Smacks KEVIN’s arm.]
> 
> KEVIN  
> Thanks?
> 
> SAM  
> [Quietly.] You sure about that?
> 
> DEAN  
> [Quietly.] Sam, we are on the one-yard-line. It is time to play through the pain.

he’s not easy to deal with even when he’s in an actually good mood :P Also acting like he just discovered vegetables exist. >.>

* * *

> ELLIE  
> You bed down in here. Breakfast is at 5:00, dinner is at 8:00, and in between, you’re mine. Questions?
> 
> DEAN  
> I miss my room.
> 
> SAM  
> We’re good.

Yikes, this episode is like 90% domestic/nesting!Dean just wanting to lie on his bed at home and listen to his albums

(Sam keeps having to re-roll diplomacy after Dean opens his mouth as well - happens twice in a few scenes)

But yeah no wonder Sam argues so much to be allowed to do the trials… not only is it his own reckoning (as a way to try to get Dean to trust him to do it and prove his can be trustworthy, to repent for what he put Kevin through over the year as he’s always been slightly more attached to that arc than Dean re: interaction and personal emotional burden with Kevin, who is, after all, his mirror in the way Charlie is for Dean… Because he is determined to get the job done and get out the other side which is the only one he says out loud-ish this episode) but he’s getting this non-stop series of mutterings from Dean about how much he misses home, or wants to be home, or Sam just generally witnessing Dean blossoming this season… He doesn’t reckon for Dean not being ABLE at this point to let Sam go and live on his own, but Sam does see Dean building a tiny thing for himself so even if Sam is feeling more optimistic than Dean about maybe surviving it vs knowing Dean would treat it as a suicide mission (accurately enough predicting how Dean self-implodes over the Mark of Cain), he doesn’t want Dean to sacrifice what he’s only just started to find 

and I always see no matter what they say, conflicting issues of BOTH of them having a lack of self-worth that motivates them to be the one sacrificing themselves… I think even when Sam seems to present a much better picture of mental health on the surface, the whole home vs job approach is also showing the knife edge between sacrifice and freedom Sam walks this season - of course starting with freedom and ending literally in an episode called Sacrifice where he gets to that point of “So?” … because he DOESN’T put down roots like Dean in the Bunker and focusses so much on the job, it can easily overwhelm the balance of how they live their lives and turn surviving into a pipe dream he’s had taken away from him twice now (Jess and Amelia) … Dean actually, for this brief period, DOES have balance, even if he says he doesn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, in a way he’s living in the moment so much more than Sam that he can choose to nest or put down some roots because he can appreciate comforts like a home as a sort of “in the meantime” before his assumed death, while Sam is putting them off…

(Which also makes for SAM it being so revolutionary that he is thinking of himself with that question in 11x04 about finding something with someone in the life or whatever - of course we talked about it so much as Destiel because the question is posed to Dean, but Sam is very much reflecting on his own life there…)

* * *

The dialogue from the (admittedly really dick-ish) woman who lost her husband and then can’t remember why she loved him is actually one of the most hauntingly awful things on this show to me… The whole concept is kinda terrible whichever way you come at it, but she doesn’t even know that the love was forced on her, so it’s almost like she’s left worrying there’s something wrong with her - beyond her normal asshole personality - that she turned out to not care when her husband she “loved” was shredded by a wild animal?

* * *

> SAM  
> That’s not a plan, Dean – that’s suicide.
> 
> DEAN  
> Well, you got a better idea?

I love/hate all these little microcosm bits of dialogue about their issues we’ve been getting this season - in this case, their recklessness is all over this episode. Last episode we had Dean saying something about how he would do something or other to make something his right when it blatantly wasn’t his place to decide things on someone else’s behalf

after years and years of these arcs going around and around the same themes through Carver era, these little lines are anvil-heavy even if they seem innocuous now

* * *

This is such a terrible family though :P

> SAM  
> How can you work here?
> 
> ELLIE  
> I love the property, I love the animals, and I tune out the people.

I like that even though she ends up more connected to Dean because she tries seducing him at one point, she gets to interact with them both. She’s a very good character. <3 

There’s fresh fruit of doom in front of her while they talk, and she’s got a deal too that they know nothing about…

* * *

ooh I just realised Dabb was the one who creatively re-purposed holy fire in 11x02 as well… He does tend to have fun with messing with pre-existing lore, since he also is responsible for a disproportionate number of episodes about demons getting bored with the same old same old for demon deals and doing stuff like collecting early or whatever 11x15 was :P

* * *

Anyway then Ellie makes a move on Dean and totally freaks him out

he just looks so scared, poor thing *pats his head* 

I know more than enough words have been spent on this especially considering the proximity to Aaron but have we considered that if you think Dean WAS intent on turning Aaron down, that just means we have 2 episodes in a row where he turns 2 people down, which just makes another parallel putting them on an equal footing… It’s a no-win situation. :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> Yes, I can. You want to know why? Because it’s what I do. And, buddy, I’m the best. See, I gut old yeller out there, and maybe – just maybe – you walk away. I don’t – you’re meat.

I like when he develops some self esteem but honestly I’ve been sitting here flipping through Dabb episode file cards in my head since he does mirror himself so much (the “yea high” description for Crowley was making me cross-reference that it was a Dabb episode he “yea high”’d Cas and I think it was 9x22), and since I was thinking of that, when Dean said this line, I accidentally immediately ended up at 10x22 and “I kill gods” and Dean’s Mark of Cain fuelled rage contributing to THAT “self esteem” boost. And Dean’s full of anger here too (these people are dicks, to be fair) but it has shades of Mark!Dean

there’s still a lot of darkness lurking inside Dean, even now in an episode where he’s been pretty cute and domestic and a couple of hours ago in his time was happily grilling stuff on the barbecue :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> I’m a grunt, Sam. You’re not. You’ve always been the brains of this operation.
> 
> SAM  
> Dean –
> 
> DEAN  
> And you told me yourself that you see a way out. You see a light at the end of this ugly-ass tunnel. I don’t. But I tell you what I do know – it’s that I’m gonna die with a gun in my hand. ‘Cause that’s what I have waiting for me – that’s all I have waiting for me. I want you to get out. I want you to have a life – become a man of Letters, whatever. You, with a wife and kids and – and – and grandkids, living till you’re fat and bald and chugging Viagra – that is my perfect ending, and it’s the only one that I’m gonna get. So I’m gonna do these trials. I’m gonna do them alone – end of story. You’re staying here. I’m going out there. If landshark comes knocking, you call me. If you try to follow me, I’m gonna put a bullet in your damn leg.

[…](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/143668561436/cassammydean-this-episode-gave-so-much)

I’m so glad that’s all ancient history and Dean dreams of beach holidays and has been somewhat convinced he’s going to live long enough to have to worry about things like getting married to Cas or something because the whole “continuing to be alive but not married to Cas” thing is getting really awkward

it’s so distressing to hear Dean say all that, but I guess he hasn’t really opened up all season - we haven’t really heard much to know for sure that he’s feeling worthless or suicidally inclined towards self-sacrifice in Sam’s place, or how he feels he’s a grunt… All implicit in the events so far e.g. the grunt thing = very much something channelled fighting in Purgatory, or how he didn’t understand how Sam didn’t do what Dean would have done and turn the Earth inside out to get Sam back even at the cost of his own life… It’s all long-standing Dean characterisation and so on but he’s really not been big on sharing so far this season, so we’ve barely had any verbal confirmation he feels like this >.>

(this is where I’m momentarily confused because I’ve spent all this time analysing him with the hindsight he says exactly this :P But I’m pretty sure this is a reveal for this episode in the way of actually telling us what Dean’s been all about so far)

also now we’re actually here all I can really think to say is my relief that even in season 10, Dean was already beginning to want to see a way out and season 11 he’s actively wondering about it… 

it makes it so much easier to rewatch but somehow worse to hear, knowing how Dean is talking now so seeing this for the contrast it really is?

* * *

Ellie sneaks her kiss with Dean, and honestly, despite his reassurances he wouldn’t mind kissing her, he’s really not acting into her, even if he does the thing where he always kisses back… I forget how huge this felt like coming right after Dean’s gay panic last episode… I know, blah blah, he’s here hunting monsters, but it’s not like he’s never at least made out with someone while there was a case was ongoing, before or after… 

I wonder if this was supposed to just be a symptom of his depression, that showing him happy to move into the Bunker and treat it like a home couldn’t come with ALSO being eager for hook ups and even romantic flings, because that’s just TOO MUCH showing one thing and having him say another? i.e. to prove he means it talking about no light at the end of the tunnel, he’s adverse to even the suggestion of a relationship and dragging someone down with him, and him x the Bunker is already showing him in such a good place in some ways there needs to be a counterbalance to prove he’s not okay

but nah this is also firmly in the history of Dean’s mid season 8 gay panic :P

(Tbh - extended panic… I’ve seen 9x08 argued as a freak out reaction in response to 9x06, whether he hooked up with Cas in that episode or not…)

(oh lordy I’m in the part of the show where I can casually talk about 9x06 as a nearby episode… this isn’t going to go well for me. I kind of assumed I’d never make it close to that episode but I’m still going…)

* * *

> DEAN  
> That was a stupid move, Ellie.
> 
> ELLIE  
> I did it for my mom, Dean. What would YOU do for your mom?

Ooh somehow I’ve never put together - since “sad about his mom” is a no 1 character trait - that we even saw the reminder of Dean’s photo of Mary at the start of the episode… I suppose also Carver era in general is much more interested in the Winchesters’ childhood, at least when it comes to exploring the things that messed them up from a young age or whatever. Also the whole thing with their photos becomes more and more of a thing especially in season 10

* * *

Dabb I love you but maybe could you not with using “bitch” so often just because you’re kind of talking about dogs even when you’re still using it as an insult… 

if nothing else the next episode is the worst dog episode of the whole lot (again: why are there multiple dog episodes) and features a female character who is also a dog and… this is weird 

… oh man am I actually committing to watching that

* * *

problem for tomorrow!Lizzy

* * *

present!Lizzy is still amazed to the point of near disbelief still after 3 years that Sam managed to hold off a hellhound with one hand

he’s strong

* * *

Oooh Sam even invoked the whole Dean having his own room thing when telling him he deserves to live - that part of his rebuttal is good and I like it a lot.

His appeal for Dean to believe in him gets much worse knowing 8x23, and how much Sam doesn’t feel Dean believes in him… to me it sort of changes where he’s arguing from, which unfortunately is presented as a selfless position in the here and now

eeeh. If it’s not clear from other comments so far in season 8, I’m really not fond of 8x23′s conclusion of this arc just because of how much it kicks off in terms of the endless codependency arc that follows and how even though not closing the gates doesn’t really harm more than a handful of people (Ellie, Kevin’s wasted time :P) they don’t come out of it looking good as heroes (interesting as anti-heroes but this arc has also gone on a very very long time so I’m also just tired :P), and then it only gets worse from there, with Dean’s descent arc and Sam being pushed to moral compromises to save him… 

Setting them up on a path where in the most recent episode God himself called them out for this stuff as a bad thing… 

Especially since it was an escalation of this exact thing which has dragged him back into the story. So seeing the little early seeds of it makes me sad, I suppose because unlike Dean now seeming to have a positive idea of his own future and being forced to confront what he’d do with his life if he got to live it through to full old age… for this arc, there’s still not been the firm resolution we need for me to look at this as old news stuff, just something we’ve been hoping will change for ages >.>

* * *

After 11x20 I’m also thinking, since Sam was twice infected with Darkness stuff, that it’s fascinating he’s already had God glowy stuff inside him in this season, and thought it was purifying him. Carver era sort of bookending itself with Sam filled with either one of God or the Darkness’s powers. And mixing them to use the holy fire to purify himself the first time before God did it the next

hmm

might need the last 3 episodes of 11 to be confident about any themes, especially as Sam doesn’t seem to have a great deal of plot in season 11 for himself.

* * *

Oh, that’s the end of the episode *blinks as the scene abruptly ends*

* * *

… why on earth did they delete the scene which is only 30 seconds but fills in a huge plot hole of why they carried on assuming the hellhound was still out there after its second kill

… maybe more Dabb episodes had moments which explain things like their teleporting cars :P


	15. 8x15

Or: I bought a colouring book last week

I watch the bees now

* * *

Aw the Bunker isn’t even in this episode

(I can tell because it wasn’t listed in the credits)

* * *

Dean compares killing a hellhound as “no slice of pie” for the whole… pie thing

using it to mean “easy” instead of the whole “apple pie life” theme, but… close enough

* * *

“you don’t like dogs, do you?”

the whole [Dean vs dogs](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/tagged/dean-vs-dogs) thing … 

* * *

WAIT I figured out something… this episode has the same kind of aesthetic as Bloodlines with this whole… witch bar thing 

Huh

that’s a terrible parallel

* * *

there’s probably some comments that are parallels about how this witch cop dude guy has “dark, bloody” dreams (Purgatory?) and how he doesn’t fit in, living one foot in two worlds or something - when the subject of balance e.g. home vs job, hunting vs normal life is such a thing this season

* * *

Ah, Dean’s wearing the brown plaid from 8x01 and the start of this argument…

> SAM  
> Concerned about the, uh – the witch-killing spell… …or that I’m gonna mess these trials up?  
>   
> DEAN  
> Look, we get too far down the road with this, we can’t go back, And it’ll be too late for me to jump in.  
>   
> SAM  
> Who says that you’re gonna have to? You know, maybe I’ll actually pull this one off.  
>   
> DEAN  
> I’m just saying.  
>   
> SAM  
> I know what you’re saying, Dean. You’ve said it. You know, I’ve been going over this and over this, asking myself “why doesn’t he trust me?” And it occurred to me, finally. It’s not that you don’t trust me.It’s that you can only trust you.

They are good at this dialogue that tells us exactly what they’re thinking :P I don’t even need to analyse this really except to point out the whole “trust” thing getting specifically mentioned and how the really heavy anvils dialogue in 8x03 also from Buckleming was basically exactly this much obviously about 8x23 as here, so there’s some consistency in this storytelling across the season

(It is nice to feel like season 8 was presumably planned thoroughly?)

* * *

> PORTIA  
> No. Doesn’t that at least suggest he’s under another’s control? 

I’ve coloured half the page of this colouring book trying to work out how to squint diplomatically at the whole “bond” thing Portia mentioned a few scenes back, but this makes the witch cop dude guy the Cas parallel and Portia Dean then which is somehow  _maybe_  better… (there’s meta out there about “dog or girl? which one do you consider yourself” which… Actually is linked in my Dean vs Dogs tag I linked up there but I didn’t have the heart to reblog it then and I definitely don’t now :P)

* * *

Some dude they just talked to also said that James’s options were running away or suicide which are also Cas things this season 

* * *

Aw fuck I fucked up the colouring 

* * *

If nothing else this episode has terrible one-liners

* * *

I like how Sam’s fine all episode and then the moment we’re having the BM moment in the car and they come to the nice dramatic conclusion that Dean’s at peace with Sam doing the trials and it’s like yay everything is great 

*cough cough*

Sam’s long-suffering journey of haemorrhaging through the last part of season 8 but only at dramatically appropriate moments begins

* * *

I’d say don’t forget which pencils are your watercolour pencils before you start 


	16. 8x16

Or: this episode has been through a lot. Or I’m still messed up by 11x20. Either way, most of this is just rambling about how it’s a cornerstone of Carver Era in general. Whoops.

* * *

Watching the cold open realllly glad it’s summer because this is one of the coldest of cold opens

it occurs to me that Prometheus went right through from being a Cas parallel in this season to a Dean parallel over the Mark of Cain/demon!Dean stuff, with callbacks to his awakenings from death in 9x23 and 10x22 just as an example… Right back through to a Cas mirror again :P Since the subject of mysterious punishment resurrections are back on the table, and Cas’s feelings vs God claiming he did it just to help all those times… I sincerely hope there’ll be a reckoning for this between them. Zeus actually was doing it as a punishment and the last we know of Cas’s feelings on it at this point in canon is the same… Now God’s back, this episode’s confrontation comes back in focus

* * *

I don’t have many clear memories of my first watch of this season but I DO remember flipping out about the eagle eating his liver… I have weird memories of this season :P

* * *

Meanwhile: Sam is also dying

I know this is very old news and the sides in the argument are way more complicated, but Zeus not letting Prometheus die is a pretty bad parallel for Dean not being able to let Sam die either…

* * *

we also have the whole mirror theme of Carver Era starting here (which appears to have been brought to conclusion by 11x20, thematically) … used especially for Dean and his descent arc, actually now we know it’s a God vs Amara thing I’m quite interested that Sam filled with holy energy burning him from the inside out just as Amara devoured Dean from the inside is also started off with Sam looking in a mirror

before when it was *just* about searching their reflections for the signs of inward darkness or whatever, this one wouldn’t have counted

* * *

Anyway Dean is up and about and worrying about Cas with an almost season 11 level amount of concern (since Goodbye Stranger is up next).

> DEAN  
> So, no word from Cas, Kevin’s taking his sweet little time, and you’re acting cagey. We need a lead before I start climbing these walls. [Drinks his coffee.]

he points out the Cas thing after some back and forth about the other 2 things, so it’s to be assumed this is just permanently on his mind any moment Cas isn’t actively in contact with them :P

Considering how this episode ends (and the second most overt romantic Destiel parallel after Charlie and Gilda in this chunk of episodes), I do feel sad Loflin moved on from the show - we have like 2 episodes with just his name on, and I think he would have done okay by himself

* * *

Also the entire section where the police officer thinks Prometheus was a zombie is absolutely hilarious

* * *

(This is why I think some of the acting decisions in the other Loflin episode messed up what was actually wordplay… Just based on 2 episodes to himself I really get the feeling Loflin has a very wry sense of humour )

* * *

> DEAN  
> Remember what Bobby said, hmm? “Wood chipper beats everything”? Yeah, well, so does grizzly bear. 

:’)

* * *

I like how when Prometheus is wrapped in a sheet he’s kind of got that whole ancient civilisations wrapped in a sheet look about him, holding it over one shoulder for no reason except aesthetic choices like he remembers in muscle memory wearing whatever the ancient Greek equivalent of a toga was.

thinking of aesthetic choices: there were probably ways to shoot this that didn’t involve Dean manhandling the mostly-naked guy over a table and pressing his weapon against him from behind

* * *

I swear Dabbflin are competing for the grimmest lines this season as well as the funniest:

> MAN  
> Look, I don’t know what I am, okay? I don’t know who I am. All I know is all I do is die, so if you want to shoot me, shoot me. Just promise me you finish the job, ‘cause I can’t take this anymore. 

Has anyone written much about Carver era as a sort of psychological horror story… Building up to the end of season 11 where it seems like actually just the entire universe needs therapy or at least some sort of relationship counselling for God and Amara :P

Anyway this line gives some insight into the drudgery of messing with life and death to the point of expecting to come back from the dead and dreading it: considering we’re heading for Sam in 9x01 saying he’d like to stay dead if Death reaps him, never mind all the escalating cycle and pre-existing history of them all not staying dead, Prometheus is a good stand in for all of TFW and their trauma over life and death

if Season 11 sticks to what it seems to be hinting of a world where they get one more death and that’s it for all of them, and the concept of not being able to move on past the denial and bargaining phases of grief and the total lack of drama of Winchester death because we just know they’ll be back finally being over… This episode is actually ageing really well with the themes :P

* * *

I still find it somewhat implausible no one ever said “hey like Prometheus!” when hearing “Shane”’s story. I choose to believe this is why Loflin exiled him to the middle of nowhere for the longest chunk of his time since he was rescued

* * *

> DEAN  
> All right, but you’re the one going full-cavity for the hex bag. 

_Dean_.

… Shane going into the shower always makes me nervous he’ll slip and die, and of course that calls back Mystery Spot to me… I mean Prometheus is basically living a reverse of that, where he dies every day and remembers it, keeps on going and even on different days the same thing happens to him

* * *

Artemis watches Prometheus sleep

aww

(”It’s just creepy!”)

(hey I was talking about “where’s my rule of three!?” on this and I guess for lack of anything better, this is it? 2 Destiel ones where Dean’s adverse to it in a “doth protest too much” way, and one romantic moment where she strokes his hair while watching him sleep, between some Destiel paralleled couple)

* * *

How comes Sam is cheerfully coughing blood in his down time but he can be whacked in the chest and knocked down a flight of stairs and he’s fine? Like, that would shake some stuff loose just if you were phlegmy

Maybe it just happens in the mornings

* * *

Anyway Prometheus shows some badass fighting skills, including learning to force-throw Artemis on instinct, so combined with them all waving knives around and Dean in his maroon shirt that later becomes connected to his demon arc… This all has weird shades of his upcoming conflict with Abaddon? (This one I really don’t think could be particularly intentional :P I think they hadn’t even decided they’d bring her back yet, let alone accepted Robbie’s pitch for First Born. Just the whole “themes going around in circles” thing)

And then after “Shane’s” heart attack, he’s laid out in the bed in much the same way as Dean in 9x23 (where he died via a heart wound)

* * *

I kind of want to quote all the quippy lines in this episode but I’m restraining myself. On the other hand:

> SAM  
> Dean, what do we know of that has Jason Bourne fighting skills, dies a lot, and has a history with violent women?  
>   
> DEAN  
> I don’t know – you? 

I like when the characters point out narrative parallels for us :P Of course that being the most surface level one actually kind of makes it the least interesting one for analysis just on the basis that they’ve already shared the parallel with the class…

* * *

Hayley’s story is extremely tragic and I feel really sad for her, but I’m not totally sure what to say about her in the wider scheme of things :P I guess there’s some parallels to be made - her as a parent can mirror Dean with Sam - her son keeps dying so she’s trying to get help, and obviously now we’ve started the Trials and Sam is coughing blood on the down low this could work in the same vein as the anvillicious showing Sam dead in a hospital bed in 8x20 shortly before it actually happens in 9x01… 

I like the idea of her romance with Prometheus blooming on the mountain as they try to escape - both of them alone together in a dangerous natural environment - only to lose him once they’re back in civilisation, which is very Destiel in Purgatory. 

(The fact there’s a love triangle makes it more confusing, especially as the other side of it has its OWN Destiel parallels people have drawn time and time again… This season started on a confusing mess of love triangles or whatever you’d call the Cas/Dean/Benny/Sam/Amelia nonsense :P But mostly when looking at the MotW side characters I’m thinking of these parallels looking forwards so in the short term, stuff about Sam’s impending doom/sacrifice, and Crypt Scene-y stuff :P)

* * *

> SAM  
> For us, actually. Zeus decided to revoke humanity’s ability to make fire so we couldn’t cook, couldn’t stay warm, couldn’t see in the dark.  
>   
> DEAN  
> Sounds like a monster’s paradise. And this guy made it right for us? 

This is kind of the “oh no he’s a Cas mirror” moment because of course Cas rebelling against Heaven is going against the higher authority: God’s plan (so the angels thought at the time - do we actually know for sure GOD wanted it when he gave TFW all the chances to solve it for themselves?) to have the apocalypse. (And from the moment he rebelled, Cas has been resurrected every time he dies. Hm. *side-eyes God as a Zeus parallel even if I am very grateful to have Cas back*)

On the other hand, I’m now thinking because of 11x20 down some very different lines: the way SO MANY angels etc come around to fight on behalf of humanity - Metatron just the latest offender and this is a season which ends with Naomi getting it, then next season a reminder of Gabriel, and eventually Gadreel, then the next season, in a smaller way, Hannah… God’s motives are still being given some serious scepticism by the fandom, but on the surface level at least he has also had his arm twisted to help humanity, finally (maybe) subverting this Prometheus model that all the angels who were worth anything fell for

It seems to be an interesting thing that these kind of beings come around to fight for Humanity in the face of higher powers who don’t care or actively punish humanity. It’s almost like the flaw in the universe that God created: I’ve seen some people analysing Chuck as jealous that his creation has gotten so far away from him, such as how he has to learn their skills himself (cheating and magically learning the guitar) - “how did making souls make you feel” “nauseous” - God just generally bitter and uncomfortable about what his creation has become, or that it’s moved beyond his control

if we assume the Apocalypse was MEANT to happen because God said so, then even if he ended up impressed with the result when writing Swan Song and seems to have loosely been rooting for the Winchesters (Cas included) ever since, the fact Dean “humanity” Winchester just casually trumped God in 5x22 pretty much by showing up for a participation trophy at Judgement Day is one hell of a statement of Creation vs the Creator with Creation winning…

* * *

> DEAN  
> All right. Well, we’ve never battled a God curse before. Hope we can break it. 

PFFTFFTTTTTTTFFF

* * *

Dean’s room!

He has the green sofa!!

we literally never see his room from this angle :P

* * *

they lay out the kid on Dean’s bed which seems extremely more ominous after 9x23

* * *

Hayley’s hair is realistically fluffing up from angst. What a good character. No TV hair for you. Real human woman hair. A+

* * *

> DEAN  
> Listen, you can run and hide and die for all eternity. It’s your choice. But Sam and I are gonna go after Zeus… with or without you.  
>   
> SHANE  
> I’m in. 

the whole “run and hide for eternity” thing is such a theme though - I’m not even sure who to start applying it to first? :P Of course the whole show is built around fighting so the counterpoint is cowardice, so this isn’t a revolutionary thought, but even so. I mean, just coming up soon is Metatron - “the great escapist” and then within like 12 episodes of him, Cain… And so on and so forth all the way to God in his bar

* * *

Anyway, research montage!

Dragon penis!

What is this episode

* * *

> HAYLEY  
> You do know that fulgurite is available in crystal shops all over, right?  
>   
> DEAN  
> Really?  
>   
> HAYLEY  
> Yeah. The new age people, they use it to make cheap jewelry.  
>   
> DEAN  
> Hmm. [Closes laptop.] 

the best episode

* * *

Dean’s pride about being a Legacy being met with even Sam giving him a weird look, though…

As I was saying in recent episodes, they seemed to be set up for a conflict over this, almost doing their sibling duality thing with Sam going down a MoL line and Dean following the path of a hunter, but here he’s casually owning their identity, doing research along with them, and even being the one who researches his way to success before the others, showing that when put to the task, Dean is as much as Man of Letters as Sam, and the conflict is averted here… Perhaps just part of Dean embracing home, but also showing character growth that he doesn’t resist change or a different way of life. Being a MoL would help him as a hunter, and many episodes in Carver era but especially 8x14 emphasise and TELL us that Dean is one of the best hunters ever (Sam too of course but Sam was the one saying it last time :P) so here we have Dean growing and using new skills and improving himself…

* * *

> SHANE  
> Why are you doing this, Sam?  
>   
> SAM  
> We need a bone, so I dig.  
>   
> SHANE  
> No, I mean for us. This isn’t your problem. You’re risking your life.  
>   
> SAM  
> Why’d you risk yours to steal that fire?  
>   
> SHANE  
> Good question. Wish I could remember. 

“Shane” continues being a parallel to everyone in the room… In this case, again, Sam relating directly to him, paralleling all TFW’s obligations to help and save people

this is an interesting change for Sam within the season, as we’re getting our first real analysis of him post starting the Trials, and he’s back to doing stuff like finding cases for them and feeling that obligation… He started off the season maybe a shade too extreme on wanting to get out, and he was judged by the story for not carrying on saving at LEAST Kevin but he’s managed to hold onto an endgame idea of completing this task and being done… By the end of the season he slips into the full on self-sacrifice and so now they’ve got to drag him down there, so relating to Prometheus for his sacrifice - and all the torment from a god that entailed - as well as showing him back to feeling at least a similar obligation as Dean was showing to saving everyone on the planet all the time, is a first step. I feel like this shift in Sam is caused somewhat directly by starting the Trials and the effect they have on them. Seeing the blood he’s coughing up is testing how much he really thinks he’ll survive it and forcing him to contemplate that the sacrifice will be worth it…

and that’s all tied up in how he’s determinedly doing it INSTEAD of Dean to “protect” Dean and let HIM have a chance at an endgame for once, so we’re back to the Winchester self-sacrifice for each other thing… At this point just between each other without too much collateral damage, but hindsight just means all I can see at this point is the slippery slope :P

> SAM  
> Trust me on this – it was worth it. You pretty much, uh, saved the whole world.  
>   
> SHANE  
> Yeah, I guess. But none of that – none of that means anything unless I can save my son. 

* * *

Dean also has a “trust me” with Hayley, vouching for how he and Sam are quite competent at getting stuff done.

* * *

I like how Dean tries asking nicely

tbh Zeus seems weirdly close to being dressed in a suit like Dean’s in 11x13

then they use the “nah we’ll just leave you here forever” thing which they DIDN’T do with Gabriel… Maybe taught them a lesson about leverage with traps though :P 

Aaaah Dean used “Balls!” as a swear 

I feel emotional now :P

* * *

> ZEUS  
> This is the son of Prometheus. And he’s cursed to suffer death every day. I must admit, I could never have conceived such a horrible fate for such a beautiful child. Just goes to show, we must all leave room for happy accidents. 

Aside from all the stuff about hereditary awful curses which is its whole own thing with the Mark of Cain, this is a weirdly positive spin on “we go where the story takes us” at a meta level… Which, horrible moments where they call on that as a weasel excuse aside, is actually a good thing - like I’ve been talking about how you can find the themes in the story over and over, this episode is setting up a lot of thematic stuff for a plotline Loflin probably never had any idea they’d eventually end up at, even if it’s all following themes they’ve worked on before. And the whole progression of the show since season 1 has been a mixture of happy accidents and inherited ideas, and this is coming up as a topic of self-reflection as we get into the 3rd era of the show under another showrunner.

* * *

Zeus is a great sinister one-off character. Still, makes me think about Loflin racking his brain like “who did I  _not_  kill off in Hammer of the Gods”… Like, apparently the fact that no one felt like inviting Zeus to the party or he had somewhere better to be that night is the only reason such a high profile god even showed up in this episode :P

* * *

Sam’s nerdy intuitive reading of Artemis is amazing and ridiculous. Just goes to show what kind of love story you can pull out of the subtext if you know what to look for :P

* * *

… the “Danger 1000 Volts” sign is really hilariously distracting here

* * *

> ARTEMIS  
> Let them go. All of them.  
>   
> ZEUS  
> I am your father, and you will obey me.  
>   
> ARTEMIS  
> You were once my father. Now you’re someone else. 

More conflict/rebellion with cosmic father figures… Artemis is convinced by love to save everyone - random humans and hunters too - but Prometheus is killed in the effort, and she disappears with Zeus but leaves “Shane” behind for Hayley and Oliver to mourn, I guess, recognising their claim to him as well… Not sure if she believed in the end that he had remembered her.

To look outside of direct parental figures (and to crawl away from relating literally everything to 11x20), this is our last episode before the Crypt Scene (I can’t escape Robbie Thompson aaaaah), so if there was any parallel to make we could go with Zeus having previously controlled Artemis and had her kill for him - and how she felt obligated to go after her ex-lover when fate conspired to make it too difficult to explain away leaving him alive - but she rebels for love and manages to kill off the influence. It’s a sort of bad/good example because she gets her freedom, but at the highest cost… For Cas it’s more of a balance as I’d say he isn’t really “free” of this influence’s *threat* until Naomi herself has her change of heart at the end? And he is too busy running to be really free.

(And then everything happens very quickly and he’s a bit TOO free :P)

But yeah even if his story is more complex it boils down to this being a parallel you can make going the other way even when Prometheus the loved-humanity guy, and Artemis the hunter goddess, kinda stand out :P

* * *

Prometheus gets his hunter’s funeral as well, which is only fitting

* * *

Dean stays with Hayley to watch, putting his arm around her and sympathising (and my heart is melting that he gives her this sideways hug)

I hate to think about him thinking about losing someone he loves before he ever gets a chance to really have any time with them… thinking back to Hayley as a Dean parallel getting out of Purgatory with her Cas parallel lover.

> DEAN  
> Well, here’s to that crazy little wild card called love. 

He’s still harping on it even after they’ve gone their separate ways and are making the drive home

Dean begging the question about how Sam guessed about the romance subplot is forever one of the sneakily more ridiculous moments in the Destiel narrative. Especially for the whole meta aspect of asking how Sam made that reading, and Sam putting it down to, aside from luck, intuition. I think with most of us who didn’t come to the show because of hearing about Destiel or had some forewarning, but were watching along and had a Moment somewhere along the line, “intuition” of what’s going on is probably an accurate ways to describe how we got here :P It’s Sam trying to explain HOW he made the reading while Dean’s like, well whatever at least it worked and ended up being true

I mean obviously this is far from Robbie Thompson levels of metanarrative fuckery, but I like that it’s got this moment of analysis on stories and subtext and stuff (Robbie’s by FAR not the only one who does it: even Buckleming lend a hand on that theme when they’re called on, for example with Lucifer’s dialogue in 11x18 actually mirroring dialogue from 11x20. He just does it loudest :P) The theme of the stories we live by is an important one across Carver era, so Sam name-dropping some ancient authors and then pulling out an analysis after interaction with the characters fits very well.

… Also not to be that person but now I just typed that I’m back to Robbie, and laughing about “He seems helpful… and dreamy.” Because of course that’s literally what I just described.

* * *

Amazingly, we’re not even close to done with this episode. They manage to get to the end confrontation practically halfway through the episode.

* * *

> SAM  
> You know… I’m starting to think maybe I was being naive.  
>   
> DEAN  
> What are you talking about?  
>   
> SAM  
> When I said that I could just will myself into coming out of these trials unscathed. 

Sam trying to believe his own stories and seeing through them… His self-reflection on one thing leading to the next. If he has learned to trust his intuition, now he’s got to pay attention to what looks like magical Consumption has to mean for him. And to soften Dean up on the idea that Sam might die as a result of this

> DEAN  
> No, no, no. Stop with the sullen emo crap, all right? That’s – you’re not gonna die like Prometheus. 

Dean still desperately living behind a story he tells himself… Of course, as I just mentioned 8x20, he gets closest to confronting it there, and literally at the end is like “nah” when Charlie asks him if he learned from it.

Again, this theme’s still going on and on in season 11 and so I can’t write anything conclusive about it or even really examine how it’s developing while it only seems like 11x17 has really started to address it and we just don’t know if the show is going to stick to its guns yet either. I mean we thought the theme might get addressed at the end of season 10 but ahahaha that was a swing and a miss

* * *

More episodes need to end with this fake out of “aw it’s the last BM moment” *cut to Dean still doing stuff and have an emotional heart opening moment to Cas*

Even though I had no expectation we’d actually see it, I’m still allowed to be sad we never saw Dean praying to Cas just for the hell of it between 11x14 and now-ish

Although plenty of people paralleled this moment to the end of 11x11 and Dean NOT praying, just because of the similarity of the look of these two scenes being pretty suggestive of each other… And he was starting to feel worried something was wrong with Cas there too

* * *

I’m stalling 

can you tell I’m stalling

* * *

I love the analysis I read once of this scene showing the camera changes as suggesting Cas listening as if his silent side of the conversation, just giving this top-down view of Dean as if Cas is watching over him

and of course that inability to answer that comes with the fact he doesn’t magically appear when Dean reaches out to him

“I always come when you call” ahahaha

* * *

Dean is uncomfortably pretty in his close ups in this

* * *

“I’m asking you” - wasn’t this phrasing from the very end fight in 6x20? Repurposed for this emotional plea of a completely different nature

* * *

I’ve always liked how it starts off with Dean asking about Cas looking out for Sam, but after he’s said all that he pauses and he just looks SO SAD and it’s like… we ALREADY saw him alone and vulnerable in his room, opening up in a way we never see him get so emotional ANYWAY, and then after all that talking earnestly about Sam and speaking to Cas like he really is their guardian angel, and showing that mix of personal faith in Cas and, like, that borderline “instead of religion I pray to Cas” kind of feeling of that faith in Cas supplanting his need for religion (see: Benny accusing Dean and Cas that he thought they’d have faith and they’re like “no. no. not us.” because Benny was seeing their faith in EACH OTHER and mistaking it - understandably because dealing with the concept of a literal angel hanging out with them - for generic faith in God) … after all THAT soul-bearing, Dean cracks open even further and makes a personal, emotional plea to Cas just as his friend or whatever.

… TBH since 11x11 invoked a new round of all that bed meta, this is the start-point for it as well as it’s the first use of Dean’s bed for anything emotional like this

Suppose that gives me a reason to end this on the crude note that he’s asking Cas to come back and join him on his new bed. :P

*having to feel feels averted* *phew*


	17. 8x17

Or: Listen, I had to tag a post (only semi-jokingly) “reverse reverse reverse crypt scene” yesterday and if that doesn’t tell you about the legacy of this episode I don’t even know what else to say

(btw long thoughts about that in the opening of this post even if you don’t feel like reading all the notes, I normally talk for a few paragraphs about context of an episode, before I really start watching, to explain where I’m coming from… only this episode’s context is ridiculous and relevant to everything, so I talked about everything, but since we just had 11x21, that’s where I end up going, if you want more Crypt Scene Theory applied to it :P)

* * *

Peeps are talking about how Robbie barely wrote Destiel despite his monumental effect on the ship/show, but honestly, the impact he had is just phenomenal in the sense that something like the Crypt Scene has become part of the language of Destiel - when one of them is mind-controlled, this is how we talk about it. Between his attempts to keep this theme going (11x16! Three years later! (and now I guess we know that’s part of his farewell tour - one final reminder for the road)) and others backing him up, he literally managed to change the language of the show to make possession being broken or not by “I know you’re in there” and related language being something that consistently matched this episode… I mean, fair enough the critique of men only being allowed to show feelings after beating the crap out of each other, or how this can be read as abusive to each other, but however you see it, the way Destiel or mind control on this show gets written has actually warped around this episode. How often did people mention the idea of a reverse crypt scene?And then it happened? 

(Same director and all making sure it was a direct parallel)

(and then it happened again in a reverse-reverse crypt scene 4 episodes later but shh)

[edit with hindsight:

*stares directly into the camera* 

Okay so I wrote the tagline for this post just now (because I suck at thinking of taglines unless it’s one of 3 episodes I sat on a good joke for months before reaching it) but HONESTLY between Wright (the director, here and 11x21) and Robbie… I’m not kidding about this episode writing the language of Destiel, and I think this is something so fundamental I really want to explain that in more depth to show how *even* 11x21 fits this theme. 

Season 8, even this close to the end, is still right at the start of Carver era and it’s obvious with all this hindsight how many themes are being set up - all this stuff that will eventually flow into the storylines of 9, 10 and 11 is set up here even if it’s all in a larval form, e.g. Purgatory!Dean to MoC!Dean… The point is, the writers are creating their language here, as the sense of the reboot is not just in starting with fresh plot, but in tone and style and themes and stuff, they make a new version of the show. Way more than Kripke -> Gamble, Carver era turns over a new leaf. 

Purgatory set up some of the Destiel themes we follow on from, especially relating to praying/pining need vs want or “too much heart” etc but this episode’s legacy is so pivotal because the themes of lost agency run through everything in Carver era - neutral example: Gadreel!Sam… But because this theme is all over the place, being addressed for many reasons, it works so well to add in a specifically Destiel-related subsection of it which uses the language established in the key Dean n Cas conflict of the season, and becomes the shorthand for all the DeanCas related stuff which happens thereafter on this theme.

So the ongoing theme of using “I know you’re in there” for characters confronted by possessed friends and family and it failing, vs love breaking through is something people have been writing meta about pretty much non-stop since this episode, and the show keeps on bearing it out. 

For example, direct control aside, the Colette thing for Cain was very much a derivative of this theme, that he set aside violence for a loved one - romantic love specifically - and then, however dropped the rest of it was, 10x14 places Cas in the place of Colette in a much more official parallel than the thematic similarity to him suggested in 9x11… And THAT led to 10x22, with the “reverse crypt scene” using the language of this episode applied to the season 9 themes of Colette to bring the season 10 conflict of Dean and Cas to a conclusion, so between the fight choreography and the Colette theme within the Mark of Cain stuff, we came at this theme *twice* in one go. 

Season 11, meanwhile, is working on, in part, the Destiel themes from Purgatory, but 11x21, under this same director (and his work seemed to say this more than the writing), suggested powerfully that we were back to “connection” and mind control, in this case subverting it that “the connection” is Dean and Cas’s bond vs Amara’s connection and they’re directly tested against each other as to which one breaks, with Dean managing not to give into her - breaking his connection to Amara in the same way Cas manages to break the connection to Naomi by rejecting the controlling influence for a moment. He has no tablet to complete the job (Amara remains a threat for him and he’s just as liable to fall under the control again), but in that instant he managed to tell Amara no to her face and hold out long enough for the sake of the rescue mission, and it was the thought of saving Cas that gives him the strength to do this…

In the great tradition of the maddeningly unhelpful ambiguous reading, you need to dig down just to prove it’s Cas motivating Dean in 11x21 if you weren’t watching closely (me, watching in the morning, able to pause, rewind, and write notes reflecting on stuff as I go with the ability to pause while I type, vs livebloggers who, as [@mittensmorgul](https://tmblr.co/mH08bFF21ewTCayiwIXZEOg) whose theory I’m basing this on (aka check Mittens’ blog for more on this) can attest, don’t have that luxury and can miss a lot more… not that I ever catch everything on the first watch, and usually type a lot of mistaken things on the way to the end of the episode… :P) 

AND the whole thing is much more subliminal. 11x18 similarly had people making “what broke the connection” parallels to Dean yelling for Cas as Amara dragged Lucifer away, as after all the build up that she controlled him, having him show different priorities was already dramatic as a sign of the broken connection being trumped by a more powerful bond… I see 11x18 and 11x21 as 2-parters just 3 episodes apart from each other, working on the same themes…. and so in this case rather than having Cas in front of Dean, it was just him and Amara alone, but he  _declined_  her, and chose not to go with her connection. 

She then did what was for me one of those heart-stopping moments LIKE “what broke the connection” “He’s in love…” etc and said “something stops you” giving us the powerful expectation that we’d find out the explanation for why her connection suddenly didn’t work on him and he was able to resist it [cut to Casifer being freed] and back to Amara: “Where are your thoughts” (literally asking him what was distracting him from her - the dialogue says God, the directing choices say it’s ALL about the rescue mission which motivated him to go meet her in the first place - unlike when he goes to talk to God about his sacrifice plan, he says nothing to Amara about her plans or tries to counsel her or whatever… He just stalls.) 

His resistance to her is BECAUSE he’s doing it to save Cas, but the real point when we’re talking about this crypt scene language is that the resistance is against a mind control effect which, when we cycle back through everything, is thematically something established in this cornerstone episode. Quietly, but absolutely plausibly, we actually did have a reverse reverse reverse crypt scene in 11x21

(reverse no.2 being, as I said, 11x03 which just mirrored the fight, plus mind control involved, without me feeling it was worth mentioning as a main plot thing earlier :P) (Mittens also posits that Lucifer was freed from Amara’s spell holding him (Cas’s body) in place via that touch and that Metatron actually didn’t manage to do it on his own, taking another twist on the “broken connection” although tbh this scene was already doing all it had to to fit this pattern :P)

So when I talk about the legacy of this episode, I really do mean that basically everything that happens after it has some shades of it here or there, whenever the themes of threatened bodily autonomy come up? And because of what this scene WAS and how the little parallels around it work in this season and the start of season 9, it becomes very clearly a romantically coded or Destiel coded trope?

Okay, I think I’m done now. Carry on for episode notes :P]

* * *

I felt an angel blade go into my chest at the first frame of this episode

you know sometimes how you just… forget… really huge important things in the show?

Did you forget that Cas had to kill 1000 Deans to be considered fully operational again?

DID YOU FORGET THAT IT DIDN’T EVEN WORK

* * *

I am so so screwed

* * *

Possibly the worst line of this is:

> NAOMI  
> No hesitation. Quick. Brutal. Everything’s back in order. 

because when we pan up and you see how many attempts it took, and that was the first one Cas managed to do it like a machine without hesitation or emotion?

*screams to the void about what Cas suffers* *screams harder imagining all the thousands of attempts where Cas couldn’t do it or did it while blatantly freaking out about having to kill Dean*

Also interesting how Cas is framed at least initially as a mystery cold open monster - and of course the lead Sam and Dean follow to the town is one caused by Cas’s actions not the actions of the demons he’s tracking - so he’s very much presented as the monster of the week. Dean was also, at the start of the season, framed this way as he got out of Purgatory and in the early Purgatory memories. And part of THAT was him running around killing vampires trying to find the angel. Putting Cas in a similar space is like the inversion of that: Dean stripped down to a scary bloody killing machine out of CONCERN for Cas; Cas being reprogrammed to an icy killing machine by having his concern for Dean REMOVED. 

Either way, it’s highlighting their care for the other and making it a legitimate plot point - in a way this is the “reciprocation” of how the opening of the season tried to convince us Dean was in love with Cas through the Purgatory arc - now we see Cas tormented in turn for his own feelings.

* * *

Dean is ransacking the Bunker for cool stuff, while Sam had been reading all the books. After last episode where Dean much more cleanly seemed to embrace being a Legacy and Man of Letters than he had before (it took him like 3 episodes so not much of an arc compared to Sam vs calling the Bunker home [edit: 11x21: Sam calls the Bunker home] but it was there :P) he’s moved on from nesting and making the Bunker a home to now doing similar to Sam and looking at what interesting stuff is actually stored in the Bunker, and maybe reclaiming some of the stuff they’ve inherited out of interest for the job, so the home vs job conflict for DEAN resolves in balance.

Sam tells him to record his interesting findings “in his journal” and honestly is this the first time since like season 1 we’ve even heard they might be writing things down themselves in their own notebooks? We literally never see them doing it. 

* * *

then round 2 of Robbie determinedly creating the “can’t act perverted in front of a love interest” trope all by his damn self if he has to, subverting that moment in 8x10 (weirdly, Bucklemming tap in on this in Blade Runners and 11x03… Robbie’s legacy is in good hands, guys

[post 11x21 edit to add:

… 

So God saw Dean’s porn

I hate being right about some things :P])

Anyway Voluptuous Asian Lovelies is no less gross than Busty Asian Beauties, but this detail predates Robbie as a writer and it seems to be the thing now, especially when Casa Erotica is TV only, so he’s working with what he’s got already in the show’s language, I guess. >.> (The earliest example I can think of is Dean finding some copies of BAB in the gas station in 4x01 though I don’t know if it’s the first time we ever see one, but it does make these porn mags weirdly act as heralds of Cas appearances :P)

… this episode is back when Robbie clearly did not feel so chill about saying whatever he wanted without fearing repercussions though, based on the amount of no homo in it :P

I mean he wrote an “I love you” but it always feels like the entire rest of the episode leading up to the Crypt Scene was an elaborate cover to write that, and then it didn’t even make the cut

not that we can’t tell how this episode is all framed around how ridiculously in love with Dean Cas is or how ridiculously in love with Cas Dean is by the end of it, but, yeah. No homo reminders on both sides of the equation… *scowls*

(Yes, this is one of the few Robbie episodes I actually have issues with :P Although obviously the big picture gets past this, I can’t help feeling he went to ask how you were supposed to write DeanCas since it was his first time being allowed to play with Cas, and got some helpful pointers like “you can make Dean and Cas as gay as you like, so long as no one actually, like, thinks they’re gay.”)

* * *

[This whole conversation](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.supernaturalwiki.com%2Findex.php%3Ftitle%3D8.17_Goodbye_Stranger_%28transcript%29%23ACT_ONE&t=MjI0ZTEyMTEwNmMyZTVlNjU3NGJkMzQzNjczYmQ2MDE2ZDM1YWNmZCxsdDQyaklJcA%3D%3D&b=t%3AEoTmUHpiEEiE91JGAXVv3Q&p=https%3A%2F%2Felizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F144315827253%2F8x17-rewatch-or-listen-i-had-to-tag-a-post-only&m=1) with the husband of the woman who died is one of the more tragic and compellingly strange stories they ever get told, and part of it is how we just don’t know what’s going on, even when we can guess from clues early on she was possessed, the demon is acting very strangely because the weirdness comes from its attempts to find the crypt, not just “regular” weird demon behaviour. It’s a great little horror moment describing the wife going out and night and mysteriously digging, creating her strange map of the town (I think it was implied she already had one from whatever she did that made her one of the local experts demons wanted to borrow, but there’s also something kind of Close Encounters mashed potato scene about her making a scale model of the place by making it a part of the mystery :P)

I’m really enjoying the writing in season 8? Between Dabbflin’s episodes and Robbie we’re getting some amazing long chunks of dialogue between random people exploring the stuff that happens in this world from really interesting angles. For one thing, we’re coming back at the Meatsuit Problem from a fascinating direction, seeing how the husband understood (or not) what was happening to his wife in a way where to him it would have been worth a whole horror movie of content and we’re just hearing the aftermath where he’s already at the “i must have imagined” it stage of justifying the horror he went through…

And of course since what brought them there was not what she was doing but how she died, we’re being asked to consider the repercussions of the lives being taken by all this smiting Cas is going around doing (on Naomi’s orders although there are other demon-killing intensive chunks of the show where no one seems to think about this while doing it just for themselves :P)

* * *

> DEAN  
> So, somebody’s killing demons. Well, that is awesome. I feel like we should send a card or flowers. What kind of flower says “thanks for killing demons”?
> 
> SAM  
> Yeah, but who’s killing demons? And why? And, by the way, since when does a demon possess someone, then go all “Beautiful Mind” and – and start digging in the dirt? Does any of this seem right to you?
> 
> DEAN  
> I like the part about killing demons. That sounds right.

That one time Dean talked about getting Cas a bunch of flowers :’) He even cares about flower meanings! What a soppy romantic, I mean, really. 

Obviously Dean’s not giving up on the case because there’s obviously something deeper going on here, but it’s still contrasting Sam’s curiosity to the case with Dean taking a much more black and white view on the deaths they’re investigating… Maybe just because setting Dean up to be saying this about Cas, along with the dramatic irony that this actually is something kind of deeply wrong about Cas, even if in the grand scheme of things killing demons is a positive effect on the world… 

* * *

I really like how the search is for an orchard, that the crypt would have originally been under. I suppose orchards call back to the first season with Scarecrow, but also considering we’re dealing with Lucifer, I can see a link with apples and gardens, and that whole thing with original sin he caused by going into the Garden capital G and making them eat the apple (which later turns out in canon to be a quince but shh symbolism :P) … especially as the crypt contains secret knowledge-y things like the tablet 

(and other assorted junk. I love that Lucifer is a pack rat in canon - paralleling here to the start of the episode with the junk the MoL collected (”junk” like the Spear of Destiny) and also in 11x14 we have another mention of Lucifer having his crypts cleared out and all the cool stuff brought to him, after ransacking the Bunker in 11x11 didn’t do him any good… And it’s a lead from MoL archive stuff which takes them on in 11x14… Like, there’s an actual, idk, junk collecting battle between the MoL and Lucifer and I think that’s hilarious and fascinating. Especially Abaddon being fixated on the Bunker in 8x12, and she was working for Lucifer in the long run, at that point, it can be assumed…

TL:DR the show always seems to want a Storage Wars episode but have we considered making it a mytharc episode with Lucifer)

* * *

HI CAS

Nice shades of 6x20 here with a mob of demons they can’t fight by themselves bursting in and Cas showing up in the nick of time to smite stuff… Dean’s amazement to see him maybe carrying a ghost of that memory, as once again they’re worrying about what’s up with Cas (and unfortunately experience has taught them that sometimes they have to fear the worst about him unlike how in 6x20 Dean wouldn’t hear a word against Cas, now he’s wearily prepared for the fact something might be wrong) - so a “nick of time” entrance for Cas is ominous that he might have been watching them (and let’s be honest, he probably WAS, with Naomi sitting on his shoulder telling him to stay back and see how the Winchesters would investigate it and see what they turned up that he hadn’t managed to uncover yet chasing after the demons) 

So Cas is making Dean nervous from the start, with that lingering look after his entrance that this scene ends on Dean looking… well, whatever this is

* * *

“You heard me, didn’t you?” AAAAH

It’s like a Destiel microaggression or something :P like, yeah, here’s a reminder Dean was praying to Cas, in a way that calls back to 8x02 and “I prayed to you every night” “I know” and pokes at the theme of how Dean feels like Cas always runs away/ignores him/maybe doesn’t even want to be with him if he just keeps friggin’ disappearing and ignoring him and refusing to leave Purgatory with him… But yeah just one little line to kill off the unwary and then on with the plot

* * *

Sam had a hand on his chin and then Cas sits down and mirrors him :D

* * *

I love the ways Naomi sections are cut into the conversation

what a good sense of uncomfortable intrusion vs how her conversation with Cas flows perfectly alongside the one he’s having with Sam and Dean

* * *

> DEAN  
> Off? He hasn’t been right since he got back from Purgatory. We still don’t know how he got out of there. 

Dean’s preoccupation with how Cas got back has been pretty quiet since 8x07 - he expressed something in 8x10 after Cas flapped off, but he showed generic concern about wondering where Cas was in the brief mentions in the episodes between here and there… As I was saying in 8x07 it sort of felt like Dean was made not to trust his own instinct on something being wrong with Cas, and even when 8x10 proved it, he carried on hoping he was wrong, since, well,

> SAM  
> I don’t know, Dean. If he’s so sketchy, then why were you praying to him? 

Dean has HOPE that Cas is okay and normal and there’s a version of Cas which can still be the Cas Dean is thinking of when he prays to him as that guardian angel figure I mentioned in the last episode (like 6x20 with Cas saying he still thought of himself as the Winchesters’ guardian) - Cas dismissing Dean reaching out for him in his prayers and so on is undermining this and I think Dean’s sense of betrayal and sulking about Cas would have been the direction he was feeling anyway JUST off of this, never mind when Cas runs away again at the end of the episode. 

([@cupidsbower](https://tmblr.co/mOIpi9NC-5v3Eni4ZnDkqUQ) writes a lot about the wider arc here, like:

<http://cupidsbower.tumblr.com/post/144100728505/you-wrote-that-dean-is-starting-to-learn-that>

I was literally just reading that while trying to process this scene and it’s thrown me off so if you feel like extra rambling on the broad subject of this sort of thing read that instead… :P)

* * *

Anyway then 

> CASTIEL (V O)  
> You know, I can hear you both. I am a celestial being. 

… I can’t remember why I was talking about that. Maybe 7x21 for a joke. I feel like there was a serious thing that happened recently-ish where they were talking about Cas as well. But this is part of many interruptions in this episode

[… edit to add: oh pfft of course I had to reference this while watching 11x21, because of course Sam and Dean were talking and then hushed themselves when GOD came walking into the room, like he wouldn’t have heard them from the other side of the planet if he wanted to. The fact they held a secret war council without telling him is the silliest part.]

* * *

> WENDY RICE  
> Oh, the thoughts she had about you two. Mostly you, Sam. What can I say? She has a thing for smutton chops. 

_Robbie_.

* * *

Cas telling them he doesn’t have time and started this job without them because they’d slow him down, rushing off to the motel as soon as he has his intel, etc, all plays very much into these themes of Dean not feeling like Cas needs or wants them: Cas has shades of the way he was after he was reprogrammed in 4x20, or other times when for one reason or the other when he was acting most absolute and angel-y, and as I was saying at the end of 6x20, on top of the free will theme, Cas’s conflict becomes much more “human or angel” and that’s now teased with things like this where he goes completely to one end of the scale, and it’s shown as a bad thing when he is too angel-y from now on. Case in point, this episode showing at multiple points how to be an angel for Cas is rejection of Dean, via the killing millions of Deans thing, or saying he doesn’t want to work with him (compare to 8x08 a short time ago) and so on…

* * *

Anyway, then Meg. 

> CASTIEL  
> She’s gonna tell them the truth. Do I have to kill her?
> 
> NAOMI  
> She does know the location of the crypts. But working with a demon is… unclean.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Well, we could use her – as Crowley did.
> 
> NAOMI  
> Agreed.

Naomi honestly looks just as conflicted about Cas for this one from the moment he asks. I guess she’s just thinking strategically, while Cas is I suppose repaying the favour to Meg for looking out for him in season 7, as Cas sees it

She’s readily inclined to indulge him and let him keep Meg around, anyway, her main worry about having the Winchesters discover the angel tablet exists as she’s trying to keep this on the down low and honestly I’d say if she knows anything about the Winchesters she should be worried because Sam is literally walking around on the first step of trying to use the demon tablet for personal reasons so makes a VERY good argument the Winchesters might try the exact same thing with Heaven :P

Anyway, it averts any need whatsoever to DRAMATICALLY pit Meg and Dean against each other for Cas’s affection - this being the only real chance for a narrative parallel to the Crypt Scene between Meg and Cas, but giving Naomi a strong motivation to keep Meg alive too and then having Crowley kill Meg at the end absolves Cas of ever even being tested about this one, almost in a “this isn’t their story” way despite the distraction she offers

(I was writing over season 7 in all 3 episodes with Meg how the love triangle was constructed with Meg losing out at every turn for Cas’s affection and Dean triumphing, to the point where she actually concedes defeat and hands Cas back to Dean… so I feel based on that and the way Cas asks about it, that she probably would have lost out again here if Cas HAD been tested, and that Cas wearily knows it would happen though he doesn’t want it to… Regardless of all that, from the cold open, Naomi has already shown us what’s in his heart) 

* * *

The next scene is literally 2 lines of dialogue:

> DEAN (V O)  
> He lied to us.
> 
> SAM  
> Yeah, maybe. I can kind of understand why. I mean, an Angel Tablet? If the Demon Tablet can shut the Gates of Hell, what can the Angel Tablet do?

The tiny moment is considered important enough to include and although Sam’s exposition gets used in recaps in episodes mentioning the angel tablet from here on out, in the context of here in the episode, Sam’s stuff is really just stating some bleeding obvious exposition, or something Naomi could have just as easily said, earlier in the episode. This does kind of feel more like it’s here for Dean’s response to the latest Cas twists and turns, while Cas is distracted upstairs. (He can hear them, you know.)

Dean is consistently harping on what’s up with Cas at this point, either from fear of season 6 pt2, or serious concern for Cas… Sam’s misunderstanding of Dean’s concerns as just about plot stuff right in the here and now just serves to set Dean’s concerns FOR or ABOUT Cas aside as something Sam isn’t thinking of a he’s not taking this so personally. Miscommunication theme, and specifically on the “Sam misundertands because he doesn’t understand Destiel yet” side of things

* * *

> MEG  
> You know, you’re much cuter when you’re shutting up. 

She told him to shut up in 7x21 as well… It’s just making me think about how last time Dean got to have a personal conversation with Cas, he opened with “talk to me” - again, feeling like whatever is going on here, they’re being set up as a counterpoint to the grand Destiel story more than anything?

(Detour to try and explain me vs Megstiel even to myself:

I understand shipping them based off the chemistry in their first couple of episodes but the show itself does seem from season 7 to both encourage the general idea and concept of the ship while at the same time actually making it out as the losing side of the love triangle and in general a bad idea and not good for Cas if you look at how Meg cares about him… Less overtly a competition than Drowley vs Destiel in season 10 but perhaps that was because that one was fighting on the same field aka all in the subtext? Vs this where you have to be in deep to even realise you can treat the relationships equally as parallels and one doesn’t “exist” more than the other just because het ships are more “real” in general viewers’ eyes or something… But writing-wise, because Megstiel is the het ship, it doesn’t need justification to say it exists, which means it can be used as a counterbalance to Destiel in a very different way to how Drowley was used)

ANYWAY I guess you don’t ship Megstiel because it’s healthy however we’re coming at this :P I dunno, I am like… what, 4-5 years past this ship now and I was never emotionally invested I just thought the holy fire thing was breathtaking first time I saw it, and then all these subsequent episodes featuring it made me not like it because of how it was written… I could have gone another way on that :P)

* * *

(Personal opinions on Megstiel aside, my much better understanding of Robbie since I last watched this means I do kind of understand where he was coming from with writing them this way with a cute conversation about their relationship, especially with the fact this is to give her a send off… I feel like a lot of his writing when it comes to bringing back characters is very much as a tribute. Meg doesn’t have plot relevance outside of this episode (as I’ve sighed about in great detail about how she was so sadly under-used as a villain :P), but in terms of looking at this as a Robbie episode, in much the same way you could say Gabriel had no plot relevance outside of 9x18 he still got a whole tribute there… And Robbie is clearly a multishipper at heart, so while I remain un-fond of the progression I can see a series of steps that led us here so I can’t wholly blame Robbie for indulging it especially as a send-off and because this isn’t exactly an attempt to write an episode hiding the Destiel, all things considered :P) 

(I’d like Megstiel more if it hadn’t got sentimental - the “I’m kind of good and you’re kind of bad” thing kind of undervalues both characters, especially as Cas is the antagonist in this episode BECAUSE HE’S MIND CONTROLLED and still good at heart and DOESN’T want to kill Meg or Dean… never mind “hello, I’m a demon” bit from Meg earlier about happily letting people die left right and centre while plotting an escape and buying time) 

* * *

Okay I’m leaving off now, sorry :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> Good times. You really think we can trust, uh, Megstiel? 

Heh, I think we missed this one in the whole werepire drama of 11x04 and the ensuing exploration of Dean’s interest in hybrid words? Dean’s not half bad at coming up with ship names thanks to his fondness for smushing words together, coming up with the fandom-approved ship name on the spot… Maybe he was just “shut your face”-ing Sam in 10x05 because he thought “Destiel” made the most sense and Sam trying to come up with an alternative was making him grind his teeth when Sam has no ear for it.

(Jared’s is worse.  _Cean_.)

* * *

> MEG  
> I miss the simplicity. I was bad. You were good. Life was easier. Now it’s all so messy. 

in a way we’ve moved past the panic of “what to do next” to just pure chaos… Considering that chaos escalates from season 7 onwards leaving the themes of the apocalypse behind, to the unleashing of a primordial Chaos goddess, this is a fairly astute summary of seasons 7-11… :P And definitely, even with the Leviathan being the biggest obvious threat the planet takes until 11, one that escalates in terms of chaos from that season onwards. I mean just taking the tablet arc, season 7 has the tablets working exactly as intended: trouble happens, prophet awakens, reads tablet, tablet used to resolve trouble. From here on though, the tablets are an arms race, and everything gets progressively worse each season in terms of the order of the universe, with actually both Heaven AND Hell weakened and confused, although Hell by mismanagement as a result of the chaos, while Heaven gets knocked about so much I’m surprised there are any angels left. And of course the unresolved thing with the veil [edit to add: PFFFFFT]; Death being dead… the natural order is crumbling anyway even BEFORE Amara gets to it, so I think this is very much the theme that was run with to replace the themes of the apocalypse era/season 6 as a direct response to those themes

* * *

(Okay I said I was going to leave off but I would like to say that to my ears that last line from Cas after Meg says about moving furniture is just him confirming he understood what she was asking, and Dean then interrupts (this episode is all interruptions and distractions) before he can actually give her any sort of answer. In a way this is very Robbie: leaving the relationship entirely in the subtext to decide exactly how you thought Cas would have answered or if that “yes” was the answer, and of course it’s a closed issue from the end of the episode with Meg being dead anyway. I mean I mentioned Gabriel - this is literally the same as Cas asking him if he’s dead or not, and the level of answer we got there. So yeah, knowing Robbie better, I now think that whatever the interpretation that Cas’s “yes” was to Meg’s offer obviously he’d tell you is a valid interpretation, but I think he was playing with textual ambiguity here deliberately. This isn’t a particularly meta episode so tbh I’d never even thought of this and literally just all the fangirling about Robbie elsewhere has even made me stop to think about this moment for the first time as what may have been meant by writing it this way and why and greater patterns…

In which case, actually, “what broke the connection” is directly mirrored here with Cas also not being able to answer, even if he can say “I don’t know” - there’s ambiguity about both relationships)

* * *

Also: argh, now I’ve cleared the first half of the episode, um… Do I have to watch the rest? :P

* * *

Oh hey Cas’s rug is in the room they were keeping Meg

* * *

That line-up walk where Meg is tiny weeny and… um… Rachel Miner’s my height

I am never ever going to attempt to meet these giants in person

Always amused by Meg being put between Cas and Dean in the line up, keeping them apart

* * *

Okay but Meg’s face when she realises she’s got front row seats to Winchester drama and she doesn’t have any popcorn. 

I love how there is a long, impassioned argument on all sides to explain why Cas and Dean absolutely have to go into that crypt alone together and Sam and Meg just have to stand outside and wait. I hope they don’t have to make so many excuses and arguments when they just want to catch a movie…

AU where Dean n Cas literally do this every time they want a date

* * *

Dean mentions he’s noticed Sam has Magical God Consumption, and Cas figures that’s enough permission to tell Sam his fairly horrifying diagnosis…

his social skills are improving if he didn’t just blurt it out immediately. :P

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> It’s difficult to say. It’s something on the subatomic level and his electromagnetic field - 

Hey how comes this one is never included in all the “Cas talking deep science-y stuff” gifsets? :P

… thinking of peak Cas stuff, I’m pretty sure he blew up the door to the crypt but we didn’t get to see it on screen so I am sad to announce that “Cas vs doors” starts here but there’s no cool gif of it compared to all his explosions from season 10 >.>

* * *

> MEG  
> But remember, I spent time in that walking corpse of yours. I know your sad, little thoughts and feelings. 

Interesting she phrases it like that - again, I find this episode weirdly critical of the meatsuit problem, in the way that it isn’t ever actually discussed or anything, I guess you can just tell there’s a statement there by what is said? Anyway it comes as a reminder about how demons see meatsuits even if she’s also applying it to Sam because he currently is hauling around damaged goods as his body. It’s doubly interesting that - while I’m not sure how planned this was at this point - the solution ends up being turning Sam into a vessel for an angel and he pretty much IS a walking corpse at the start of season 9.

Anyway Meg manages to turn HER possession of Sam into something positive that gets him to open up to her and they start relating to each other. Maybe it’s just that sense of not being able to hide your true self from someone who’s literally been inside you. That level of invasiveness barely even registers with Sam any more. [Edit to add: and now we know Sam would even help carry LUCIFER out of a burning building… who IS this man??] See above: the previous paragraph for an example of what’s actually left to do to him that would still be fresh and new in terms of losing bodily autonomy :P

(Again, even if this isn’t planned to foreshadow anything, it gets a lot more interesting in hindsight of Sam and Gadreel… Never mind by the end of season 9 he was willing to hear him out too, and offering insights on him from his own perspective of being possessed…)

* * *

Oh no it seems like we’re… um… in a scene… in the crypt

* * *

Thinking of intrusions and interruptions, Cas comes in through the door of Naomi’s office to update her, rather than being yanked there and showing up already inside. I like that this starts with an interruption of what she was doing, as if she somehow didn’t anticipate that this was going to be the pivotal moment… Or that Cas WASN’T fixed well enough that she could trust her reprogramming and just leave him to deal with Dean with confidence he’d handle it

She has him well-trained enough though to anticipate her suggestions and to invite himself into her office (he seems at least somewhat aware he’s working for her, at this point), although I think this is obviously an advanced part of her control - he’s not willingly with full choice going to her to tell her what’s up and ask her for advice because with full choice he wouldn’t be working for her like this at all; with full choice he’d TELL Dean what was happening to him

I guess if he hesitated when he thought he might have to kill Meg, and that was enough to get Naomi to drag him in for a chat, knowing he’s going to have to involve Dean now, Cas is pre-empting Naomi’s requests, trying to gain some measure of control/negotiation with her since he managed to successfully avoid Meg getting hurt

not sure if Cas being tactical or Cas already beginning to approach this in the very tentative stages of fighting back - either being tactical or rebellious are the 2 main Cas traits :P 

The office has turned pink now, which if nothing else marks the conflict.

* * *

I love how they’re lit from above in such a way that Cas’s eyes are in dark shadow, and he’s watching Dean with an unnecessary number of silent, not-moving, not-emoting shots as Dean opens the box, just kind of… ominously THERE and waiting and he’s so sinister

Misha’s physical acting is just… A+

* * *

Honestly though 

> CASTIEL  
> Good. Hand it to me, and I’ll take it to heaven.
> 
> DEAN  
> No, we will take it to Kevin so he can translate. 
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Right. Of course. I’ll take it to him right away. No time to waste.

missed a perfectly good chance to be like “haha that’s what I said. Kevin. Not Heaven. hahahaha”

I always think about that and it throws off the mood of the scene

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> I can reason with Dean. He’s a good man.
> 
> NAOMI  
> Kill him.
> 
> INT. BASEMENT, CRYPT - NIGHT
> 
> CASTIEL  
> I can resupply the Prophet, Dean.

Cas already ignoring orders and asking again, as he did with Meg, to be allowed to use his diplomacy skill on Dean instead of taking his surprise round in the combat :P

Like, as far as “no hesitation” from the cold open goes, Cas is already failing to live up to his programming and unlike with Meg, this same bargaining stage is shown as an argument, with Cas more desperate (shouldn’t have interrupted Naomi :P) and Naomi, as the cold open showed us, rather fed up with Dean’s influence on Cas and probably looking for an excuse to prove Cas is fully trained and to remove the problem by having him kill Dean already. She demands it very quickly into the conversation.

* * *

And now he’s circling around Dean much more predatory and Dean backing off like the prey

* * *

Oooh “can’t or won’t” I remember I was tracking that earlier (It ended up not being thematic in the same way “I did what I had to do” is a ridiculous catchphrase) but I guess this episode being where it is said is WHY I thought it was so important to pay attention to, I just couldn’t remember its most traumatic use at the time.

Anyway “can’t or won’t” implies “no choice or choice” and Cas replies “both” which shows how he’s literally in two minds regarding his agency: robo!Cas in the crypt, and our poor traumatised fluffy Cas in Heaven arguing in a panic not to kill Dean

> NAOMI  
> You have done this a thousand times, Castiel. 

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

* * *

Meanwhile Dean is fixating on how Cas got out of Purgatory (rightly, as it would mean Cas tells him about Naomi so if Cas could answer it’s the correct question, only Cas CAN’T answer) but he says:

> DEAN  
> Just tell me how you got out of Purgatory. Be honest with me – for the first time since you’ve been back – 

and as I said, Cas is incapable of replying, and all the things Dean thinks are dishonest are for the same reason Cas can’t tell him (and at the time didn’t even know why he was being made to lie to Dean in the first place)… I think this goes towards the overall bad feeling Dean has with Cas after this - the sense that Cas didn’t trust him even if Dean might be objectively made to understand why Cas was acting this way doesn’t matter because Dean feels hurt and lied to already, so even when there’s a rational explanation (Cas was being controlled) Dean carries that with him while feeling hurt about other things, like Cas running off, and then with him losing the tablet by the time they get Cas back, Dean sort of blurs all the hurt together.

* * *

Aaaah I really like the way these scenes cut between Dean n Cas and Meg and Sam - especially Meg ending on “we’ve got company” and Sam looking up and jumping, and then cut back to Cas with his knife out almost like Sam was reacting to that :P

* * *

Aah here we go

All those lines from this scene that echo up and down Carver Era…  _this isn’t you_

> NAOMI  
> Just relax, Castiel. Let your vessel do what you know deep down is the right thing.

interesting that she also refers to Cas’s vessel as doing the actions - if nothing else the phrasing implies it’s all his and no Jimmy to confuse the implication of who is fighting, long before the show made any official comment off all the way in 10x09. There’s an extra sense of diminished responsibility though in referring to the vessel as doing it, as to an angel that’s not even technically a part of “them” as a concept, and it’s already sort of moving and acting on their behalf one step removed from how humans would move naturally 

but good for the idea of duality disassociating Cas from his “vessel” doing the fighting for the whole being in two minds thing

* * *

> NAOMI  
> What have I done to you?! Do you have any idea what it’s like out there? There’s blood everywhere, and it’s on your hands. After everything you did – to us, to heaven. I fixed you, Castiel. I fixed you! 

this is literally the worst thing to tell Cas after what he said in 8x08 :(

She’s very clearly trying to break his will again, because he pretty much said that was what would break him if he knew how bad it was so that is a very calculated attempt to kick his legs out from under him

* * *

On a scale of worst shoulder touches on the show, the one where Dean puts his hand on Cas’s shoulder while Cas is looking all wrecked and horrified about the internal conflict, and then Dean gets backhanded across the room for his troubles, is only really topped by that time Cas puts his hand on Dean’s shoulder in 10x22 for the mirror of this scene. >.>

ow my heart

* * *

Wow I hate watching Cas beat Dean up

… 

I can’t even bring myself to laugh at how they had to film Misha punching a table to accompany this on the Naomi side of things.

* * *

Dean must say “this isn’t you” or variations like 3 or 4 times. His FAITH in what Cas  _really_ is though. 

(”the Dean I know would never have murdered that child” or whatever.)

(Woah shocking, those two scenes are similar? Who knew?)

But yeah, he KNOWS Cas is good

(… so Meg saying he’s kinda bad is proven to be a pretty wrong assessment.)

(Oh my god Lizzy stop with that)

* * *

… There’s surprisingly little to say about the actual culmination of this scene? It sort of is what it is, and that is a huge emotional moment… It’s all the stuff around it in the story that contextualises it or explains it more or mirrors it in other ways that makes it interesting to actually talk about :P

* * *

Although, to talk seriously about Robbie’s legacy being in competent hands, let’s not forget 10x19 and the difference between “want” and “need” asked in a season 8-esque environment.

Because like I’ve been saying about this scene being what echoes all around Carver Era for Dean n Cas, “need” ends up deeply connected to this scene as the culmination of the most Dean can currently express about Cas (with the “love” kept in the subtext by being omitted but at this point in an open secret way where Dean and Cas are like the only ones who don’t know for sure it was there :P), and stuff like “can’t or won’t” poses the same kind of questions about motivations and true desires, connecting this scene to those sort of challenges. So that question further down the line echoes this scene again in other ways, if we take it as the defining “can’t or won’t” in these parts as well (with the “both” answer making it more than a throwaway line by making you wonder how it could be both when they contradict each other and therefore important to be discussed). 

Anyway Dean being challenged over “want or need” by himself later, is sort of asking himself to examine what he really wanted to say to Cas here or those other times he says “need” to him (as they were talking about Purgatory, the “need” Dean directs at Cas there would be the one he and “Benny” were discussing, but of course the whole “Need” thing is a language of its own that is coming to a short term conclusion here in this scene in season 8′s context)… And then Cas’s story going on from that point, becomes how he feels needed - as a tool - but maybe not  _wanted_ , so the “need” in this scene, which is the deepest expression at the TIME from Dean and so historically flipping amazing Destiel stuff… actually ends up being the less positive option? With hindsight of course, when we get Dean challenged about what he WANTS. 

(Like I was saying re: Sam and Dean conflict stuff having to be manufactured out of nothing, season 7 actually wraps up a bit too well because for Dean and Cas that’s “I’d rather have you” which is much more a “want” than “need” thing in context, so they’ve actually regressed and Dean is WORSE at expressing how he wants Cas, for the sake of conflict… Although that does show the focus they have on it as the core of their emotional conflict - same theme being interpreted still down in season 11…

…on the other hand I’m typing this right before 11x21 and tbh probably not going to post this now until later tomorrow or so depending on the buzz and/or wank and how much I end up eating words since this seems to be getting a bit too close for comfort behind the ideas of how Cas needs saving in the current season and depending on how that happens, I see a lot of chaos in the fandom tomorrow :P)

[edit to add: wow. the main conflict in the fandom was Dean saving Cas and how he expressed it.]

* * *

Anyway Cas does that thing thing where he heals Dean by cupping his face lovingly.

This is why we can’t have nice things

* * *

“what broke the connection”

*long zoom on Cas staring at Dean*

“I don’t know”

Never mind, THIS is why we can’t have nice things

* * *

*Cas flaps off*

No, this is why we can’t have… 

* * *

Honestly, of all the things I want Cas and God to talk about at some point before whatever disaster happens at the end of the season to stop God just, like, moving into the Bunker and chilling in the background of every season 12 episode (probably putting his feet on the tables, to Henry Winchester’s ongoing horror about the types they let into the Bunker) … I am curious about how the tablet broke the connection (in the literal sense of all that glowing Cas did and how he managed to get out of Naomi’s office) because the tablets ARE God-level power especially as Metatron used them to power up BEYOND what he, even as the writer of them, could achieve on his own… And the power that Cas took was very much like how the Hands of God activate so I can’t help feel like this is some sort of divine intervention 

… in a way it’s sort of the WRONG question because Dean doesn’t care about the weird mechanics of what’s going on. The point of change happened before Cas ever touched the tablet - it happened when he chose between “us or them” (like that wasn’t a forgone conclusion… did you  _watch_  season 4, Naomi?) and dropped his knife. I think the question and answer here are about the tablet and what it did to Cas, but the REAL question that we and I think Dean and Cas were thinking of was “What stopped you?” only we never get it asked and instead we get this double layer where we seem to just be talking about the tablet

even though the obvious answer to the wrong question is “YOU” 

* * *

Dangit Robbie this is so typically you

* * *

Bye Meg :( Thanks for trying to kill Crowley on the way out

* * *

Can’t work out if Robbie’s continuity is worse for not checking how old Crowley was, when it has been brought up a few times already, or for what I’ve just realised is the emphasis on Dean repeating what Cas said about not being able to heal Sam and then Robbie himself in like 3 of his own episodes time writing Cas, considerably weakened no less, healing Sam 

* * *

Although TBH if you want to talk about fucking up the continuity established in Weekend at Bobby’s, Robbie only has to bear this until 9x21 and then he’s pretty much in the clear, proportionately :P

* * *

Anyway obligatory Lord of the Rings reference, and Dean pretends like he’s a casual fan despite how Robbie’s previous episode established he’d literally memorised part of the film

we see you 

* * *

Annnnd Robbie makes demands of the music budget (Dean buries his feelings by playing music loud) and Cas rides a bus off into the sunset as they drive their different ways.

This episode…


	18. 8x18

or: I hope Krissy is doing okay out there…

* * *

TBH I’m not even through the cold open and I’m reminded of Claire - 11x12 starts with a subversion of this same trope of the making out teens in the car except that it’s just subverted in a totally different way… But both is about either the teenage girl in the truck being a hunter (here) or the teenage girl (Claire, thinking she’s the hunter) being framed as the monster…

There’s already a few gifsets out there paralleling the exact same tropes used for both of them and Claire as a pre-existing character with mytharc connections does seem to have supplanted Krissy’s space in the narrative

I do kind of feel like we’ll probably never see Krissy again, but I’m glad she’s out there with her little squad anyway :P 

the last shot before the title card of them is very much the same as a “We’ve got work to do” shot of the Winchesters

* * *

Oh gosh, this scene with Sam and Dean… the obligatory Cas conversation of the episode (which in this season is much less obligatory, but it’s an elephant in the room after how last episode ended - and at the moment is making up a full half of the main arc with Sam and the Trials taking up the other half…) 

Everyone’s already talked so much about this scene, the whole Sam knows thing, the Cowboy Junkies reference (this is back in the time when Carver seemed enthusiastic still and we get his influence from above on stuff like that or the note about the jilted lover for 9x06…it’s belatedly occurred to me we really haven’t heard any stories like that for a while) but I’ll never not be fond of SAM being the deflecting Winchester, and deflecting Dean asking about how he’s feeling (physically) onto making it about how Dean is feeling (emotionally)

“Cas dinged you up pretty good” yeah, dinged his FEELINGS up pretty good

> DEAN  
> What like my feelings?
> 
> SAM  
> If that’s what you want to talk about, sure.

Sam also making it look like he totally didn’t engineer this conversation to be about feeeelings, by making it sound like DEAN suggested it, as if making him be the one to admit it’s a talk about feelings. 

This conversation all sets up Dean’s anger about Cas running away again, not trusting him etc etc everything he complains about in 8x22, and so it does relatively a lot of work over a little space to explain why Dean isn’t talking about Cas much or desperate to find him: he’s clearly angry and hurt, Sam’s portrayed as being clearly in the right despite weaselling out of talking about how he’s decaying from the inside out currently, because Dean’s reaction is clearly the unhealthy option:

> DEAN  
> Nay, great talk! Very healthy!

so we’re just kind of seeing the set up for that, putting Dean in a place where he’s not handling his emotions (and excusing any further non-mention of Cas as part of this mindset)

Sam meanwhile… I talk a lot about how I don’t think he truly *got* Destiel until later on in the show, but this and 8x22 are 2 episodes which show he’s at least aware of Cas’s importance to Dean and when he’s feeling not freaked out about their relationship (as the sibling rivalry, “younger brother turned middle brother” feeling Sam has about Cas at this point) he can be very sympathetic to how Dean feels so it’s definitely showing his AWARENESS of this - I think this arc really starts with “if he’s so sketchy why did you pray to him”

But Sam’s going to take a bit longer to work through everything. You’d think next episode would set him to rest about Benny but he’s still on the list in 8x23, Sam about as good at letting some things go as Dean is…

* * *

> DEAN  
> Sheriff, why do you think we’re here? You just crossed streams with a federal investigation.

I love Dean “pulling rank” :P Makes you wonder how many times they’ve been caught on camera - they sure had a lot of charges of grave desecration to their names considering we never saw them get caught doing it and identified

also makes me sad for the lack of Bobby in their lives - Dean is doing what Bobby would have for them by playing an authority figure to get them out of trouble with the *real* authorities. Sam and Dean are sort of but not really taking on that role: we see them as the older mentor hunters in a way in this episode, but still very much active and on the job themselves, and although we can assume they have shared contact details and a standing offer to do this for Krissy etc in the future…

(I know Garth currently has that role but he also goes MIA at some point this season when he becomes a werewolf off screen. I am *fairly* certain that’s how it happened, timeline-wise? That this was something teased this season as well as 9 to explain that Garth wasn’t around to help when Kevin is disappeared away by Crowley… Not just something from season 9? TBH I do not remember this subplot as I’ve never cared much about Garth in a kind of “how is he?!??” off-screen kind of way, just enough in his episodes :P)

* * *

The issue of fatherhood comes into it (it’s Glass, have you met him?), talking about her dad:

> SAM  
> Come on. Well, maybe he doesn’t know she’s doing this.
> 
> DEAN  
> What, sneaking out in the middle of the night to go hunt monsters with the Apple Dumpling gang? Is that what kids are doing for kicks these days?
> 
> SAM  
> Okay. Then maybe he knows, and he’s helping her out.
> 
> DEAN  
> What, get caught on “Candid Camera”? Let’s just go find her before she gets into any more trouble.

Dean seems to be guessing she’s in more trouble than she looks just by his instinct that she’s working without parental influence: he doesn’t want to think that she’d be hunting without her father’s say-so (disobeying orders to stay civilian) OR that if she WAS hunting with him, he’d be such a bad teacher she’d get caught like this (the fact they DO have a father figure but he’s a BAD one is subtly set up here by how the kids don’t have all the skills they need). Basically, assuming he’s thinking of John, he can’t imagine growing up a hunter but with the being able to get away with pulling crap like forming a hunting team on your own… And in his experience however terrible being raised like that is, it makes you a good hunter and your scary awful drill sergeant father would teach you not to make rookie mistakes like this.

(Since Glass tends to always offer subtle or not so subtle criticism of John, I can’t see Dean’s instinct over this as saying anything good about how he was raised… The whole subject of balance and living a half-way normal life, something he never had, is all over this episode. The contrast that the kids get a house and get to make waffles and eat meals together says a LOT about what Sam and Dean grew up lacking. So him thinking that if they were hunting like he had been at their age with HIS father, then she should be a scary competent soldier, says an awful lot about the harshness he grew up with, long before we get him to their house)

* * *

Aiden being pushy and horrible about his supposed love interest vibe with Krissy… I’ve never liked him or how even with the way this is resolved he still kind of wins her over, because even with the “she’ll kill you” threats about messing her around, the way he starts off with this douchey behaviour still wears her down until she seems to give in and decide to date him? Aah, I don’t know. 

Don’t we all know it’s a good rule to not deeply analyse dudes writing teenage girl relationships from the girl’s POV and at least trying to write in a well-meaning ~girl power~ way :P Glass has never given me a reason to think he’s super feminist so far as I can recall of his episodes, but he’s also not a jackass especially on the overall scale of weird/terrible things the show has written… :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> Where’s the blue van?
> 
> KRISSY  
> What blue van?
> 
> DEAN  
> The blue van that he was Usain Bolting to? Never mind.

this episode has a lot of Dean’s instinct being right but no one else listening. 

* * *

Also Dean takes Krissy off to talk and just leaves Sam standing there looking around and the other kids comforting each other over the headless body and… no one’s really doing anything about clean up or worrying that the whole “guy jumping from a 3rd floor window” thing would have made anyone call the police? :P

Feels pretty awkward like Sam’s at a total loose end while Dean has his moment talking to Krissy… >.>

* * *

> DEAN  
> All right. So, you’re gonna have to catch me up. What –did your dad, uh –he couldn’t quit the life, could he?
> 
> KRISSY  
> No, he did. For a while, it was amazing. We had dinner every night at a table. We watched TV, went on walks. Even went to the mall.

Normal liiife

For Dean, he’s hearing a lot about it but despite seeing how they have it for themselves, I think this episode does slant towards childhood (or, teenagehood) thematically rather than teasing an endgame for them as it’s so much about the next generation and future on one side, and the contrast to their upbringing on the other… I think season 8 in general teases the idea of balance and the new concept of home with the Bunker, but in hindsight this is very pipe-dream-y and that balance is far from a current goal, just setting up the vague ideas of what the future could look like for the.

(all the long fics when I joined the fandom seemed to be post season 8 Bunker fluff or ignoring later season 9 canon, and they were very affected by the optimism from episodes like this and domestic possibility of human!Cas, plus a wider set of characters like Kevin and Charlie both alive/around still… I think there probably is still a fandom bias about the potential this season teased of a happy ending of like straight up retirement… I’ve always felt a little more hesitant about what this episode was saying to Dean since I didn’t watch along and absorb that feeling with everyone else and of course by the time I joined fandom everything was terrible and Dean was well on his way to becoming a demon, Kevin was dead, and Charlie had been in Oz for 16 episodes already so seemed unlikely to come back soon :P)

Anyway:

> KRISSY  
> Well, you know, so what?! Maybe it’s time that people know the truth about what’s really going bump in the night.
> 
> DEAN  
> Oh, and cause panic? Create mayhem? Yeah, that’s a great plan.

again teasing that the natural order of the show is wrong and that there’s a different path the world might take (which would also lessen the need for hunters to be recruited by revenge quest only: if the general population knew about monsters, it would become more the norm of people like Jody to deal with these problems - hunter law enforcement. In a way I have to assume that any places have a few authority figures who might know the truth after various incidents bring it to their attention, but there doesn’t seem to be a network or any desire to cause the mass panic of proving monsters exist. 

(This is weirdly less a practical concern and more an in-story justification for not changing the formula to the point of ridiculousness… Monsters in horror exist on the edges of society and humanity and the whole point is that for whatever they’re a metaphor for they’re unacknowledged and a dark part of the human psyche made manifest as something with teeth and claws… Dragging it all out into the open defies the point of writing monster stories at least in the style the show uses monsters, so it’s a pointless question to ask… As Dean says it’s not just about killing things else you could just write action drama about hunters and the faceless monsters they find and kill)

* * *

> DEAN  
> Hunting isn’t all about killing and revenge. I thought we had this chat last time. 

Saving people vs hunting things - the oldest conflict on the show nearly :P

And of course being very subverted by this season. This episode too: the vampire at the end gets saved, and the man responsible for it dies.

Also, Dean always with his burden to save people - one of the deepest ingrained messages in him is not just to hunt things, but the dual responsibility of looking after Sam on one level, and like a planet-wide sense of responsibility to keeping everyone else alive and well too. The problem of revenge not fixing anyone is a persistent theme although repeated several times in season 11 it’s sort of just around in the show at all times, low-key critical as a default of the heroes’ motivations and how revenge is an unhealthy reason to do anything.

(At this point, main plot stuff, they’ve started the Trials largely to spite Crowley as well as the good intent to save people… I’d say thanks to season 9 & 10 that backfires on them harder than I think the writers ever would have imagined when doing season 8 :P)

* * *

> SAM  
> We met – a Rugaru hunt in Washington. I’m Sam. This is Dean.
> 
> VICTOR  
> Oh, yes. The Winchesters. Right.

Always with the rugarus…

I feel like the show never wants to do a rugaru episode ever again but it established them too early on to pretend they don’t exist, so as long as there’s no symbolic reason to ever show one we just mention them all the time to prove that yep rugarus still exist.

S’probably a Kim Manners tribute

like… sorry your last episode was a terrible monster, but we’ll keep mentioning them for you anyhow

* * *

> VICTOR  
> And what do we always say?
> 
> JOSEPHINE  
> Move on, but never forget.

I’m at a loss about if this is good or bad advice :P He is kind of evil and manipulative but he’s apparently training them well and would probably have made really good hunters of them with their staged tragic back stories if they’d never found out. He wants the revenge to stay with them and motivate them so they don’t stray from this path though, and I don’t trust it not to be manipulative for that reason, since his whole MO is being manipulative.

(Honestly, I was talking in the first Benny episode about his Maker having the same taste in sweaters as Victor, and they’reboth terrible father parallels - one even called himself God. And now God capital G shows up for real and within an episode he’s quite likely manipulating the Winchesters by showing them Kevin ascending to Heaven and giving him a vote of confidence on the way out so this characterisation seems totally expected with these parallels…)

* * *

Anyway Krissy is given the leader role and seems much further down the road than the others - perhaps because she was raised aware of the life… It does seem to make her even more of a Dean parallel that Aiden and Jo get “tidy your room” “study for a test” and Krissy has to hand in a report on the hunt. Sam immediately asks about them studying and is fascinated about the balance Victor talks about (He was of course very pro homework as a kid and with all his reflection on wanting to get out of the life recently and general attidue historically, can see immediately he would have thrived as a hunter who could go to school without all the compromises they grew up with) 

The conflict with the whole balance thing is that Sam and Dean just see that the kids will die (because they’re kids) so while Victor is talking about their legacy and having a better generation of hunters, Sam and Dean are seeing them just as kids who need protecting and don’t want them to be raised like this (I wonder why :P)

> VICTOR  
> When I found them, they were lost, confused, angry. I gave them family and purpose. And you want to take all that away? Why?
> 
> SAM  
> So they don’t get killed.

This “lost angry and confused” thing describes a great deal of TFW’s various self-imploding moments… And they then find family and purpose. Good recent example: Cas being like “I’m gonna be a hunter!!!” in 8x08 while pretending not to feel suicidally awful about Heaven.

* * *

> SAM  
> They got a pretty good life.
> 
> DEAN  
> Kids aren’t supposed to hunt, Sam.
> 
> SAM  
> We did.
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah, and look what that did for us.

mmm I love the routine criticism of how they were raised you can expect in a Glass episode. :P

> SAM  
> Well, maybe they’re doing it right. Maybe they can hunt and have a real life.
> 
> DEAN  
> You know that’s not true.
> 
> SAM  
> Why, ‘cause it didn’t work for us?
> 
> DEAN  
> Because it doesn’t work for anybody.

Ah maybe I was slightly wrong about the season 8 nostalgia? I know it doesn’t lead anywhere but this does seem to be contrasting Sam’s hope with Dean squashing it and you’d normally expect that to be proved wrong… 

Anyway this is Sam’s theme he’s had all season about maybe having a normal life, or at least a hybrid life with some hope remaining for being mistaken as a normal member of society. As I was saying at some point he has to give up all hope of making it through as the Trials consume him, so this is a last gasp for him that this is a feasible way of life. (I mean has he EVER dared express stuff like this since season 8?)

Meanwhile Dean has actually tried, in a tiny way, to live a very limited version of the hybrid life, and I’m pretty sure it was Glass who sent Dean back onto the road from Lisa’s in 6x02?

I think dropping her name is enough to explain why he thinks it doesn’t work.

* * *

It’s scary Sam is old enough that someone doesn’t think it’s weird to ask him if he has kids

I suppose he could have started a family with Jess and be at least onto the first or second kid 8 years down the line from them in college together.

Yikes.

(I MEAN if he started right away with Amelia and nothing happened to them, they would have a 2 or 3 year old kid by now. 

YIKES.)

* * *

> VICTOR  
> But you know what I realized, Sam, is that these kids, they don’t have to live it the way we have. You know, crappy hotel rooms, always moving, no family, no life. It’s not the only way.

Victor directly voicing Sam’s problem with the life to him. Making it sound so appealing of COURSE it’s a trap

(Dean over in the other scene following up the first lead that proves it’s a trap, because his instinct was right and Dean tends to be right about a lot of stuff like this - in this case proving to Sam this perfect life is all a fraud, even if accidentally rather than maliciously and Sam has his own reservations anyway)

* * *

Also considering Victor is trying to teach them to be good hunters for the next generation, he’s really relying on the kids having terrible instinct

* * *

> SAM  
> Well, that, or he’s just wrong. It’s hard to say.
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah, I never trust a guy who wears a sweater.

Ah man, Metatron is nearly here and 11x20 and 11x21 have completely killed my gleeful delight at hating him as one of my favourite villains ever on the show.

11x21 even gave him a brand new sweater for his final moment of redemption, thus redeeming comfortable knitwear along the way

ah well, enjoy this sublime bit of foreshadowing in its original context 

* * *

It’s just occurred to me seeing Victor working with this other vampire, who’s even wearing sunglasses, that he and Sam go on this little walk in the park together hunting the vampire, but then Victor knocks him out and reveals his business parter, that Sam falls foul of a hunter in an alliance with a vampire. Meanwhile Dean is off defending a vampire from hunters on the other side of the story: an innocent who has never hurt anyone (and even has a chance to be cured). Considering next episode is Benny’s farewell, I think there’s some at least refreshing of the stances Dean and Sam have on him, or else some exploration of their mindsets… Both very extreme stances, as Benny HAD killed people in the past and is implied he did again when Dean cut him loose. BUT Sam is also wrong as Benny is good and at least on THEIR side and comes to save him, so he DOESN’T betray Sam and proves Dean’s trust was well-placed.

Not that it matters in the long term.

* * *

> KRISSY  
> So, let’s say this isn’t the vamp who killed my dad. She’s still a monster and deserves to die.
> 
> DEAN  
> Not if we can save her.

[…]

> JOSEPHINE  
> But Victor says it’s her.
> 
> DEAN  
> And I say it ain’t! So we’re gonna pack her to go, and we’re gonna ask Victor ourselves. Okay?

Saving things hunting people!

* * *

> VICTOR  
> I don’t need to justify my actions to you or your self-righteous ass of a brother!

… rude

He says something a shade off “I did what I had to do”

we’re nearly at the part of the show where you are not advised to make that phrase a drinking game :P

> VICTOR  
> You needed motivation. I scouted each and every one of you. And knew it was the only way to get you to hunt.

Also that line… Makes me think Krissy’s idea to tell everyone about monsters isn’t so bad if proper authorities are involved in training who kills monsters, if this is the alternative

* * *

> DEAN  
> We don’t kill people. You don’t kill people.
> 
> KRISSY  
> He’s not a person. He’s a monster.

Genuinely beginning to forget it’s NOT “Saving things, hunting people.” Or maybe we’ve even moved beyond that into the total grey area where being a monster is defined entirely by actions. Thinking of the Krissy and Claire parallels, she will accuse Dean of being a monster based on HIS actions a few times in season 10.

* * *

> AIDEN  
> So, we’re just gonna let him live?
> 
> KRISSY  
> Yeah. All alone, with himself. No family. No friends. Ask me, that’s not much of anything.

TBH this is an absolutely terrible mirror for the codependency problems, as Victor was trying to build a family/keep one together by manipulation/deception and this sums up how he can’t bear to be alone - and so he kills himself. Of course with 9x01 not far off, and Dean’s season 9 mindset looming, this is REALLY ominous in a way you only get with hindsight.

* * *

Krissy picks found family, in a rather better parallel, and Dean gives them their blessing to live their weird hybrid life half normal half hunter, recognising that she’s been through a real rite of passage to maturity with how she handled the end of the conflict. There’s real shades of this type of story in 9x12 as well with Dean seeing Garth settled down… Actually, looking at Glass’s episodes, like 3 in a row muse pretty directly on this theme for Dean, as we see his past at Sonny’s in between. :P So yeah, Sam abandons Dean to tell Krissy she’s being packed off to dull normal life with her aunt, but Dean makes this different call (and therefore this happens just personally between them, not as something Sam is included in.)

* * *

Heh, Dean says he’s send Garth to check on them. Oh dear.

Is he already a werewolf?

* * *

That last detail of Aiden locking the door between them and Dean: locking HIM out of getting to have something like this? >.> It’s definitely emphasising the barrier is there.

* * *

Aaaand Dean puts waaaay too much pressure on this as a solution to saving everyone, showing his preoccupation with it, and underlining his guilt/sense of responsibilty to the entire planet:

> SAM  
> Could have been a lot worse.
> 
> DEAN  
> Will be if we don’t shut those Gates of Hell soon.
> 
> SAM  
> What do they have to do with any of that?
> 
> DEAN  
> They’re hunters now. You don’t just walk away from that. There’s only one way out of that,and you and I both know it ain’t pretty.
> 
> SAM  
> Maybe they’ll be different.
> 
> DEAN  
> Or maybe if we shut that hell hole once and for and all, those three can have a real life.
> 
> SAM  
> Maybe they won’t be the only ones.

Sam still seems a little hopeful of his own chances, although super ominous music takes them to the credits after he says that.

It’s not looking good for him. :P


	19. 8x19

Or: this episode gave me my first migraine I’ve had in a couple of weeks. 

We really don’t seem to discuss this episode very often and it’s a shame because underneath all the *gestures vaguely at the episode* there’s some really interesting stuff.

* * *

The recap quickly tells us basically all the major season 8 plot stuff so far, mostly because this episode is like an off-the-wall re-interpretation of the story utilising basically everything that’s happened so far in odd ways. It’s sort of a mirror to the open of the season in many ways.

* * *

starting with Kevin being victimised by Crowley after he started the season surviving perfectly well on his own in a safe warded space until the Winchesters led Crowley directly to him

> CROWLEY (V O)  
> Kevin. Kevin. I know what you’re up to… Working with them, those Winchesters. Dead end, Kevin. 

considering how much crap Buckleming put him through before killing him off this is particularly cruel, but on the other hand, Crowley wasn’t the one who killed him, and this warning is true in a dramatically ironic way. (Also Buckleming used Kevin in their most recent episode so I’m feeling somewhat more charitable, as, speculations to the contrary aside, they did seem to put him to rest at last.

* * *

> KEVIN  
> An innocent soul has to be rescued from Hell and delivered unto Heaven.
> 
> DEAN  
> What?
> 
> KEVIN  
> “Unto.” That’s – that’s how God talks.

Heh, they have Chuck engage in God-speak for one line in 11x21 when he’s being petulant so I guess that is some continuity for you

Sam and Dean are busy dismissing Kevin’s issues with Crowley, though, not listening to his very real problem and writing it off as anxiety, convinced the ship is perfectly safe

Do I need to repeat the whole “MOVE KEVIN TO THE BUNKER” thing every time it’s relevant?

This more than anything makes anything that happens to him at least in this season a failure of theirs out of carelessness… Next season it’s much more about the interpersonal strife, but this is just making the Winchesters look crappy for the sake of plot drama needing to happen

* * *

Oh yeah this episode aside from starting with Crowley torturing Kevin, also has the Winchesters torturing a demon in the meatsuit of a black guy it’s implied they kill and then Ajay shows up and gets murdered by Crowley too by the end of the eposode.

… good track record with PoC, Bucklemming >.> Maybe they thought since they were killing Benny off too it was just an episode with loads of people getting killed left right and centre

* * *

Also is the rogue reapers thing their first real chance to play with continuity? They really go all out this episode :P A+ Buckleming-ing guys *pats them on the back*

* * *

… I don’t have tons to say when there’s a ton of plot stuff happening without much time for self-reflection so my main option here is either twiddling my thumbs knowing how it all goes down and how there’s not too much to say on the substance of this episode which is just a stepping stone on the Trial arc, or analysing how it all looks >.>

* * *

I’d go get my colouring book but bed is comfy

* * *

They make a super convenient deal with Ajay where they don’t need to pay upfront and since he gets killed there isn’t even a lingering plot thread where it might make an interesting episode for him to come back and ask to cash in that deal

* * *

I feel like Billie makes up for this retcon as Ajay (who is really cool by himself and I’ve always liked him because it’s not his fault he represents a massive shift in the lore for plot convenience) does plant the seeds that reapers can do more than just escort the souls given to them where they’re supposed to go and gives them personal motivations and agency – if not for this Billie’s threat would be out of nowhere but by season 11 we’ve wearily accepted the way Reapers work in Carver era as just a part of the world now… I mean she’s operating with no fear of Death telling her not to do it, and it would be much more interesting if that was treated as something similar to the Fall but for reapers with his death, but nah this has been going on even since before the angels dropped out of the sky. At the very least, they use Reapers again in 9x03 so you’d think blaming their change of status on the Fall would make sense but nope here’s Ajay doing his thing existing on the mortal plane

(Hey didn’t I catch Buckleming accidentally referring to the mechanics of Heaven being fucked, way back at the start of the season? It’s like they’ve already decided how the landscape of the show is going to look and are already writing for that :P Season 8 is supposed to be the last season where the natural order is more or less un-fucked)

Anyway this all makes me really appreciate Tessa more as someone who is really good at her job

* * *

I’ve always liked the graffiti is a door to another realm thing but it’s the sort of urban fantasy style thing that’s super unsuited to the show’s aesthetic. I mentioned how their last episode with the witch bar felt like Bloodlines and I think this is it – there was just a stronger urban fantasy vibe in pop culture around this time (I remember feeling at the time of watching this for the first time that it was like several new, popular, books that I’d recently read and I remember feeling at the time that urban fantasy was having some time in the sun, although this is long enough ago I’ll never be able to name titles of anything :P)… And I guess this was them trying to capitalise on that having felt the same vibe?

The show is basically still a modern Western in small town America with only a few episodes ever set in recognisable large cities, or dealing with suburbia, stuff set in farmlands and industrial stuff on the edge of cities… Basically all the overlooked liminal spaces on the edge of cities/towns or the wilderness between them. Inner city alleyways are a language of their own and it’s not compatible – it’s part of the duality of the slick office stuff on top/subways and the like below which is the language of urban fantasy, and the show’s occasional attempts to go urban fantasy really didn’t sit well with what they were trying to do (the occasional locations: fine. Trying to build lore into the inner city spaces: well I just named Man’s Best Friends With Benefits, Taxi Driver, and Bloodlines as the worst offenders… so).

Thankfully season 10 and 11 seem to have taken the point from Bloodlines and moved on a bit :P I can’t recall any attempts to seriously go back to this aesthetic since then aside from occasional locations which aren’t as important… Season 10 was heavy on the barns and farming equipment, and 11 has been very small-town feeling

* * *

Anyway, continuing to mirror back the start of the season, instead of Dean leaving it, Sam enters Purgatory

I do like the faint sound of Purgatory music just because I am conditioned to recognise it to go with the 8x02 meeting by the river

Ajay tells Sam to follow the stream as well to where he wants to go… Good paralleling of Sam’s mission vs Dean’s to get Cas – that being of the same epic importance to Dean…

(Also Sam’s mission has already been changed from the impersonal to personal by telling him about Bobby, so both times are sort of rescue missions, although for Sam it’s a hell of a lot simpler)

* * *

“Hell-adjacent” though… Buckleming get a surprising number of 6x20 references into their episodes. Considering they’re good at Destiel despite any other criticisms you’d have for them, I like to think that they seriously ship it and it’s Edlund’s fault.

* * *

> KEVIN  
> I believe the closet would be safest.
> 
> DEAN  
> Safe from what?
> 
> KEVIN  
> Crowley

Naw, he’s gonna get you even if you hide in there, Dean :P

(Oh no the blissful quiet between love triangle arcs is nearly over…)

It’s also not a closet in the traditional sense that Kevin’s lurking in – it looks more like a utility room or whatever. I feel like the word choice is very deliberate…

* * *

>  KEVIN  
> Crowley. He’s in my head, Dean. And if he’s in my head, he knows where I am! You know, we – we should move out. We’ll find another place.

Dean pretends like he does not have a magic bunker safe place

He offers Kevin a burger instead, which is connected to Dean’s humanity and sense of home. He talks to Kevin about the life they’re supposed to lead, as hunters/people who’ve been picked on from Above to have different roles in life:

> DEAN  
> No, like I told you before, this isn’t going to end. Look, man, other guys, they got it easy, you know? It’s all backyard barbecues and… bowling teams, but you and me? We got to carry a little extra weight.

Dean at the moment not able to see a life for himself that goes beyond hunting, and he has very effectively Othered himself from the “normal” world… Part of the season 11 themes of balance and Dean’s yearning since at least season 10 for retirement or at least a holiday is basically his unrequited yearning for barbecues – seen when he stayed with Lisa, and teased in 8x14, the same episode he was nesting and making burgers from scratch. I feel like I or someone who is less tired and lazy should collect up all the examples of Dean joking or talking in the abstract about retirement in Carver era – from “open a B&B in Vermont” through this to, like, that time he was pretending to buy a house and talking about how a Jacuzzi would be nice. He TALKS way more than Sam does about the normal life, and I always get the feeling in a sort of face pressed up against the shop window way but he’d never dare go inside…

Kevin doesn’t seem convinced by Dean’s motivational speech (he really doesn’t appreciate them :P) and just makes off with the pie (oh, hey, it’s Biggerson’s branded food – sneaky reference to the chain still being in business? I don’t think it’s been mentioned all season but Cas is currently on his tour of them all) – there’s probably something deeply symbolic in that because of the whole “apple pie life” thing and how this conversation has been about how they don’t get it. Kevin still wants out and is doing this mission to escape – unlike Sam who seems doomed, Kevin actually does seem like he would be able to make it through and he sort of does until season 9 has no idea what to do with him but doesn’t want to just find Ms Tran in the first 2 episodes and send Kevin home until further notice >.> Anyway he’s narratively doomed by being useful, but on a character level he’s fighting for the happy ending while Sam’s sort of aware he’s on a suicide mission by now and Dean’s… Dean.

Anyway if nothing else, Dean deflecting from problems with junk food

* * *

*waves sadly to Ajay* I mean like yeah okay Crowley can kill him apparently but I still don’t like how scared he is of him >.> I feel like even to regular reaper even an important demon like Crowley would still be *just* a demon.

Like honestly, bless Billie for making reapers otherworldly and scary again

* * *

Meanwhile, Sam’s taking a nice stroll

He gets his own Purgatory blade in much the same way Dean managed to pick up one of his own, but for him it’s more like a tool – he sets it down to open the door to Hell, kind of showing he can be separated from it and doesn’t care too much. For Dean he and Benny ended up with weapons that were quietly shown as extensions of themselves, but Sam isn’t have a monster descent here, so he doesn’t need to be blatantly connected with a monster weapon

* * *

> SAM  
> It’s a rabbit hole. This is nuts.

Alice in Wonderland references – we had another of those just in 8x04

* * *

With season 11 hindsight Carver Era Hell looks reasonably aesthetically similar now we’ve been back in – it’s also got the strong red and blue lighting and the spooky Gothic aesthetic. It makes it that much more obvious since 11x09 the Hell we saw for Dean and with Cas in 3x16 and 6x20 were tailored for them., for good or bad (very much bad in Dean’s case, while 6x20 was a sales pitch) I’ll go out on a limb and say this is the “default” Hell of Literature etc and Sam’s sneaked in in a way he sees behind the curtain in the same way Bobby getting out in 10x17 sees the white corridors of Heaven associated with the administrative department there. (So… Bobby also gets to see this one. He really has done a thorough tour :P)

* * *

> GIRL IN CELL  
> You came. I knew you would. I’ve been praying for it forever. You came. I knew you would. I’ve been praying for it forever.
> 
> SAM  
> I’m not… him. I’m sorry.
> 
> GIRL IN CELL (V O)  
> You came. I knew you would. I’ve been praying for it. Forever.

Oh yikes I know this is not a new thought but there’s a difference between reading the theory on the internet and actually watching it again – she  _really_ seems to think Sam is Lucifer, or Sam thinks that’s what she thinks.

I don’t know if you could say Sam getting another confrontation with him has been in the books this long, but this episode is actually considerably more interesting for Sam with this hindsight that he WILL go back there and confront this again

I was talking about how 6x22 actually seems to suggest not only Lucifer!Sam along with soulless!Sam (not my theory – someone else noticed the clothes are the same) but has strong shades of Purgatory in the lighting and having Sam running around in the woods in danger when making that specific confrontation. I’ve always felt like Purgatory let Sam off easy (I mean, Buckleming pacing and the fact no one wanted Sam trapped in Purgatory for multiple episodes aside), and I think part of that is that he was already on a purifying quest when he came in here, so he only needs to pass through the state symbolically, rather than dwelling and transforming in Purgatory as Dean n Cas did – season 8 is Sam’s symbolic Purgatory? But also in a way 6x22 where he puts himself back together, he kind of has such a dramatic personal journey within one episode that he sort of moves beyond what Purgatory could symbolically do for him… He still has tension and personal drama and stuff but he’s already literally connected with some buried parts of himself almost so like there’s no need to repeat this for Sam?

* * *

Baaah I forgot that demon!Dean (and demon!Sam I guess) are Bobby’s worst Hell.

More amusingly, since Bobby has had so much more character relationship development with Dean than Sam, everything Sam knows about Bobby as a secret to prove that he has to be the real Sam, is something Dean told him which should have been in confidence between him and Bobby :P I suppose there’s the possibility Dean only spilled after Bobby died, in reminiscing about him, but I like the idea that even while Bobby was alive anything shared with Dean invariably was shared with Sam… :P

* * *

> BOBBY  
> Wait a minute. What the hell are you doing here? Please don’t tell me it’s what I think it is.
> 
> SAM  
> No, no, no, Bobby, I’m good. I… I’m here to get you.

Bobby also worried Sam has ended up in Hell by natural causes, although I  suppose he’s been gone long enough Sam could have sold his soul for some silly reason and ended up here 

* * *

Meanwhile: for a fan of Crowlatron, this is about as good as it gets:

> CROWLEY  
> Where did we get you, huh? Temp agency? I need Kevin Tran, and I need his half of the tablet. Apparently, his half has the good stuff, where mine has the acknowledgements and “about the author.”

Since the extra text was all Metatron sneaking stuff in :P

* * *

Mmm Dean cooking

He’s making bacon and eggs which doesn’t seem to be emotionally symbolic? Just like, normal human food and not the hot dogs Kevin was eating so much of :P

* * *

> KEVIN  
> I can’t sit here with the tablet like a… sitting duck and Crowley breathing down my ass. Getting rid of the tablet just takes off some of the pressure.
> 
> DEAN  
> Wait. Getting rid of it?
> 
> KEVIN  
> Temporarily. I hid it.

Ah, those little “something terrible is going to happen to you” moments – maybe not so drastic as “hey so I translated the entire angel tablet if you ever need anything from that again” or “I cracked the codex you pulled me in to translate for you” but for a temporary moment of running out of narrative use, Kevin disengaging from reading the tablets puts him in a great deal of danger as he’s announcing he’s no longer useful

* * *

Dean backing away from Naomi as soon as he hears her name… I’m assuming she shows up paralleling Dean having issues with Kevin locking himself in his closet to her issues “parenting” Cas in that good old Buckleming subtelty like a brick way

> DEAN  
> Stop, okay? Don’t – don’t try to spin this. You think I don’t know that you told him to try and kill me?
> 
> NAOMI  
> Hmm. Yeah, I suppose that is how he would hear it.

“KILL HIM” Naomi says like 2 episodes ago

… she’s not lying :P

Dean mentions that she made Cas spy on them, which isn’t really true in a way as they had basically nothing at any point Naomi wanted and she’d rather have yanked Cas away from them and their corrupting influence… About the only time Dean registered as useful to her was when he could open the warded box in the crypt. But more shades of 6x20 with “you know who spies, Cas? Spies.” Dean’s blurring different periods of hurt together and she’s not helping…

Anyway Dean mentions how she took away Cas’s agency because Dean x free will (This is back before it all spiralled out of control as his biggest tragedy :P I mean I guess he’s on the build up now to not being able to let go of Sam to the point of violating his agency, but for now he’s still in a reasonable-ish )

Naomi pulls on how concerned they both were about Cas in Purgatory - since Dean’s been left worried and concerned about Cas over this for most of the season especially since 8x08 - as if they can bond over their mutual concern.

(I’m still not entirely sure why she came to talk to Dean and it’s been what 3 years now?)

(To ask him to tell her if Cas showed up? She seems to want to build a relationship with Dean over mutual concern for Cas, having realised the problem she came up against once before, that the brainwashing was for nothing if Dean could break it like that. Perhaps hoping to build a more subtle relationship - realising that Dean wants to find Cas as much as she does - for totally different reasons - and that her chance of getting hold of the angel tablet and removing it from the playing field before anything terrible happens (…) increases if she goes to Dean to work with him as they DO have the same broad goals if you completely ignore the motivation behind them.

She does seem to be mostly allowing the plot of this episode to happen at all as Dean would have had no motivation to save Sam from manufactured drama if someone hadn’t told him it had been manufactured.)

* * *

Did Sam just use a Purgatory blade to kill a demon? Are they actually multipurpose? It was never implied anywhere else, although Dean did try to fight demons with one before in the opening of the season… Oh, who even knows. :P

Bonus: random black guy as the meatsuit because I missed him in my initial count of PoC who die in this episode.

* * *

Anyway then Dean calls Benny with his ridiculously depressing request, and the fact Benny is happy to go along with it is probably the worst part of his whole need to be narratively sacrificed for the bro drama, because of the conflict he represents between them. Like, it’s a point of no return on THEIR arc and he just walks happily into it because of what their arc has done to HIS arc… *bleh* *protective of Benny forever*

He’s our ur example of “too good to die in a Buckleming episode”

There are some upsides to this:

> DEAN  
> Yeah. Hey, it’s me. I know. I know, man. It’s been a long time. I mean, I wanted to call. I did. I just, uh… I thought it might be better if I didn’t.
> 
> BENNY  
> So good to hear your voice, Dean. I mean that.

With the whole Buckleming subtlety of “just write them some OTT romantic dialogue as if they really are former lovers who haven’t talked in months”

* * *

> SAM  
> Well, I guess if there has to be an eternity, I’d pick Heaven over Hell.
> 
> BOBBY  
> Yeah. ‘Cause there’s nothing screwy going on up there.

… yeah Bobby totally called it :P *flash forward to 10x17 where he gets to experience that first hand*

I hope he’s doing okay.

* * *

I mean you could argue Dean was only killing Benny to save Sam to continue the Trials for the greater good, but, like, symbolically, after everything Benny already went through and what happens after? Nah :P It was first and foremost about saving Sam

And I DO think, all the weird/bad stuff aside, this episode is structurally very interesting because again we’re calling back right to the start of the season in a direct mirror: now here’s Dean doing exactly what he accused Sam of not doing: manufacturing an escape from Purgatory for him. And sending Benny back in the process, un-saving him. It’s almost like it’s unravelling the tentative progress of the season which had been carried along on a bubble on top of all the bad stuff that was set up along with it – and Benny represents so much of that since Amelia doesn’t get caught in the crossfire in nearly the same way. So bursting that bubble just leaves all the bad stuff, as we head towards the descent arc season.

Dean’s even wearing the brown plaid he was wearing in 8x01 when he had that argument with Sam in the first place.

* * *

ALSO like with many plans, the idea WAS from Dean’s POV to save Benny along with everyone else (Sam just carts EVERYONE out in him) but Benny himself seems to have already decided he’ll stay in Purgatory – he’s already accepted defeat from the world.

> BENNY  
> Oh, you don’t owe me nothing. Truth is, uh… I could use a break from all this.
> 
> DEAN  
> It really been that tough?
> 
> BENNY  
> I’m not a good fit, Dean. Not with vampires and, for sure, not with the humans. I don’t belong. And after a while… that starts to wear on you. 

If we’re going with the idea of this as a queer narrative it’s an extremely depressing statement (and Dean looks wrecked to hear Benny talking like this)… I’d guess that at least the last few episodes have been aware of the season renewal and plot twists required to keep things moving for season 9, although as with season 10 and when you look in hindsight it was 10x16 and Buckleming who really seemed to let us know about the Darkness and Amara before there was anything to know, the turn is something they’re heralding? Even the previous episode felt somewhat hopeful, but from here on out every episode has a serious bummer ending that goes with the build up to season 9. And it’s taken until season 11 for this all to be truly reversed? Aside from the major queer narrative many people are writing about as Amara as heteronormativity, the general overall feeling is quietly more positive and telling a different sort of story – exactly 3 years down the line, 11x19 being the most blatant example.

* * *

“Dean spent a whole year in this place?” > Purgatory stays in Dean as like a permanent feature of him or whatever

Meanwhile: Bobby shames Sam one more time about not looking for Dean while he was in Purgatory, the dialogue starting while we’re still watching Dean looking miserable about having just killed Benny. Ends up being a reminder of why they’re having such issues Dean needed to kill Benny – the supplanting brother – in the first place.

Bobby also ends up sounding like he super romanticises their saving each other habits when previously his heart literally broke into a million shards when he found out Dean sold his soul, or that time he was so happy Dean managed to stop hunting and have a normal life he lied to him about Sam being back for a year since he’d rather they were both happy doing their own thing than chained together. Like, yes: pro-saving each other in appropriate situations. No: desperately saving each other to the detriment of their own health and wellbeing.

> BOBBY  
> I know that agreement. I taught you that agreement. That’s a non-agreement.

There’s shades of this in season 11 with Sam and Dean discussing saving Cas against his supposed lack of desire to be saved after 11x18 (same writers) – AFTER they’ve been through multiple seasons  of drama centred around personal agency and learning when and when not this is an appropriate response.

This is the pre-all-that example

* * *

> SAM  
> He’s a buddy of Dean’s, Bobby.
> 
> BOBBY  
> A buddy?
> 
> BENNY  
> A good buddy.

DeanBenny confirmed… Yikes that was suggestive. I always forget how much Benny drawls that and makes it a million times worse than you could ever imagine just seeing gifsets :P

(Again: Sam’s misplaced jealousy over Benny and Cas seeing the maintext but not the queer subtext, competing with them as brothers rather than seeing the different space they have in Dean’s life that is NOT a threat to Sam… Someone  please find me an earlier example of this being subverted than 11x19 because it’s getting depressing to keep referring to an arc ending so far down the line with the first overt exploration that you can have both)

Bobby also, since his death, especially represents the old school hunters and their old methods as a symbolic sort of ball and chain idea – 10x06 and 11x16 show a negative and neutral-good light on that respectively, as well as little comments here and there to reinforce it. So of course Bobby is suspicious and angry and won’t even believe at first that Dean was friends with a vampire. Sam’s personal dislike of Benny is – in the surface layer away from all the brother feuding – also rooted in the same black and white thinking about what good monsters are (which is silly as Sam’s always represented the one who is the more enlightened about monsters because of his own sympathy to them based on his own experiences – you HAVE to go at least one level deeper to understand Sam this season as the surface level doesn’t even work for him)… But anyway ignoring how he’s only using that as a cover for personal motivations, aligning Sam with Bobby is showing more clearly that this is one of those old school, need to change attitudes – Dean has a similar regression in season 10, talking about how all vampires are evil (I’m not over that. Benny lurks as deep in my heart as he does in Dean’s :P)… the whole “need to change bad attitudes” theme is all over the place in Carver era as part of broadcasting that they’re due some character development

* * *

> BOBBY  
> But if they give me a rocking chair up there, I’m raising hell. 

I don’t know, he seemed to like it once he was actually there

Of course, the whole “Heaven as the Matrix” thing might be just because he was deliberately made complacent

* * *

> VAMPIRE  
> Benny. [Another group of vampires approach.] And still working with the Winchesters.

I like how they’re olde timey Victorian-era looking Vampires, and it completely undermines the entire concept of Dean alone in Purgatory as “the human” and suddenly all the vampires, even these random ones, know of him as part of a unit with “the Winchesters” even though this wasn’t ever a Sam thing.

Maybe he and Dean once killed a nest of cosplaying Victorian vamps and they’re holding a grudge

… don’t poke the Buckleming plot holes, Lizzy

* * *

I was scrolling through Superwiki to pick up where I left off and saw this:

> [It is approximately 1680 miles](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fmaps.google.com%2Fmaps%3Foe%3Dutf-8%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26q%3Dkansas%2Bcity%26ie%3DUTF-8%26hq%3D%26hnear%3D0x87c0f75eafe99997%3A0x558525e66aaa51a2%2CKansas%2BCity%2C%2BMO%26ei%3DfF5dUcbzG5az4AOv_oDgAg%26ved%3D0CL4BELYD&t=OTdmMWVlYmIzM2M1NjdkODYwZTkxMjAzNTY4NzU5NzY0OTJjNmQ2YyxZS3RIUzdoZQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AEoTmUHpiEEiE91JGAXVv3Q&p=https%3A%2F%2Felizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F144532686698%2F8x19-rewatch-or-this-episode-gave-me-my-first&m=1) from where Dean killed Benny in Kansas City to the 100-mile Wilderness in Maine where Sam and Bobby re-emerge from Purgatory. 

Thanks :P

* * *

Bobby is so bright and glowy :D

Sam tells Dean basically what he already didn’t want to think about when he was saying goodbye to Benny, despite the fact they did treat it as a last goodbye while trying not to think about it.

Aaand I really can’t take all these Crowley appearances the way I should with pretty much everything that happens to him after his last 3 appearances this season… Like, it’s not hindsight or a retcon as it changes nothing about how he was a villain before, and the end of season 8 is his biggest push to seem villain-y again since the end of season 6… And yet… nope, 8x23 changed Crowley forever and all his subsequent years of development mean I’m surprised and can’t parse seeing him actually in real conflict with the Winchesters. Not grudgingly working with them, or being captured and pushed around by them… or heaven forbid, literally, on-screen,  _dating_  one of them

* * *

> NAOMI  
> Don’t call me a bureaucrat.

… oooh

From talking with Dean:

> NAOMI  
> That’s my job – to protect heaven. I’m a warrior, just as you are.

It’s interesting that Naomi actually does represent the more bureaucratic angels – after her example, and especially after the angel wars have been fought and the more scrappy angels are all dead, most angels these days seem to be the ones from the administrative side of Heaven. Naomi may see herself more as a commander – especially as she keeps the soldier angels in line – but she starts the tradition much more clearly than before of the watercooler-gossiping, sweater-wearing angels, just by being our first glimpse into how Heaven is run when not focusing on the megalomaniac personalities who rise to the top

* * *

> SAM  
> It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay. I’m fine. It’s done. It’s done.

Am I collecting Sam saying he’s fine over this arc or is that totally pointless?

* * *

> KEVIN  
> She never would have told you.
> 
> CROWLEY  
> Moms are like that, aren’t they? So we killed her and got your address off her smartphone.

Ah so this episode writes off Linda AND starts planting the seeds of Garth having disappeared…  I am extremely glad they un-killed her off because the attrition rate this episode has… although it does devalue Crowley’s self aggrandising speech about how awesome he is and how humans are silly and frail

… small loss :P

I suppose in the long run we can say Crowley knew he had Linda safe in one place and no intention to let Kevin near her, so why would it matter and if he thinks she’s dead, all the better to start his torture early.

* * *

How is this not the end of the episode yet

> DEAN  
> I buried Benny… but I didn’t burn his bones. After he said he’d try to get you out of there, it just didn’t seem right. I know you got no use for him, but –
> 
> SAM  
> No, no, no. You know what? I get it. I do. He’s a… He’s a little different from what I thought. So, go ahead and leave the door open if you want.

Again, Sam shows emotional development over Benny that doesn’t quite match with one of his rare outbursts of emotional insecurity in 8x23… I think Sam is good at bottling stuff up so much that he can genuinely believe he’s changed and moved on, just that the insecurity is a different issue entirely and drags up these sort of things from almost a different part of Sam entirely. Sam here can change his opinion on Benny based on Benny’s actions that Sam witnesses, but it won’t change the hurt he felt about how Dean treated him or how he felt about things at the time, all stuff that fed directly into his insecurity. Especially as he’s had to come around to Dean’s POV again and Dean’s POV has been established as the moral high ground and so once again Sam has to confront his actions/thoughts as wrong in the face of Dean being right about Benny. Which also can’t help for the insecurity.

(I don’t have any problems with Dean here because I’m inclined to take his side anyway on instinct but I see complaints from Sam fans about this and I totally empathise even if I’m not personally affected because I’m pretty much always looking through Dean’s POV anyway :P)

* * *

Anyway Dean’s still wearing the brown plaid from 8x01 as they discover they lost Kevin – although they interpret it as Kevin running away instead of him being taken. So in 8x01 they think he was kidnapped but it turned out he was running away, here’s one final mirror.


	20. 8x20

[Can’t believe Robbie nearly got to send Dean to space](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/133862753374/dudewheresmypie-honestly-disappointed-this). I mean for a guy who seemed to work through the rest of his wishlist by the end of season 11, this is his white whale.

* * *

How many episodes have started with “Supernatural by Carver Edlund” in the recap? 

How many of those have been Robbie’s?

* * *

Honestly for recap misdirecting, I’m gonna take the reminder of “everything is in here, from the racist truck to me having sex” and fling it at “he seems helpful… and dreamy” just because I can.

* * *

This is definitely his most gratuitous costume porn episode.

Literally no point but to dress up Dean and Charlie for fun (to make up for the fact this couldn’t be space)

(Serious note: of course they were linked by their love of dressing up in 8x11, of which I wrote masses at the time. Although there’s a more serious plot reason it has to be Dean and Charlie again in this episode, the whole presentation of them and clothes is interesting this episode, with the shopping montage (and Dean being the non-objectifying vote of approval on Charlie’s outfits) .. I feel like other people have written tons about that for themselves, so I’ll try not to harp on it :P)

* * *

Oh no, red exit sign behind Dean on his trip through the dark corridor. Descent imagery abounds! I was just saying in the last episode how the descent seems to start with Taxi Driver (at least in the sense they were building up to it)

(Louder screeching that on the on the other side of the title card we see Dean in his maroon shirt/black t-shirt combo. Last seen in Remember the Titans where I spent a disproportionately long time talking up towards the far end of Carver era)

* * *

He’s also watching CCTV feeds from somewhere or other: 

At a guess, some random gas station he knows the significance of, a library (the one Kevin was probably using when they were talking about how Sam found him in 8x01? [Kevin’s house](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.homeofthenutty.com%2Fsupernatural%2Fscreencaps%2Fdisplayimage.php%3Falbum%3D159%26pid%3D184302%23top_display_media&t=YzA1OWM2MTAwYWJjZmRhZmRhOTUyMzY5YWU4MmQ5ZGI1MDRiMTNlNCwxOTFJRkF6VA%3D%3D&b=t%3AEoTmUHpiEEiE91JGAXVv3Q&p=https%3A%2F%2Felizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F145332433603%2F8x20-rewatch-cant-believe-robbie-nearly-got-to&m=1), and Fizzle’s Folly.

* * *

Omg I saw [@mittensmorgul](https://tmblr.co/mH08bFF21ewTCayiwIXZEOg) (I think?) describe the Margiekugle lager as Dean’s “missing Cas stuck with Sam” beer and I was mentally like “???” and here he is drinking some

[Hello, past!Me! It’s you from 2 weeks after you started watching this, with hindsight from 11x23 now! This beer was also associated with mothers (because the NAME) and this episode is a lot about mothers thanks to Charlie.]

* * *

> DEAN  
> That’s why we don’t have nice things, Sam

I quote this so often I forgot this was where I picked it up. Is it just from Supernatural or is this a quote too? Superwiki did not mention it being an obvious pop culture reference.

* * *

Oh wait Dean says he was doing all that hacking himself and lists the same locations… I forget that Dean is sometimes written as just being allowed to be maintext smart with a flashing neon sign. Worth repeating that Robbie is a Gamble era writer and my impression of the new writers in those seasons was that they got sat down and told to write Dean as very clever. Robbie in particular gave us Dean learning a lot about hacking from Frank in order to further his revenge quest against Dick (this is what the “strictly into Dick” moment actually was – in a Robbie episode – and he learned more from Charlie in 7x20 and said as much… I saw someone pointing out he was hacking loads of stuff in 11x21 so this isn’t forgotten but he doesn’t seem to mention it so often since season 7 :P I mean once again we had Buckleming reinforcing that in 11x03 so more of them being the ones furthering Robbie’s legacy? I am seriously running into that theme a lot :P

I have no idea what I’m talking about

Anyway once more drawing lines between Charlie and Dean, reminding us that he actually is the one who spent a season being very tech savvy… At the start of season 8 Dean had a conflict with modern technology and Sam got several moments in where he baffled Dean with it all so we’re a bit more back to a normal order where Dean is allowed to show his tech savvy nature

* * *

I have read so many fics set in the Bunker’s shooting range.

This is generally not what happens in them.

The caged halo lights are in here – not sure we’ve seen them elsewhere in the Bunker? Predictably, one hovers behind Dean’s head as Sam has darkness behind him… Which is kinda weird as Sam’s the one martyring himself this season and that’s literally what they’re talking about in this scene, although Sam had more cross imagery attached to him, while Dean collects halo imagery as a hobby just as part of always being somewhat connected to the divine?

* * *

Eeee Charlie’s dorky yellow car <3 … isn’t this the same episode she also wears yellow trousers? She’s like sunshine personified even before you get to her theme song. (such a contrast giving us the pan up from the Impala first to show us the Winchesters’ scary dark batmobile first :P)

This exterior shot also seems to show the Bunker as looking at a horrible huge factory, and of course it’s set under an abandoned power plant… Very much the theme of abandoned industrial land here, which suits the show’s liminal spaces themes very well.

* * *

> CHARLIE  
> Holy awesome. Too bad they got wiped out, though that is what they get for the sexist name.

<3

[edit from the future: And I’m hoping this is a major conflict for season 12!]

In contrast to that she immediately transitions to giving them their case and using her own monster database to narrow down the case, showing us a modern day Woman of Letters at work with all her resources and intelligence – her tablet basically with one app doing what the MoL probably had to dedicate whole libraries to. The “too bad they were wiped out” actually just shows us again how the people of the past weren’t the best or most enlightened, and the present is not only doing just fine, but actually doing better, all without any input from the MoL, or their “legacy” as Charlie has no connection to them

[edit from the future: and Toni does a worse job on discovering the Winchester’s lives by NOT being a geek and in tune with the way the wind is blowing… Charlie gets as far as “helpful and dreamy” and Toni is like “Cassiel??”]

* * *

> CHARLIE  
> I also found this series of books, by a Carver Edlund? Did those books really happen?
> 
> Wow. That is some meta madness.

Shh, Charlie, you’re making it more meta just by speaking.

I think aside from the mention of Chuck in 8x07, this is our first reference to the actual books in Carver era. Since we know now that Carver era paves the way for God to come back in Dabb era (I like saying “Dabb era”) and Robbie was the one who did it in the end (11x20 starting with the exact same recap opener as this one: “Supernatural, by Carver Edlund”) this is the beginning of the slow reinterpretation of Chuck and the Winchester gospels in this time of the show

At this point, again thinking of legacies, the Winchesters can’t escape theirs – their history is now public domain as Chuck leaves the books – up to season 5 – to be shared freely by Humanity. Charlie (who like Dean has taken the “Humanity” role when saving the world, as she did in season 7) is the reader and the fan, but she is also – with the LARPing reference right before this exchange – shown as being a fan who participates more, and with looking out for cases and trying her hand at hunting is also shown engaging with the text differently, as a different sort of representation as a fan – Becky was shown much more selfishly consuming the text as a really terrible idea of what they think a fangirl is… Charlie interacts with it too but in a much more balanced, mutually beneficial way and this episode explores her relationship to stories and fiction in other examples like the video game and The Hobbit to show the positive and escapist sides of fiction for her… It’s just a better all-round picture of a developed and interesting character :P In a way, to go back to Chuck, showing a good way for people to learn and use from the stories he left behind? (as for now they along with the tablets, are representations of the Word of God, and he still has no plans to show his face and interfere any more)

(And of course in 2 episodes you get Crowley mis-using the same books – I’m assuming Robbie was supposed to mention them with this episode as a good excuse to do it as they don’t actually play much of a role in this episode, for their upcoming use as a weapon… To look way way ahead at 11x15 Crowley still had copies in his warehouse where he was keeping the Hand of God he’d got stashed away, and I saw a lot of people correctly using that to predict the Chuck thing for real (or at least that it would be confirmed for real as we’ve always ~sort of~ known it), as it links the books and other instances of God’s power on earth with a pretty unambiguous connection in hindsight that it was confirmed, and of course calls back to Crowley using them as a weapon since that was the one time he crossed paths with the books.)

* * *

Sam is me when I get out of a chair. Although presumably much scarier for him as I have like over a foot less distance to fall *wraps him in a blanket*

* * *

Always like how Dean aims for the heart on the target range, and Charlie aims for the head. Quiet heart imagery for Dean going on there?

* * *

Aw no Charlie’s sooong

Straight to “Helpful and dreamy” <3

Since that one’s been totally done to death on this blog, I hope I don’t need to repeat about the implications of Charlie shipping Destiel :P It’s the same message as 9x18 or 10x05 about the subtext of the stories just hidden in one line. Also, more importantly, Charlie assuming Dean may gossip with her about Cas. Instead he gets all mopey about Cas missing and Sam being ill, which is a reminder to Charlie that they’re not static fictional characters trapped in their season 1-5 roles, but that problems keep on coming to them. She uses instead of her own experience of them from her reading experience to support Dean, repeating what seems to be the message of the books about working together and overcoming the odds. Which might be a bit twee for Dean even if she’s telling him what his own life suggests to her :P

This also is our reminder of Cas and his problems for the episode, which is an interesting way to weave him into the story, as part of the undercurrent that makes this one of Robbie’s sneakier meta episodes. It’s not been as regular as season 11 to mention him every time, and Dean wobbles between missing Cas and being annoyed about him disappearing, but in this case he definitely has a moment of vulnerability before diverting back to talking about Sam.

Of course Robbie knows better than anyone about Dean and the crypt scene, and Dean having mixed and confused feelings about what happened there. Having Charlie ask about Cas is poking a scenario Robbie set up. The unspoken discussion about the subtext popping up when Charlie’s referring to past Destiel nonsense and Dean is in the middle of some unaired current Destiel nonsense being bottled up to the end of the season is really interesting

* * *

*whimpers about the upside down badge thing*

Oh, I just remembered there’s the other upside down badge moment in 10x18 that got cut, with Cas doing it again… mentioning because Robbie being at it again. (I swear I try not to get bogged down in authorial intent, it’s just really fascinating to me the personal writing styles/interests of the writers and it makes me really curious about their personal contribution to the story rather than the broad strokes stuff that they’d all include whoever was writing the episode because it happens for the plot :P Any time I’m NOT mentioning it specifically I’m ignoring authorial intent >.>)

In this case I don’t need anyone to remind me that’s a Cas thing Charlie just did but knowing Robbie better that he’s super nostalgic about everything and loves getting in the little references to past canon and repeating moments is interesting. Dean reacts in shock and sadness to see Charlie doing it rather than his deadpan amusement/embarrassment at Cas doing it, because he’s reminded of Cas, so while it’s one of the many Charlie and Cas parallels that make them star-crossed BFFs, it’s not equating Charlie  _to_  Cas in Dean’s head, at least in the acting nuances that went into it. The little reminders keeping Cas alive in the story are sort of personally victimising Dean. :P

(I’m also remembering in 8x08 there’s the moment where Cas is too slow on the draw to pull out his badge when Sam and Dean do it in the nursing home – or else implying he’d lost the badge, although later canon pretends he managed to keep it through thick and thin so at worst Cas could only have misplaced it about his person :P

Anyway you know I love talking about badges so I’m interested that there’s a whole subplot to the badge thing with Cas and Charlie – she gets her own made and this whole thing is paralleling Cas’s “I wanna be a hunter!” only to turn out that Charlie has also shown up with a ton of baggage. It’s like people run away to the Winchesters to join their cause – because they HAVE a clear cause, at least when it comes to fighting monsters – only for everything to get way too real and they can’t run from the problems forever. Same message in 8x08 for Cas as here for Charlie.

* * *

> CHARLIE  
> That never happened in the books.

Again the sneaky meta episode stuff – Charlie isn’t getting her book approved experience because the “real world” of the Winchesters is broader, more messed up and confusing than she has read about… She goes on a learning curve about this stuff also especially with the Oz stuff interacting with a different text which isn’t so ridiculously meta to the show itself that it’s almost hard to talk about…

* * *

> DEAN  
> Well, we can handle that. Charlie, why don’t you go talk to the witnesses.
> 
> CHARLIE  
> But I don’t wanna miss the broman—
> 
> DEAN  
> Charlie.

There’s actually a really long thread about her  _misunderstanding_  Sam and Dean but only after she’s read the books – she was doing fine until now :P She gets rose-tinted glasses about them as the heroes of the story, and this tiny example of her getting all starry eyed over them having a long and boring fight they’ve been over a dozen times this episode seems to be the start of it?

(I’m so confident in Charlie as the brilliant fan avatar I feel much more comfortable saying vaguely critical things of her approach as I know it’s not ~about~ fans so much as Robbie exploring her as a character in her own right as a discussion on this sort of stuff? I dunno. It’s about trust. :P)

* * *

Ooh yeah Sam wearing his djinn tie from 2x20 that somehow crossed dimensions to join him in this episode

Lol

Costumes are important on the show

* * *

> DEAN  
> Come on man, don’t quote me to me.

The ongoing saga of no one – including Dean – buying Dean’s motivational speeches

* * *

> CHARLIE  
> So the boys said they noticed something on the body’s arm before it covered them in years of future therapy. Said it looked like a blue handprint.

Aaah handprint imagery. I forgot about this one.

Blue = djinn colours, already long-established (the yellow/blue colour scheme being a false reality set of colours). But also conflict colours with red aka the Cas handprint… like a dark flipping around of it, the handprint kills instead of saving. And these djinns show the worst nightmare aka a personal hell (if Heaven is your best memory) so try to get you with fear…

(6x01 used this pattern of djinn although I think at the time it wasn’t using them as a special or different kind – they just seem to have a general power to go into your thoughts and create whatever they want in there. So they used it aggressively in a desperate situation)

* * *

I really like the idea that Robbie’s being usurped in some ways by the new guard – because progress! Charlie accuses Sam and Dean of fighting like an old married couple… 11x19 of course completely subverts that comparison to be like, no, this is what an old married couple is and it’s not them. :P (Much as I love Robbie, I do like the idea of the new writers trashing the old order and Nancy Won did very well at that this season even while Robbie was running behind her also trashing it :P)

* * *

I really like that Charlie and the coroner have the same-ish hair… It sort of links them on a superficial level. I dunno, I like dark Charlie mirrors because they’re fascinating. Since this is the episode we find out about Charlie’s backstory and then when she actually deals with it is the literal dark!Charlie episode there’s probably a metaphor here. The djinn is doing all this to support and care for her dependant son, and Charlie is keeping her mom alive in a coma and paying for that through all her good jobs and sneaky hacking to gain funds if she’s in a tight spot financially while between identities/jobs (I bet that’s why she learned to do it and then just started doing it for political reasons for fun)

* * *

> SAM  
> Leviathan.
> 
> CHARLIE  
> No, they consume their prey.
> 
> SAM  
> Well, maybe the vics were Leviathan.
> 
> CHARLIE  
> No black goo on either scene in the coroner reports.
> 
> SAM  
> Dragons, they uh—
> 
> CHARLIE  
> No signs of burns on the vics.

Either they’re playing a weird guessing game or Sam is super out of it even for their regular levels of expecting weird crap :P I blame whatever the Trials are doing to him…

* * *

Meanwhile Dean is reading John’s journal and learning about new djinn lore… old vs new with old pulling ahead a little. (Points for nostalgia I guess? :P)

* * *

Charlie brings up the pie thing without even knowing the entire brother conflict this season is because Sam forgot the pie back in 7x03

(It’s a long story if you haven’t been following the rewatch thoroughly :P Blame Edlund and move on)

* * *

Charlie’s apartment is really depressing compared to the first one we saw – she lacks all the toys and stuff – she has video game consoles (as she mentioned) and some books, but it’s very very utilitarian… I guess this is just where she holes up when she’s in the area checking in on her mom etc and just a flat she keeps for the convenience… It’s really tragic imagining her sitting here at night alone playing video games to forget how sad she is about her mom…

So I’m going to focus on the fact she has a fake snake skin coat hanging on the peg by the door :P

* * *

Oooh yeah and Charlie’s mom looks vaguely like the djinn lady too – there’s THAT parallel. (I mean mostly red hair and all 3 of them have bangs)

The djinn as a dark mother figure who is the face of Charlie confronting her fear of letting go of the real one…

* * *

So in other news, this is where I came back after a 2 week break which included watching 11x23 for the first time:

> DEAN  
> No. No, Gertrude seemed like a cool mom, too. Kind, strong, taken from her family way too young — remind you of anybody? (beat) Did you find anything?

Any and all mentions of Mary in Carver era are now designed to personally murder me, which was nice of Dabb. The thing Dean wants most… Even just casually running into mother figures elsewhere in the story he’s instantly reminded of Mary. There’s a theme about lost mothers all through the show and the absent feminine (as Mittens has been writing a lot about) … I mean because the show is based off the original riding off Mary and Jess, and propelling the male characters on. Kevin “has” to push his mom away and she’s still alive. This world doesn’t seem to “work” with mother characters in it. Charlie’s story is about losing both parents but it’s her mom she’s most connected to and her mom she finds it hardest to lose…

Of course this episode is about loss and moving on and at least in the here and now it’s actually good and healthy to do that. :P I mean Dean can’t and doesn’t sit around waiting for Mary to come back, and tbh by season 2 and after Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things, we see Sam and Dean mourn both John AND Mary and sort of start to move on and out from the shadow of this ACTIVELY affecting them at least when it comes to Mary, as she’s so long dead and her influence is unlike John’s, and so doesn’t haunt them in the same way. It’s not like dragging Mary back into the story is ruining an attempt to move on and live their lives… I mean just by this point in season 8, Dean may MISS Mary but the kind of painful mourning he couldn’t confront in season 1 or 2 even after 22 years of her being dead is waaay old news.

* * *

> CHARLIE  
> My manly man-friend’s gonna come get you, you creepy power-suit lady.

Pfft. Charlie using Dean being a “manly-man” as a threat, but it’s such a ridiculous statement I’m just looking at it like “riiight” … I don’t think Charlie after 3 episodes of knowing Dean thinks he’s “just” a “manly man” – not like LARPing is emasculating or anything (except that Sheriff Bob implied it was at the start of the episode :P) but she *gets* Dean and it’s almost like she’s throwing his surface level projection at the djinn as a threat exactly as he intends it to be projected when  _he’s_ doing it, subconsciously or not.

* * *

> SAM  
> Well, let’s go ask her. According to this, she owns two pieces of property in town, one two-bedroom house about ten minutes from here, and an abandoned shipping warehouse.
> 
> DEAN  
> Course she does.

Have we ever actually had anything else where the monsters clearly apparently OWNED the property they were using?

Actually the only other example I can think of quickly off the top of my head while watching is in 10x20 so maybe Robbie just spends a lot of time worrying about the logistics of the monsters owning property.

* * *

(While I’m here thinking about other Robbie episodes… The solution to go into the dream seems familiar after 11x16… There’s a big theme about reality or going into a dream/story/other world/inside yourself in Robbie episodes… 11x16 ended up not being as foreshadowy as we thought unless as with like 10x11 there’s a lot more to come that only makes more sense with season 12… I mean it has ELEMENTS relevant to the season and it plays with the same themes, but I am left wondering how much of it was just Robbie and him enjoying the conceit… :P

I mean there’s also the fact it comes right on the borderline of where I tinhat Dabb era began and it would have been pitched etc in Carver era… to me 11x17 is the first episode I feel is definitely Dabb era, although there’s suggestions Carver buggered off as early as 11x14/15… this is completely beside the point to this episode… I originally just meant to make the parallel and then list some episodes Robbie wrote that have this sort of theme, but now I’m looking at all this with hindsight and realising that this episode plays with the same theme all the way back in season 8, just applied differently to a more relevant subject for this season, I’m wondering how much got derailed in season 11 and how much is just Robbie…)

* * *

Gosh I love Charlie saving Dean from the vampires and Dean hurrying to get behind her because she’s got the big gun so she’s in charge :3

* * *

> CHARLIE  
> Look, I don’t know how long I’ve been out, but I’ve been through this level a thousand times already.
> 
> DEAN  
> What?!
> 
> CHARLIE  
> Every time I beat the level and save the patients, I get reset back to the beginning, only there’s less weapons and the vampires are faster. [they kill two more vampires] It’s an infinite loop. Like, Pac-Man without level 256.

I love this as a metaphor for the whole co-dependency thing… I mean it really starts to feel that way especially as it gets tested more and more so even random motw are starting to throw in dead Winchester scenarios. Looping round and around faster and faster…

And in the end we see the way to beat it is not to just keep going around in the loops hoping it will end, but to find another way and come to a different sort of emotional resolution where they talk it out. The stuff Chuck and Amara discussed was DEEPLY full of season 8 stuff even in just a few lines, so I do kind of think this metaphor hangs on and on very meaningfully for the next 3 seasons

* * *

This conversation is really distracting with Dean and Charlie in their get up…

> CHARLIE  
> She’s why I’m in Kansas. I sneak into the hospital whenever I can, and I just… I read to her. She used to read me to sleep at night when I was a kid. Sh— she’d read me The Hobbit. [blinks back tears] She’s the reason I love the stuff I love.

I love Charlie being a Kansas native as well… I like to think about the civilian AUs where she’s part of their lives because it’s so plausible. I think she’s around the same age as Dean (Charlie may be slightly younger than Felicia unless my quickly counting on my fingers maths is wrong but she’s at least between Dean and Sam if not Dean’s age) and they’re close enough geographically (even if the Winchesters never leave Lawrence, I’ve looked this up before and they’re only a couple of hours away I think?) so it’s super easy to paste Charlie into their lives. And of course actually interpreting the show instead of dreaming about AU fanfic, the fact she’s local just serves to make her  _literally_  closer to them… idk, maybe at least idly tease the idea of what their lives could have been for a casual viewer? I’ve always thought this and this episode is like a year older than my fandom involvement…

ANYWAY aaah “she’s the reason I love the stuff I love” Charlie is just one of the best geek characters I’ve ever seen because she’s so real. She has BACKSTORY for why she’s a geek! Relatable backstory!

(Okay I personally have childhood trauma with the Hobbit, but other stories did this to me anyway. Star Wars instead :P)

And I suppose season 11 has made it much more obvious we should be looking at the influence of a mother on these characters and how they’re shaped by it (poor Sam being left outside to be beaten up by monsters some more) because Mary is lurking in the background of this episode thanks to Dean’s comments, and we know he’s shaped by her in the tiny ways we know (Charlie references not forgetting the pie and I think we know he likes pie because Mary? It’s late and I’m forgetting the details now :P)

* * *

They have a long nuanced conversation about Charlie’s mom and then Dean sees Sam in the other bed and is like “lol nope” and pulls the curtain again rather than discuss it. He’s not even ready to start this process, and this is the grim build up to season 9, so, you know, probably the most worrying little action he ever makes considering the way we’re inching to the top of the rollercoaster with the Mark of Cain descent waiting :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> Wait wait wait. You said that we’re stuck in a loop, right? But out there in the real world, you’re dying. And I might be too. We gotta find a way to break this loop.
> 
> CHARLIE  
> Okay. How?
> 
> DEAN  
> I think the only way to stop this is to… not play.
> 
> CHARLIE  
> What?! No, no. We gotta save them. Nut up, Winchester.
> 
> CHARLIE  
> See? You can’t stop either.
> 
> DEAN  
> Listen to me. This poison, it’s designed to put your mind into an endless cycle, while your insides turn to mush, okay, and its fuel is fear. Now call me crazy, but I think the only way to break the cycle is to let go of the fear and stop playing the game.
> 
> DEAN  
> I know that your fear is creating all of this. You’re not afraid of those super-soldier vamps out there, you’re not afraid of this game, and you’re not afraid of what it did to you.  Hey! Look at me. You’re afraid of losing her. 

Haaa… Dean is the master at not following his own advice, but this sets up a good template to follow; season 11 had a lot of little examples of them trying to let go after these many repetitions of the cycle… The relatively miniscule moment where Dean resignedly lets Sam take the Mark being the one where you might be able to argue he did finally kind of let go. I still feel like we’re due a bigger example and the season ends with a good one (aka Sam getting shot/abducted/whatever Toni is going to do to him, which will cause obviously Dean to have a reaction to need to save Sam… And of course has Sam being reckless with his own life too… Only the resolution of season 11 makes me hopeful that the BAD part of the cycle is broken AT LONG LAST and this example will just prove it by the way it’s handled, with, I dunno, normal, healthy saving each other drama. Dean will have Mary’s influence for one thing as he deals with it. Which is a world of a better place to deal with the potential loss.

(I’m not sorry for continually talking up at season 11, because this episode is basically the place setting for the whole co-dependency side of the coming drama: Sam in the hospital bed BLATANTLY foreshadowing 9x01, so this is setting down a clear demonstration of where Dean’s emotional state is, and then because of the plot accordion, it takes until friggin season 11 for this to be addressed in at all a positive way. There may be more to come but for now 11x23 feels like the strongest answer to what this episode set up than any… Other bad stuff in Sam and Dean’s dynamic re: jealousy and trust has been in the entire season from 8x01, but this “let go” message is spelled out clearest in this episode)

(I did kind of wait a week to watch most of this episode in the hope season 11 would resolve exactly as it did and make this part easier to watch, because the EXHAUSTION of this arc is ridiculous, and I *liked* season 9)

* * *

Actually I say that I’ve only cried once at this show really, but honestly I think I did cry at Charlie in this part and at the end on my first watch. Shhh.

* * *

Charlie’s so brave and I’m proud of her :)

* * *

Dean and Charlie sharing that look after the vampires go :’)

* * *

THE HUG

* * *

Waaaaah

* * *

> CHARLIE  
> Gonna go by the hospital. (beat) Gotta let go, right? [DEAN nods] What about you, you’re gonna let it go?
> 
> DEAN  
> Never.
> 
> CHARLIE  
> That’s my boys.

Blaaargh.

I suppose she does have absolute faith they’ll all make it through and live and so in a way she doesn’t feel like Dean’s going to actually have to make this same choice because she’s telling Sam he’ll survive. Again with her now being slightly starry-eyed about the book character Winchesters, while the direction the story is moving in carries on just not being as simple as the books. We know Chuck edited the story for tone so it’s possible he did also play around with other stuff for dramatic effect… He claims he does stuff for narrative symmetry although I don’t think he ever actually controlled THAT MUCH of the story because whatever else he was, he did stick up for free will… but he may have edited the story at least for neatness and tone, compacting events and maybe making some stuff less visceral than it could have been to live (or to compare to the coroner visit, just to make them more successful on first try or leave out the really pathetic faffing around failing to get anywhere they may do just to tell the successful plot beats of their hunts or the meaningful setbacks) so the overall effect is just slightly more polished and hopeful – and she has hindsight not only did they beat everything in those books, but they’ve survived 3 more years SINCE then, including knowing for a fact they beat monsters as bad as the Leviathan. Whereas in this part of the story they’re not fighting Destiny, just their own personal struggles and drama kinda of their own making… It’s their CHOICE to do the Trials…

Anyway Dean is put in the situation where his choice is only to let go or not, and Sam survives it like Charlie says but only because Dean makes his worst moral compromise ever to ensure it. Charlie is always Dean’s most positive mirror, but I think in this case the endless season renewals kind of worked against this paying off any time reasonably soon… Bleh :P I feel bad for this episode in a way because I both love it but sort of feel emotionally rejected by it after Too Long of this story arc. Although Robbie also kicked off the bloody Mark thing in the first place so really… *lobs a scrunched up ball of paper at him*

* * *

The amount of sparkly green eyes in a well-lit outdoor Dean and Charlie scene with close ups is really really unfair

* * *

I’m not entirely sure positive thinking works best for Dean at this point being like “let’s go find out prophet!” because dragging Sam out of the house on a case next episode basically just invites him to faceplant into the floor after taking a short walk… I guess they need to get it done to get Sam past the last hurdle anyway :P

Bonus Winchester hug just because Charlie makes Dean sentimental

* * *

*sniffles about Charlie saying good bye to her mom*

* * *

I’m really sad that there’s only 2 seasons where Edlund and Robbie get to lob stuff at each other because going from this story about Charlie reading her book to her mom and all this stuff about letting go, running away, and retreating into fiction is ALSO of course the set up to the introduction of Metatron (yes Charlie is a Metatron parallel in this episode, although as she often is, an EXTREMELY positive mirror rather than analogous :P Possibly though based on her actions rather than her motivations a sign they shouldn’t have trusted Metatron…). I guess in a way you could say 11x20 was Robbie doing the character Edlund set up and introduced one last favour. And Metatron is kind of a Carver author avatar even if he’s written mostly by other nerds on the writing team, at least in terms of what he metaphorically represents. In the here and now of season 8 he’s super interesting, especially as we haven’t really had an author avatar since Chuck, and it’s taken most of the season to build up to meeting the one who represents Carver Era. (Thanks to Gamble era skipping the meta commentary via characters like this I think it’s possibly just the fault of this policy that we have to leap right over it and all this stuff with the Winchester Gospels is building on the fourth wall breaking commentary of Kripke era and responding to its God/author avatar… Charlie only knowing their lives up to season 5 kind of lampshades this too…) Charlie paves the way as the reader, the person who plays the game and changes the story (her video game she downloaded illegally, altered the story, and re-released and got arrested for it) and is an “interactive literatureist” or whatever they called LARP-ing… Like Metatron she’s not particularly a creator; just responds and changes to pre-existing stories…

And yes I got onto this thought pretty much entirely because of the sweater she was wearing when she left :P

  


iiit’s… meeting in the middle for their two styles.


	21. 8x21

Or: *shakes head to try and dislodge Chuck’s “Fare Thee Well” song from my ears*

* * *

I forgot that my favourite thing on this show is various things impersonating Sam trying to get the eyebrows right. This is not quite as good as the Gadreel and Jody deleted scene from 9x08 but on the other hand it’s canon

I’m still trying to get VLC to agree with me about giffing on the new laptop so here’s a bad test gif of it :P

* * *

Anyway I like how this episode starts with Kevin… It’s an almost timeless feel to it like it’s in the middle of season 8 or anywhere really… Maybe this episode is why I get SO confused in time and space in this season. Even though the whole thing is subtly off the entire time (mostly though Sam and Dean acting like not-Sam and not-Dean just enough that after 8 years of putting up with their faces you’re already getting the feeling of wrongness just from Sam’s eyebrows…) never mind the ridiculous plot skip if it was real: oh Kevin is back and fine and they have the tablet… Did I miss an episode??? SPOILERS

Considering this chunk of the season is all about stories (thanks Charlie) how we’re reading this trick and how it fits into the shape of the wider story is absolutely fascinating. It’s almost like the set up for a happy everyone lives AU (especially using Kevin’s POV to introduce all this) except for the fact that it’s all a cruel trick – which is why this is such a brilliant moment, Kevin sees right through it, and how it throws you so completely. (IT STILL THROWS ME AND I’M EXPECTING IT)

(I do feel kind of sad that we don’t see so much of this Crowley any more – he sort of hits peak Crowley in these last 2 episodes where he’s on a roll, and then SOMEONE has to go and ruin everything for him and he never quite gets back into his stride after he catches feelings… I do think it’s nice that Edlund gets to write Crowley in his last episode since he made him, and he gets to write Crowley having a lot of fun and doing what he does best. I mean this is blatantly a “Edlund throws the kitchen sink at the show on the way out” just like Robbie did with 11x20, as Edlund gets to do his last epic badass Cas thing, he introduced Kevin so doing a nice Kevin episode is a bonus, several random moments of wtf-ery (the angel blade bullets!) and he gets to introduce Metatron, who would already TECHNICALLY have been his original character just from 7x21 even if he was never on screen until now. 

* * *

Also like we were talking about Charlie ([we being me and this nice anon](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/145363918248/i-love-your-charlie-thoughts-as-a-fellow-fan-i)) from last episode, we have a sort of weird trinity of readers these 2 episodes: Charlie, Crowley and Metatron. 

(insert here: ongoing sadness that Edlund and Robbie don’t get to play in the same sandbox for more than 2 seasons as their 2 greatest moments bouncing off each other are this and the season 7 Dick jokes. Wait, no. I mean the way 7x20 and 7x21 work so beautifully together.

(okay yes it’s about the Dick jokes)) 

Crowley, like Charlie, has studied the Winchesters closely:

> CROWLEY  
> You. Fake Sam. If you’re gonna tip our hand, I’ll have to scrub Kevin’s short-term memory again. And that’s risky, so watch the patois in there.
> 
> DEMON #1  
> Patois?
> 
> CROWLEY  
> Your slang. Special K, nose to the God-stone, that’s the way Dean speaks. Sam is… more basic, more sincere. Remember, I want two distinct, authentic characterisations.
> 
> DEMON #1  
> Yes, sir.

Crowley has paid more than enough attention to the Winchesters over the years – and I’ve never been convinced otherwise that he hadn’t been reading the Winchester Gospels for info since before he ever even met them since he says his meatsuit is a literary agent, and he gets the news of the Colt to them via Becky, via the books - it’s hard to make yourself remember after season 9 onwards that these are Crowley’s observations from fairly far removed… This wouldn’t look half so surprising on the other side of Crowley being forced to catch feelings. 

But at this point he represents a very real, very dangerous enemy BECAUSE he’s the “devil you know” aka Dean hasn’t even started dating him yet and Crowley is disturbingly close to them after years of being frenemies and unwilling allies and them working for him and them calling him up to make him work for them and so on and so forth. 

(Actually I’m not sure it’s until Dabb in 8x22 we know for a FACT Crowley has been studying the books but even if it’s not mentioned here, this is what he’s been doing and I reckon been doing all along)

Even if this scheme to get Kevin to spill on the tablet’s location fails, Crowley’s combination of resources and cleverness are fully displayed over these next 2 episodes, and his season 9 manipulation of Dean is rooted in the same skill set… Applied successfully in that case after he strikes out here.     

* * *

Huh, is the map wall of the Bunker that brightly lit up in later seasons? I feel like this camera angle with Sam (real Sam) standing in front of it is something we don’t really see… I don’t know but somehow the Bunker seems to be quietly changing as well over the years or at least looks different way more than you’d expect it to. They must just film it differently.

I feel like season 8 especially since the Trials has spent a lot of time around the war room table, and the end of season 11 spends a considerable amount of time there too, while the research intensive periods of season 9 & 10 are much more around the library. It’s interesting to me that these are the big God events – Sam doing the Trials and like, actual real God hanging out at the Bunker… Not to say they never use the table in between, but around 11x18 I felt like I was noticing it more and it ended up being the focus of many scenes, with the library being used as a social area… Here the library is dark but Sam is sitting surrounded by world maps – that whole weight of the world thing going on – and the room is well-lit but there’s prison imagery in the shadows that fall across it…

* * *

> SAM  
> This isn’t a cold. Or a fever, or whatever it is you’re supposed to feed. This is part of it all. Those first two trials… they’re not just things I did. They’re doing something to me. They’re changing me, Dean.

I’m still musing on God vs Amara, Trials vs Mark parallels. God’s power fills Sam up and theoretically I guess would have given him the temporary power to do a God-like move of closing the gates of hell, accessing that level of power for a moment. Regular humans just can’t DO that: the Hand of God lore is introduced to us via Delphine suffering a similar power overload as I imagine would have happened to Sam. The VFX were superficially similar to start with of Crowley and her taking on the power of one of those as Sam when it was bubbling under his skin while doing the trials… But of course that power consumes and destroys – and presumably in the good old fashioned Christian way of using burning deaths, immolates the impure human body and lets the soul ascend to Heaven (when Sam nearly died from the trials, Death (possibly) drops by personally to congratulate him and move him on). Meanwhile the Mark preserves the one who bears it physically but pretty much obliterates the soul – the light inside the meatsuit – through prolonged contact with Amara’s power.

Anyway I don’t know if anyone ever wrote about Sam saying he was being changed in a parallel to Dean in season 9 as they seemed completely different in nature, but of course then these dualities get personified and we have a much better concept of who is causing them and why… I think it’s fascinating there are these parallels but I feel like that might be a season 11 thought to compare them even if the actual changes Dean went through was in season 9? I’d be interested if there was old meta comparing it without knowing it was comparing literally the duality of God and the Darkness to compare Sam’s purification with Dean’s corruption…

* * *

Sam and Dean get Kevin’s angry message. I continue to be so baffled he wasn’t moved to the Bunker just for the sake of drama that I’m completely on his side as he breaks down realising that he is talking to them from beyond the grave and gets so angry… and he doesn’t even KNOW yet that the Winchesters have been camping in the safest place on the planet since they started the Trials :P

Season 8 is kind of structured around the idiot ball what with this issue taking up nearly half the season and then Abaddon being released back into the wild just because… I think it’s stuff like this which makes me really hesitant to bump season 8 overall up any higher than like fifth or sixth favourite season at MOST: it can coast by on the good episodes for just enjoying it a bit at a time but… I mean it’s not even that this is a plot hole because there’s no twist and no surprise about what they’re dealing with and who might try and stop them – even the fact the trials will probably kill Sam seems obvious the moment he starts coughing blood, and he and Dean even discuss how potentially fatal it is in 8x14 before either has done anything yet… As for ignoring Kevin’s fears about Crowley, the main force of opposition to this plan… it just makes Sam and Dean negligent and stupid about the dangers they’re facing… which I suppose you could argue is because they’re messing with stuff well above their paygrade and just aren’t mentally equipped to conceptualise the hornet’s nests they’re kicking and just don’t understand how seriously their actions will be taken while they’re distracted with their personal issues. But it’s just a shade too far for me to credit the characters in-show with it vs the writers making decisions that make you grind your teeth :P 

Again… there’s no reason they HAD to close the gates of Hell: Crowley is a reactive villain to THEIR heroism in this case, in one of the weirder ways I’ve ever seen in a story where the villain’s actual most dastardly acts are all in response to the hero starting their journey, and the heroes aren’t strictly motivated to their aggressively decisive actions by something specific the villain did; it’s all done on principle and on the assumption they’re making a good choice (which is really interesting and looking at it from other angles I really LIKE about this season, how interestingly constructed the motivations are in all this when it comes to Sam and Dean exercising free will to close the gates and it being their choice rather than something they’re pushed into doing to compare to all the “I had no choice” and “I did what I had to do” in season 9). And I know Crowley kind of started it in 7x23 kidnapping Kevin, but the genuine danger he poses them begins in 8x14 when they choose to start the Trials and we even get the scene in 8x19 I think where we see Crowley beginning to realise something is up and he doesn’t know WHAT which is what sets him off trying to find out…

Anyway it sets up the Winchesters just throwing themselves into doing the Trials without stopping to really consider the consequences for themselves or anyone else, and while I can appreciate a theme of self-made problems coming around to bite them (and that IS a genuine theme later), the writing/construction of this season is really really wonky, and starts setting us up on this unsympathetic Winchesters feeling that I kind of wonder if it was deliberate until season 9 or even season 10. I don’t think after this they do anything SO staggeringly careless that wasn’t intentionally scripted that way? (like Kevin’s actual death is through carelessness but it was a story arc about it instead of demanding suspension of disbelief they wouldn’t notice that they were only acting that way to keep Kevin in danger so drama could happen :P)

* * *

For now Dean angrily punts some books off the table in a lesser version of how he trashes the room in 9x09 or 9x10 after Kevin died for real, as he finally, FINALLY has that moment catch up to him where Kevin said that he didn’t feel safe at the houseboat and Dean just pretended he’d never heard of the Bunker :P

> DEAN  
> We should’ve moved him here.

(I’m assuming this is Edlund calling out this decision to keep Kevin on the boat and just leaning into the way it’s made the Winchesters look by having them react to this problem, but it’s such a small moment in terms of plot he can’t exactly pull a cure to the season 8 idiot ball out of his sleeve unlike his other episodes which have tidied up a wonky season, so next episode Sam and Dean are just going to casually free Abaddon because they’re not done being victims of the plot yet :P)

* * *

Anyway. Important questions: is this Cas’s watch? (Or Jimmy’s)

I can’t remember him ever wearing it but then again he doesn’t seem the type to check the time and I could have just never noticed it :P

* * *

Mmm Cas monologuing about coffee

“I feel like I’ve been on the run forever” *reaches for Cas through the screen*

Aaah and I think this is the episode where Naomi talks about how often she reprogrammed Ca? Even if he never remembered her, it WOULD give him a fugitive sort of feeling - even if  he couldn’t explain it - just because he’s rebelled again and again and again…

… we’re so lucky to get to see the bit of his life where he breaks free of all this :P I don’t think it’s ever said exactly that she was the one who reprogrammed him in season 4 but it’s an obvious assumption… In a way having her return and showing the influence of Heaven only for Cas to resist it all over again and to break free once more for a final time is sort of re-stating it to make this aspect of his characterisation important again and in focus in a different way, so it can maybe resolve differently: this is the arc that leads us so far in current canon to Dean finally firmly labelling Cas family after Heaven rejects him repeatedly and I think now may just leave the resolution of Cas accepting where his path has taken him. (And Edlund knows this score better than anyone: 6x20 shows us how Cas picked Heaven in 5x22 after the “peace or freedom” talk, and then that episode ends with one of the first times Cas is challenged over his found family or Heaven, angel vs human…)

* * *

Anyway just because this is an Edlund episode we take a 10 second break from the drama to see regular humans who have no idea what’s going on trying to process Cas disappearing in front of them, looking under the table of all places. I always cackle at it

WHERE’S THE ANGEL??

* * *

> ION  
> Trapped in a quantum superposition. Now, he chooses which to go to next. That’s what’s giving him the edge.
> 
> NAOMI  
> You’re saying that you can’t catch him.
> 
> ION  
> There's— there’s just so many Biggerson’s.

:’)

This is probably the best thing Cas has ever done TBH. Taking advantage of Humanity and its weird constructs and habits for his own survival… and of course there’s the beautiful irony of Cas’s role in setting up Biggersons: we’ve seen it since season 3 (introduced by Edlund!), and it was introduced as a little restaurant chain which had its millionth customer and could anticipate that… Biggersons was lucky enough to get bought by Richard Roman Enterprises for… nefarious means… and to not crash and burn when the company did, meaning Dick expanded the chain to cover America, so this is indirectly something Cas caused.

(He also seems responsible for Gas n Sip as we saw more and more over season 7 although it still wasn’t branded when we saw it before, so I’m assuming it has also been sold and re-sold and is only just being brought into line by some corporation that cares about it for more than just easy distribution of food zombie additives :P And I love this for the irony of seeing in 7x23 these are the 2 companies we know for a fact Dick bought… And Cas ends up personally connected to both in such a fascinating way… Of course because he’s the one who brought the Leviathan into the world in the first place, so these changes in the commercial landscape of the show are actually stuff he set in motion :P We actually don’t see a regular branded Gas n Sip until next episode I guess, as I’ve been keeping an eye out for them and nothing yet – I think the last one was in 8x08 and it wasn’t the proper branding…)

* * *

Sam’s random electives strike again! :D I mean not like it’s easy to forget completely that this is part of his character, but I do love reminders of liberal, educated Sam, concerned about Dean using “Indians”, who took history or anthropology, and remembers and cares about it to this day.

I mean he does say later he’s having vivid intense memories of their past (plot hole aside) so it’s sort of lucky in a way :P I can’t remember if Sam is usually shown with a similar photographic memory to Dean’s?

* * *

Cas getting caught because instead of running away again he stopped to help the poor people who’d been slaughtered because he cares so much. “Too much heart” etc… and Naomi using it against him.

She has his number

* * *

> NAOMI  
> Not always, angel. There was that day, back in Egypt, not so long ago, where we slew every first-born infant whose door wasn’t splashed with lamb’s blood. And that was just PR.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Well, I wasn’t there.
> 
> NAOMI  
> Oh, you were there. You just don’t remember it.

Naomi using “angel” as an insult against Cas, when it should be a description. Another angel using it as an insult against Cas. The fact she CAN use “angel” as an insult against Cas, almost as a reminder of what he’s not acting like…

I said it was 6x20 where the peace vs freedom theme for Cas was replaced with his new conflict of “human vs angel” so there’s something more on this theme

What I like about this particular exchange as well is that Naomi is implying he rebelled against Heaven over killing first born infants… Conflating Cas’s general weakness towards humanity by picking a specific instance of his rebellions that fits his pattern: concern for the first born child :P (… while I’m making links to Edlund episodes, I’m deeply amused by the fact that since Kripke era the only 2 episodes that make a big deal out of the birth order thing in the main text and as a focus of the episode are the fairy episode and, well, First Born. I mean obviously the latter then kicks off the entire arc about Dean as the cosmically relevant elder son but I’m pretty sure in my 6x09 rewatch I was laughing about that episode being a holding pattern between apocalypse arc and Mark of Cain arc for Dean’s plot relevance as the first born son :P)

Anyway one of the more subtle Destiel things but I really really like it because it puts Cas’s affection for Dean on a grand scale :3

* * *

> NAOMI  
> You’re the famous spanner in the works. Honestly, I think you came off the line with a crack in your chassis. You have never done what you were told. Not completely. You don’t even die right, do you? 

:’)

I’m going to miss not having new Edlund!Cas episodes to watch. His eyebrow when he says “in the words of a good friend” …

  


Dean is such a bad influence on Cas, honestly.

(There’s something actually reminiscent of Lucifer!Cas in Cas’s defiant chin and so on – in those moments towards the end like in 11x22 when Lucifer was actually talking seriously with God)

I am kind of laughing about the pause before “good friend” though… Like, Cas could just be internally laughing about the moment he’s remembering as that was peak badass Dean that Cas got to witness and Cas is making sure he gets this absolutely right for his peak badass Cas moment… But there’s a little pause before he puts any name to what he and Dean are and that sarcastic eyebrow raise comes right in the middle of saying it… There’s certainly plenty of room to throw in Cas (not quite as gloomy about it as he is later on) taking a moment to find something ironic in labelling Dean as just a friend… this is the end of season 8 after all… By my personal calculations, Cas goes from ??? about “what broke the connection” to “shit. I’m in love” by 9x06, which is a preeeetty narrow window to figure it all out and 8x23 and its cupids are CLOSE. :P

I mean this whole exchange is kind of about Dean without it being about Dean – this is the only mention of him and yet it’s throwing the whole “Dean ‘Humanity’ Winchester” thing in, metaphorically, and we sort of narrow down and down from “random Biggersons patrons” to “all the slaughtered first born” to “a good friend”

Never mind Cas asking about how often Naomi’s torn into his head reminds us that the only other time we’ve seen this was in 4x20 – “I learned my lesson while I was away, Dean. I serve heaven, I don’t serve man, and I certainly don’t serve you.”

Which you know in the chronicles of Naomi’s long-suffering problems with Cas and ~humanity~ is a pretty epic moment…

* * *

I’d say “anyway Sam and Dean” but we don’t even cut to Sam and Dean, it’s fake!Sam and Dean

Crowley’s managed to get Sam’s horrible orange shirt right though

Just imagining him rolling his eyes at it forever and finally getting a chance to make some commentary on it by creating his own Sam…

> CROWLEY  
> Of course, if I wasn’t running everything, I could’ve played Dean myself.
> 
> HENCHDEMON #1  
> Oh, you would’ve made a great Dean, sir.

Ah man, remember when Drowley was simple? :P Crowley has a fascinating relationship with them both to start with, but he’s definitely got an attitude for Sam and another for Dean and honestly until season 9 I always assumed he was much more into Sam, perhaps just because he was the bigger target to harmlessly flirt with… But there was always this familiarity/kinship/whatever with Dean since their very first episodes of ridiculous angry flirting. And I think despite Crowley’s curiosity about Sam, it’s that spark of whatever draws him to Dean that they *share* that ends up being Dean’s downfall in season 9/pre-season 10 demon!Dean days…

* * *

… Honestly the “farty donkey” story is so funny we should just… let Edlund have this. We retconned Lucifer as the older sibling in season 11… Sam and Dean should be allowed to have visited the Grand Canyon as kids when on the record they had never visited it before this episode. :P

Like I mean who can even get worked up about this

* * *

> CLERK  
> Stories. He asked the people to tell him stories.

:’) I am… actually… extremely fond of Metatron now. I mean I always LIKED him, in a “wow he’s a fun villain” way but I just got a “aww” rush of fondness in my heart to think about him.

Fuck Robbie Thompson

I mean as I was saying somewhere or other about 11x20, Chuck is re-introduced to us essentially doing the EXACT SAME THING as this, only he’s writing stories all the time (and they’re a beautiful writer/reader team when they work together properly) … the whole “great escapist” theme which follows the Chuck and Amara arc kind of starts here – again with the hindsight that you can compare Sam with the Trials in a MUCH more literal way than before to Dean with the Mark; Cain and Metatron are now pretty equivalent characters, one on Team God and one on Team Darkness, kind of their earthly acolytes or whatever. Only Chuck and Metatron are much more cowardly and reclusive for their OWN sake, while Amara has been locked away by Chuck to stop her destroying everything, and Cain cloisters himself away to stop HIMSELF murdering everything. So the actual escapism into stories is much more the Chuck side of things…

(I like that even if they weren’t writing episodes next door to each other anymore, Robbie still bounces off Edlund one last time in HIS last episode, based off the stuff set up in Edlund’s last episode)

* * *

Anyway Sam does the ice bucket challenge

Also reveals his uncanny connection to Metatron… I’m laughing about the Chuck and Amara parallels – about as near to this we get on the flipside is Dean’s connection to Amara… hahahahaha

* * *

Meanwhile: Cas continues looking uncomfortably good covered in blood, Crowley flirts with Naomi just on principle, and calls Cas “Cas”, which always seems wrong when non-friendly people do that

I’ve seen a few people mention 10x03 and Crowley saving Cas there in the last couple of days (in a weird “huh 2 people talking about this in one week” way)… That moment is one of the most fascinating in their relationship and at least up until now, it’s been very rival-y and Crowley hung up on the season 6 betrayal still even now - “my old business partner” (I think it’s cute that Dean and Crowley have got a similar experience there… the Dean/Cas/Crowley nonsense is amazing the deeper you dig :P) and I don’t think their relationship gets really *interesting* until 9x10 (and even then, MOST interesting in a deleted scene) just because 9x10 is the tipping point, after which the Dean x Crowley side of the love triangle really kicked into effect.

I mean for now they’re still enemies. Like Crowley just casually shooting Cas in the stomach to incapacitate him.

Which is what originally made me laugh and remember 10x03

It’s funny because Cas is still just on the very precipice of an incredible character journey and it’s all been set up as “too much heart” blah blah blah and yet his hatred of Crowley is this beautiful unwavering light in the darkness… And yet within a season or so of this scene we have Crowley genuinely trying to act like he isn’t sentimental about saving Cas after HIS parallel tumultuous journey.

And I think that’s really sweet that Cas sticks to his guns and carries on hating Crowley no matter what. :P

He’s the last character standing who doesn’t have him on speed dial.

* * *

This conversation has such wonky disorienting camera angles it’s actually kind of hard to watch. Everything’s all wrong and off-kilter…

> CROWLEY  
> I know, Cas. I know. Luckily, I don’t believe you’ll have to. I’ve been getting regular updates from my expensive friend here. Naomi should have caught you out of the gate, seeing as lately she’s been knuckles-deep in that melon of yours. She thinks that your touching the tablet has broken her spell over you, hmm?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> The tablets weren’t meant for the angels, and they weren’t meant for you.
> 
> CROWLEY  
> She’s got a lot on her plate, so you can’t fault her for missing it. I was thinking to myself, “self, if Cas got away from her by touching the tablet, why would he ever stop touching the tablet?” And then I thought to myself, “self… he hasn’t stopped touching the tablet, now has he?”

I wonder if (this really should have been for my revised thoughts on the season with hindsight for 8x17) the crypt scene is another one of those instances where it seems to be God power that saves Cas (a very obvious link to make, that the tablets contain a measure of God’s power, and Cas is exploiting that)… The tablets were MADE for humanity and it was Dean “Humanity” Winchester at it again that broke the first crucial step of the brainwashing before Cas took the power of the tablet into him and severed the connection completely. Cas’s interruption is really a deflection/stalling/whatever in the context of all this but now I’ve started wondering about Carver era from the get go to the very end being about Humanity and its positive emotional power trumping God-level magic or the expectation of divine intervention. Looking at that line now in the middle of Crowley’s monologue about “what broke the connection” is Cas referring to Humanity out of context and so obliquely you have to remember all the tablet lore to realise what he’s saying (I can’t even remember if Metatron re-confirms within this episode any phrasing specifically about how the tablets are really only meant to be for human consumption) but essentially citing humanity while Crowley is talking divine intervention.

… I’m actually only barely coming at this from a Destiel angle, just a fascination with this theme since 11x23 (and then realising that one of the first things I analysed about 8x01 when I reached it in the rewatch was talking about divine intervention being set up to be a dead end and not the answer, but the power of humanity being it instead.) The angel tablet in particular is linked strongly to Dean’s humanity ANYWAY since it smashes in direct parallel to him being stabbed by Metatron in 9x23. While Dean was busy trying to take down a false God. Doing his whole “firewall between light and dark” thing and failing as the Darkness overwhelmed him…

I’m just fascinated by how these themes work on the show and what you can draw out about them

… I feel like I’m going to get to 9x22/9x23 and somehow  _not_  talk about Destiel while exploding with this sort of thing about “he’s in love… with humanity” and the follow up in the next episode confirming it’s about Dean. Like, “pfft ignore the blatant romantic stuff, look at these theeeemes”

My fascination with the non-Destiel readings of Dean “Humanity” Winchester only serves to make the Destiel part of Dean “Humanity” Winchester that much funnier to me just because it’s such a solid theme.

* * *

But anyway no actually if this episode is Edlund talking to Robbie, especially with this scene as the key, all the “humanity” stuff I’ve been talking about and Crowley talking about “what broke the connection” is not just setting up for these end of season 9 themes which much more blatantly bring Destiel into the conversation, but act as an answer not long at all after 8x17 to that episode to add more depth and explore what’s up with Cas… In this case the earlier scene with Naomi narrowing in on Dean as Cas’s motivation reminding of this reading…

… I dunno, am I trying to say the tablet reacted to Cas’s love for humanity, as sometimes/usually represented by Dean, possibly in that way where Cas has too much heart/crack in his chassis… I’ve always felt this combination of love and doing what God actually wanted (see: Cas getting a free resurrection for trying to do the right thing and acting as the only angel safeguarding humanity in 4x22, 5x22, and 7x01 (that last one he was at least TRYING okay :P)) kind of made him both the most fitting guardian for the tablets – made for humanity in times of need and Cas gets the say on when to break them and when to hide them since he’s currently the only one who knows where the demon tablet is, as of current canon, and also maybe even that because Cas is Cas, the angel tablet ONLY would have worked for him to break the connection BECAUSE he earned it…

* * *

I’m not super fond of God and his ~mysterious ways~ on this show since 11x20 but I’ve always liked these ideas about him at least TRYING when it comes to Cas :P

* * *

Hahaha “you’re ruining my streak” sorry Crowley, you can’t win 2 in a row, that’s just not how this works.

I do wonder where he got the orange shirt. I’m sure we see Sam wear it again after this, right?? Crowley hasn’t been going through Sam’s laundry to get clothes for the illusion, right?

* * *

Aah nice we’re at the part of the season where Sam routinely breaks my heart

> SAM  
> You used to read to me, um, when I was little, I— I mean, really little, from that— from that old, uh… Classics Illustrated comic book. You remember that?
> 
> DEAN  
> No.
> 
> SAM  
> Knights of the Round Table. Had all of King Arthur’s knights, and they were all on the quest for the Holy Grail. And I remember looking at this picture of Sir Galahad, and, and, and he was kneeling, and— and light streaming over his face, and— I remember… thinking, uh, I could never go on a quest like that. Because I’m not clean. I mean, I w— I was just a little kid. You think… maybe I knew? I mean, deep down, that— I had… demon blood in me, and about the evil of it, and that I'm— wasn’t pure?
> 
> DEAN  
> Sam, it’s not your fault.
> 
> SAM  
> It doesn’t matter anymore. Because these trials… they’re purifying me.

(breaks Dean’s heart too by the looks of things)

I love that there’s the mention of light in there, because again now with season 11 hindsight I’m seeing this so much as just one side of the same story with this and the Mark… Light vs Darkness. I also wonder if the Trials would have affected Dean the same – if Sam actually was being burned up for the fact he’d been made impure… Sam burning the Darkness infection out of him with holy fire in 11x02 feels like part and parcel of this whole thing to me (yeah I know I’m rambling about season 11 whichever way I look, but Carver era for all its wobbles and the dreaded plot accordion, actually is pretty thematically tight on the big stuff it seems :P)

And of course Sam feeling like he had to go on another holy quest when he was getting the visions, as Lucifer exploits this side of Sam… Burning bush OTT religious imagery all over again. (and not like that isn’t something we saw in season 8 either :P)

* * *

Mmm Metatron’s book hoard *grabby hands*

I guess it’s actually less stacked up than some bookshops I’ve been in :P

* * *

Hey Metatron. Looking good.

… Sam’s not. I’ve never been through these parts on DVD quality video before. I’m pretty sure Sam is literally  _steaming_.

* * *

The first thing Metatron does is namedrop Michael and Lucifer, which is interesting – again 8x17 had Lucifer’s crypts so it’s not exactly weird to hear his name but this plotline is escalating quickly up to the sort of level where their names are relevant. It’s weird with hindsight and knowing how quickly it all unfolds, in a way, to get right back to actual Lucifer… We’ve already escalated to a God-level plot with the tablets being the centre of conflict, and slowly, slowly, the important players are being moved onto their places on the board…

* * *

I TRY not to just quote every line of Cas dialogue in an Edlund episode (I apologise for the 6x20 rewatch except I’m really not sorry :P) but…

> CASTIEL  
> How— how far can this go?
> 
> ION  
> Shh. Shut up.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Ion. How far can we let it all drop? This charge was left to us, it’s our mission.
> 
> ION  
> Do you even know what the mission was? They’ve been in all our heads.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> We aren’t machines for them to program and reprogram. That wasn’t what this was meant to be.
> 
> ION  
> Nothing matters.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> You are so wrong, brother. It all matters.

Again, Cas being the only angel that gets it… The “mission” is quoted several times… I think it’s a keyword in Naomi, Gadreel and Hannah’s various personal revelations. I think in essence it’s a realisation of the ideal path that the angels were supposed to be on all along and that Cas represents: just wanting unity in Heaven and for the angels to watch over humanity and put them first…

* * *

(Bonus Rowena “mention”, just for the real “all of Carver era all at once” vibe going on, with Crowley being all “I’ll be a son of a whore” 

*squints at it* Well it’s not out of character for him at least)

* * *

> METATRON  
> I’m not one of them. I’m not an archangel. Really more run-of-the-mill. I worked in the secretarial pool before God chose me to take down the Word. Anyway, he… seemed very worried about his work, what would happen to it when he left, so he had me write down instructions. Then, he was gone. After that, the archangels took over. And they cried, and they wailed. They wanted their father back. I mean, we all did. But then… then they started to scheme. The archangels decided if they couldn’t have Dad, they’d take over the universe themselves. But they couldn’t do anything that big without the Word of God. So I began to realise, maybe they would realise… they needed me.
> 
> DEAN  
> So you get a ruffle in your feathers and just decide to disappear? Go stick your head in the sand, forever? You have no idea what’s been going on out there.
> 
> METATRON  
> Nope. That’s the whole point.

Oh help, I really am fond of him. It’s like he has 2 character building episodes, one either end of his entire time on the show (YIKES I really am doubling down on that “too good to die in a Buckleming episode” verdict for METATRON). And honestly, to just hop from this to “closest angel to the door” and knowing all the extra backstory they came up with over this time a bit better, it really changes how this comes across. Like with Amara repeating her same simple message about how God treated her only really being given full depth from 11x21 onwards after we actually HAD God around to contrast it to and realise she really had been treated exactly a poorly as she said, Metatron here could be talking out his ass and we know nothing about him, except that he’s weirdly more honest than calling himself an archangel like he apparently did on the tablets as mentioned earlier in the season… But I’d guess Robbie went allll the way back here and rewatched this bit to get more of a feel for the pre-existing God and Metatron relationship before he wrote it on screen…

Also him talking about God’s concern for his “work” and leaving instructions is vague enough – and seems directed at angels enough from Metatron’s personal concerns – that you could forget the only way to read the tablets is with a chosen HUMAN prophet and that the instructions are for humanity only. Season 9 proves that Metatron knows the value of a tablet to an angel – like we’ve already seen with Cas – is just in the inherent power in them. The WORDS, aka the actual important bit, are for humanity only.

In a way he’s busy forgetting about the “mission” too – making it all about the angel squabbles and not thinking about what the tablets were truly FOR, and he wrote them himself.

Having this wedged in between the Cas stuff and their discussions of what the angels are supposed to do is fascinating… Everyone has lost their way.

When we cut back to that conversation, Ion is talking from behind the blinds of the window in the good old prison imagery:

> ION  
> You soldiers, down in the garrison, at least they let you believe the lie.

Of course contrasting with Metatron, the escapist living with all his books and stories, the “story” theme of the season is easy to attach to the lies Heaven tells, almost as far as the whole destiny thing that dragged them into the story in the first place. Cas rebelled the first time for discovering Heaven had been selling a lie and had been pro-apocalypse for the sake of a bigger narrative, letting terrible things happen on Earth to get their way.

Metatron’s busy making it clear just how MUCH of all this chaos is God’s fault for leaving (11x20 goes right for this AGAIN) and for the angels not knowing how to cope, and struggling without instruction or, tag-teaming this theme with Cas, understanding their mission. (I LIKE that Cas and Metatron are in a weird harmony here, just for their different but much more nuanced and true ideas of what angels are about)

* * *

Anyway Cas does the BAMF thing with the bullet and telling Ion to shut up in turn, and, dang, Edlund really wanted one last BAMF Cas moment for the road didn’t he? :P

* * *

> METATRON  
> And it was something to watch. What you brought to His Earth, all the mayhem, the murder. Just the raw, wild invention of God’s naked apes… it was mind-blowing. But really… really, it was your storytelling. That is the true flower of free will. At least as you’ve mastered it so far. When you create stories, you become gods, of tiny, intricate dimensions unto themselves. So many worlds! I have read… as much as it’s possible for an angel to read, and I haven’t caught up.

And there’s Metatron in a nutshell :3 The reader, the observer, jealous that God and humanity BOTH have the power of creation, while he’s a wannabe storyteller/God… And not like angels get their free will. (aside from… *gestures at Cas’s arc happening over there*)

Bonus point for the reference to free will, since the whole story theme on the largest scale is about writing the story for themselves like on a deciding the fate of the universe level. At this point, coming from the same place as 6x20’s discussion of tearing up the pages, all the way to the main plot arc of Sam “pulling one of the big levers” and their choice (free will!) to undertake the trials.

(Again, stuff about “humanity” in general being used to parallel the stuff to do directly with the characters, Sam in this case for ONCE in his life :P)

Sam’s not amused… I’m getting alarmed and weary about the number of times he does this:

> SAM  
> You know what? (beat) Pull the frigging trigger.
> 
> METATRON  
> What?
> 
> SAM  
> Pull the freaking trigger, you cowardly piece of garbage.
> 
> DEAN  
> Sam. Hey!
> 
> SAM grabs the end of METATRON’s rifle and points it at himself.

That’s at LEAST 4x21, here and 11x23 that I can think of without stretching myself >.>

* * *

I mean he’s kinda right about Metatron but he shouldn’t randomly try to get himself killed over it you know?

* * *

Also Sam is allowed to yell on the behalf of humanity for once, which is nice. :3 Also he calls Metatron “garbage” which is extremely prescient of how they’ll feel about him for the next few seasons…

> SAM  
> All the time you’ve been hiding here, how much suffering have you read over? Humanity’s suffering! And how much of it has been at the hands of your kind?!

Dean tends to be the one who does that. I like that Sam gets a turn… Of course this is a weird take on 4x22 and what Dean says to Cas to make him rebel… Now Sam argues Metatron into action.

* * *

I think however that Metatron probably did just decide to do his first weasel plan at this point and his call to action was the realisation that all the archangels were gone and safely locked away or dead, so he was finally safe to leave… With an eternity to think about it and a nice reminder in the form of the Winchesters, suddenly he realises the entire world is not just ripe for the taking, but  _throwing_  itself at him

* * *

(Huh, I just noticed that Metatron’s been living at the “two river” hotel… The river ends at the source… Fascinating to find river mentions in season 8… I mean the whole Purgatory thing for one…)

* * *

> DEAN  
> But you saw, right? I mean, you— you’re caught up on everything that’s been going on. All the crap that your brethren’s been doing to humanity all this time?
> 
> METATRON  
> I saved the boy, didn’t I?
> 
> DEAN  
> But are you in? With us, I mean.
> 
> METATRON  
> You really intend on closing the doors of Hell?
> 
> DEAN  
> Seems like the thing to do, don’t it?
> 
> METATRON  
> It’s your choice. And that’s what this has all been about, the choices your kind make. But you’re gonna have to weigh that choice. Ask yourself: what is it going to take to do this, and what will the world be like after it’s done?

Here’s a bit more of a serious warning of consequences than Charlie cheerfully telling Dean it’s cool to not let Sam go. Metatron is giving Dean fairly reasonable warning/advice about this… Of course completely ironically as Metatron is about to be the one to fuck up the world… There’s a bait and switch on who does the thing: we think Sam may close Hell, but Metatron closes Heaven. We think they’re going to make Crowley human (Metatron finally tells them what the last trial is in this scene and the fact HE gets the say instead of Kevin, who worked it out shortly before that, is ominous enough), but instead it happens to Cas. About the only thing we have actual fair warning for is that Sam’s the one who’ll be fucked up by this and nearly die :P And Dean’s not listening to that either.

Anyway those last lines from Metatron are so good, about choices and their freedom to make them, especially as their motivation to do it is only “seems like the thing to do” rather than driven by a really serious motivation/threat. I think maybe quite good words as well for all the choices that they make, ever. And Dean’s about to fling himself headfirst into “season Dean makes all the worst choices ever” so this isn’t a light message sent his way…

* * *

I wish Kevin and Metatron had talked more but we’re really running out of time… Does this mean they never interact except for “who are you?” *creepy fake-benevolent smile of the angel who will make sure Kevin is murdered in around 10 episodes*

* * *

Oh hey this is another of those episodes which is having a BM moment and then it turns out we’re ending the episode all about Cas instead

* * *

(Who knows where Kevin is. In the car? Walking back on his own? Wait, was he even in 8x22 or did he just pop up again in 8x23? Is he hanging out with METATRON for the next week?)

* * *

Edlund signing off of the show:

> DEAN  
> Cas?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> A little help, here?

Because of course it’s asking everyone to look after Cas. :’)


	22. 8x22

Or: *gathers TFW together and puts my hand on their shoulders and looks them in the eye in turn* 

“ _Don’t do it_.”

Surprisingly they do it anyway.

* * *

I just realised re-watching 1x02 within the last week is probably a bad idea :P 

Poor Tommy came prepared for Wendigos… maybe not exploding heads. 

I was just halfway through reading this post as well,

<http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/145318343721/07x23-survival-of-the-fittest-11x23-alpha-and>

which has sort of been on a backburner tab on my browser all day, but at least the half I’ve read is making the same comparison between 8x01 and 1x02 with the woods and the tents etc. This show has a CHRONIC back to the beginning thing going on… Even down in season 8 ignoring later context it’s been a theme for years :P But I like how even within season 8, it bookends ITSELF with Wendigo references.

* * *

> DEAN   
> You see, the Men of Letters kept files on every demonic possession for the last 300 years, I mean, we’ve got Borden, Lizzy, all the way to Crane, Ichabod.

Still wondering about that. Continuity isn’t exactly the show’s strong suite, but I suppose by working around the issue and focussing on soulless peeps 11x05 never contradicted anything directly. Amara said that Lizzy definitely did it, and for all we know it could have been an arrangement like Jeffrey and his demon in 7x15, or that the MoL chased up the case as a possible possession and kept their notes on it even if it was just a murder for the sake of good filing, and Dean hasn’t cracked the file open, just seen whose name is on it and gone !!!! at the celebrity references he’s uncovering. Or Amara just didn’t specify she did it while possessed.

He’s doing his excited fan face

* * *

Hahahaha Sam drops the files and it’s too loud and he goes “AAH” and covers his face

#same

* * *

I’m having a problem with Dean n Cas, specifically how HILARIOUS it is when Dean sees Cas and changes direction to give him the cold shoulder without even missing a beat. I have never SEEN someone acting so petty. It’s beautiful. I’m laughing too much to watch. It’s been too long since I last watched this… I feel like I’ve seen it in gifs way too often and they just don’t capture it :P

I mean he is REALLY not ready to talk to him and I guess this also explains a bit about the missing fanfiction gaps between these episodes: Dean working on pure adrenaline to rescue Cas and get him back to the bunker, set him up somewhere safe so he could sleep off his horrible stomach wound…

… and once Cas is back up and running, we commence the ignoring because Dean’s completely secure that Cas is fine and now they have space to do this :P

(It’s part of why I feel he and Cas never properly talked in season 11 while Cas was in the Bunker – it’s this same pattern that they rescue him, bring him back, tuck him in with pillows and Netflix, Dean gives him a wide berth, feeling weird about everything but not ready to have it out especially when Cas is hurting… (compounded by Dean feeling like the one at fault that time) and then in 11x06 through misunderstandings of how Cas is doing (physically fine, emotionally not so much), immediately manages to fall out with him again as he assumes Cas is fine again but he figures that out from learning Cas let Metatron go so there’s immediately fresh conflict and I guess he thinks Cas can handle it… It’s not exactly the same pattern but it’s interesting as a parallel and of course in this one Dean’s hurting from the crypt scene and later they’re messed up from the reverse/reverse-reverse crypt scenes of 10x22 and 11x03 making things weird…)

* * *

Anyway once again we’re around the War Room table instead of in the library – I almost wish I’d started keeping track of this sooner because I’m now pretty interested in the differences between how they’re used, when it comes to the sort of discussions we have around them. Maybe just because of the obviousness of LOL CONFLICT at the WAR room table, and the relative ~quiet~ and privacy of talking in a library.

But before we get to Dean n Cas’s fight, Cas and Sam get to talk!!

(I love Dabb episodes just because he loves TFW :P)

Cas echoes the sentiment that Sam’s really horrifically damaged, now mostly just really concerned about Sam. Mmm.  I suppose SOMEONE needs to look after them, since Dean shows up with the actual worse meal ever constructed and presented as “dinner” ever. Cas goes shopping for the basics probably as much to save Sam from Dean’s “cooking” as anything, just throwing in the pie specifically as his way to win Dean over. I love the idea of Cas feeling like he should be looking out for the both of them and the pie thing in particular is the specific Destiel part of it.

* * *

Cas saying Sorry!

Oops, I didn’t mean to capitalise that word but that’s absolutely what I was thinking: 7x21 and Cas trying and failing to communicate it by holding up the “Sorry!” game to Dean and then Dean unironically telling him “You’re just playing sorry!” (Chill, Edlund)

Anyway Cas uses his words and he’s in a hell of a better place compared to season 7 but Dean’s still struggling with old issues…

(Sam’s “oh no we’re really doing this while I’m trapped in the room with them” face)

It’s going to take Dean a couple more rounds of fearing for Cas and going through the whole drama of losing him before he’s at a place where he’ll just unequivocally accept the apologies and for the most part stop doing this with Cas. Of course, the first time he gets to demonstrate that is 9x03 where it lasts all of a minute and a half before Gadreel is like “hello there” seeing as Dean’s reached a new level of passing the normal emotional barriers to having Cas around…

(After that I think Dean’s pretty much always ready to have Cas around in the most hypothetical sense of how they’re currently doing if not for the mountains of plot nonsense that keep them apart and it takes until 11x03 to actually keep Cas)

I suppose in the here and now Cas trying to apologise for stuff just reminds Dean of the “Sorry!” conversation (there’s really something in the way Dean reacts – even if he’s forgiven Cas for that incident, I don’t think he’s good at handling Cas drama yet – if he ever is so far in canon :P) and he has a hard time believing Cas is sincere or understands what Dean is upset about. Cas just says for “everything” which doesn’t really explain what that is or prove to Dean that Cas knows why he’s upset or if he’s just assuming he needs to apologise because Dean is obviously not happy.

He gives Cas a similar shopping list of reasons he’s upset as he gives Sam in the next episode about things Sam should be confessing. TFW is kind of being buffeted around by Dean’s grudges and emotional pain here, early warning signs of the mauling their bonds will take by the time this arc is over and done with by the other side of season 10… (In season 11 they’re finally all really and truly in the “we have all done some very silly things and we can never judge each other about it ever again” stage :P Dean takes longer than anyone to have a fall proportionate to the demon blood or eating purgatory descent arcs so he’s still kind of in the moral high ground to them – as I was saying about Benny for an example just this season, Dean was probably, to Sam’s eyes, infuriatingly right about that…) 

I don’t think he’s exactly doing this deliberately because he’s in a lot of pain and carries so much hurt and he’s already cramming down a lot of recent nonsense just from this end of the season never mind historical pain… But he is kind of holding Sam and Cas hostage, emotionally, handing out itemised lists of how they’ve hurt him… They kind of NEED Dean to go through a descent arc for them to all be equal in terms of fuck ups, if the way he deals with past pain from Sam and Cas’s fuck ups expresses itself like this and he’s unbalanced to them – Sam and Cas are again showing signs of being much more comfortable and natural around each other while both their relationships with Dean are fraught… (I’m assuming with the hints we’ve had since at least 8x20 but probably 8x19, never mind thematically since Dean got back from Purgatory, Carver era was always heading towards Dean’s descent, so this is just hammering the point home about the upcoming need for change.)

This is part of the whole need for better communication thing as well and tbh they probably still haven’t mastered this, but there’s definitely a shift over season 11 on the other side of Dean’s descent arc – I mentioned the 11x06 argument, but between that and 11x10, the next time Dean n Cas are in a scene together, everything’s forgiven and back to normal in the sense Dean doesn’t hold a grudge (and the reason they fell out was 2 problems that directly cancelled each other out - no one sitting on a moral high ground), and when Dean has Cas back from Lucifer, which had an intervening period of worry that I felt after making it through to this part of the rewatch, was paralleled to Dean dealing with absent Cas in these parts of season 8, was met only with understanding and reassurances in the Beer Run scene opposed to Dean finding things to be upset about and hold against Cas for it, even if his real complaint would have been about how worried he was – I kind of feel like since this scene and that were Dabb, and he’s got his own little ongoing thread of letting Dean n Cas actually talk to each other, he probably was aware as always of what he was mirroring there…

(I mean if nothing else this episode and 11x23 feature the beer run and Cas’s shopping trip (after Dean expressly says he’ll go make a run and refuses to let Cas come with, aka not ready to talk and shop, neither of which actually result in Dean getting the supplies that they set out to get, but in this episode the lack of emotional resolution attached to it is ridiculous, while in 11x23 they set out for beer and Dean basically does it JUST to talk to Cas, but even if they don’t get the beer they get their moment of a decent enough emotional closure fix-it to at least get them through to the end of the season/the next time they meet up in season 12 :P Nice little subverted mirror moment)

* * *

> DEAN  
> Or like bolting off with the Angel Tablet, then losing it ‘cause you didn’t trust me? You didn’t trust  _me._

^ Dean using himself as TFW’s absolute moral beacon, as per what I was just discussing

Also one of those times Dean cites how much he means to Cas – I think he doubts it very often and he only seems more secure of it maybe not even until season 10 (there’s a “the people who love me” speech somewhere in there) but just by having that much conflict thrown at him, Dean realises that he at least expects Cas to afford him a little more credibility on important matters… (we’ll just ignore how season 8 is one long game of tablet tennis the Winchesters keep losing, and they only just got Kevin and a chunk of tablet back after multiple episodes missing him because of Metatron’s intervention. So Cas is technically right. :P)

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> Dean, I thought I was doing the right thing.
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah, you always do.

Cas’s perspective: a bit more cosmic than all this interpersonal relationship drama Dean’s harping on

… be a shame if… anything were to happen to Cas… say to… make him a bit more… human

As with some of this other stuff like showing us Dean’s really harsh mindset while we’re on the precipice of his descent season, I’m guessing showing us a situation where Cas seems to be at odds with Dean perhaps because of the completely different scales they’re working on is giving a sort of base to work from before making Cas human. He expressly says on the other side of the experience that he understands Sam better but I think it goes without saying that includes Dean too (although weirdly the only moment I can remember off the top of my head of him textually showing blatant empathy to Dean is musing on why demon!Dean would want to _not_ be made human again…)

… anyway this whole thing is specifically engineering angel nonsense to come between them (as it will many other times after this including Metatron derailing THIS argument before it can run its course naturally by side-tracking Cas) so I’ve always thought on Dean’s side of this, it’s more that it was angel related nonsense and how that always takes Cas away from Dean than anything else. Dean is upset by Cas leaving (A line from later in this episode but tbh citing it now because this argument makes more sense with context from before AND after) and from the start of the season with his Cas-related Purgatory angst we’ve seen how poorly he copes with this rejection and struggles to understand Cas’s side of leaving/staying behind… and just generally Cas has ALWAYS flapped away (which is part of why the reversal in 9x03 is SO painful when after years of Cas always leaving because he just does, when he finally CAN’T flap away, Dean has to ask him to leave – this argument coming where it does basically finally starts spelling out some things about the conflict between Dean and Cas and what they want from each other – and for now Dean’s side of thing is a WHOLE lot clearer)

* * *

 “Because it’s CAS” aw Sam thank you <3 (and taking the chance the moment they were out the room – not even finding a moment while they were looking but just as soon as he has a few walls between Dean and Cas, jumping in)

Not even just for the Destiel side of this where this is Sam dealing with Dean n Cas’s nonsense, but I’m so much in love with Dabb writing TFW as a mutual relationship and Sam sticking up for Cas gives me warm fuzzies

This is… even more important when it comes to 8x23, as just as I said Dean’s past betrayals with Sam (and I guess Cas) are kind of not always held against them unless they’re stirred up… Even to this point in the story, Sam’s genuinely concerned about Cas and all, so the reveal of his jealousy and pain about Dean trusting others outside of him to me doesn’t feel like something Sam carries with him ALL the time but something that stirs up specifically when he’s feeling terrible about his relationship with Dean, at moments of horrific emotional turmoil.

… Also on the DeanCas side of things, just showing that Dean already makes exceptions for Cas and excuses his behaviour and EVEN when he’s this upset with Cas, is still technically excusing him on the fact he’d “stab anyone else on principle” and hasn’t done that yet… Dean still struggling to understand his own feelings, even when he’s becoming aware at least that there is something different about Cas and that he has this ability to affect Dean emotionally and that Dean treats him differently as a result…

And when Dean’s given a reason of why he should go easy on Cas just because he’s Cas, he’s like “let’s change the subject!”

Baby steps :P

* * *

Dean’s “detect hidden doors” skill still remains the highest in the game at least for human characters

(maybe that’s why he likes Cas so much)

* * *

Dungeon!

> DEAN  
> So we have a dungeon. Finally! 

…

> SAM  
> Hey, those chains look exactly like the ones in our dungeon.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> In your  _what?_
> 
> DEAN  
> Demon on a leash – cool.

Cas’s FACE.

  


Like “Why do I even hang out with you guys”

He still goes to get them groceries but I’ve never seen Cas re-evaluating his priorities as much as in that moment and Sam and Dean are just like “oh yay a dungeon” … Dean is having way too much fun with the idea of its potential.

(I’m darkly amused by all the Drowley undertones here. Since we know who ends up being their demon on a leash)

* * *

(Also aww Dean n Cas are sitting at the same table while Sam operates the projector… I assume the popcorn was for Dean but then Cas nicked it and started eating it and Dean’s still busy not sure if he should ignore Cas or not so he just lets him have it :P)

* * *

I’m fascinated by Josie Sands in this – she seems way curious and unfazed about the explody exorcism. Hm

Yeah it’s 1957 and even with the later episode about Josie, she’s possessed in 1958. So I guess she’s just being much less squeamish about this than the men… Seeing as she was recording it for them I guess she was really taking to the idea of recording everything for science… The dudes are too busy running around screaming to care about the immediate result :P

I quite like Josie just based off this one clip just because she seems so interesting. :D I assume only a very specific sort of intellect would impress the MoL and let them consider initiating her (I guess also we know now that they used women during the war so Delphine could have sort of shown them some use in branching out…) and such is the way with these sort of societies, any old men can join, but the women who get in past all that gatekeeping have to go above and beyond to impress them. I like you can see Josie’s personality just in the choice to have her filming like this… (Also a callback to 8x04 at the start of the season, with Kate the werewolf taking control of the home movie project)

* * *

Also love once again that it’s Dabb messing with demon lore… He has a soft spot for this sort of thing :P 

I’ve always been amused that the Trials don’t come with spells or anything to help the people trying them: it assumes a sort of MoL level of intelligence (and hunter amount of bravery) to get it done, and they’ve been really lucky to get 2 in without running into a problem like this total mystery. And then it turns out that conveniently enough all the resources they need are at their feet once again. (Season 8’s plot is full of “well that was lucky” as well :P) They have to research it a little themselves but it’s awfully convenient that there’s a pre-existing attempt to do this exact thing.

But I’m also curious about the fact the MoL even managed to create the barbaric first attempts at this spell at all… The fact they thought demons might be redeemed makes sense with what we’ve known about them since season 3, and I suppose that might have only been a mystery to un-informed hunters like Sam and Dean who didn’t even know vampires were still a thing until the end of season 1… 

It’s obvious they squirrelled away a lot of lore in these archives like the Bunker that then would be lost, and the more experimental stuff, no wonder it never got shared or circulated as general knowledge… 

There’s a sort of optimism about the resilience of the human spirit there, that they’d assume it’s possible and start experimenting, and despite the fact this causes some of the seriously creepiest horror this season (what happens when the demon is CURED, even) it’s more of the new way to do things… I was saying back in season 6 when the vampire cure was helpfully revealed for Dean’s sake that it was stepping stones for more of this shades of grey in the monsters kind of thing, and I think most of that exploration is in Carver era – we had vampire cures only like 4 episodes before this? Anyway it’s one of those things that makes me feel like there’s kind of a feeling of hope on the show, which is a very slowly growing feeling… I think this season does a lot to build up then stamp hope out, in a way, and season 9 is all descent arcs all the time… But the fact there is a demon cure (and that it’s eventually used on Dean) sells the message before anything happens in these last few episodes before the descent really begins that there can be a way out and a light at the end… I dunno, I really like it. :P Like, season 8 as a whole sells the idea at the start of a possible better way (Cas hanging out being a hunter with them, Sam married and they have a dog, being friends with monsters) and then takes it all away, but this idea kind of, long before stuff which only really starts paying off as pulling out of the slump in season 11, we have the idea that even the darkest monsters on the show can be redeemed and cured?

* * *

Some more heartbreak for the road!

> DEAN  
> All right. Let’s roll.
> 
> CASTIEL STANDS UP
> 
> DEAN  
> Not you.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Sam is more damaged than I am.
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah, well, you know, even banged up, Sammy comes through.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Dean, I just want to help.
> 
> DEAN  
> We don’t need your help. Just stay here and – and get better.

Oh Cas… I’ve been talking elsewhere today about how Cas doesn’t feel particularly secure about his place in the family from many repeated rejections even after 11x23… This being a particularly terrible one because Dean just tells him to his face that he doesn’t need him and he can’t rely on him. And that brings in the whole issue of Cas only being around when he’s useful to them etc… I guess this is where these insecurities start to appear… I mean this is also echoing 7x23 and “nobody cares that you’re broken” in a same shit different year way.

I get the feeling there’s a lot of teambuilding work needed when in this episode Dean compares his trust in Cas negatively to Sam and next episode Sam compares himself and Dean’s trust in him negatively to Cas – everyone’s freaking out and miserable and don’t know where they stand with the others… 8x23 does a patch-up job on Dean n Cas once there’s a threat to never see each other again and I think Dean agrees to go with Cas pretty much out of guilt about this, as they don’t see each other again between conversations here and when Cas comes to collect Dean at the church. (And this seems like the harshest Dean gets with Cas over anything ever again from here on out – he starts making mistakes after this so even by 9x06 he’s slipping from the moral high ground (and booting Cas out is one of those mistakes as a knock on effect from the BIGGER mistake, so… yeah… I think this is the last time they’re ever this way with each other again?)

I think it’s important that ALL of them are in a terrible headspace because of all the drama they’ve been through because it’s really hard to watch the end of season 8 as they run around being so terrible to/about each other. Dean’s still messed up from the crypt scene and Purgatory when it comes to Cas, and freaking out about Sam dying: it’s a double whammy of his abandonment issues. Sam is freaking out about martyring himself and proving himself to Dean which has been in the books all season, and the Benny arc from his POV was that lack of trust and the need to prove himself. And Cas is torn on his conflict between Heaven and Earth with “what broke the connection” something he still hasn’t clued into that his relationship with Dean is actually the most important factor while he’s still dealing with all his past trauma AND his own need to martyr himself to make it up to Heaven so he’s carrying one parallel burden each for both Winchesters…

Honestly, his stress over this leading directly to a terrible decision to trust Metatron is extremely understandable. >.>

* * *

Anyway Sam and Dean go to talk to the priest we saw on the video… Some great iconic lines I’ve seen a zillion times on demon!Dean gifsets :P

> SAM  
> What exactly do you mean, “saved”?
> 
> FATHER SIMON  
> A demon is a human soul, twisted and corrupted by its time in Hell. Father Thompson believed that you could wash that taint away and restore their humanity.

(also I’m getting way ahead of myself here but I LOVE the whole idea of humanity as a sliding spectrum, since Cas drops down and joins us in an episode, but even without that coming up, I guess we’ve seen him slide that way before… The use of Crowley and Cas as opposites on this upcoming arc fascinates me.)

We never got super into it on the show which I’m disappointed about but I suppose the chain of causation is clear enough from all the lore we can cobble together since like season 3: Amara -> Lucifer -> demons, while God -> angels and then it all meets in the middle with humanity. Hence the whole use of Dean as a balancing force/firewall/whatever from 11x23…

* * *

Anyway then Dean is like ??? at the terrible implications of this, which I like:

> DEAN  
> So, what, they just stay in whatever schmuck they’re possessing and – and get a ticket upstairs?

I’m always glad when the show asks what should be really obvious questions so we don’t have to… which you’d think would mean they get asked more, except that they really don’t :P I mean we’re still 2 seasons away from canonical proof Cas was alone in his vessel when he got made human?

* * *

> DEAN  
> Father, over the past couple of months, I’ve seen him do crap that I didn’t even think was possible. I mean, sure, he’s miserable and he’s hurting, but you know what? There’s not a doubt in my mind that he’s gonna cross that finish line – not one. So, will you help us?

Sounds of Dean trusting Sam loudly. Out of Sam’s earshot. While no one’s urgently thinking about anyone dying. :P I sense a lot of denial in Dean’s belief that Sam will make it through, and it’s blurred with his sense Sam will complete the tasks… Which he can have more faith in, as the foundation for ignoring that there might be terrible consequences, which considering he was thinking he would probably die doing the trials when he was ready to take them on in 8x14 is pretty impressive. Taking Dean as a whole this episode, it seems he’s having a LOT of trouble looking at anything objectively – Sam dying or Cas’s actions as not designed to hurt Dean or not being on a similar magnitude at all to season 6

* * *

Meanwhile: Cas goes shopping.

This is why karma was invented. God wanted you to clean up those eggs you broke all over the floor.

Like, Metatron pops up while Cas is threatening the poor guy for his pie.

Karma. This is how you end up human and working in a Gas n Sip.

(I love that this is part of the “no one gets Dean his pie” thread… Because we see Sam and Charlie forget in 7x03 and 8x20 (this thread being resurrected just in time for Cas to rule of three it in recent memory of the show) and then Cas TRIES. HE TRIES SO HARD. He is the closest anyone’s ever got to bringing Dean his pie and he’s motivated wholly BY the pie… The sense of emotional importance this bestows on Dean n Cas and pie is staggering. I think Cas isn’t even really aware of the trope (unlike Charlie and Sam) and he’s earnestly just doing this because he knows it’s important, objectively, to get Dean some pie. No one asked him to do it. Dean probably would be pissed off he even tried… :P)

* * *

Anyway “you’re Metatron? THE Metatron?” always makes me laugh because Misha can’t run and do the Cas voice. Hi Misha!

* * *

> METATRON  
> And you’re Castiel. Kevin Tran told me about you.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> He did?
> 
> METATRON  
> Yeah. According to him, you and I have a lot in common. We’re both free thinkers. We’re both on heaven’s most wanted list. I thought we could socialize, maybe grab a bite.

So he HAS been hanging out with Kevin!

I love how terrible Kevin and Cas’s relationship is tbh. Kevin sees Cas like 4 times in his life, and every time it’s super weird.

Anyway actually picking out that line for the description of Cas from Metatron’s POV at this stage. Kevin doesn’t know a WHOLE lot about him except that Cas is blatantly not aligned with the general herd of angels and he must know at least a potted history of Cas – I assume there’s at least SOME offscreen dialogue, and asking how Sam and Dean end up with an angel on their team is a pretty fair question? :P

It’s an early description of Cas on the “most wanted” list which is a phrase we hear several times more especially in season 11… Cas is permanently on a fall from grace, only really perpetuated by the fact he occasionally gets back into the good graces of Heaven for 3 minutes here and there just to fall out with them again later to stop him falling TOO far… “Free thinker” of course emphasises free will and that thing that makes Cas different: that he too makes choices for himself. (Metatron’s last little speech to Dean about the hell trials emphasises choice and therefore free will as well, and now Cas is being challenged with the same thing…) So just from a second hand description, Metatron has picked up a pretty good idea of how to push Cas’s buttons, even without knowing yet how to manipulate his relationship with Dean to get what he wants…

* * *

> METATRON  
> Look, I’ve been on sabbatical. I’m trying to play catch-up, but I have to talk to somebody about what’s going on back home.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> And by home, you mean heaven?

This is also fascinating because Metatron doesn’t really call Heaven “home” – he’s been gone for pretty much as long as GOD had by his account last episode. Cas is confused about Metatron calling Heaven home, but I think also shows an early hesitation to think of Heaven as his own home too. We’ve just seen Cas in the Bunker for the first time and he was admiring it quietly (Dean was wishing he was there for no reason other than to have him with them earlier in the season) – and by season 10 Cas will be calling the Bunker home as he and Sam who are kind of both late to come around to it, are given chances to think of and call the Bunker home. (In a weird way, 10x22 is the first time Cas says it, right? But people were excited Sam said it in 11x21? So Cas is actually a season AHEAD of Sam in naming the Bunker as home…?)

(Dean’s completely absorbed it since 8x14 but shh the poor boy craves a stable home and family)

* * *

> METATRON  
> Right. I’ve been looking around, crawling through a few divine nooks and crannies, and from what I can see, without the Archangels, it’s a mess up there. Open warfare.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> I thought Naomi was running things now.
> 
> METATRON  
> Is that what she told you? I mean, Naomi’s a player – don’t get me wrong – just one of many. There are factions upon factions, all fighting, betraying each other. It’s just a matter of time before they start ripping each other apart. It’s all broken.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> I know, I’m the one who broke it. There was a time when I thought I could lead our people, but I was mistaken. I spilled so much blood. And I’ve tried to atone for my sins and I did penance. And I [sighs] betrayed my friends to protect our secrets, but I’ve just failed. And now –

So there’s the first real hint of season 9’s angel conflict, Buckleming’s weird jumping the gun habits about this aside. Until now we’ve heard relatively little of how Heaven’s doing aside from Naomi stuff… We’ve seen one angel on Crowley’s payroll, but that was just from dissatisfaction rather than inter-angel conflict.

And ugh, Cas feeling horrible about both everything since season 6… and the emotional strife between him and Dean this season. There’s a little flashback – just a glimpse of dead angels from 7x01, and then a second of Cas at the river in Purgatory. His two complementary yet opposing emotional conflicts >.> Because his need to redeem himself has been a confusing mix of trying to do it for Heaven and trying to do it for Dean… And self-punishing just in general.

He’s realising (especially since this is right after the pie thing) that his friends are maybe worth more than he thought now he’s faced with losing them over it (or at least that he clearly needs to consider them more when making Drastic Plans), but of course Heaven is still so important he’s just all the more torn by how horrible things feel with Dean vs what he feels he still needs to do for Heaven… And because we’re in Bad Decisions Season he’s gonna pick Heaven over Dean which will make their next conversation in 8x23 hilariously fun.

(ouch)

* * *

> METATRON  
> Yeah. Just – just picture it. We ride to the rescue, save the day – make a great story. 

We haven’t reached Metatron’s full potential yet – he’s still trying NOT to sound super creepy, but here’s a little taster of his season 9 behaviour… Focussing on constructing a beautiful narrative and selling the story to Cas

Very telling little line (lie, as it turns out :P) once you know Metatron better :P

* * *

Always amused by Cas looking up and tracking Metatron leaving when he flaps away. It’s nice that when angels do it to other angels, they treat it differently than humans having no idea where they went.

“Marv” leaves Cas standing by the giant ice cream cone looking grumpy, in possibly my favourite visual of the season. :P

* * *

> SAM  
> I can’t find Cas. You think he blew town?
> 
> DEAN  
> Sounds like him.

Dean your abandonment issues are showing. Ouch.

* * *

The demon cure videos in this episode are some of the best drama/horror this season. I’m just really enjoying the writing in season 8 when it comes to random people/exploring some really interesting stuff for even the 8th season of the show. Like, not just the obvious stuff with the characters we love (I’ve just come out of 8x21 after all and that’s what Edlund does best :P), but I’ve mentioned along the way several moments in Dabbflin/Robbie episodes which are just *good* all on their own merit about random people in this world. Like the guy whose wife got possessed and started digging in 8x17, or the woman describing what it was like for a demon deal love spell to fall off her in 8x14…

(maybe because some of these moments aren’t really about the main characters directly, so some things happen and they’re so obviously ~about~ the main characters/main plot thematically or in parallels, even when it’s really good writing, it loses its standalone punch when you immediately get distracted thinking about what else it means :P I mean belatedly watching this video after 10x03 it has a different feel to it when we’ve seen Dean recovered from being a demon but in its original context it’s entirely new and different and shows some really dramatic emotional stuff)

* * *

Dean goes and ruins it by being bored of hunting random demons and suggesting they go dig up Abaddon to give it a go

Dean… no.

(Crowley even says, LATER, that he was keeping his demons well away from them… Like maybe it would have slowed things down a little to drop that in sooner? OR MAYBE IT WOULDN’T HAVE… It would have been very easy to make this a desperate move when they couldn’t snag a demon to experiment on by traditional means – just cut to them waiting by a crossroads like “okay this normally works” and then have Dean have the same realisation they have a demon on ice…)

* * *

Meanwhile: Cas goes to get pancakes with Metatron because of course Metatron has arty pretensions of enjoying human breakfast food which he won’t even truly understand the taste of until 10x18 :P (I know I know he goes there because the nephillim works there… But he didn’t have to make such a show of it.) It makes me laugh to know that once he’s human he wouldn’t even be able to eat what he’s got there without being sick.

It’s kind of a shame I can’t remember the 10x18 conversation better because I feel it would answer this one in a lot of ways, when Metatron and Cas are a dozen rounds into their story and know each other so much better.

* * *

I am pre-emptively missing Cas flapping in and out of shot.

He asks for coffee because he’s developed a taste for it :’) Considering this comes RIGHT after the “cure a demon” revelation where we see it happen, and he’s the bait and switch “who gets made human” of him and Crowley at the end of this season, it’s sort of ominous to me having him displaying some of his learned fondness for human things immediately after.

* * *

Thinking of bait and switch…

> METATRON  
> Look, I think a little alone time would be good for the angels.
> 
> At the very least, it would s–
> 
> [ dog barking in distance ]
> 
> It would stop the fighting up there from spilling out down here, which will happen. It always does.

Literally he spills the angels and all their fighting out onto the planet :P But he suckers Cas in on the obvious “true weakness” Metatron has observed in him already, or at least guessed from what context he has about Cas.

(You know, that whole “humanity” thing :P)

* * *

I guess that dog may or may not have been accidental but they chose to keep this take and it serves as a very good warning, in the sense of a guard dog trying to alert Cas to the problem. And of course because I’m terrible I’m going right for the dog = god theory… I mean, 11x20 confirmed it to me. :P Seems as good a time as any in this conversation to try and alert Cas to what he’s about to walk into…

* * *

> METATRON  
> No. I can’t. I am a pencil pusher, always have been. I’m not strong enough. But you – you are a warrior. I’ve got the plan. You’ve got the muscle. We can do this. Heaven needs your help, Castiel.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> I  _am_  the one that caused these problems.
> 
> I should be the one to fix them.

*Metatron casually mashing buttons like he has known Cas for years* Like, he  _can’t_  know how terrible Cas feels about everything so far… but clearly he can guess (and it doesn’t hurt he snagged Cas in the middle of a breakdown over Dean) … In a way Cas seems to almost talk himself into it, except he never would have if Metatron hadn’t been egging him on with a combination of threat to the Earth and Cas’s guilt about Heaven – that same guilt he admitted he felt suicidal over.

* * *

> METATRON  
> But you understand this is, um, not going to be easy.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> I understand.
> 
> METATRON  
> No, you don’t.

…

No, you don’t

(Despite everything I just said I still feel like I’m seeing Cas in his last “normal” days, still “just” an angel, “original trenchcoat”-flavour Cas, and kind of not truly ~on~ the path of all that change and rocky development… It’s almost like, even with everything that’s happened and how messed up he is now, this is one of those save point moments where in the future he could long to go back to it and not do this, and somehow for all the trouble that he’s been through before, what’s to come overshadows it completely.

(I mean I like a lot of the character development that follows from here and how interesting it was to let Cas be human, and how he’s softened and changed since… But I still feel terrible for him right now :P)

* * *

Anyway Dabb’s like “lol here’s an angel/human baby let’s make sure everyone knows that’s a forbidden romance sort of thing… I don’t know WHY anyone would need this information but you know just putting it out there as a… thing… that happens… or doesn’t as the case may be…”

[insert gifs of the angels in 11x02 judging Cas super hard for being married to Dean]

* * *

For the record I may think this is the silliest thing they’ve ever done but it’s worth it for this:

> ABADDON  
> Then I’ll stump you to death. It’ll be swell.

* * *

They also didn’t draw a secondary demon trap around her as a just in case

* * *

Although maybe Crowley interrupts before they could take ALL the precautionary measures?

The most unsettling thing here is that he calls Sam, and for this part of the story Crowley seems to be more strongly aligned with Sam.

* * *

> ABADDON  
> Crowley? The salesman?
> 
> DEAN  
> Try the King of Hell.
> 
> ABADDON  
> This is a joke, right?

They’re very good at accidentally giving motivation to the villains. :P A stray word to Abaddon and she’s ready to escape just to ruin Crowley’s day… Casually tell Metatron all the archangels are out of the picture… At least they never accidentally told Crowley at the start of the season that they meant to close the gates of – wait

* * *

I like the designs on the barn. Compasses? Flowers? *squints* The middle one is vague reminiscent of the round table that’s supposedly King Arthur’s that hangs in some church in Winchester (the town in England) but not particularly like it in design – just the colours and the fact it’s a big circle hanging high up on a wall, and since I’ve seen the fake real thing with my own eyes my brain is making this association stick out :P

  


* * *

I can’t believe we get 27 minutes into the episode before we find out what the cold open was all about.

Like that has to be a record, even if this is a main plot episode with a lot happening in it. I suppose it is supposed to feel like a complete derailing of their mission since that’s what Crowley wanted to achieve, and they were making pretty good progress.

(He also kind of enables Abaddon to get free which only causes more problems for him later)

* * *

Anyway in the single greatest act of continuity fuckery Dabb has ever committed, he asks us to believe a season 7 episode happened in the first 3 seasons just for the sake of killing off Jenny Klein for kicks. 

Trying to look at it from a Watsonian perspective, Crowley was probably keeping a very close eye on them in season 7 – they have like 2 run ins with demons both of which emphasise Crowley is keeping well out of their way because he wants them to kill Dick, so I assume he had tabs on them the whole time. Which means it wouldn’t be too hard for him to guess what some of their season 7 cases were, based on location and how news-making deaths are 99% of their motivation to show up in a town. I think in the wedding episode there’s plenty of room to assume Crowley ONLY shows up because while keeping tabs on the Winchesters, the other stuff with the dodgy demon deals was brought to his attention, so them showing up in town kind of doomed the other demon from the start.

The episode just shows us a pile of Winchester Gospel books and doesn’t elaborate :P

* * *

> SAM  
> We don’t have the tablet. Kevin took it and –
> 
> CROWLEY  
> I took Kevin. Then someone took him back. Word from the cloud is that it wasn’t Heaven. 

Noted for the extremely limited amounts of Crowlatron out there. :P 

I think it’s adorbs how they both pick the same method to try and get at TFW – Crowley rather more successfully using the Gospels than Metatron as they have a very different approach/understanding of those books. In a way Metatron is too meta for his own good. :P Compare him burning the books and trying to go his own way with Crowley’s ruthless use of the text to get what he wants.

* * *

Thinking of odd couples, Cas and Metatron walking in stride after the poor Nephillim girl. (This is not at all weird with them stalking a girl in a darkened path well away from civilisation – it’s uncomfortable how often Cas seems to end up in situations like this since in 11x03 he’s the predator in a dark alleyway for a girl who looks remarkably similar…)

Her shirt right after a flash of 1x19 Sam suddenly seems like him… Metatron calls her an “abomination” too.

> WOMAN  
> Please, I’m not. I try to be nice. I just want to live my life.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> We know. I am sorry.

(Of course then she punches him in the face, and becomes more monstrous almost as a justification for killing her. No story for you, I’m afraid >.>)

* * *

I do still wonder how Sarah instantly recognised Sam.

She’s wearing the same soft blue as her room… Something about it superficially reminds me of Bela’s apartment, with the shelf of vases in the background, only hers was all yellow with the demon colour coding of season 3 for her and Dean’s parallel descents, while Sarah’s here to be an innocent victim (the Nephilim is in pale blue too).

* * *

> SARAH  
> No, you’re not. You’re not the same. Look, it’s been years, and I can’t even imagine the things you’ve been through. But I don’t know. You just seem…more focused, confident, like… …like you know what you want. You grew up, Sam.

TBH I have always thought she’s misdiagnosing his blissed out martyr state of mind – Sam’s ready to die for this and Dean is missing it (re: his conversation with the priest a short time ago about believing absolutely in Sam completing the trials, and how he’s sinking into denial Sam will die but assuming it’s a way through, like Sam said at the start), and Sarah misses it too. I mean like yeah of course he’s grown up, but maybe he’s just more weary. She met him on the precipice of his original revenge arc’s sort of resolution, before he could confront it all for the first time – hers was the last MotW before it kicked off. Now she’s seeing him again before he attempts to complete another revenge arc against the grand scale problem of demons in general, and he’s gained a loooot of perspective since then but it’s still the same kind of thing, that she sees him when he’s on a mission like that (while saving Tommy in 1x02 was the original motivation to start the “saving people” side of “saving people hunting things” which was the arc that Sam originally found balance on by the end of season 1).

* * *

Oh dear, Crowley’s on the phone.

I love Crowley’s speeches in this episode. I mean he’s cruising for a fall with his confidence, but WELL PLAYED right up until next episode when they catch him out :P

> CROWLEY  
> I thought of sending in a few of my bruisers, really letting them go to town. But then, well, trial one was kill a Hellhound. Trial two was rescue a soul from the pit. So, from here on, I’m gonna keep everything hell-related – demons, et cetera – away from you. Safe side and all that – plus, I just thought it seemed fitting. From what I understand, Sammy took that bird’s breath away. What’s the line? “Saving people, hunting things – the family business.” Well, I think the people you save, they’re how you justify your pathetic little lives. The alcoholism, the collateral damage, the pain you’ve caused – the one thing that allows you to sleep at night, the one thing is knowing that these folks are out there, still out there happy and healthy because of you, you great, big, bloody heroes!
> 
> Sarah? They’re your life’s work, and I’m going to rip it apart piece by piece because I can, because you can’t stop me, and because when they’re all gone, what will you have left?
> 
> You want to keep those people alive. I want complete and utter surrender. The tablet, the trials – you’ll give them up, or we’ll keep doing this dance. Your choice, my darlings.

Obviously the whole season has been built around “saving people hunting things” as exploring this line’s meaning over again since it was used in the opening of 8x01, and now Crowley is in on it too. Considering the repeated subversions we’ve seen on it – saving monsters, having to kill people – Crowley’s ~exposé~ on this line regarding their hero complexes is another part of deconstructing the way they live their lives. Crowley finding a way to make it seem so fragile and worthless… Despite the earlier subversions, which just seemed like trying to find a different, better balance in how to live by that motto, instead Crowley tries yanking out the whole thing from under their feet. Throwing in the “family business” again stresses the futility of it all, when they have lost so much of their family… From 8x01 as well:

> DEAN  
> So you just turned tail on the family business.
> 
> SAM  
> Nothing says “family” quite like the whole family being dead.

They try to rebuild that over the season, but considering we’re now staring head on into the descent arc season, what we’re really going to get is insecurity and a sense of the family being destroyed, either through more threat of loss with Sam nearly dying, Sam making Dean send Cas away (Cas is family because he wanted to join the family business with them in 8x08 and they let him :P), Sam temporarily disowning Dean in terms of the “family business” side of things… (which I think was very deliberate phrasing but we’re like a dozen episodes from that still so I guess I should just bookmark that thought).

Anyway. Crowley sowing very early seeds of doubt but in the same thread that will eventually have him waltzing off with demon!Dean at the end of next season.

* * *

(Oh. It just occurred to me that season 11 continued Crowley’s “win one, lose one” streak, although since it was a shared victory for, like, the entire universe, and he still seems to have lost Hell in the process, it’s a bit blurrier. Also on the assumption he “lost” season 10 when that cliffhanger had him in danger for like maybe 20 seconds on the other side :P He’s stopped having quite so dramatic ups and downs since season 9)

* * *

There’s no sign of Cas’s shopping trip in the Bunker, despite the stuff all over the tables from the previous research montages.

It occurs to me Kevin is locked in here for, what, 2-3 days immediately after this. Poor kid probably had nothing but bourbon and tap water to survive off. I hope he picked up some snacks on the way to the Bunker after they gave him the key.

Maybe he ate some dodgy ancient rations from the kitchen

No wonder he was backed up.

* * *

…

I should probably not end this on that note but the last conversation is a sad emotional note of seeming defeat which lasts only a few minutes into the next episode, when they strategically surrender just to turn their fortunes around, so there’s no lasting emotional resonance for this scene past however long you go between watching it and the start of 8x23.

* * *

So, not long. :P Bring on the end of the season!


	23. 8x23

Or: everything happens so much

(aka why I took a month to get around to do this and also a summary of the episode)

* * *

I like the opening montage. It’s not one of the best, and it’s got a LOT to summarise, but on the other hand it includes the crypt scene and seeing season 8 in summary includes a LOT of weird dorky moments, Destiel, and beheadings, which is really all you watch for :P

Rather than open with “saving people hunting things” like the season started with it’s “I’m going to close the gates of hell forever” if you need a good demonstration of the escalation of trying to start the season on normal human drama (a reminder of Sam and Amelia in the beginning of the montage to remind us how FAR Sam has deviated from where he meant to be: “I don’t hunt any more”)

The reminder of all the major players uses Naomi setting Cas against Dean as her main crime, and we specifically have the “we’re family” line in there but not the rest of that dialogue. Kind of the usual mix of DeanCas nonsense being plot important but not THAT important to include the nuance of it. 

And the fact there IS something to cut to miss the nuance of it.

Worth mentioning since Dean gets derailed by Cas for EIGHT HOURS this episode in the middle of Sam’s drama.

* * *

Anyway! Lookit Jody all dolled up! We haven’t seen her for over a year I think - since 7x12? I guess this little appearance is great because we never see her look this nicely dressed at any other time. :P She’s cut her hair so now we enter the part of the show which is “try not to make Jody look as punk as Kim” for all her appearances and I’m sitting over here like “let her be a punk sheriff. Who cares about regulations when Sam and his hair pass as FBI” :P

Also the whole “Jody comes into direct contact with the main plot without ever getting involved” thing she often does - she needs to be in more season finales. Without dying. :P

* * *

Wait Crowley is using “Roderick” as a fake name but I had a weird feeling it actually was his name and so I looked on Superwiki and apparently it is his canonical middle name. I’m laughing. Is this the first time he uses it? I can’t remember how else we learned it but I suspect Rowena being the only one in a position to spill. I’m deeply amused he’s using it here to seem more human.

He’s also wearing a red tie for once instead of the grey ones… Honestly can’t remember if this is the only time but he’s intentionally being charming on a date and if this isn’t showing us how he behaves with Dean in season 9 I don’t even know what it is. He doesn’t even come at Jody with flowers like he does with Dean :P (Gosh I remember posts pointing out the subtext Crowley’s seduction of Dean as if it was a secret suggestion of subtext there, before we knew the show was just going to be like “nah they fucked”)

* * *

> CROWLEY  
> We do share something, you and I.
> 
> JODY  
> What?
> 
> CROWLEY  
> Loss.
> 
> JODY  
> My son and my husband. How did you know?
> 
> CROWLEY  
> I’ve lost someone, too.

Honestly for immediate karma, Sam inflicting feelings on this asshole after he does this to Jody is deeply satisfying. Yeah, teach you to pretend to have emotions to make her cry >.>

* * *

… also the whole “hexing her” thing

* * *

Thinking of the last days of when Drowley was just funny:

> [The scene switches to CROWLEY picking up his cell phone as it rings with a smile. (The ring tone playing “I like big butts and I cannot lie”)]
> 
> CROWLEY  
> You have less than one minute before a very dear, attractive, and slightly tipsy friend of yours snuffs it.
> 
> DEAN  
> [ Slams hand ] Call it off, Crowley.

The show preserves Dean’s dignity by not having us see him say “I surrender” to Crowley. For the sake of a good title card cut, we also won’t see Jody again until 9x08 after last seeing her lying on the floor choking on her own blood. >.> 

She needs a good holiday. I hope she and Donna take the girls somewhere nice this summer :P

* * *

Is Kevin still driving the car he stole from his mom?

He is also now wearing the red hoodie of family, although I think after we saw Chuck in it maybe we should renegotiate its meaning :P 

* * *

*everyone has a dramatic but very windswept conversation*

Kevin is by a part of the giant Chili Pot Restaurant sign that says “kick ass chili” which I think is nice that 8x22 ended on “kick it in the ass” and then Kevin gives them the other part of the tablet with that background. 

… considering how the season ends, sneakily obtaining the angel and demon tablets both for themselves is pretty much the only victory they take out of it. :P This last conversation with Kevin they reassure him his life will be back to normal and they’ll accomplish his life work of decoding the tablets for this cause… Oh dear. The trajectory of his arc is getting to the “too sad to look directly at” stage >.>

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> What was he like?
> 
> METATRON  
> Who? Oh. God? Mm, pretty much like you’d expect. [ Sighs ] Larger-than-life, gruff, bit of a sexist.
> 
> But fair – eminently fair.

Oh dear. Filed under lines I have no idea if they were written on the assumption Chuck had been literally God the entire time but definitely kind of ring true. :P

I mean if anything when we actually meet him as God he fulfils all the criteria except “eminently fair” since however he tries to come across as Chuck, it’s addressing the cosmically sexist unfairness he started the universe with.

S’probably more on Metatron for not realising that you can’t be “eminently fair” and sexist at the same time 

I also suspect the “gruff” is in there to relate to John Winchester.

* * *

Cas, meanwhile, it looking sad and distant. Metatron takes it as reluctance over the last thing they had to do - and if they’ve been hanging out the whole time, he probably has seen Cas moping between episodes. But I’m assuming there’s a lot of Cas’s old issues with God in there too. Asking about him and not particularly liking the answer, and feeling that much more distant that he has to get a secondhand opinion from someone like Metatron. I suppose at this point he’s motivated to try and fix his own mistakes, but also in doing so, is overlapping with Metatron’s arc of being amazed at how hard it is to fuck up so badly God will come back and the fact they’re “having” to do this since God won’t help (as per season 6). The fact they’re taking executive action at all is depressing for his long-standing abandonment issues with God. TBH I think he’s been pretty much done with him since 5x16 but at the very least he can explore more ways to feel abandoned in the meantime :P I think remembering this will be relevant to some of the stuff he says when he’s human…

* * *

> METATRON  
> To do the horizontal mambo. Slap bellies. [ Sighs when CASTIEL looks to not understand ] To find love.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Oh. Yes.

:’) Oh Cas. Other angels are crass all the time, right from the start of the show, but Cas just doesn’t think about it that way. Ever. 5x14 when cupids last came up they talked mostly about bloodlines and destinies, and Cas’s only word on the mechanics of it was a passing mention about “human reproduction” - I don’t think considering the act or the feelings so much as the end results of what the cupid was after. Metatron’s acting like it’s a sex spell, and even if Cas did get the euphemisms, I don’t think he sees it that way at all.

Anyway that’s part 2 of my fascination with the angel fall spell and its romantic ingredients. Metatron doesn’t particularly seem to be thinking of giving Cas the Talk or anything, but the elements of the spell are all parts adding up to a whole of a sideways look at angel/human relations and so I always feel it’s more about what the story is trying to tell Cas than Metatron – who after all tells him to “find a wife”… Metatron is going to take until the end of season 9 to really seem to get it (maybe not until after 9x18 when he re-writes) … but anyway I think Metatron at this point just thinks Cas is weirdly affected by humanity but maybe not that he has his eyes on anyone. Last episode he played equally off Cas’s guilt about Heaven as his role of trying to protect humanity and I think he sees it as a very incidental trait that just makes Cas easy to manipulate at this point, when he barely knows him.

Meanwhile, despite what Metatron is acting like, Cas in these last days before he’s made human, is shown an example that human/angel relations happen (and even when it’s forbidden that clearly hasn’t stopped the nephilim’s parents) and here he’s reminded of the role Heaven plays in manipulating people’s hearts to fall in love, but also through his attempt to hunt the cupid, he’s basically forced to contemplate in-depth (or deeper than he normally looks at it) stuff about human relationships full stop? It’s endlessly interesting to me that they chose to show Cas going through all this, even just as a witness.

* * *

Meanwhile: sad return to Bobby’s overgrown, abandoned yard.

I have got to hope that Sam and Dean dropped by Jody while they were in the town to see how she was doing.

* * *

I LOVE the bit where they take a moment to be quietly sad about Bobby… This season is pretty self-reflective in a lot of ways – since it’s been calling back to older seasons quite heavily, including a long nostalgia moment for Bobby taking up minutes of valuable season finale time is part of a real feeling going on here… 

I think in a way season 8 is a thing unto itself, while season 9, 10 and 11 are unified by an ongoing thematic arc, when we look at the feel of Carver era (and on the flip side of that, I’d say 8, 9 and 10 are one thing and 11 another when looking backwards but I’m not talking about that right now and I feel that’s more of the sense of build up vs resolution side of things and of course you can argue this every which way :P). 

It’s all set up in this season, but it feels like what comes next – the Mark of Darkness arcs – are a reinterpretation of what themes we get here rather than a strict continuation. All this stuff with motivation to secure a normal life, shut Hell and be done with it, callbacks to season 1, the sense of a potential ending etc are just here in season 8 before we go over the cliff into the descent arc and only really return in season 11… I mean the show knows it’s not going to let them rest from at least I’d say around 8x19 at the very very latest for when knowledge of season 9 could have affected the writing based on the feeling of darker use of the themes which ring true with the end of the season, but it continues pushing these buttons as the way to bait and switch the lack of resolution to this arc by letting us feel like we’re walking towards this ending. Hence Bobby’s yard here. Or telling Kevin they’re nearly done.

So we explore their past with the victims of last episode, and revisit a home they’ve had to abandon in this one.

Crowley standing in broad daylight with the type rack framed behind him that is associated with a LOT of dramatic conversations with Cas in season 4, 5 and 6. So many moments with Sam or Dean standing between all these abandoned cars fighting or praying…

… I dunno I’m starting to see why people see this season as so hopeful even to the end? (despite how I feel it took a very negative turn after 8x18) Because despite everything it is re-evaluating a lot of their past, and in a way just setting it all up again – there’s no follow through in this season to do anything with what it hauls out and puts on the table but it’s more like this is the first time a lot of this level of self-examination has actually happened so I guess especially for a first watch – or more specifically, meta-ing it as it aired – it would be the start of how we spend most of Carver era being prepared for change and speculating hopefully that everything is a sign of things to come. (Which I missed out on, joining at the end of season 9 on the speculation, so of course “change” was the topic of the day :P)

* * *

> CROWLEY  
> Where’s the stone?
> 
> DEAN  
> You show us yours, and we’ll show you ours. 
> 
> CROWLEY  
> Really, Dean? I’m trying to conduct a professional negotiation here, and you want to talk dangly bits?

Hello darkness my old friend (no, not you Amara :P)

We’re too close now. Too close. At least Crowley spends this episode hangin’ with Sam

And he’s changed out of his red tie he had for the date :P

* * *

While Sam and Dean are busy play-acting some conflict to make Crowley believe they’re not about to finally get one over him in such a lasting way he’s still putting up with the knock on effects to this day, he says “trouble in paradise?” and it cuts to Heaven

Nice.

They needed to stick that in somewhere because I don’t think there’s time before the next Cas and Metatron scene to explain how the angels found them but anyway good use of transitions :P

* * *

> CROWLEY  
> You’re gonna move your lips the whole way up here, aren’t you? You know why I always defeat you? It’s your humanity. It’s a built-in handicap. You always put emotion ahead of good, old-fashioned common sense. Let’s have the big galoot sign it now, shall we?

Dean “Humanity” Winchester, at it again. This line placed right here, has a world of applications when it comes to Dean or to Dean/Crowley… For one thing, they tell Crowley they’re going to make him human, and even if he doesn’t get all the way there (because his demon powers are too useful to the show which I guess is also why Cas has like 3 episodes where he’s human and then like 2 and a half while he’s too sick to be of any use out of 2 seasons of this) he does end up severely weakened when it comes to emotional stuff, and it’s used against him… and even when he seems to end up scoring a victory at the end of season 9, in season 10 it immediately by the end of 10x01 was clearly an emotional loss for him, and that affects him profoundly…

But also Crowley’s lack of understanding why that can be a good thing – and of course how Carver Era builds up to humanity saving the universe just by making the emotional plea – and Crowley in 11x23 was the one who sounded like he’d been waiting for someone to suggest they kill Amara when Sam finally gave up and suggested it. Thinking it was the common sense option.

And then there’s the fact it’s Crowley and Dean going through this whole thing, with Dean sidling into Crowley’s personal space only to spring the trap on him because Crowley had his guard down – Dean WASN’T blinded by human weakness in that moment, throwing away their chance for the sake of people in general (those they’d saved that Crowley meant to keep killing) and protecting Sam… They work past the attempt to emotional blackmail them, and it’s Crowley who was too hung up on gloating (which is as near as he gets to emotion in the first 4 seasons he’s around :P) to realise it was a trap…

They’ve got one over on Crowley before (Bobby’s yard in broad daylight conjures up 6x04, for one thing), but this is by far the most personally motivated incident :P They’ve been in each others’ orbit for too long, and as with all the other relationships, things need to change. In this case, maybe not for the “better” but Crowley has been showing he knows them too well – this attack on their past people they’ve saved is the crowning moment of “the devil you know” turning on them, never mind the uncanniness of his direction of the fake Winchesters 2 episodes ago… So this moment is the “kill him or…” moment of change.

(Likewise, Cas is off on his arc now to change and not be the Cas of the last 5 seasons, and for better or worse, he’s profoundly changed even when he gets his grace back, and the Cas of 9x01 has more in common with a Cas 3 seasons down the line than he does with Cas from this episode)

* * *

Thinking of:

> CASTIEL  
> Yes. Would you say that you’re looking for, uh, a partner in crime… …or, uh, someone who’s into nurse role-play and light domination?

I’m always amused at the Megstiel vs Destiel joke hidden in here… Yet more for the quiet exploration of Cas vs romance which I don’t think he can even see for himself in many ways since he asks this completely unironically (and Dwight seems to think Cas is hitting on him maybe? :P). I was saying 8x17 may dodge the question of which ship masterfully but it does also show just from its own framing where Cas’s heart is from the opening moments, and Meg is used as a romantic false lead (it’s especially amusing to me being here with hindsight of Dean x Crowley as we pretty much pour one out for one ship here, but now Dean’s going to have HIS relationship with a demon belatedly after Sam and Cas have their turn (although Meg has the decency not to be Cas’s downfall :P) same as how he’s got his descent arc coming up.)

Anyway, it’s just part of how Cas’s whole thing since he showed up in 8x22 and was promptly ignored by Dean has started him on this whole arc where he’s being softened up for being human, and more than ever now, now he’s gone through a fresh round of conflict to put this on the table, we’re looking at what Cas wants, and pitting his feelings for Dean/humanity/even being human himself against Heaven/angels/his own sense of angelic duty. Everything that’s happened to him since 8x22 is either about this conflict, or about dancing these possibilities of romance in front of him… Almost like they’re trying to tell him what to find while he’s human…. :P

(Oh no, I’m 6 and a half episodes from DeanCas hell)

* * *

Hey, it’s that angel with no real lines who’s on the back of the season 8 DVD box! I can’t even find her on IMDB. Except for how she’s here without even a credit: [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2805140/mediaviewer/rm838117120](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Ftitle%2Ftt2805140%2Fmediaviewer%2Frm838117120&t=NGRkM2EyMDk2MTE2OTE0ZjlkZDExM2UxNjY4OWJhMDhmYTllMDEyZix0VElmT3RFQQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AEoTmUHpiEEiE91JGAXVv3Q&p=https%3A%2F%2Felizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F146083483952%2F8x23-rewatch-or-everything-happens-so-much-aka&m=1)

Oh well, tl:dr she’s cute and has made having this DVD on my desk for the last month slightly more pleasant than it should have been :P

* * *

> NAOMI  
> Haven’t you caused enough harm already, Castiel?
> 
> METATRON  
> Stop. Please, Castiel, don’t make this any worse. Please.

I love Metatron and Naomi echoing each other here, neither to be trusted, Metatron repeating Naomi’s same manipulations she’s been throwing at Cas all season… and the stuff which he said back in 8x08 he was most affected by.

He’s left standing mournfully in the bar alone, looking around in defeat. Times like these, you need to suck it up and go ask Dean for help :3

* * *

It’s the chuuurch

I love this church.

I love that this is supposedly the exact same location spot Amara whisked Dean to in 11x09. Or the fact they used a second abandoned church in 11x18… There’s so much about absence here? The Jesus is missing off the wall in this church and it’s clearly long abandoned as it’s raining as much inside as outside. There’s no one to hear Sam’s confession, and even if it’s consecrated ground God seems conspicuously missing – which goes right along with Metatron and Cas’s plan and their motivation for sorting Heaven out in his absence (as it’s been sold) or Metatron causing chaos as a cry for help (as we find out much later). Season 11 finally gets back to where season 8 left off, with Amara’s attempts to contact God mirroring all this stuff just packed into this one set…

* * *

> SAM  
> Honestly, for the first time in a long time, it feels like we’re gonna win. I’m good.
> 
> DEAN  
> All right, well, no dancing in the end zone until we’re finished. 

GOOD CALL, DEAN.

* * *

I can’t remember if I or someone else said this but I agree that Dean is probably heavily projecting with this list and the key is in the Penny Markle thing:

> DEAN  
> All right. Well, I’m just spit-balling here, but if I were you, uh… Ruby, killing Lilith, letting Lucifer out, losing your soul, not looking for me when I went to Purgatory, 
> 
> SAM  
> Thanks. 
> 
> DEAN  
> for starters. Or, hey, h-how about what you did to, uh, Penny Markle in the sixth grade? Why don’t you lead with that? 
> 
> SAM  
> Well, that was you.

As well as the confusingness of him mentioning Sam’s missing soul as something he should feel guilty for: if you look at it instead as Dean listing the times he felt most hurt or upset by things that happened to Sam, it makes a lot more sense. He’s calling up from a list of the worst things to happen TO Sam as well as stuff he’s done intentionally… I think perhaps for Dean there’s some overlap with him feeling perpetually guilty for everything (”If I were you”) - I think Sam also felt bad about being soulless and what he did in that time, although I can’t remember if he expressed it to Dean or if this was something we saw him struggling with alone/to third parties (argh, this re-watch is taking too long and the seasons before this are beginning to blur…)

Anyway guilt doesn’t = fault, which is something they struggle with a lot, especially when it comes to manipulations. ESPECIALLY on the other side of the story from the Sam n Dean drama, with the Cas n Dean drama, since Dean’s also levelled Cas with a similar list last episode, and threw in “ignoring us” which I have to assume is “that time when Cas was off murdering 1000s of Deans on Naomi’s orders while Dean was miserably praying to him”

With Sam and Cas being much more visibly messed up, I feel like I’m kind of spewing my Dean!girl side all over the end of the season to point out just HOW messed up he is right now, especially as he gets NO mental rest from say 8x17 to idk 11x04 :P (8x17 is also when he first finds out Sam is sick and damaged by the trials, I’m not just being shippy here – the episode begins both these arcs in a way when it comes to Dean’s emotional turmoil – I mean I’ve been tracking it all season but that’s when solid events happen which stop it being a backburner thing and start making it the universe’s problem :P)

(I think also the fact he says such unfair things to Sam and Cas BOTH also defuses the harshness of either one of those complaints – it puts Sam and Cas on a relatively level footing with Dean, even if it’s a bad one they’re united in this – and begins to beg the question of what’s up with Dean to make him lash out with this. Like, sure saying cruel things to Sam and Cas like this seem to directly inform their own personal emotional turmoil over the next few seasons, but it’s playing with the same things as say all the way back in 5x18 where Dean had customised barbs for Sam, Cas and Bobby tailored to how he related to them. In this case Dean isn’t trying to push them away so much, but he’s expressing his own pain tailored to his own hurt – need when it comes to Cas, trust when it comes to Sam. We get this addressed head on by the end of the episode with Sam and trust, but the Cas and need thing stays painfully buried in the unspoken stuff about their relationship for… ever? :P)

* * *

Anyway then Cas pops up like I NEED YOUR HELP

Dean tries to ignore him again but Cas is like “SO MANY PLOT TWISTS HAVE OCCURRED WHILE WE WERE SEPARATED”

“It’s been like 1 day Cas how does this happen”

“It’s a gift I have”

* * *

Aaah the Metatron and Naomi conversation…

> METATRON  
> Your reputation precedes you. The Archangels –
> 
> NAOMI  
> Wanted me to debrief you after God left.
> 
> METATRON  
> “Debrief” me. Is that what you call it?
> 
> NAOMI  
> Well, how would you know? You ran before I had the chance. But…here we are. I just have one question before we begin. You had to know that we would leap at the chance to extract all of God’s secrets from that head of yours, which is why I ask myself…Why? Why did the scribe suddenly come in from the shadows? And what are you doing with Castiel?
> 
> METATRON  
> “Of the blessings set before you, make your choice and be content.”
> 
> METATRON  
> Not a big reader, are we?

<http://outpastthemoat.tumblr.com/post/50654438159>

(I went to look up meta, shhh :P)

I guess he’s just saying he’s made a decision for what he wants or has been making these decisions about what sort of life he lives – in a way I guess that phrase is mostly good for psyching yourself up to be resolute about a choice you’ve made. In 8x21 he had that conversation about Dean if he was also set on his choice, and Dean and Metatron are paralleled with this – Dean’s choice to close Hell, Metatron’s choice to destroy Heaven. And of course Dean wusses out but Metatron sticks with it and gets his new world order. 

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> But I’m the only one in who can. I can’t fail, Dean, not on this one. I need your help.
> 
> DEAN  
> Look, Cas, that’s all well and good, okay, but you’re asking me to leave Sam, and we’ve got Crowley in there tied and trussed. Now, if anybody needs a chaperone while doing the heavy lifting, it’s Sam.
> 
> SAM  
> You should go.

Sam reveals by what he says after this that he heard the  _entire_  conversation. I think Cas lets this sort of thing happen :P Maybe because he’s so used to overhearing EVERYTHING that it almost doesn’t count as rudeness to him, and maybe just assumes that people should use their discretion to mention stuff or otherwise keep their peace but at least have a right to know? :P 

Anyway… In a way Cas saying “not on this one” is throwing back at Dean what he’s said to Cas before about his reliability – even though it’s not FOR Dean it’s showing that it’s using what Dean said to Cas to inform his motivations… at least showing Dean his words have had an effect even if it’s not the intended one :P

Sam shoves Dean to go with Cas, probably because he’s still thinking about Dean rejecting Cas last episode, and also because he wants to be trusted… and we’re like T minus 8 hours from THAT meltdown, and Dean’s only just said a ton of stuff to show Sam how many deep-rooted trust issues he seems to have with him by bringing up all these bad situations from the past.

Kind of a win-win for Sam :P

* * *

(spoiler alert: it wasn’t a win-win)

* * *

> KEVIN   
> Okay. Um, it’s the Angel Tablet, which I’ve never laid eyes on in my life. You want a translation in like six hours when it took me six months and a dead mom to translate a piece of the Demon Tablet?
> 
> [Chuckles and pours a drink of alcohol into a small glass. ]
> 
> And according to your own words this morning… [Kevin then sits down with the glass in his hand.]
> 
> …this is not what I do. It’s what I did. You told me I was out, Dean.

Bunker’s still well-stocked despite the lack of any other food.

I love Kevin rejecting like the 3rd or fourth attempt at a rousing speech from Dean before he even starts.

I love Dean but Kevin v Dean’s crap is endlessly amusing, and when it comes to people who died just because the Winchesters needed them…  I think I have to take his side :P Of course this is all part of the arc of how they “use people up” … I guess a parallel very much for how Cas is used and needed (vs, like, wanted.) – Dean even had his first Cas-related Purgatory flashback in 8x02 over the word “needed” and Kevin.

> CASTIEL  
> There is no out. Only duty. 
> 
> KEVIN  
> Get the hell off me. 
> 
> CASTIEL  
> You are a Prophet of the Lord, always and forever… …until the day you cease to exist, and then another Prophet takes your place. Now, are you clear as to the task before you?

Cas busy internalising the message of usefulness and designed function over desire and like, anything that’s personally beneficial, like taking a holiday >.>

I mean they’re in super dramatic dire straits over stuff right now, 20 minutes into a season finale, but in general I think this point still applies :P

* * *

I love the shot of Sam looking up at the empty cross…

  


Crowley, meanwhile, resorting to super desperate measures because he’s always got a reasonable sense of what way the wind’s blowing

It occurs to me that Crowley’s widely broadcast plea for help is like the inverse of Metatron’s downfall next season where he accidentally broadcasts to everyone. As far as I can tell Crowley makes a Hell-wide broadcast to any demon listening in, and it’s Abaddon, his rival for the throne, who hears and comes for him. Meanwhile Cas is the opposite of that to Metatron while still wanting to topple him, and turns the broadcast against him…

… Maybe just themes that Carver really likes? Idk :P Dean makes a “if anyone’s listening” plea in the next episode that backfires immediately when Tractor Angel and friend show up to beat the snot out of him, and backfires even harder in the long run when Gadreel turns out to be a problem.

Asking for help is a bad idea.

* * *

(this is probably the underlying fear behind men not asking for directions when they’re lost :P)

* * *

Okay, the Thing With The Arrows is actually one of those visual moments that gifsets capture perfectly well. Thanks, Phil :P

From this point on I always assume it’s safe to say Cas is confirmed to be in love with Dean for realises even if he doesn’t know it yet… I don’t even think the cupid necessarily does it to him or anything, just we get that symbolism right here and now in this moment and so it’s just something that  _is_.

* * *

I kind of wish this conversation doesn’t start with the dialogue it does, though. Let’s just side-eye the show and maybe headcanon around it that it’s just Cas missing social nuances. I mean just the fact they’re BOTH assuming Dwight needs to find a female love in the first place is weird when Cas shouldn’t think about that sort of thing along such rigid lines (although who knows how long Cas and Dean have been on this task, as we’ve skipped at LEAST 2 hours by Sam and Crowley time at this point, but actually based on what happens after, I’d say we’re in the 7 hour mark already)…

Anyway Meeh bad combination of the show being crappy and writing Cas out of character for plot tension… I mean the whole set up and reveal with Dwight being gay feels like they’ve got good intentions here, they just swing by making Cas say uncomfortably terrible things along the way

* * *

*vague air of awkwardness as Dean n Cas sit together after that*

Okay Dean’s still supposed to be grumpy with Cas.

They go back and forth a bit with weird stilted conversation until Dean finally snaps when “being sulky with Cas” vs “actually realising he’s going to miss him a lot and doesn’t want to go” tips the balance and he has to try to have a real conversation and finally looks genuinely concerned and we get sad music and their voices are all low and sad

> DEAN  
> Talk to me. Are you sure about this? I mean, it’s one thing me and Sammy slamming the gates to the pit, but you – you’re – you’re boarding up Heaven, and you’re locking the door behind you.

(Don’t leave meee)

> DEAN  
> You did a lot of damage up there, man. You think they’re just gonna let that slide? 
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Do you mean do I think they’ll kill me? Yeah, they might.

(don’t diiieeeeeee)

Also now we have all the close concerned camera angles which make it look like their faces are practically touching. Especially with the camera cutting off their shoulders closest to each other, it seems to push them like RIGHT up against each other. And they have all this empty space on the other sides. :’)

Anyway Cas putting his attempts to fix everything or atone ahead of his life or his relationship with Dean – and determined to lock himself away in an inaccessible realm, ending the season exactly as it started for him from Dean’s eyes, with him lost to Dean in Purgatory. River ends at the source and all that jazz. It always makes me so sad how Dean is clearly struggling with abandonment issues over Cas all this season (“ignoring us” aaaah) and Cas seems to be perpetually running away – to Dean’s eyes way more often than we can see it. >.>

Dean’s face after “ET goes home” though… “he didn’t get the reference” *eye roll – * “Oh  _crap_  I’m going to miss him”

*distraction before he can say anything heartfelt about wanting to watch old movies with him and wishing that they had more time to do it and Dean hates Cas going grimly off to his death like there’s no other option but Dean can’t actually voice out loud how much he doesn’t want to do this*

(Actually I was making super good progress on this episode and was at exactly this point, then went to get dinner and my mum and I watched Shadow and Dean’s little speech about getting the family back together and Sam like “nah I’m going back to school when this is over, laters, bro.” DEAN HATES EVERYONE TELLING HIM THEY’RE LEAVING ALL THE TIME HEEEEELP (And then he has to suck it up and break up the family for the greater good and that was SO EARLy. *screeches into a cushion*))

* * *

John’s still a dick for not showing up when Dean was literally dying but popping up in town the moment he called to say they had a lead on Azazel though

* * *

AAAAH GALE GETS ‘EM WITH A DOUBLE SHOULDER BOOP

[AAAAAAAAAH](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/tagged/dean's-elbow-fetish-for-ts)

* * *

(I mean, aside from the fact they’re both also linked by arrows METAPHORICALLY since the REAL love happened by… shoulder… touching… but we see ALSO a visual representation of the bow shooting an arrow between them)

* * *

@ Phil: just fuck me up

* * *

Dean:

*blink* *blink blink*

*blink*

* * *

*blink*

* * *

I mean now we know God is canonically bi this loses some of its wow factor but even so :P

* * *

I like how Crowley is such a jerk no matter what you do to him he can play it super cool with like 6-7 hours of this, even if he catches feelings he’s not going to stop being an asshole, so he can play through the pain really easily since human!Fergus back in the day wasn’t exactly any better :P

* * *

Hey Abaddon! In a way I kinda like her ghoulish Halloween look. It would have been awesome if she came back with the same stitches next year.

* * *

> ABADDON   
> Hello, boys. 
> 
> CROWLEY  
> That’s my line.

It’s called “supplanting you”, dingus. :P

* * *

I’ve always liked how none of the other demons answered his call either. Remember like just 2 seasons ago he could call a whole cloud of angry smoke to his disposal? Has he really been that annoying to work under even when he’s PROTECTING Hell as he does this season

I think even from this early stage of their rivalry Abaddon showing up to whale on Crowley personally rather than just take advantage of the situation and take over Hell, while he’s busy and being turned human, off-screen. She’s a personification of vengeance, in a way, without even having strong reasons to venge anything… I’m not sure we ever learn anything more about her as a character aside from 9x11’s backstory.

In any case I like how she has her “the devil made me do it” t-shirt since she is, now Meg is dead, the last “true” Lucifer-aligned demon, in the sense of being from the old order… She may possibly not have overlapped with knowing Lucifer in person, but she’s like 1 handshake from him (possibly literally) through Cain, and even if HE went his own path, and I understand them not having her ask about Lucifer too much because it might make people (gasp! The horror!) think he was coming back some time soon… so her t-shirt as a reminder of her motivations is pretty hilarious.

(She also says she’s unkillable so I still wonder about that speculation that she maybe at least spiritually had some Mark of Cain style thing on/in her, especially if Cain was making demons differently from how the others were made, converting souls directly inside their bodies… We also see her converting souls in jars directly presumably using dark powers to do it instead of torturing them in Hell. I like the idea of her and Cain and then Dean almost being like the seals that kept Lucifer down, but for Amara: Dean breaks the first, Sam breaks the last, in a parallel to season 4 also working backwards on who had the decent arc connected…)

* * *

Anywho it’s always fun to watch her smack Crowley around. I’ve kind of got fond of him again after a pretty slow patch for him in the end of season 10/start of 11, but you know, never in the way where watching him getting socked in the face isn’t deeply satisfying

* * *

“Talk first stab later,” Dean says, in between the Abaddon vs Crowley fight where she wanders in and starts beating him up before she even properly explains why she’s pissed off with him.

Yeah, she’s a parallel for his darkness and vengeance (shown as a separate part of himself he hasn’t connected with yet like he will when he too is on the way to being a knight of hell)… Of course killing her just pulls him ever further down that path, because you’re not supposed to kill the manifestation of your violence, buried urges, etc. You’re supposed to talk to them. *gif of Amara whooshing peacefully into the sky after no one gets murderered*

* * *

But aww Dean and Cas standing shoulder to shoulder. Dean stopping Cas from attacking Gail with a hand on his arm :’) Cas actually listening to the persuasion…

I like that Dean’s role here is to encourage talking between two hostile parties. I think he has a pretty high diplomacy skill… he just doesn’t always use it to be diplomatic :P

Also: Cas a short time ago was all “no killing?” to Metatron but when facing the cupid he draws his knife on instinct. I think maybe just a precaution but his history of working with Dean has been a lot about Dean helping him do the talking, so this is playing to their dynamic and I’m not sure about short term Cas characterisation vs long term DeanCas characterisation trumping it

(Also, Metatron vs Dean: Metatron encouraging Cas to kill the girl last episode, vs Dean encouraging him not to kill this time… Maybe a false thing because they needed a heart from her or maybe that could have been delivered metaphorically – season 10 ends in a spell mirroring this one loosely, and that includes a metaphorical heart, perhaps belatedly telling us there was another way here…)

* * *

!!! there’s caged halo lights here, over Dean n Case. I feel like we haven’t seen them so often. TBH I’ve spent a lot more time not looking at the screen while feeling headachey so I may have missed some lately.

Gail talks about the chaos in Heaven and the lack of orders – basically backing up the assertion that something needs to be done and showing she was always inclined to back them up if they’d talked first.

* * *

> NAOMI  
> Why are you doing this –this?  
> 
> METATRON  
> Do you have any idea what it would be like to be plucked from obscurity, to sit at God’s feet, to be asked to write down his word? The ache I felt when he was gone, telling myself, “Father’s left, but look what he’s left us – paradise.” But you and your Archangels couldn’t leave well enough alone. You ran me from my home. Did you really think you could do all of that to me and there’d be no payback?

Metatron ends up feeling weirdly more and more consistent – not like this wasn’t true here but seeing him actually interact with God sort of fleshes out everything else he ever said by showing there was emotional integrity there in the sense he may be petty and awful but at least he seems to have surprisingly more conviction? Like, I dunno. He upgrades to “cool motive, still murder” instead of just being an asshole for the sake of it. The difference between showing and telling in writing…

(That said I don’t feel like I’d be super sympathetic to Lucifer on the next time around, even with the extra character development, just because he always did come across sincere and genuinely believing he’d been hurt so it was clear that story existed even before we were told it… Whereas Metatron’s problems were sort of more abstract. He’s even sort of saying that Naomi can’t have any idea what it was like for him, so someone protesting that instead of explaining the emotions puts a wall between us and understanding… 11x20 finally took that wall down and showed that in the way Metatron acted, so even if the dialogue is superficially similar, the explanation it offers is new in a way…)

* * *

> CROWLEY  
> You did good back there, Moose. I’ll deny it if you ever quote me, but I’m a proud man. I’m proud of you.

Heh, he’s still accidentally complimenting Sam years later. He baby duckling imprinted on him, I’m sure of it. Not that Crowley would ever admit it.

* * *

*Crowley has a massive emotional outburst*

> SAM  
> What?

I love their one-sided bonding this episode. It’s hilarious how Sam continues for the rest of the show so far to not care about Crowley.

Crowley yelling about how he wants to be loved kind of starts setting him up for next season, but in a way I think thematically it’s more about this humanity = love theme, which has started all the way back with “too much heart” and is connected way more closely to Cas’s arc. He and Crowley are working in parallel from this episode onwards, and it’s their rivalry over Dean which ends season 9 on this “in love with humanity” on one side and Crowley taking that humanity from Dean on the other. I like that the first signs of humanity showing itself in Crowley is him saying he wants and deserves to be loved just for that parallel of what the show in general thinks about Humanity, when applying it elsewhere

* * *

Awful as he is, I am kind of moved despite myself when Crowley offers up his neck to Sam to continue the injections >.>

Also time is totally skewy because I’m pretty sure Dean n Cas have been moving in just about real time since we joined them for their ET goes home conversation and Sam’s done like 2 injections? And is getting ready for the last one when they finally get back to him?

* * *

Thinking of that, knock knock, it’s the plot twist, there’s no such thing as the angel trials and Naomi is here to chat

The camera focusses on Dean taking this all in in the background while Cas is blurry in the foreground, and then Cas turns to look at Dean.

Cas still doesn’t believe her and Dean has to stop him for, what, the second or third time of trying to stab first?

> NAOMI  
> Our mission was to protect what God created. I don’t know when we forgot that. I want nothing more than to see you shut the Gates of Hell, but I told you that you could trust me. If Sam completes those trials, he is going to die.

I like how this seems to imply that she’s protecting Sam as a part of that new mission statement…

She goes on to say that God wrote it as the ultimate sacrifice… I guess less protecting Sam and asking it more about having all the options before they make these choices. Dean and Cas here basically are both supporting trials/spells which directly hurt their family as they hadn’t had all the information about what was going on when they made their choice. Naomi is finally giving them all the information to make the choice properly.

Anyway God is pretty big on letting people kill themselves on his behalf since he’d rather let Dean do that than just talk to his sister. I think it’s part of the “free will” thing but obviously when he’s a real character with agency to do stuff like this (they’re literally doing these spells to access his power to do it) it makes him look like even more of a jerk than on a casual glance :P

* * *

> NAOMI  
> As for you, Castiel, I beg of you, stop this path. Metatron has been neutralized. If you want back in, truly, I will listen.

You know, as opposed to being mind controlled into compliance. :P Like I said at the start of the season, she and Cas have similar desires, just that Naomi’s methods are so ideologically opposed to Cas’s to get there… I guess Heaven is slowly working towards diplomacy as an answer seeing as she finally tries offering Cas a way to return that isn’t this way, but it can only get there after all the most faction-y, ego-driven angels are killed off over the next season and moderates like Hannah are the strongest personalities left :P

* * *

Anyway:

> DEAN  
> take me to him now!
> 
> ACT FOUR  
> ABANDONED CHURCH
> 
> [SAM exhales sharply as he starts to chant the words to purify CROWLEY ]

Can’t believe that short conversation with Naomi took an entire hour :P

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> Dean, I’m not wrong. I’m going to fix my home.

CAS NO. YOU ARE REALLY WRONG BUT THAT’S OKAY WE CAN WORK WITH THIS

… he’s gone, too late

* * *

TV characters never listen

* * *

Dean believes Naomi though, maybe just out of “why would she even bother to tell me this about Sam” logic. Of course her manipulation and abuse of Cas means he’s just not ready to accept her word… in a way her offering him stuff like being family again etc is her operating too much as her old self, using manipulative phrasing to try and secure his compliance: she really should have just stopped with the Metatron thing and stayed on that point to make it more clear how they had one common motivation on this. In this way, I sort of do believe her about her change of heart, and understanding the original mission etc, but I can see her shooting herself in the foot over the change of heart just not being enough to prove she’s changed at the core.

I dunno, I like her because she’s super interesting, and she does have a redemption here but it’s obviously too little too late

* * *

Nooo Cas is human

*is sad that the cut on his throat starts bleeding after the grace is finished coming out of it*

Kinda funny how he and Crowley are both strapped to a chair right now, but Metatron makes Cas human in seconds

And we know angels have always had that potential in themselves, to cut the grace out and fall, since we met Anna… It makes me muse a lot on angels and humans being made of much the same stuff, but angels just so much MORE of it, so that in a way Cas being stripped of the angel-y bit really just leaves behind a part of him, the basic consciousness part, which is without all the other stuff, a human soul. And I suppose the difference between them is the way they’re affected by carting so much power around? 

(Yet human souls are inherently worth more and have a kind of secret power angels don’t seem to contain?)

I dunno.

It’s always interesting to me there’s clearly some sort of spectrum so you could easily make an angel human and then make it a demon, but we rarely see it go the other way. As far as we know 2 demons ever in the history of this universe are properly cured, and no humans have become angels. For the subject matter of the show it makes a lot of sense we mostly see things slide the other way as that’s much more the nature of things they deal with.

I’m still madly curious though :P

* * *

“find a wife” hahahahaha

More “humanity = love” kinda stuff too – like this is his final message after everything he’s just witnessed over the last couple of episodes

* * *

On the previous thought, though, of redeeming spirits and dragging them up a level, Sam’s willing to kill himself over redeeming Crowley at this point:

> SAM  
> Look at him. Look at him!

After spending 8 hours chilling with Crowley and seeing his change, Sam is kind of stunned at what you can achieve with this sort of perseverance I think :P He’s definitely measuring some part of his success in what he’s managed to do to Crowley, anyway.

* * *

> SAM  
> Other people will die if I don’t finish this!

Since this episode weighs so much on me I feel like I’ve spent all season talking about it, but anyway this was planted right back in the first episode where Sam is talking about how the world carried on turning while he wasn’t hunting and Dean I think straight up said that people died

(incidentally this is why I’m still annoyed at Chuck for those parting words about the world having Sam and Dean to look after it because putting this burden on them was how they were screwed up from the start by John (since I’ve recently re-watched Shadow I’m remembering how Dean couldn’t even imagine not hunting all the way back then as an idea for what to do if they actually got revenge and finished the job back in episode 16 of the show… He just assumed they’d keep on doing what they do)… anyway at this point they put the burden on each other as their motivation, and Crowley gets at them in the previous episode by undermining the security they have that this burden is worth it by killing the people they’ve saved before… This weight of the world thing still feels bad to me because it sounds heroic when Chuck says it like that but in practice it leads to some of their most harrowing scenes.)

* * *

Meanwhile Sam feels terrible about himself. C’mon man, you’re Sam Fucking Winchester. Chin up!

*pretends this isn’t breaking me*

* * *

> SAM  
> No, it’s exactly what you meant. You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can’t do that again.
> 
> DEAN  
> Sam –
> 
> SAM  
> What happens when you’ve decided I can’t be trusted again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel, another – another vampire? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother just –

See also: all the times earlier in the season I pegged Sam getting weird rival brother feelings at these two… Ah, poor Benny. Cas at least mostly just got shunted out of sitting shotgun at the start of 8x08 for acts of aggression flaring up from this mindset (I remain eternally grateful for them NOT having a Sam vs Cas arc of any serious intensity in this season although it would have meant a hell of a lot more Cas since they’d have had to use him more to get that in), but he has a much longer history of being an emotional distraction for Dean as he works his way up to “”brother”” status for the last few seasons…

Which of course, also see also: me laughing at Sam missing the queer subtext that makes those relationships totally different

> DEAN  
> Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it – none of it – is true.

I always like how Dean doesn’t specifically mention his relationship with Cas in this at all, and I think he DOES see it differently from how Sam is interpreting it. Maybe just because he is making friends and understanding them not as a conflict of interest from his POV – he worried about that with Benny but Cas has integrated much more naturally over time, and so Dean can bring up killing Benny for Sam, but he literally has nothing to say about Cas in this time, because he doesn’t even feel like he’s done anything positive or negative to his and Sam’s relationship when it comes SPECIFICALLY to Cas. It exists as a thing all of its own that Dean has never felt takes away from Sam and although he mostly looks horrified through this exchange, I can read a fair amount of bafflement in responding to these accusations. In this case, Dean not mentioning Cas says a LOT. Instead he randomly references Crowley and focuses on the bad he’s let happen for Sam (uhoh)

> DEAN  
> Listen, man, I know we’ve had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I’ve said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy…come on. I killed Benny to save you. I’m willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don’t you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I’m begging you.

Anyway, Sam gets some validation, accidentally expresses a will to live that will cause a loooot of trouble next season, and this would seem almost like closure :P

Except for you know… Dean being forced to say this, and just and the bleh co-dependency stuff here of validating Dean giving up every attachment he’s ever had for the sake of Sam.

Honestly, yeah, the fact Sam spends time with Cas and gets to hang out some more over the next few seasons is MUCH needed and as much a path to recovery as anything else…

I really don’t like this moment because it is the first time this sort of stuff REALLY comes to the surface, even if it’s looked at critically by the writing: the Benny arc is constructed to make us feel bad for Benny – at LEAST for Dean’s sake if you like Dean but didn’t like Benny (and I love him so ouch :P) since it clearly hurts Dean so much and Purgatory has so much of the flavour of personal development and positive character growth on it when it comes to Dean and his relationships outside of Sam, such as being able to make friends for himself, and making him so much closer to Cas as well… Putting Dean in the place to deny that part of himself and say all this is basically him openly saying he will throw away his positive character development for Sam’s sake… 

Never been super fond of this moment, and TBH it did take until fandom and seeing people discussing this to really understand WHY it felt so bad to me. It feels on the surface like a typical brothers affirming emotional moment, but it’s got an incredibly bitter aftertaste, but it’s disguised as the sort of emotional moment they could play straight on any given day…

Honestly after this once again as I mentioned earlier about Dean having time to rest, we also enter a long stretch where I’m grumpy about the brothers’ relationship until 11x04. >.> There’s some not-terrible moments in the intervening time, but the overall arc is the whole Mark of Cain stuff which inherently is about this sort of darkness between siblings…

* * *

I’m trying to remember if there’s anything else in the show coming up that’s thematically important to Dean saying “let it go” but Frozen has ruined this and it’s also echoing in my brain now so if that theme is important later I can’t hear it over Elsa singing :P

* * *

Aaanyway that’s the end of the season :P Cue dragging Sam outside in time to watch the angels fall

* * *

Honestly this episode is slow and strange and emotionally uncomfortable but this last minute bumps it right up to one of the best season finales just for the cliffhanger

* * *

Also Cas jogging in the woods.

* * *

I can’t end on that note

* * *

Um

* * *

I know Dean gets the last line, but the last real good VISUAL of the episode is that shot of Cas watching the angels fall. I think that’s really good because his arc in season 9 is so powerful because his angel vs human obligation for what he feels he needs to do/be vs what he wants is given such a kick backwards from this (in an interesting, character developing way - season 9 is where I got so invested in the show and THROUGH Cas). He is almost made human prematurely for where he might have made that choice eventually as Heaven drives him out over and over (or offers him the choice to rejoin them as Naomi does that he flat out can’t trust) but then Dean is forced to drive him away too and Cas can’t stay human because he feels he has to go back out there and help (okay not the full order of events but he gets sucked back into events because he can’t stay away so even if he re-angels in a way that seems more about helping Dean – his true motivations as Metatron points out – he only ends up captured and put in that position for interfering by investigating stuff to try and deal with the angel war.) This moment of him watching the angels fall is setting up this “I DID THIS” kind of bold subtitle which he isn’t saying out loud, and so like this season where he was motivated for feeling bad about season 7, now he has FRESH damage he’s caused to Heaven.

So as I’ve been talking about the Crowley vs Cas, Drowley vs Destiel arc being set up here with the shape it will take by 9x23 already under the surface as the 2 of them start down these paths of uncharted emotional development waters, we have here Cas’s whole season 9 arc relating to the angels, and how at the end of season 9, his last words will be “I just want to be an angel” and his obligation to help still haunting him with the overwhelming sense of duty to the broken Heaven. Having got them all back finally to some sort of peace by the end of the season, that other arc has robbed him of the choice he could have made…

Anyway yeah we leave all of them lamenting their cursed choices, as Dean and Cas both seem to lose their family anyway after their attempts to stop it (Sam dying over there, angels falling all over the place)…

Pity the moral of the last couple of episodes of season 8 is “DON’T MAKE REALLY TERRIBLE CHOICES” because, uh. Season “I did what I had to do” 9 is up next.

Finally. Yikes, I’ve been stuck on this episode a Long Time.


	24. General Carver Era Thoughts post-11x23 (8x01 - 8x19)

##  **[8x01](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/142816498123/8x01-rewatch-or-i-cant-believe-im-still-at):**

> Soft reboot of the show time! “Dad wants us to pick up where he left off: saving people, hunting things. The family business!”
> 
> The opening lines are used for a strong callback to simpler times, a reminder of what they used to do…
> 
> […]
> 
> all things considered about the last cliffhanger, Gamble handed him a relatively blank slate especially when it comes to conflict and personal drama 
> 
> […]
> 
> Of course [Dean] tackling Sam parallels 1x01 as well for starters, 
> 
> […]
> 
> Must have been a fun overnight car ride with Kevin right after Channing was fridged for manpain >.> Guess you’re a real Winchester now, mate. 

I like how now we’re talking about season 12 having the same blank slate, and simpler times etc. Season 8 escalated  _ridiculously_ , so that it only really took a few steps in the bigger picture to get to God being dragged back in. I like that season 11 contextualised Carver Era as various cries for help to do this, from Metatron’s plans all being “if I break the universe enough maybe he will come back” and the Mark retconned as Amara’s influence and her cry to be free and heard… (even crossing over with Metatron stabbing Dean to create demon!Dean and it turns out he DID know all along about her) 

But of course after ALL THIS, 11x23 ends up going right back to 1x01 (I mean both episodes even utilise a ghost hunt in their main plot :P) and we unravel all the drama and set things straight again. In a way the show has kept on going back to 1x01 with each new showrunner - 6x01 did, 8x01 did, but only 11x23  _undid_  it rather than visiting it. Mary’s back, no chick flick moments was recanted… Instead of repeating the trauma (e.g. showing Dean having visions of 1x01′s fridging and events that kicked off the story applied to Ben and Lisa in 6x01 along with 8x01 thematically playing with it and Channing getting fridged just for the sake of re-starting the show with a fridging) we actually go back to the start instead of just rolling out what would be the  _fourth_  version of the same story, when Gamble and Carver both took the safe route to repeat Kripke’s opener but with their own style as their cue for where to take the show, Dabb has basically ripped up the entire structure.

(I wonder what “saving people hunting things” will have done to it - season 8 played heavily with this theme and exploring what it meant to be a hunter, and surely the Men of Letters and Mary stuff will bring a strange new look at it from a very different perspective.)

* * *

> Also
> 
> **SAM  
>  Well, how’d you get out?**
> 
> **DEAN  
>  I guess whoever built that box didn’t want me in there any more than I did.**
> 
> **SAM  
>  What does that mean?**
> 
> **DEAN  
>  I’m here, okay?**
> 
> Dean knows God made Purgatory, right?? - Death exposition from back when talking about Leviathans? - so he’s being obtuse about a possible will of God thing saving him… I feel like that “whoever” is more obvious than he will let on, and he just doesn’t want to think too deeply about the metaphysics. Also, Benny later says it’s a human portal implying it will work if any human comes in Purgatory and Sam later uses it as such, but right now this seems an awful lot like Dean got out via divine intervention, until we know more of the story… these temporary implications are interesting all on their own even if they later are expanded on differently.

Okay I forgot about that. Interesting that Carver Era starts with implications of Divine Intervention… Only for it to turn out to be the Power of Humanity

Very much like the solution to Amara was hyped up to be the Hand of God, God himself, blah blah… nope, Dean “Humanity” Winchester intervenes at the end and talks her through it. I like that there’s this suggestion all along of divine intervention not being the answer, of God’s absence and lack of influence, etc etc

* * *

> Anyway… miscommunication theme at work with Sam saying he ditched all the phones… 
> 
> […]
> 
> It’s still clear that [Purgatory] has rubbed off on him, being in a world where violence is the only way to get by… 

Okay 8x01 really set up these major themes that were averted with the communication is the key, and violence is NOT the answer ending to season 11… So that’s really neat and consistent bookends, that within the opening of the episode we’ve been given most of the elements that are subverted in the close of the story arc

* * *

Hm…

> **DEAN  
>  People died, Sam.**
> 
> **SAM  
>  People will always die, Dean. Or maybe another hunter took care of it. I don’t know, but the point is, for the first time, I realized that it wasn’t only up to me to stop it.**
> 
> This quickly brings us back up to speed on Dean’s attitude towards saving people as well… 5x11 made a point of having Dean’s psyche actually point out to him how he was burdened with the entire planet’s wellbeing, […] after 3 apocalypse level situations in 3 years for him to deal with, reminding us that he feels this obligation that if they’re not doing  _something_  then people are dying and it’s their fault 

I honestly don’t know if they did anything with Dean’s  _obligation_  to hunt - if anything Chuck telling Dean that he was there to look after the planet when God was gone made me leery of the burden being put on Dean. Thinking of Dabb episodes, 5x11 has Dean telling himself he has to save  _everyone_  on the planet. It felt to me like just reminding us of the thing that  _crippled_  Dean in that episode. If the retirement theme sticks around. They have struck a better balance, but Sam was still musing on finding a hunter to marry in 11x04, and Dean was slowly catching up in 11x19, but these big end game questions are really not resolved, for obvious endgame reasons… (For either of them) 

This line bookended by Chuck’s last words to dean just make me feel like maybe this will be the Thing next season for Dean. His need to discover his limits when it comes to what he’s responsible for.

* * *

Here’s Sam’s side of the same same burden:

> For some reason all the discussion I ever see of Sam and Amelia re: this bit where she tells him to keep the dog because “don’t you think you’re responsible” is always from the human interest side of things, making her out to be irresponsible or a bad vet for foisting a dog on a guy who’s not in a position to keep the dog, but from the other POV this is pretty much a direct symbolic answer to this argument with Dean about Sam’s responsibility for the state of the world, metaphorically represented as a dog (and Amelia - I think not the only time - is a Dean mirror, for pushing the responsibility on Sam right after this scene we see Dean talk Sam into talking Kevin into helping them do the thing) (as far as I recall this isn’t weird that Amelia is a Dean mirror because Benny also is used as a stand-in Sam, especially from Sam’s understanding of Dean’s relationship with Benny…)
> 
> I mean don’t get me wrong defending Sam being forced to keep Riot, it’s a really weird moment when trying to figure out wtf Amelia’s supposed to be like and she’s not exactly the best character for fleshing out an interesting inner life since everything about her is just for the service of Sam’s arc, but her lines make so much more sense if you’re not just focussing on their soap opera or her as a human (>.> I resent typing that about female characters) and look at her as just representing a corner in this metaphorical argument about Sam’s responsibility:
> 
> **AMELIA  
>  Don’t you think you’re responsible?**
> 
> **SAM  
>  Why do you think I brought him here?**
> 
> **AMELIA  
>  Roberta, could you hand this man his trophy on his way out, please? Well, maybe if you were such an upstanding guy, you wouldn’t have hit him in the first place?**
> 
> **SAM  
>  Fine. I’ll take him.**
> 
> **AMELIA  
>  There’s my hero.**
> 
> Even using the word “hero” makes it very clear she’s meant to be addressing Sam’s sense of being burdened with the responsibility of world. In a way this might be the moment of realising “fuck that” when it comes to setting off on a new world-saving mission if it puts in context to him how this always happens when the world needs saving… (like we’ve been discussing, they don’t have any destiny or anything to deal with the Leviathans - they just do it because that’s what they do. Crowley tasked Sam in the last scene of 7x23 with a JOB to help clear them all up, in effect handing him the dog yet again…) So he takes the dog as his responsibility and that’s it, nothing else can get foisted on him, as far as he’s concerned.
> 
> And of course because this comes right after he and Kevin talk about destiny, it’s also underlining how Sam has no destiny any more and how the responsibility has always come to him in the same way it was dumped onto Kevin. And again, not any more.

* * *

##  **[8x02](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/142861022538/8x02-rewatch-or-too-much-heart-is-always-my):**

First suggestion of beaches = happy ending… I know we’ve kicked off way more drama for season 12 but in a non-escalating way right now where the mytharc is OVER… Dabb may have ended on an emotional high for 11 to drag us back down for 12 but I see a lot of optimism at work with the way he tidied up from Carver era so who knows…

* * *

> but this episode represents a real series of fuck ups which ends with them losing track of Kevin and the tablet. Some of it was beyond their control, but in those cases things like trying to stab Ms Tran to kill Crowley really compounds the problem they have with any plain sailing with Kevin. 

no happy ending when your emotional baggage gets in the way… more blind optimism from me that Dabb actually cares about the emotional baggage and wants them to get better :P

* * *

> so that takes us straight to the main problem of them casually murdering the mailman and others who Kevin can actually identify by name who are possessed. Followed by Sam - uh - reverse exorcising (we apparently are not supposed to talk about this as it never happens again :P) Eunice and Dean killing her too. Linda even asks if they really  _had_  to do it and they justify it as part of their greater good battle, but even in while the credits were still appearing at the bottom of the screen we’re being made to feel uncomfortable about the Winchesters’ approach to meatsuits and casually murdering anyone who had demons in them. 

*just points at that post about 11x23 being one of 4 episodes where no one dies* I’m not saying they should go completely pacifist and that the non-violent option is the ONLY option, but Dabb started this era critical of violence for violence’s sake and he ended it on a resounding victory for the theme of “a better way”

(Multiple more points in this episode rambling about Dean being trapped in the cycle of violence and struggling with the concept of that being the wrong approach that goes all the way to at least the end of season 10)

* * *

> I guess Heaven/Naomi makes an effort to get Cas after things get stirred up here and Samandiriel (off-screen?) gets kidnapped. I really like the idea of the pining retcon being something that helped Cas get back and so only establishing that Dean is back and therefore there’s a link between him on Earth and Cas in Purgatory means the angels will try and get Cas back… Again, hence Cas repeatedly appearing in vague proximity to Dean as he makes it back.
> 
> Anyway, hey, here we go starting the real theme of season 8:
> 
> **SAMANDIRIEL  
>  You know, there are some in Heaven who still believe, despite his mistakes, that Castiel’s heart was always in the right place.**
> 
> **DEAN  
>  Are you one of them?**
> 
> **SAMANDIRIEL  
>  I think too much heart was always Castiel’s problem.**

Thinking of using the longing retcon to help Dean n Cas find each other, we roughly bookend Carver era with 8x07 and 11x21, 2 episodes which only make sense to use the longing retcon’s GPS abilities… Thanks Buckleming. And 11x21 expressly showed that was linked to the HEART, CAS’S HEART, the one that was always his problem.

… I’m fine.

* * *

> TBH I hate to do this but I guess the writing went there first… obviously Dean comes back in 8x01 accusing Sam of not looking for him etc and very very quickly turns on Sam and DOESN’T hear him out so there’s a pretty obvious parallel weighted in Cas’s favour over Sam here. Since I’m busy trying to make sense of season 8 with as much as I can remember of upcoming stuff, of course 8x23 reveals Sam’s anxiety that Dean would pick “another angel or another vampire” over him (ugh that moment.) I mean he’s not at all privy to this but I guess we’re being shown Dean’s differing priorities to prove that Sam really did have a point there even if he didn’t know this exact thing happened… Dean is shown prioritising Cas to us and later the Benny episodes are again twisted so that Dean is just trying to help Benny and it turns into a huge mess about priorities making Dean look bad to Sam’s eyes about protecting Benny…
> 
> I remember a lot of meta about Dean here in Purgatory NOT having the burden of looking after Sam and being allowed to make selfish choices without that burden - because even if he makes choices to protect or stay with Sam out of love, there’s still a whole lot of issues underlying. Putting Dean into this mindset with basically everything about him but some core concerns stripped away also means removing THAT issue from him, since Sam isn’t in here with him so basically, Sam issues don’t apply in Purgatory.

Oh! This, especially the first paragraph, is something I’d have written very differently after 11x23 just because I’m going right at what is basically GOD’S position re: Creation in the fight with Amara for the DeanCas and Benny stuff, and she was the jealous one so from this direction (it’s easy to parallel them the other way around too apparently but I’ve been seeing them this way) she’s Sam in season 8. In a way the Benny comment stands out more as Dean was actively protecting Benny from Sam: he feared exactly what did happen if Sam found out. 8x09, he tricks Sam away from Benny, and we know God tricked Amara to be caged (or Lucifer, but working for God). Dean in Purgatory without the burden of Sam is equivalent to God over all those years Amara was locked up, letting his relationship with Benny and Cas grow, aka letting Creation flourish. 

And then I talk about how Sam didn’t communicate his side of things effectively to Dean either, just for more on this “they need to talk to resolve the problem” thing that happened :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> Hey, flyboy, are you gonna get in on this?
> 
> SAMANDIRIEL  
> We guard the souls in Heaven. We don’t horse-trade them.

Lol, 11x23 with the angels refusing to pony up some souls to save the universe even to the bitter end. Good on you, Heaven.

* * *

> **DEAN  
>  It was Crowley, Sam. No matter what meat suit he’s in, I should have knifed him. I mean, yeah, it would have sucked, and I would have hated myself, but what’s one more nightmare, right?**
> 
> […]
> 
> Anyway it’s rare for them to have some serious self-reflection, so it’s interesting to have Dean’s take on making these horrible choices, to see how they can be justified by his huge well of self-hate, almost like “well I’m already a terrible person with blood on my hands so I may as well be the terrible person with more blood on my hands so someone else doesn’t have to be”

Lines like this make Dean choosing NOT to just blow himself and Amara up even more significant. People have already talked a lot about her representing his suicidal ideation and a peaceful oblivion… Him taking on the souls wasn’t done as openly as a CHOICE to make the suicide play, but it all went back to his self worth and him not just doing it the bloody way out of a grim sense of duty and because he felt he had no value… In the end it was inherently stuff from him SHOWING his value that saved the universe

* * *

Oh hey and the want vs need stuff is teased for the first time in this episode I think - “need” gets said a lot about various characters so it’s starting to explore what that really MEANS… Now we know building up to it being asked what Amara WANTS 

* * *

##  **[8x03:](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/143015136468/8x03-rewatch-or-i-believe-general-fandom-policy) **

Prompted by the “so many other brothers” line: 

> I do see Sam’s jealousy/insecurity about [Benny and Cas] in 8x23 as brotherly concern where he utterly misses the whole framing of Benny and Cas as love interests to Dean that we benefit from getting the narrative parallels they can’t see in-character… 

Hey, the end of season 11 had a LOT of mistaking types of affection… “More like an old married couple”, Dean calling Cas a brother, Amara’s interest in Dean thoroughly retconned as her love for her brother going through a bad filter or something… And this conflict is such a strong parallel to theirs I am very amused I had been thinking about Sam mistaking Dean’s totally queer-coded love for these dudes as brothers. :P

* * *

##  **[8x04:](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/143029786503/8x04-rewatch-or-werewolf-love-triangle-drama-aka) **

I know the theme will presumably carry on from here but 11x23 felt like such a wrap up I’m fascinated that this theme builds up to Amara at the end of s11:

> **MICHAEL  
>  In a world where nothing is what it seems… **
> 
> Aside from the staggeringly obvious “write your own story” theme of this episode, there’s the “the story is wrong” theme already

Kate turning out to be a positive Amara mirror: she DOES tell her story and she wins, although she walks off alone at the end, this episode had a strong feminist message on Kate’s survival… She gets to be heard and at the end Dean decides not to kill her. Bonus points: her boyfriend calling himself a god.

* * *

> MICHAEL  
> Is it just me or are you getting a workplace-romance vibe from those two? 

More confusion between sibling vs romance relationships - doing the opposite of what Dean did w/ Jesse and Cesar

(More amusingly to me specifically for this episode, backing up my idea that if everyone’s projecting the relationship they’re most they’re most concerned about, Michael and Brian probably were in love the whole time >.> A story where if they had just got the message maybe none of the bad stuff would have happened)

* * *

##  **[8x05](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/143134687878/8x05-rewatch-or-listen-the-title-of-this-episode):**

… it’s literally an episode about someone getting out of a realm they’ve been trapped in for a long time, via Dean Winchester’s arm, and setting off for revenge against a figure that calls himself God

Robbie Thompson has nothing on Ben Edlund for accidental foreshadowing/writing episodes that are thematically plundered for seasons to come. I’m not even over Edlund foreshadowing Metatron’s redemption arc in 7x21.

Only we’re down in the No Communication part of the story, so they talk, they fight, and Benny kills his maker.

* * *

Also the episode where Sam and Dean’s years off are paralleled, each having something outside of the other - one of the episodes that probably does the most on this subject since they spend the entire episode separated and dealing with their own personal crap

* * *

> **BENNY  
>  You just gonna sit there?  **
> 
> **BENNY’S MAKER  
>  You’re right. I’ve been here so, so long, Benny, seen all the outcomes, all the patterns a trillion times. It all means so little. This universe is a pyramid of despair, nothing else. **
> 
> if he’s a literal God metaphor that’s pretty interesting… Especially given where we are in season 11, impatiently waiting to see if Chuck’s return brings God back into the picture or not. Either way this may end up weirdly relevant to God’s characterisation, if he turns out to have been avoiding getting involved even up to the point of his sister stomping around. I think there’s little hints about God’s characterisation around the show but not a whole lot. Stuff like the mere existence of the tablets or lines like Cas’s about it being a sorry universe engineered to create conflict are some of the main things we’ve had lately at *this* point - from Edlund’s pen too - and it’s not really until Metatron we get much about God as a character at all since the Apocalypse. I think the writers must have discussed God a little here and there over these seasons just because we get more about him and I feel like Edlund had some serious input just based on what episodes he personally went off to write - since he is responsible for both the first name drop of Metatron and his intro - so all in all I think it’s not too unreasonable to assume this might be a line of dialogue which actually isn’t a huge leap to suggest it really is maybe suggesting how they were thinking of God’s characterisation, at least in this season? He’s notably absent in a season where the conflict is based around basically post-it notes he left on the fridge with instructions for while he was out.
> 
> (It’s also a pretty grim depiction of the cyclical nature of the universe, and in-universe we have Carver era all about endlessly repeating patterns and stories, some things to the fandom waiting for change, ad nauseum…)

Ahahaha

hhaaa

welp Edlund called it? Chuck moping around enjoying a few of the finer things while waiting to die, exhausted of the conflict and hiding from Amara.

Plus, you know, Metatron saying he was trying to get God’s attention and one of the first things he did for that was booting all the angels out of Heaven…

> BENNY’S MAKER  
> This is my story, you gnat.
> 
> BENNY  
> Get up!
> 
> BENNY’S MAKER  
> It ends the way I choose, not you.

THEMES.

* * *

##  **[8x06](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/143223275138/8x06-rewatch-or-garth-is-not-paid-enough-to):**

It’s an episode about sibling miscommunication… Garth literally tells us how to resolve Carver era.

> GARTH   
> Hey, uh, Sam. If you ever need to talk, I just want to let you know that I’m here. About anything – you know, life, uh, Dean, you.
> 
> SAM   
> I’m okay. Thanks.
> 
> GARTH   
> I mean, it just seems like you and Dean are talking but nobody’s listening to each other.

I actually had to go pull that out of the transcript because I didn’t even quote it in the rewatch because I had such low expectations it would be as earth-shattering as it was.

Well, whatever the opposite of earth-shattering is when it is referring to fixing the crack in the sun….

* * *

##  **[8x07:](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/143384983463/8x07-rewatch-or-fucking-longing-retcon-ruining) **

Maybe relevant to the meta on Cas not talking to God for the attempts to smooth that one over:

> **BENNY  
>  Aren’t you guys all about faith?**
> 
> **CASTIEL  
>  Not particularly.**
> 
> **BENNY  
>  Oh, ye of frigging little faith.**
> 
> Obviously the irony of Cas saying that is a Thing (it’s been his Thing since 5x16 and to glance ahead at future Buckleming episodes since they seem to really like this, Cas has that moment in the church in 9x03, and was grim about God helping them in 11x03, and Lucifer echoed the sentiment via Cas’s face in 11x18…) but I kind of really like that Benny made that assumption about Dean & Cas as a couple, probably *because* Dean’s been running around Purgatory obsessing about his guardian angel all year and displayed massive amounts of personal faith in Cas, and I guess for someone who hasn’t seen the distinction like how we’ve seen Dean & Cas’s faith shatter, Benny’s come to some well-intentioned but totally wrong assumptions just because Cas is an angel
> 
> because he’s been seeing the faith Dean has in  _Cas_

Just flip it around on what Cas cares about 

Buckleming have a huge Cas vs God streak when you look at the patterns in their episodes, so it would not surprise me if between their weird seniority on the writing staff now and their influence on the mytharc, if they had an input on that approach. And weirdly I am not saying this critically: when Cas or Dean or Amara or whowever pray or curse out God, it’s generally the moment of the best writing in the episode. 9x03 & Cas in church. 10x16, the confessional. 9x09 & Cas prays again. 11x09, Amara flipping out in the church. 11x21 Dean levels his complaints against God. 

* * *

[there’s 2 paragraphs of me hedging my bets about Chuck as God because I didn’t trust they’d actually do it. *pats my sweet summer child past!me on the head*]

* * *

> Awww Cas was riding shotgun in the impala and had his elbow resting on the window
> 
> this is my new favourite Cas thing :3

@ dabb:  I am phoning the police. You didn’t specifically order Cas to do this in the beer run conversation

* * *

> God left the tablets seemingly for when they were Most Needed as we saw with the first… but the other tablets had already been found and were in collections waiting for use… A whole lot of this plot is powered by personal motivation and decisions for what to do with the legacy God left behind (I don’t think it’s a coincidence this is a theme of the season especially like how Sam and Dean kind of like saying “we’re legacies” so much when they discover the MoL :P) Rather than any external force it’s all internally motivated, from Crowley grabbing at power/Metatron using them out of spite to TFW trying to do the right thing without any idea what that actually is. Ideas that seem good at the time turn out terribly, and there’s a whole lot of hubris and collateral damage…
> 
> Maybe/maybe not we’ll get an answer for this in season 11, but I kind of like that all the chaos and conflict in Carver era directly or indirectly relates back to shit God did
> 
> the seemingly helpful nature of the tablets especially

I’m kind of sad God and Metatron never got into this… There were bits where God talked about Creation and humanity, but they were pushing the absent father thing very strongly, which is a shame as the tablets are a parallel to John’s journal in season 1 and they made that parallel clearer than ever so you’d think discussing this would have been obvious, especially as 1x01 was revisited so heavily & John bequeaths Dean the journal and its instructions on what to do next in that episode.

At least God got roundly blamed for everything, re: chaos and conflict. :P

* * *

> Aaaand Cas breaks tablet numero dos…
> 
> You’d think based on the rule of three he wouldn’t smash the angel tablet but nah he smashes a tablet per season for a while and honestly season 10 probably had Cas blow up so many doors just to make him feel better about not having anything important to smash
> 
> I hope he gets to smash something fun in season 11 before it’s over

THE ONLY THING THAT BROKE WAS HIS HEART

* * *

##  **[8x08](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/143447705268/8x08-rewatch-or-dean-and-cas-make-cartoon-heart):**

Here begins Dabb’s solo efforts!

> DEAN  
> Why’d you flip the switch?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Because it’s a direct link to Heaven. And I don’t want anything to do with that place – not anymore.

filed under reasons I’ve been tagging 11x23 as “thanks Dabb” - he’s the one who sets Cas up on his Carver era journey and he got to write Dean officially declaring Cas as family. After Heaven seemed to finally how Cas how thoroughly it had rejected him in 11x02 - another Dabb episode. Dabb always has been concerned about how Cas is doing and it’s great this is a Thing in his first solo episode, so our first chance to REALLY get Dabb’s measure… Starting off with Cas’s “I want to be a hunter! :3” conversation… At this point in Cas’s journey he still needs to find balance, face up to a lot of stuff, but I wrote as well about this:

> This is Cas’s extreme far end of what he wants but unfortunately unlike many of the things where it seems finding balance could be in order re: Sam and Dean’s endgame choices or desire in life is teased at the start of Carver era, Heaven is so busy rejecting Cas and giving him such a kicking from season 9 onwards (and not treating him any better in season 8 even if it’s not rejecting him so hard) you have to ask why he would ever want it except out of the habit of loyalty/when he has no other choice but to turn to them, making it less of a choice than it should be. 

It was getting to a kind of ridiculous point where you had to ask why Cas EVER wanted to spend time with angels ever again, so I’m super hopeful that 11x23 onwards, this whole third wheel Cas is the new natural order, and we’re so much further down the road all of a sudden of Dean inviting Cas into the family and Cas seeming to make his choices.

* * *

There’s so much I wrote about how they’re trying to work out the dynamics of how TFW are meant to operate together - the “regular life” aspect of Cas imposing on them is so different from when he spends time with them while dire plot stuff is happening. He must have been around them at other times when Sam and Dean needed sleep for example but it’s only this episode that they really wonder what Cas is supposed to do while they sleep out loud on screen, beginning to negotite the edges of the fanfic-like questions of what the dynamics are like in their down time and around the edges of their lives (Baby being an episode which completely blows up this concept)… Anyway, again, 11x23 made me flip out all the time I was watching it as so much of what happened and what Dean said to Cas was about negotiating these exact same things: setting Cas up to work with/look after Sam. Dealing with emotional stuff that related to all of them as a team, etc. Season 11 showed that Cas could stay at the Bunker… season 12 makes me wonder if we’ll see him get his own room there at long last.

(I’m not there yet in the rewatch but 8x22 also by Dabb reminds me that Cas has slept at the Bunker at least once already before season 11, so that’s one of the eternally un-answered questions :P)

* * *

Also laughing about how I used the words “sticking together like glue” for Dean n Cas and 11x23 has had their physical proximity to each other described the same way…

Thanks Dabb

* * *

> **DEAN  
>  Listen, you see anything weird, anything out of the box, you give us a call. [He hands the DETECTIVE a card.]**
> 
> **DETECTIVE  
>  Whatever you say, Scully.**
> 
> teehee
> 
> … I seem to remember that being a season 1 thing where Dean was all “YOU’RE a red-headed woman” to Sam when he was accused so while we’re on the weird subject of season 8 trawling up season 1 this is a bizarre part of that trend :P
> 
> Never hurts to reference the X-Files I guess :P
> 
> Anyway Dean doesn’t deflect it this time

Why were we surprised about “no chick flick moments” being recanted?

* * *

> **MAN  
>  It’s a miracle! God wants me to live! **
> 
> I’m just thinking about Cas saying in 7x23 that each of his resurrections is worse than the last and that it feels like a punishment. In season 5 he was all excited just like this guy because God brought him back and it was a sign and he was going to find God etc… And of course 8x07 only just reminded us that Cas has no faith now >.>

&

> CASTIEL  
> I understand. The bird represents God. And coyote is man, endlessly chasing the divine, yet never able to catch him. It’s… It’s hilarious.

Cas vs faith… Cas ending up giving God the cold shoulder even while he was on death’s door… I know Cas talks about Man here, but of them all, Cas was the one who went on the actual chase for the divine and never caught him… (the chase conclluded in a Dabbflin episode)… Cas refusing to even go over and talk in the last moments of the universe seems more and more like a reasonable response :P

* * *

( **8x09**  just works hard on the season 8 specific themes of trust and jealousy)

* * *

##  **[8x10](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/143747811623/8x10-rewatch-or-actually-what-even-was-this):**

> **DEAN  
>  You were gonna kill Benny. What was I supposed to do?**
> 
> **SAM  
>  Is that what we are? You save a vampire**
> 
> and of course this is the episode more sympathetic to Sam’s POV after the Dean POV on the last one, explaining how he felt about Dean’s manipulation and showing how it becomes both of them feeling like they’ve being forced to pick between each other and their plus ones
> 
> in the wake of 11x19 this feels ESPECIALLY good with the emphasis on how Jesse could love his brother most in the world but ALSO be married and love someone else whole-heartedly and have a happy ending with them too? Just to contrast the story being told in current canon with the one going on here which is the first fundamental split between them in Carvera era and caused by the same thing that 11x19 finally subverted…
> 
> For now we’re at the very start of Carver era and we circle around this one for AGES - Cas is the victim of it next season (and you could argue, ongoing victim if he never quite feels let into the family again after 9x03 based on where he’s currently at) and season 10 escalates it as far as them picking each other over the entire world… (Not that this season doesn’t end the same except that at least in 8x23 there was now aggressive active damage from the decision, just passive ongoing demon drama that they failed to prevent by not closing Hell)

Oh hey look something else I’d have written completely differently knowing that this parallel of God and Amara would make it so clear that Creation/humanity was the thing they were jealous over in the pattern of Sam and Dean struggling to have these outside friends (Cas!) and 11x19 seems just to set us up for the twist where it doesn’t have to happen that way - I suppose I might not have even mentioned that episode after seeing the whole season and just gone straight to Chuck and Amara, so good on past!me for still harping about these characters and giving us a parallel ;D 

I suppose 11x19 set the groundwork for how this works between Dean and Sam, by focussing on an example brother with a significant love interest, but not to the detriment of his love for the missing brother… Then 11x23 shows the sibling parallel where the 3rd person is just everything that isn’t them, but focusses on the jealousy that Carver era basically started off wallpapered with,  being the MAJOR emotional conflict of season 8 on both sides. (ALSO KNOWING THIS WAS FINALLY FUCKING RESOLVED MAKES ME SO MUCH MORE WILLING TO ENGAGE WITH THIS)

Also not for nothing but Cas got let back into the family for real at long last

* * *

> **DEAN  
>  You kicked your mom to the curb?**
> 
> **KEVIN  
>  She was too distracting. I couldn’t focus. The angels said I had to go to the desert to learn the word of God, all right? So… this is my desert.**
> 
> **DEAN  
>  Yeah, but your mom’s your mom.**
> 
> baaah, bye Linda >.>
> 
> Dean looks really upset by Kevin saying that, since obviously the subject of having a living mother that cares about you is a huge deal to the Winchesters… Anyway it shows Kevin having to willingly sacrifice for the mission what the Winchesters lost to start theirs…

Oh my GOD

Season 8 was all about a Winchester-paralleled kid trying to get the job done so he could GET HIS MOM BACK

I don’t think we can credit that they were planning to do it all along but it’s really interesting to think that there’s threads like this all the way back to the start of Carver era… Kevin and Linda will probably only get more interesting to look at depending on what happens with Mary… We see she has her strengths to work with Kevin but we see her portrayed as a helicopter parent (something Chuck also said he didn’t want to be) and Mary’s presence is going to have a strange effect on their lives… This arc shows how complicated they found it in the past to keep a largely positive parental influence around a character who had his own stake in the fight… I hope they’ve learned what NOT to do from this.

* * *

##  **[8x11:](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/143818434178/8x11-rewatch-or-what-a-wonderfully-subversive) **

> for the ongoing subtext of Dean policing his behaviour around Sam about anything:
> 
> **DEAN  
>  Huh. [chuckling] It actually looks kind of awesome.**
> 
> **SAM looks at DEAN, and DEAN takes the smile off his face.**
> 
> which actually, since I’m still thinking about 11x19, remembering that Jesse had that long conversation with Sam about how awesome HIS brother was for supporting him and being understanding of his sexuality, and then Sam getting all thoughtful… Obviously we pretty much all agree Sam is probably not only totally fine with Dean being bi but also has probably suspected for a very long time… but Dean’s reaction to Sam seeing him doing anything remotely un-Dean-like from thinking nerdy stuff looks cool to liking Taylor Swift and as I’ve talked about before, in relation to that last one, it’s usually Sam’s reaction looked surprised/judgemental that also polices Dean’s behaviour as much as is own hang ups about being seen to like un-manly things? Obviously there are examples SUCH AS THIS EPISODE where it’s subverted but I think the overall pattern is sort of like this little example here where Dean DOES check himself, and certainly the expectation still when presented with similar scenarios?
> 
> … I dunno, formless musing on this theme :P

DEAN CANONICALLY ADMITS TO LOVING CHICK FLICKS WHEN SAM PUSHES HIM. HERE YOU GO, PAST!ME, HERE’S THE ANSWER

* * *

( **8x12:**  I mostly would have laughed more about Toni and the MoL vs Hunters thing)

* * *

( **8x13:**  Mostly laughing at my assertion that Dean thinks the universe will explode if he doesn’t put on the façade for Sam, and it took the literal threat of the universe exploding for him to retract “no chick flick moments”)

* * *

##  **[8x14:](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/144057963143/8x14-rewatch-or-glasses-episodemore-something) **

Halp

> **DEAN  
>  That was a stupid move, Ellie.**
> 
> **ELLIE  
>  I did it for my mom, Dean. What would YOU do for your mom?**
> 
> Ooh somehow I’ve never put together - since “sad about his mom” is a no 1 character trait - that we even saw the reminder of Dean’s photo of Mary at the start of the episode… I suppose also Carver era in general is much more interested in the Winchesters’ childhood, at least when it comes to exploring the things that messed them up from a young age or whatever. Also the whole thing with their photos becomes more and more of a thing especially in season 10

* * *

This episode features a great deal of me being grumpy about kicking of the codependency arc in earnest as the key moments are really the back and forth between Sam and Dean over who should self-sacrifice and do the trials and why, and at the time I was super grumpy about it all, and now I feel in a much better place with it, as the last 3 episodes I said I needed to see to judge this episode fairly, and they all worked in various ways to show Sam and Dean willing to sacrifice themselves but responding better/subverting the old ways, complete with the epic call-out in the God and Amara conversation at the very end… Even feeling Sam was left in much the same place as he was in 9x23 and the end of 11x23 (so little emotional progress over 2 seasons) there’s a real vibe of committing to growth and emotional repair that’s restored my faith…

… On the other hand I’d have to rewatch and re-write the entire set of notes on this episode basically to reflect where I am now, so let’s just leave it here. :P

( **8x15 & 16** = same)

* * *

( **8x17** : Want vs need resolved the plot in 11x23. ‘nuff said)

* * *

##  **[8x18:](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/144369248513/8x18-rewatch-or-i-hope-krissy-is-doing-okay-out) **

> **DEAN  
>  Hunting isn’t all about killing and revenge. I thought we had this chat last time.**
> 
> Saving people vs hunting things - the oldest conflict on the show nearly :P
> 
> And of course being very subverted by this season. This episode too: the vampire at the end gets saved, and the man responsible for it dies.
> 
> Also, Dean always with his burden to save people - one of the deepest ingrained messages in him is not just to hunt things, but the dual responsibility of looking after Sam on one level, and like a planet-wide sense of responsibility to keeping everyone else alive and well too. The problem of revenge not fixing anyone is a persistent theme although repeated several times in season 11 it’s sort of just around in the show at all times, low-key critical as a default of the heroes’ motivations and how revenge is an unhealthy reason to do anything.

What do you know, “revenge never fixed anyone” actually paid off and Amara was talked out of her revenge and BALANCE was reached.  
WHAT DO YOU KNOW.  
I especially like that Dean is saying this to one of his female mirrors, as Krissy is on a spectrum of those sort of charaters that goes from Charlie one end through characters like Krissy and Claire, through to Amara.

* * *

> **AIDEN  
>  So, we’re just gonna let him live?**
> 
> **KRISSY  
>  Yeah. All alone, with himself. No family. No friends. Ask me, that’s not much of anything.**
> 
> TBH this is an absolutely terrible mirror for the codependency problems, as Victor was trying to build a family/keep one together by manipulation/deception and this sums up how he can’t bear to be alone - and so he kills himself. Of course with 9x01 not far off, and Dean’s season 9 mindset looming, this is REALLY ominous in a way you only get with hindsight.

And then Amara fantastically subverts this by REFUSING to be caged and left alone - Krissy’s words are the same thing she feared, but of course she was written from a much more complex angle where she wasn’t ‘the bad guy’ and had been misunderstood… (I mean she still killed 1000s of people, but on a cosmic level, which is where the family stuff all was… it was more complex :P) Victor also acts as a parallel to God, with his little family being something he built around himself out of desire to have something more… Since season 8 is full of jealousy and bad reasons to collect family outside of yourself, Victor’s selfish side is paralleled much more to Chuck’s motivations, especially from Amara’s POV of how damaging this is… (And I was just paralleling Krissy to Amara and I suppose it’s through her eyes we see this betrayal…)

* * *

##  **[8x19:](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/144532686698/8x19-rewatch-or-this-episode-gave-me-my-first) **

> **KEVIN  
>  She never would have told you.**
> 
> **CROWLEY  
>  Moms are like that, aren’t they? So we killed her and got your address off her smartphone.**
> 
> Ah so this episode writes off Linda AND starts planting the seeds of Garth having disappeared…  I am extremely glad they un-killed her off because the attrition rate this episode has…

Aaaaah, more for the Great Un-Fridging with early parallels to Kevin and his mom. Season 8 feels SO toxic on these themes of codependency and fridging (e.g. starting off again with more fridging) that even season 9 proving that she wasn’t dead is already a tiny weeny step forwards (Berens un-Bucklemings several moments in the show in very quiet but much-appreciated ways that I’ve caught so far :P)

There’s no reason to assume Linda’s alive at this point, and I’m fairly sure no one thought about that until later - maybe not until they knew for sure when they’d be killing off Kevin and why - the space between 9x09 and 9x14 seems like long enough to  me for thinking that Berens was like “… what about this hanging question of if his mom is alive or not?”

Anyway they’re an extremely tragic example: he doesn’t get his mom as his reward for making it out the other side, although it’s his main motivation, and SHE only gets closure with her son after his death.

(I’m also reminded of Adam - shh ignore the meme about forgetting him - as seeing HIS mom again was also HIS motivation for doing everything he was dragged back to do, even paralleled to how Dean didn’t even manage to REALLY meet Mary in Heaven, Adam also wasn’t with her in Heaven but the angels promised they could meet again. So that’s Adam and Kevin as 2 tragic parallels, before the Great Un-Fridging…)

* * *

And I’m caught up! All further rewatches written with hindsight of the entirety of Carver era!


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